Day 225: Free The Slave 4 Love.

This is a follow up to my yesterday's Blog: "Can't get enough of Your Love, Babe..Joke!"

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Love was the most important thing, more important than me as Life and within this belief, for enslaving myself to an idea of 'Love' according to my culture, as taught by my family and supported by society through movies and books

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that without Love I was nothing and as such I lived in Hope to be loved as appreciation as a confirmation of my existence and the value of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be manipulated by men who told me, wrote me, whispered, hinted, implied that they loved me as I wanted to believe in what I knew was not true, not real, because it had no relation with their behavior or physical reality but I needed that love to feel complete, important, fit into society as I accepted and allowed myself to believe I could only be 'somebody' if someone loved me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react when my ex came back on the scene and I willingly, deliberately played the old games using memories to try and bring the past back to life, so I could feel wanted, important, desired and as such give myself the value from which I have separated myself from as Self Value and Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fly off searching for memories of a 'love' that took place over 20 years ago to fan those feelings and emotions, seeking for ways to bring back those feelings that I once felt and believed were only possible because another person was in my life, completing me, when in fact I was the one generating those feelings at all time, which I now see and realize as I see that I loved most when my partners were Not around to spoil my Love fantasy and how I enjoyed it in my mind alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I could not feel those feelings even when solicited to go there, even when I solicited myself to search for them to ignite them and for feeling a sense of loss at something that I will never experience again I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the word Love, as I knew I kept myself under this spell, chained to this word as a willing slave, just like my mother did while I pitied her and felt disgusted by how much of herself she gave up to tag along after a man just to turn up the suppressed version of her and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fail to notice that Love can never be real when it is not physically lived as support, as sharing and intimacy developed between two partners in an agreement of sticking together so that they may both expand together, work on their points of self limitation until both release themselves from the chains of ideas, beliefs, cultural imprinting, opinions and hopes of what Love should be like, as any definition of a word in separation from Self is just a dead word and not a Living word expressing as Self in all its potential, and for separating myself from the word Love into ideas, beliefs, definitions, hopes and opinions, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Love is a feeling and as such the most important thing in the world, failing to see that a feeling is insubstantial, unreal and has no power in the physical world of any kind and that there is only one real thing and that is the physical existing as the point beyond definitions and that to live Love in and as the physical an equalization into the physical of Love as Self is required to make it real

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to subject myself to self abuse in the name of love, through emotions and feelings, thoughts, imagination, dreams, hopes and desires, making my separation with Love as a living word as myself wider with any energetic step I took in an attempt to live it out energetically instead than physically and within this for seeking experiences of energy so I could live this experience as a feeling and then as an emotion as Love rolled into fear and back into love in a never ending loop of dis-ease that was not best for me or best for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be willing to live crappy situations in the name of Love as I hoped to be paid back, enslaving myself and others within a debt/credit system that I deliberately created to cash in with Love so I could get to feel more than what I am, here in and as the simplicity of breath

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself living a Love Story that would bring resolution to my life, that would make me feel complete because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was not complete as underlined by sayings such as 'my other half, my better half' which in itself is scary as if I am looking for my better half, am I myself the Worse half of the whole and if I am not whole seeking for my other half, am I just the WORST, waiting for the Best as another?

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as half, incomplete, needing Love to have it all, when in fact when I did get my hands on this 'Elusive' Love, nothing changed if not the temporary high I experienced which was mainly connected to sex hence again proving that nothing ethereal such as Love has any relevance in reality until we make it physical, we experience it physically, as Love only benefits the one manufacturing the 'Love feeling' for his/her own benefit, and nobody else

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use memories as milestone of moments when I can 'remember' having loved someone, when in fact what I felt was the high, the positive experience that I lived in separation from myself as I valued the experience itself above myself as Life and within this separation ended up creating ideas, beliefs and opinions about Love that now exist as definitions with a life of their own and in the way of myself expressing myself as Love as Self Love and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of the Love train, fear that if I don't board it 'one last time' I'll never get to experience it again and this in the face of having realized the illusory nature of love and yet at the same time feeding the dream as I have not yet willed myself to get off this delusion for good as I fear the loss of such a big piece of myself as the Slave for Love

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'when a Love is real a woman would/should abandon everything and follow 'her' man' cos that's exactly what I did, twice, reducing my Life to an intermission in between Imaginary Great Loves living out the Anna Karenina Character in real life, always disappointed at my partner who never did enough to match what I perceived as my Great sacrifices, which in fact were only self dishonest, self scripted plots in search for my own value and purpose

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in my relationships within the fear that if I was not the woman's of a man's dreams, he would stop giving me that Love that I craved and needed to define myself and for having defined myself as more when 'loved' than when 'not loved' I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that a feeling that someone feels independently from anyone else and is self created and as such has nothing to do with me/others, could define me or others as more or less and that I had to toe a line as the source of the Love feeling when in fact if a man felt 'loving feelings' for me or not had nothing to do with me at all and viceversa

