Day 329: Just-ified DisAgreements as Cover Ups for Pettiness and Spitefulness

Yesterday I saw myself do something nasty.

The point developed this way:

I had a conversation that I had anticipated with someone which did not turn out the way I hoped/expected where I would be the centre of his attention and concern, hence I perceived a diminishment of myself for which I did not want to take responsibility, then I used this point of diminishment to try and diminish him on something he believes in, justifying the point by insisting with myself that he is wrong to believe that particular thing and so I am on a good mission to help wake him up, when in fact I was just passing on the negativity I experienced to another instead of dealing with it ans sorting it out.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel diminished when I am not the centre of attention, the top priority, the most important thing in a relationship because I convinced myself that this is what relationships are about after accepting and allowing myself to imprint within me the relationship of my grandparents where they both pretended to be each others' top priority, just to keep up their own idea of what a great relationship should be about

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist as spite to an extent that I have created ways to justify why my spite is in fact good meaning no matter how clearly I see the point that is unfolding within me instead of addressing the point of spitefulness and stopping the pattern once and for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and judge myself when I accepted that I had to look at why I behaved in such a way instead of seeing and realizing that both guilt and judging myself are my way of feeling better about myself because at least - I am feeling guilty and judging myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to resist facing the point even when I saw what originated my crusade against another because I did not want to admit that I was petty and spiteful and that I had allowed myself to be swept off by emotions and feelings as a consequence of having invested energy in anticipation, projections and expectation of an outcome that did not manifest as I wanted

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a cover up for my pettiness in which I can justify why I am upsetting another based on what I now know to be The Truth, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I am dealing with someone whose religious brainwashing has priority over his common sense and for not seeing realizing and understanding that such religious brainwashing is cult-ural and very hard to break through and that if I did not want to soon or later have to face this point, I should not have accepted and allowed myself to engage in a relationship based on hopes and expectations that I would be able to make it work - because I am working on myself - which is just another expectation, projection and hope that I have not substantiated yet enough to be able to support another as myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin a relationship without considering all points and if I was able to stand stable and to support another as myself in breaking through the Mind

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have more right than another to take an axe to a whole personality construct just because 'I don't like it and it doesn't make me feel comfortable' without seeing realizing and understanding that as I exist at the moment only as a complex ensamble of characters and personalities, so do others and that I need to consider my words when I have an exchange with another, because words are real and the consequences of my words I am not yet able to assess on a timeline in real physical time in all their dimensions and as such I should refrain from speaking or writing when it is clear that I do not have a starting point of wanting what is best for all but just what is best for me as an energetic outcome

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to compete with someone else's God for attention, just because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that in my relationships I must be the centre of my partner's life and that not even his God can come before me, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I have no good reasons for what I did such as 'open his eyes' or 'make him aware' and that those were just cover ups so I could vent my frustration for having had second place, third in fact because he had to go and do something with his brother before chatting with me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that if I am competing for attention with something I believe it's not real, such as God, I must not be Real either or I must hold believes as delirious as those of the other person that I have not yet uncovered which is another point that I should have realized when I accepted and allowed myself to become uppity and righteous about my indisputable position as the bringer of truth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that there is nothing benevolent in taking an axe to other people's belief systems within an energetic starting point, because they are systems and in fact systems that allow them to exist without which they would crumble and break and that it takes patience and an awareness I do not yet have -if not in my mind delusions- before being able to support another as myself and I am not there yet

When and as I see myself starting to accumulate energy as frustration for not having my way, the first place, being first, being on top of the list of priorities of another, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that I am engaging a system and do not allow myself to step into it because I know where this system goes and the consequences I will have to face if I do engage it

When and as I see myself building up expectations and hopes on the outcome of a meeting, a phone call, a chat with whoever, I stop, breathe, remind myself that reality is not comparable to fantasy and that building up any expectation, hope or projected outcome leads to a disappointment that I am likely to blame another for, instead  do not allow myself to participate in imagination with relation to a future outcome and breathe myself back here until the desire to do so is overcome

When and as I see myself desiring to teach a lesson to another about their belief systems, I stop breathe, see realize and understand that I am just being spiteful no matter what cover up I attempt to choose to pretend I am in fact offering support, instead I see through it and do not allow myself to speak or write until I am sure that I am not reactive in any way shape or form

When and as I see myself beating up on myself for what I realize I have done, which I saw unfolding but did not take the time to stop and investigate because I had a cover up 'ready to go' to use as my excuse about why I was justified to act in such a way, I stop, breathe, do not allow myself to participate in guilt or shame as I see realize and understand that guilt and shame feed the mind, instead I breathe myself back here and write myself out to make sure I do not engage the same dynamics should the point arise again

When and as I see myself desire to procrastinate writing myself out because I believe I have it all sorted out in my mind, I stop, breathe, don't listen to the excuses about why it's not required for me to write myself out and specifically if my behaviour has involved, involves another that I may risk to impact again, instead I sit down walk through my excuses and write myself out in SF and SCA to make sure I do not repeat the same patterns again

I commit myself to stop my existence as this Character personality seeking for attention and for recognition from others by writing myself out until I can walk through this point in the physical as Self Correction, standing one and equal to my mind and my physical body, for myself and all of existence Equal and One

Related articles

• Day 225: Free The Slave 4 Love.
• 211: ImPosing My Mess (Mind) on Others
• Day 183: When I Stop Fearing Me, I Can Stop Fearing You
• Day 230: I am Yours, You are Mine - Love as Ownership
• Day 313: MEAN-ing-FULL Relationships

Day 271: Facing sharing the Tool of Self Forgiveness

I have not been able to share Self Forgiveness in Italian comfortably so far. I imagine people laughing and then gossiping about me as someone who belongs in the nut house.

Self forgiveness is linked to Forgiveness for me in Italian, a religious tool, Images of nuns and priests come up, of hell and crucifixion, of wrongdoings and fanatic stances of the religious people like Savonarola.

Religion never seemed sane, preaching one thing and doing another, so fear of inconsistency, of myself not being an example 'good enough' to even talk about it.

And it brings up a fear, like it is something not to be shared, even though I benefited a lot from using it to release my energetic ties, it's best left 'unspoken' so I will unfold this point both in English and in Italian in this post.



I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing self forgiveness out of the fear of being judged as a nutcase


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that self forgiveness could be preached only by Holy People and since I am unholy I can't talk about it


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to link self forgiveness and preaching into one word

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that self forgiveness should be taught by those who live a life of renunciation like St. Francis of Assisi and not by common humans who have no business in 'religious practices'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link 'self forgiveness' to religion because forgiveness is a religious practice and only religious people do it and I am not religious

I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the contamination of the word -for-giveness was deliberate to make sure we would not be able to find the way out of the energetic loops we weaved for ourselves and for not pushing myself to break this conditioning and release myself from this religious baggage relative to the word 'forgiveness' -I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when faced today with a point where clearly a lady needed to learn this tool to stop herself from running wild within her mind, to react, and blame her for repeating the same old same old patterns that lead her to depression, instead of breathing and realizing she has no tool to stop herself, unless I share what I myself realized about how to stop a pattern of behavior/energy


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to scare this lady today about what kind of future is waiting for her if she doesn't stop 'that thing she does' which brings hell to herself and those around her, instead of breathing and seeing that there is never a good reason to scare someone into doing/not doing something, whatever points I can find to defend, I am in fact adding up to their own fears which constitute the building blocks of their mind loops and not supporting in any way



I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be part of the problem by projecting fears of possible future events vs being part of the solution by sharing self forgiveness and supporting another as myself to stop energetic patterns as their imprisonment and the hellish life they are currently experiencing

Mi perdono per avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di avere paura di condividere 'il perdono di se stessi' perche' ho accettato e consentito a me stessa di credere che solo le persone religiose possono parlare di perdono e che non e' una cosa da condividere con altri

Mi perdono di avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di reagire con A. e di dirle tutto quello che ho detto partendo da una reazione, invece di respirare, rendere me stessa stabile e presente e poi scegliere le parole che avrei potuto dire che lei avrebbe potuto sentire, senza spaventarla

Mi perdono di avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di credere che ci sono buone ragioni per spaventare qualcuno per farlo uscire da un pattern, quando infatti e' la somma delle sue paure che la/lo tiene bloccata/o all'interno di un cerchio che continua a ripetersi senza uscita

Mi perdono per avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di resistere la condivisione del 'perdono di se' stessi' con la scusa che non avrebbe sentito/capito quello che volevo dire e che avrebbe potuto pensare che sono matta invece di realizzare che avevo paura di condividere questo strumento perche' ho permesso e consentito a me stessa di legare la parola 'perdono' alla religione, agli errori, all'inferno, alla crocefissione, a Suor Chiarina in piedi sulla cattedra che spiegava come hanno crocefisso Gesu', invece di realizzare che la parola perdono e' stata deliberatamente imbastardita dalla religione che l'ha strumentalizzata per se' e i propri scopi