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of Love as an Idea, concept, belief because I failed to realize that it was never about Love but it was caused by my own created and imposed definition of myself as worthy/not worthy as Loved/Unloved by other Beings that I held this fear in place as I feared my diminishment and losing my chance to feel 'more' because I believed who I am was not enough/good enough

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that only when one is loved is 'good enough' and that all the 'good enough' people are out there loved by someone and within this for holding a secret desire to find this love, the real one, failing to see the real Love is Not a feeling, but is the Love of Self as Life, of All as Life and that only in such Love the Fear of Love/as Love no longer exists as Self realigns with Love as Self expression for what is best for Self and All of existence, Equal and One

When and as I see myself sliding back into habits such as seeking memories/ imagining future love moments/ trying to activate myself into the Love delusion, I stop, breathe, look at the points where I fear to not be good enough that make me desire to 'be loved' and breathe myself back here to correct myself and let go of my past behaviors for good

I commit myself to become self honest regarding Love, as I see realize and understand I have invested much of myself in this Fairy Tale and I will have to walk out of it peeling all of the layers of my imprinted beliefs, behaviors, ideas and opinions about love, until I am no longer reactive or a slave for love that can be manipulated and self manipulated into reactions of emotions and feelings

I commit myself to flag this point of Love for myself and to take all upcoming occasions to dig into the point until I no longer catch myself drifting away or desiring to drift away on those specific points, as I require to bring myself Here to stop my participation in fantasies to correct myself into a self responsible, self honest human being, for myself and all of Existence, Equal and One

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Day 191: Mind Control - The Dark Side of "Hope"

All Points raised about Mind Control make us uncomfortable.

First because we OBVIOUSLY want to believe we are Free Thinkers in charge of ourselves. Some may have heard this phrase spoken in "The Matrix movie" about destiny 

 'You don't like to believe in destiny because you like to believe that You are in charge of Your Life'

The Story of Humanity. Never Mind the money spent on psychics and fortune tellers which would prove the opposite, that we KNOW that we are on a train track that is designed in detail and put in place for us to just run on and in fact FEAR that it may be so because that would raise ginormous questions about the benevolence of such Creation, and yes, we have been lightly brushing over a few points of Brainwashing such as religion and Family and then Society, but mainly to find faults and blame, to in fact relinquish for good our own responsibility for Who I am and How I Participate in this World.

Around us now there are tons of information on Mind Control, documentaries that explain in Detail how we got here such as  

Social Engineering in the 20th century, 

Psywar, 

The Century of Self, 

The Trap,

The Power Principle, 

these are NOT Conspiracy Theories, they are Documentaries by reputable sources meant to Wake Us Up, you can even found out about your Mind Control through the Entertaining Shows of Derren Brown, who has made Millions showing people with a Flair how gullible and dupable they are, watch 'Enigma' when you are in the mood to feel DUMB & DUMBER, being ignorant today about our own manipulation (and self manipulation) is not only inexcusable, it's plain Stupid.

The fact is that even those who are approaching the Mind Control of this World and have done research, believe that it is an outside event, that we are being Mind Controlled with sophisticated methods, spells, magic, witches, voodoo,  when in fact the truth is so much easier and so in front of our eyes, Mind Control is an Inside Job! it's done through triggers such as Fear, Desires, Love, Emotions and Feelings, the outside word is only sounding the tuning fork, we are the ones aligning with it, seems pretty obvious that we will have to be the Ones that STOP, the tuning fork is on its own preprogrammed trip - and not a cool one either- and won't wake up, someone else will be required to Wake Up and get off this deranged train so we can show each other 'see, the train only exists in Our Minds, and within the Mind we are Slaves, there is no way we can steer that train from on board, we have to get off the predesigned Path that we accepted and allowed, look, we don't need to remain passengers on this train to Self destruction, it's not compulsory, it's is impulsed/suggested/recommended, we are even being scared to death to get off it, but we can get off and get together to redesign this world as a World that works for everyone, we don't have to live this way!!"

Today as I read the news of the Daily UK Mail, which I suggest to read because it exposes the level at which we as Humanity have stepped down the Life ladder, there was a news about A Lottery Win, showing a very average British family climbing up the Social ladder, making their first important move, moving up on the Property market, moving on up from Life in the Lower "Classes", dusting off their Old Lives to enter their New world Rich and Careless.

Of course a range of emotions went with that, as I look back on an imaginary timeline of such a news I can see that 30 years ago I would have felt jealous and envious, but growing up I trained myself to be a positive thinker and 'rejoice' for the 'good lives' of others, not because I wished them well, but because I hoped that if I kept myself positive I too may be granted access to the Gods Olympus of Wealth and Well Being, which proves that our well wishing is nothing else but a lid over our darker wishes to which we no longer feel entitled as we TRY to be good and behave and be 'the best we can'. Pity it's all just a big ACT.