Mi perdono per avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di non realizzare che la parola 'perdono' e' stata deliberatemente investita di un bagaglio religioso per allontanarla dall'uso della persona comune, per creare un senso di disagio che assicurasse che nessuno trovasse la strada fuori da questa esistenza delirante di pensieri, emozioni e sentimenti = energia

Mi perdono per avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di, quando ho condiviso questo strumento a supporto di qualcuno che non e' parte della mia famiglia, di sentire una gran paura e di credere che questa paura fosse giustificata perche' proietto sugli altri dei buoni motivi quale causa delle mie paure, invece di realizzare che le mie paure sono una mia creazione e che gli altri non hanno nulla a che vedere con come io percepisco me stessa

Mi perdono di avere accettato e consentito a me stessa di credere che la parola perdono non possa esistere fuori da club/associazioni religiosi, e che usare una parola come perdono mi rende uguale ai gruppi come CL, ai boy scout, al catechismo, a gruppi che in passato ho giudicato come noiosi e non interessanti e che ora temo possano essere associati a me insieme al giudizio che ho espresso su di loro, per il quale mi perdono

Desteni - Learn about Self Forgiveness here - Impara a perdonare te Stesso Qui.

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• Day 98: Round and round the merry-go-round
• Day 96: Energy Entity
• Day 315: Writing as a Way to Integrate Understanding
• Day 238 Self-Forgiveness as Key Ingredient to Receiving Everything
• Day 314: Applied Behavior Analysis & the Process of Self-Forgiveness in Consequentially Affecting Positive Change

Day 225: Free The Slave 4 Love.

This is a follow up to my yesterday's Blog: "Can't get enough of Your Love, Babe..Joke!"

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Love was the most important thing, more important than me as Life and within this belief, for enslaving myself to an idea of 'Love' according to my culture, as taught by my family and supported by society through movies and books

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that without Love I was nothing and as such I lived in Hope to be loved as appreciation as a confirmation of my existence and the value of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be manipulated by men who told me, wrote me, whispered, hinted, implied that they loved me as I wanted to believe in what I knew was not true, not real, because it had no relation with their behavior or physical reality but I needed that love to feel complete, important, fit into society as I accepted and allowed myself to believe I could only be 'somebody' if someone loved me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react when my ex came back on the scene and I willingly, deliberately played the old games using memories to try and bring the past back to life, so I could feel wanted, important, desired and as such give myself the value from which I have separated myself from as Self Value and Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fly off searching for memories of a 'love' that took place over 20 years ago to fan those feelings and emotions, seeking for ways to bring back those feelings that I once felt and believed were only possible because another person was in my life, completing me, when in fact I was the one generating those feelings at all time, which I now see and realize as I see that I loved most when my partners were Not around to spoil my Love fantasy and how I enjoyed it in my mind alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I could not feel those feelings even when solicited to go there, even when I solicited myself to search for them to ignite them and for feeling a sense of loss at something that I will never experience again I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the word Love, as I knew I kept myself under this spell, chained to this word as a willing slave, just like my mother did while I pitied her and felt disgusted by how much of herself she gave up to tag along after a man just to turn up the suppressed version of her and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fail to notice that Love can never be real when it is not physically lived as support, as sharing and intimacy developed between two partners in an agreement of sticking together so that they may both expand together, work on their points of self limitation until both release themselves from the chains of ideas, beliefs, cultural imprinting, opinions and hopes of what Love should be like, as any definition of a word in separation from Self is just a dead word and not a Living word expressing as Self in all its potential, and for separating myself from the word Love into ideas, beliefs, definitions, hopes and opinions, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Love is a feeling and as such the most important thing in the world, failing to see that a feeling is insubstantial, unreal and has no power in the physical world of any kind and that there is only one real thing and that is the physical existing as the point beyond definitions and that to live Love in and as the physical an equalization into the physical of Love as Self is required to make it real

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to self abuse in the name of love, through emotions and feelings, thoughts, imagination, dreams, hopes and desires, making my separation with Love as a living word as myself wider with any energetic step I took in an attempt to live it out energetically instead than physically and within this for seeking experiences of energy so I could live this experience as a feeling and then as an emotion as Love rolled into fear and back into love in a never ending loop of dis-ease that was not best for me or best for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be willing to live crappy situations in the name of Love as I hoped to be paid back, enslaving myself and others within a debt/credit system that I deliberately created to cash in with Love so I could get to feel more than what I am, here in and as the simplicity of breath

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself living a Love Story that would bring resolution to my life, that would make me feel complete because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was not complete as underlined by sayings such as 'my other half, my better half' which in itself is scary as if I am looking for my better half, am I myself the Worse half of the whole and if I am not whole seeking for my other half, am I just the WORST, waiting for the Best as another?

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as half, incomplete, needing Love to have it all, when in fact when I did get my hands on this 'Elusive' Love, nothing changed if not the temporary high I experienced which was mainly connected to sex hence again proving that nothing ethereal such as Love has any relevance in reality until we make it physical, we experience it physically, as Love only benefits the one manufacturing the 'Love feeling' for his/her own benefit, and nobody else

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use memories as milestone of moments when I can 'remember' having loved someone, when in fact what I felt was the high, the positive experience that I lived in separation from myself as I valued the experience itself above myself as Life and within this separation ended up creating ideas, beliefs and opinions about Love that now exist as definitions with a life of their own and in the way of myself expressing myself as Love as Self Love and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of the Love train, fear that if I don't board it 'one last time' I'll never get to experience it again and this in the face of having realized the illusory nature of love and yet at the same time feeding the dream as I have not yet willed myself to get off this delusion for good as I fear the loss of such a big piece of myself as the Slave for Love

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'when a Love is real a woman would/should abandon everything and follow 'her' man' cos that's exactly what I did, twice, reducing my Life to an intermission in between Imaginary Great Loves living out the Anna Karenina Character in real life, always disappointed at my partner who never did enough to match what I perceived as my Great sacrifices, which in fact were only self dishonest, self scripted plots in search for my own value and purpose

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in my relationships within the fear that if I was not the woman's of a man's dreams, he would stop giving me that Love that I craved and needed to define myself and for having defined myself as more when 'loved' than when 'not loved' I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that a feeling that someone feels independently from anyone else and is self created and as such has nothing to do with me/others, could define me or others as more or less and that I had to toe a line as the source of the Love feeling when in fact if a man felt 'loving feelings' for me or not had nothing to do with me at all and viceversa

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of Love as an Idea, concept, belief because I failed to realize that it was never about Love but it was caused by my own created and imposed definition of myself as worthy/not worthy as Loved/Unloved by other Beings that I held this fear in place as I feared my diminishment and losing my chance to feel 'more' because I believed who I am was not enough/good enough

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that only when one is loved is 'good enough' and that all the 'good enough' people are out there loved by someone and within this for holding a secret desire to find this love, the real one, failing to see the real Love is Not a feeling, but is the Love of Self as Life, of All as Life and that only in such Love the Fear of Love/as Love no longer exists as Self realigns with Love as Self expression for what is best for Self and All of existence, Equal and One

When and as I see myself sliding back into habits such as seeking memories/ imagining future love moments/ trying to activate myself into the Love delusion, I stop, breathe, look at the points where I fear to not be good enough that make me desire to 'be loved' and breathe myself back here to correct myself and let go of my past behaviors for good

I commit myself to become self honest regarding Love, as I see realize and understand I have invested much of myself in this Fairy Tale and I will have to walk out of it peeling all of the layers of my imprinted beliefs, behaviors, ideas and opinions about love, until I am no longer reactive or a slave for love that can be manipulated and self manipulated into reactions of emotions and feelings

I commit myself to flag this point of Love for myself and to take all upcoming occasions to dig into the point until I no longer catch myself drifting away or desiring to drift away on those specific points, as I require to bring myself Here to stop my participation in fantasies to correct myself into a self responsible, self honest human being, for myself and all of Existence, Equal and One

Related articles

• Day 223: Unloved, Now What? Return to Self
• Day 69 - Relationship Energy Addict

Day 223: Unloved, Now What? Return to Self

This is a follow up to my Post "You are nobody till somebody loves you", I will walk through Self For-Giveness my return to self from my accepted and allowed beliefs, idea, opinions and experiences that I allowed myself to exist within and that shaped me into the woman I have become:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, when asked if I had a sympathy at school, if there was a boy I liked, if I was interested in anyone, to under-stand and to believe that I was supposed to feel sympathy, like or be interest in someone because it seemed to matter more than who I was and that I would gain worth and value for myself only by following that path

I forgive myself that I accepted ad allowed myself as a child to look around for that boy that I could feel sympathy for, like, be interested in, not from the perspective of me but to find that one missing piece that I was supposed to bring to the chats with my grandparents so that I could find that missing worth and fill my not enough-ness with the information they seemed to look for when talking to me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, since this topic of boys vs girls grew exasperated by the Catholic environment I was raised in, where we were in mixed classes but were discouraged to play together, to create a desire to cross the line over the forbidden side of the courtyard, ending up being punished for being too adventurous, while I now see and realize I was not being adventurous, I was seeking attention and recognition from the boys because I had already internalized this point of worthlessness as a woman without the attention of a man as myself, and so I was not seeking to spend time with boys to get to know them, but for the value of me, the worth of me as I accepted and allowed myself to believe in this cultural and then family imprinting of women as worthless

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when a boy was present, immediately move into a state of agitation, anxiety, as I would stand to wait for signs to decode about him being interested in me, in him finding me someone he wished to spend time with, as those signs were already becoming vital to a 'positive experience of myself' as worthy and for mistaking the shame I felt as shame for desiring the attention of boys, instead of seeing and realizing I was feeling the shame of my compromise for value and worth to be given to me as I had separated from myself as Self value and Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as Self Value and Self Worth and for feeling ashamed about it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as I grew up, encode inside of myself all the crappy Love songs of my culture as guidelines of what to look for as value within a relationship with a man, without realizing the songs were full of expressions of instability and mental problems such as jealousy, possessiveness, ownership, longing and I turned this codes into who I became and then sought to find those things that I told myself were signs of love within the relationships I built up, and when I couldn't I would move on, not questioning my starting point but believing 'the other' had not given to me the 'right signs' of love and as such his love could not be trusted

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when listening to a song, always try to fit into it, to see myself within it and the experiences I could have if it was me the main character of the song, the woman longed for, never forgotten, the source of jealousy and possessiveness and how I would 'feel' about it and deciding that it would feel good, set out to seek the same dramas that my culture defined as 'Love' to live in my own life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imagine how I would feel if it was me the centre of so much attention, discarding along the way potential partners that did not live up to such great loves imprinted in and as my Mind, when in fact I myself did not live up to them but in my picking and choosing I would always seek songs that when men sang where about the longing, the love, the craving and when women sang were always about the sorrow, the intensity, the regret and then I went looking for partners that would resonate within my same cultural imprinting so we could play out those scripts together until they turned to the sorrow, the intensity and the regret of the roles I had chosen and scripted for myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with jealousy about a partner, to not take responsibility for what I felt and investigate the point to see that I would feel jealous as a comparison with other women from which I came out short in my own self judgement of myself, and since jealousy for me to feel was not part of my scripts because the men were the ones supposed to play the jealous part, I would find excuses and justifications to just move on, fearing that I would have to go through the jealousy experience again if I stuck with a particular partner and overlooking the point if there was a connection that was worth holding on to and learn to grow together in mutual support

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a result of my unstable behavior with men which I could not figure out if it was because I was too interested or not interested enough, to end up walking away at all times as a result of accumulations of backchats and self dishonesty that I ended up blaming on them and that I allowed to become so overwhelming to the point of just giving up

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Love was important and for feeling dishonest because I could not work out in detail what this feeling of 'love' was all about except translate it into jealousy, possessiveness, ownership instead of standing as a stable point of support next to my partners without seeking the illusory world of emotions and feelings as Proof that 'something was really there' because I was not there

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not be there for my myself or my partners as I busied myself blaming them for not being there for me, when in fact the point was that I was nowhere to be seen and I never considered building a self honest relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, twice in my life, drop my life and move to another country after a man, creating a credit in my mind for which a payback was due and corrupting my starting point both with myself as I took off without ever considering my own life but just the experience I would gain that would give me having a man next to me to me and equally with them, starting with a debt to be repaid, just like the current Monetary System, where nothing is done for nothing and a payback is always due

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold my partners responsible for my life, through the justification that 'I gave up my life for you' so I could go on playing the extra romantic woman in love, while in fact I was just creating excuses to not be responsible for myself and the choices I made

I commit myself to establish a self honest relationship with myself, wherein I stand on my own two feet, no matter where I am or where I decide to move to, and to no longer make others responsible for myself or the experience of myself

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself trying to take off into some mind delusions about Love and memories and the past, to stop, Breathe, realize that I am not giving up anything of value as my memories are behavioural microchips that lead always in the same place where I have been many times before, to failure , and I no longer want to experience failure in relationships as a definition of who I am

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself move into the desire to compare my relationships as a way to feel safer, to stop and breathe through the fear, as the fear I have is the fear of me and I instead look at what am I fearing so I can release myself from it once and for all

I commit myself to, when and as I speak to a man, a partner or a potential partner to make sure I am not reactive, if I am to Breathe through my reactions before I speak or write and then only express myself so I can stop existing as a tornado of disasters because Prevention is the Best Cure.

Related articles

• Day 65 - The Truth Behind Wanting a Relationship
• Day 69 - Relationship Energy Addict
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Day 169: Deleting the Corruptible Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child connect Money to a positive experience, as I associated Money with the image 'my problems are solved' and a sense of relief' (which could be why we call foreign aids 'relief' as well, which begs the question 'if we understand Money to be a Relief, meaning that those that don't have it live in a constant state of stress and anxiety as to how they will make it another day', why is MONEY NOT given to All Equally?)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, perceive Money as my independence from my mother, as the 'thing' that allowed me to have what I wanted without having to justify why and how I spent my money in the pursuit of my desires, money that I received in 'secret' from my grandparents and on which I had absolute indisputable control as my 'freedom'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, associate my secret money to an idea of 'Freedom' as in having My Own Money makes me not accountable for my actions/spending, which is exactly what happens to those with lots of Money, who believe they are not accountable for their actions, because Money will buy a way out of anything

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, when in the presence of my grandparents or people that I knew would give me 'pocket money' to transform myself into whatever they wanted like a circus performer, so they would reward me with the Money as energy as positive experience, that I desired

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child feel a mixture of guilt and excitement when 'secret' money was given to me that I knew I could hide and not have to justify to my mother what I spent it on, associating Money with 'excitement'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a child to believe that Money was what everyone was after because it moved secret dynamics of energy within my family and fears when my grandmother would say to my mother 'I will delete you from my will' or when she gave her some 'pocket money' to spend as she wished

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect Money with 'Love' and the feeling of 'being loved/cared for' because anyone who would part from their money to give it to me, must have loved me because Money was the most important thing in the world, nobody wanted to part from

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed as a child when I had to be on my 'best behaviour' to have access to money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excited when I knew we were about to visit one of the people that was on my list of 'money lenders', because money was never given for FREE but always against something that I had to do, be or say in return for the 'grant'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use money in my life as a manipulation tool to make people do, be or say something specific, using money as the positive energy that rewards the bending of a Character to my will and for having been the Character bent to someone else's will because of Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the corruption outside of me, when in fact I have accepted and allowed myself to be corrupted by Money outside and Energy inside as the positive experience I sought and achieved when I was in possess of money, was given money or was paid money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as bad for my relationship with money and for hiding from myself how important, and infact vital, money had become in my life and in everyone's life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I was part of the positive thinkers and LOA,  say that Money is Not important, just because I had plenty access to it, and for preaching that Love is the most important thing in the world, just because I didn't want to seem attached to money because being attached to Money is negatively judged by society -and therefore by myself as a member of society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that we were taught to feel bad for wanting seeking Money, so that the ones who had it could keep it for themselves and not be challenged about it as we fell under the weight of the negative emotional experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Not realize that everyone is secretly or openly attached to Money due to what Money has become in this World, a Life resource without which we are left in the cold, homeless, starving and ultimately if sick, dying because we don't even have the Money to access the Healthcare system or medications

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed that money played such a big role in every single interaction in my life, in which, whenever I met someone either for business or privately, if the topic would move onto Money, I would automatically move into my Corruptible and consequently 'What's in it for me' Character, because I  connected Money to a positive experience that when is mentioned I want to have access to

I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn Money into a tool for abuse of myself and others instead of seeing Money as a tool for support of All Life Equally, and for not questioning why, if Money is now the key to access resources and Choices, is not given to All Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny that Money plays a vital role in this world, because when I had money I could down play it, because I Had it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spread the lie of LOA that said we all have equal chances in Life to have what we want and desire if we align to it, when in fact we DO NOT have Equal Chances because a Child born in war torn Darfur will not have the same chances of one of the Rotschild's children

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the Inequalities of this World through the belief in reincanation and the 'Idea' that everyone chooses the life they walk into, when in self honesty I have a long list of lives that are currently playing out that I would not have chosen for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself and my mother 'I am not like You' meaning I am not attached to Money like you, always calculating and checking what you can spend and where, not because I was not like her, but because I disliked this trait in her as 'Cheap' and as negatively charged, so I did all my calculations and money planning within the secret of my Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was disgusted with myself because I saw that when the Money topic came into any conversation, I would change my posture and perceive a state of anticipation as in a Pavlovian reflex, and for subjecting my body to this energetic abuse for the sake of an 'idea' and definition of Money I myself accepted ad allowed within me as Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when moving into this Corruptibe Character, dislike myself and perceive I could not trust myself and in fact shouldn't, because this Character, and all others, never make any common sense what's bes for all choices, but just what's best for me choices and in no way can I trust what comes up into my mind after I have seen myself shifting into the canning Character of Money, but instead I must STOP MYself, Breathe and do not make any decisions until I no longer perceive myself as pushed and shoved and in the grip of Energies as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect Money to the experience of shopping as happiness and worth that I projected in everything around me, including people, places, countries etc.  as I saw last night with my ex husband when he said 'Italy is now lousy because it's grey, few people aound and ALL Shops are closed'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when counting Money, touching Money, looking at Money coming out of the ATM machine, feel this happiness as an energetic movement of empowerment, because as I allow this money driven empowerment, when I am not Money driven I am disempowered and this is how the system is keeping us all locked into the perception of 'not being abe to move, not being able to change anything' as who we are as Money is integrated within our bodies and we will have to undo what we have done to release ourselves and this world from the grip of Money as our Master

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the current Money System is a gambling system, in which 99% loses and 1% wins and that we are the ones that have to come together as a Solution to this problem, giving up all hopes that we may be winning because the 1% that could win has already won and is NOT putting back the Money on the game table for All to have Equal Chances at this Game, because by now they bought the game and they hide their profits offshore so they won't even pay taxes on it and are basically supported by the poor al the way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Hope to win at this game, which is how The Game holds us in, because we have not left the table and moved on to create a system in which the Money that is used now will simply no longer be valuable and the New Money will be distributed to Everyone Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that we are born into a rigged Monopoly Game and that games like Monopoly are created to imprint ourselves with how the system works, so that we will always know, from when we are children, that not everyone wins, but just one, making it normal that the majority has to lose AND PLAY for 1 to win, or we could call off all games and get up from this unfair game and set up the New Rules of the game to benefit All Life Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if I were asked to sit at a Monopoly Game in which everything had already been distributed, land, hotels and resources, I would notice that the game IS NOT played that way, because we have to start with Equal Opportunities and this is why Money is distributed Equally at the Monopoly Game, and yet we came into this world and insist on accepting that THIS Game is played Unequally, just because someone said so, the meagre 1%, but they have spent so much Money con-vincing us All that we now believe it, and even believe that it is normal that resources of the earth be owned and that such a thing cannot be changed because we are only the 99% , DUH

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a Child, when I asked about why not all kids eat, when told that I was lucky because I did eat, and when asking why in Africa there were Poor kids we had to send stuff to, accept the brainwashed answers of my parents, my teachers, my priests, nuns and all the other zombies that walked this earth before me as Truths, because I lacked the vocabulary to tell them that what they were saying that they insisted made sense, DID NOT make sense, because if we kept sending goods, food and toys to Africa, there should come a day when we did not need to, when we had effectively Equalized the field, and yet I let another 30 years go by before asking the same questions to myself again, such as WHY has Charity Failed, why didn't we manage to feed the World when we throw away food, why is it OK to let people die of starvation and we have been unable to solve THAT problem while we went on the Moon and now Mars? And for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when raising the point that we should in no way leave this planet until we fix what we have here as problems that are costing people's lives, be dismissed with the 'logic' that we need the technology that comes from space travels, such as the microwave or other things that further our c-evil-azation, when in fact we have no civilization going at all, because civilization would mean a society in which all are cared for, from birth to death, and not this world in which much suffering goes on while we justify our technology as an advacement and fail to see, we keep advancing stepping on those that are left behind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when my e.h. said 'go change the world but don't make too much damage' feel off-ended, as if this 'Mission' was not important, making this remark personal as in patronizing as in 'go on little system, let's see how far you go with your foolishness' about 'changing the World' and for perceiving that as he said, this is an impossible task, because he is scientific and knows better than me what it takes on a Project level to move to the finish line, and yet this is not at all impossible, because I am not infact in charge of the World, but of Myself, so as to no longer be a random piece that exists in separation as self interest and greed, driven by an imaginary idea and a fictionary energetic experience, but in alignment with Breath Here as One Piece of the Whole, addressing myself as all Self, in Self correction to realign with Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal with the Shame I felt for this existence and that I suppressed, because if I didn't I would have to look into that shame and do something about it, such as investigating what is this existential shame we all share and feel, until I would have uncovered the truth of Who We Are, as the very leeches of Existence that leave a wake of Death wherever We move, for the Love of Profit and Money.

I commit myself to flag every single energetic experience I have in connection to Money, so that I can stop my existence as Corruption inward and outward, and realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for ALL

I commit myself to breathing to come back to the Physical and to not allow myself to be driven by Money/Energy as the search for a positive experience/happiness but to stand in and as Breath for as long as it will take to manifest a World that is Best for All 

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• Day 88: Capitalism vs Socialism?
• Day 105: Human Liberties
• Day 109: Politics as a Double-Faced Game
• Day 111: Evilution - Neocolonialism - Part 2
• Day 107: Getting Reality to Conform to an Illusion
• Day 170: Letting go of Little Miss Money Bags
• Day 146: Forgiving the politician in me
• Day 97: The Uselessness Monster - Self Forgiveness
• 172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions

Day 134: Gender Hatred - Self Forgiveness

Anaclasis – A Haunting Gospel of Malice & Hatred (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger when I read that another woman has been attacked with acid throwing by her former lover

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel entitled to hate men that violate women because I am a woman and I have to stand by my 'gender'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to say that some men should be hanged by their balls and left there to die, failing to see that I have been and still am participating and fueling the same gender hatred I blame men for, and that there is no difference in hatred just because one seems 'justified hatred' while the other doesn't

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are better than men because we do not go as low as such acts of violence and abuse as men seem capable of, instead of realizing both genders are a product of a sick society of fear and hatred and there is no difference but in the expression of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to aways look for the points through which I can up a man to prove that I am better than them and would never go as low as they do with their expression of violence and hatred toward women, instead of realizing that desiring to diminish another to prove that I am better is an act of hatred and violence that has just not become physical yet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the toxicity we show to each other within relationships is who we really are and that it will never change because men are just basically bastards and they would do anything they can to put a woman down, instead of realizing I have done the same within my gender wars to make sure I would come out on top

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that such relationships have a future as long as we hide and sugar coat the hatred for each other well enough, instead of seeing that we have to draw a line and STOP because we have gone as far as we could with gender hatred and it's time to put down the weapons, forgive the past and redefine how we want to relate to each other in a way that is supportive for who we are as life and as Honourable as the World we wish to see manifest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'men are stupid' because women can scheme and manipulate more efficiently than men, which could in fact be one of the very sources of the hatred men feel for us and then suppress as they get the manipulation point but not how we do it in the specific, which leaves them with a sense of frustration that bottled up leads to hatred and violence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are better than men because they don't throw acid on a man's face, instead of seeing and realizing that each gender hits the other through what we perceive is their assets, so as men try to take away women's beauty as their market value, women go for their money as their market value, they just go about it when possible 'the legal way'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the hatred and the fear that I felt for men within my life because that would not be 'ladylike' to dig up and look at as denial for women was always recommended, instead of seeing that we are mirroring each others' hatred which is ultimately our self hatred for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become while seeking for friction to keep this demented 'Energetic' creation in place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that rape is a result of a society in which sex has become a weapon just like everything else we engage with, and that we need to address everything that we have accepted and allowed because this Creation is tainted and damaged by our self Hatred that is manifesting through every possible Mean, from sexual to physical to verbal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when men blame women after they beat them or violate them seeking for excuses for the hatred that played out and they were not able to contain, instead of seeing that we blame men for the hatred that we feel for them and we do not manifest in the same ways

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that confining human expression to Genders leads to hatred for the expressions one believes to not have access to that belongs to the other gender and that one point we need to address is the self expression suppressed within our 'gender confinments' to allow any gender to express outside of our defined 'gender boundaries' to stop all suppressions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within gender hatred because it was easy to direct my self hatred on the 'opposite sex' as the perfect way to put a space between myself and my projected hatred and because men always seemed to give us so many good reasons for it that it was hard to resist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame men for the hatred that has been plaguing our genders in the relationship with each other because I perceived and defined men as the one having all the power, as in the Money/Survival power, instead of seeing and realizing that as I felt justified to hate them for the power I perceived they had, they felt justified to hate us for the power They perceived we have as the power to give birth to another life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, that having split Us and Them into our different Perceived Powers within this World would lead to competition and comparison from which only one can come out as the Winner, and that to heal our relationships we have to stop competing and comparing what we have that they don't have and what they have that we don't have and instead accept our different expression as Life that doesn't make anyone of Us More or Less than another but just different in the Expression of Life that we Equally share

I commit myself to no longer react to news regarding this outbreak of violence against women as I work to equalize myself to men, outside of gender roles and preconceived gender based ideas, opinions and beliefs

I commit myself to stop my Gender hatred as I see realize and understand that it is not a Gender hatred but our Fears and self Hatred that we are manifesting on Each other that must be Healed and brought back to Self so we each can address the source as the thoughts that lead to the feelings and emotions that end up in expressions of violence and abuse

I commit myself to no longer support the Us and Them of this existence as it is not possible to be One if we cannot even overcome our perceived Gender Differences, and upholding a line to divide Men and Women is just an idea of separation within which we lose ourselves and forget that We are One and that anything that stands in the Way of the One as Self must be Healed and released, so we may come together as Life and What is best for All and return Home Here within the physical in the simplicity of Breath, for Ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One

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