Today though another feeling that I tried to suppress and just brush away was just in plain view, I desired that house, that Life, the having a Good Life which I have equated with Money and Wealth, I hoped -secretly- even though it was a totally unfounded and groundless Hope because I should - at least- get myself a Lottery ticket to stand 1 chance in 1 million in a Lifetime -interestingly enough this proves that even Hope without Action is totally useless, I could Hope til I turned blue in the Face, without the ticket as an Action is a Not even 1 in a million chances, it's a No Go.

So, where is this HOPE as Desire coming From? Why is HOPE such a misused word used to put us in a blissful space of laissez faire, as we deliver ourselves into the belief that 'I have ignited Hope, done my part, now I just have to sit back and relax and let HOPE do its work', when in fact we are being thrown in the Face in so many ways the LIE of Hope and Hoping and if we only took the time to look we could clearly see the WHYs and the WHOs have been using this word in the past 10 years alone, what were the scopes of just prompting us with this word, what does the word 'HOPE' and Hope itself triggers within us that is so intoxicating that we fail to see that in-toxic-ating contains the word TOXIC, that we are poisoning ourselves and this World Hoping for things to Change while doing Nothing for Change on both an individual level or a Global level; that we are pushed to Hope for better Lives so we won't stand to make Lives better for All Equally because 'we got HOPE' that someone else will get down and dirty with such a task and we'll jump on the bandwagon when things are moving.
This is a question I have faced when asked about Desteni or 'EqualMoney' - 'how many are YOU?' - as the  Minds move to calculate the odds that we may make it, taking a sight of relief when learning we are FEW for now, ''Good, thanks God, you are still in the 'Unicorn' phase of this project, I am not required to join yet, what are the ODDS that such a small group could bring about a Change, really?', failing to see and realize that THIS is why we are still a small group, because of this fucking HOPE that stands in the way of our Movement, of us becoming Self Honest and seeing there are so many lives we don't wish to live on this Planet and yet we leave them up for grabs for the Poor,  and at most we HOPE their lives will change and that should be enough... 'isn't it'?

NO, it's not enough, if  We need some reminders of the biggest HOPE Promoters who make a living on that alone, We can check out Obama, the Vatican, Religious groups, and then last but not least OurSelves, and see how Hope drives us to No Action, to accepting this World as it is, because in secret, We Hope to cross the Line and Move On Up, and leave the Filthy world we created as the other Side of the Coin of Capitalism, for others to enjoy and suck up. Time to give up All Hope.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when reading News about people who made it feel the rising of Hope and for trying to brush it off because I know it's unfounded since, in the case of this Lottery, I have not even bought the ticket, instead of seeing and realizing that this rising HOPE is system programmed so I won't question the unfairness of this system as I delude myself that 'everyone can make it' not because there is any common sense in this belief but because the Hope I allow myself to feel, for the secret desires I hold, says so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to an energetic experience of 'shared joy' for the 'good life/good luck' someone had, because I secretly hold on to the desire that this may happen to me, which is not MY original desire, but a system implanted desire so that in holding on to this desire I won't take a position against this system to stand up for a World that is Best for All because who knows, I may make it too after All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the expression 'Let's Hope' when I don't want to be bothered to open up a point of 'we actually have to do something about THAT' because 'Hoping and wishing 'Hope' it's easier than exposing the truth of Hope for what it is, a Lie and a Con that is keeping Humanity stuck in Lalaland while the world is moving toward utter destruction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe 'there is nothing wrong with Hope' simply because I am invested in Hope as Dope as a way to not stand Self responsible for the changes that must take place in My Life as I am One brick of this Ugly Abusive Construction that this World has become that needs to return to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All and stand as Self Directive principle for myself and All of Existence Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see Hope as a beautiful thing, an admirable thing, and the Hope dispensers as Good people instead of seeing the Dark Side of Hope and the grip it holds on us and how by 'Hoping' we are not moving to Change, as Hope implies a Change 'will take place God Willing/Inshallah' through an external event and not a Self Directed Change that each one of us Wills themselves through for ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate HOPE as something only the POOR have that are RICH at heart, failing to see we have been given HOPE instead of the FAIR SHARE of this planet to which everyone is entitled to, because we are Equally HERE, Equally Alive and No One is Worth More than Another, no Matter how hard we have been convincing ourselves otherwise and how hard we hoped one day to be one of the worthier to evade the Suffering that originates by seemingly small points such as 'Hope -FOOL attitudes and Dreams'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the Blind Faith in Hope dispensed from religious People, failing to notice that they gave us Hope and kept the Money, which could have been a self evident sign of what was really important and required at the moment to survive OR they would have given us the Money and kept the Hope, which is not the case

I commit myself to expose HOPE for what it is, a Tool for Mind Control, our throwing in of the Towel, our desire to Not be Self responsible and leave it All up to Hope, Hoping to make it, Hoping that others will make it too out of their disgraceful Lives we have created through a system of Abuse and that we wouldn't swap with ours & that it is time to Stop the HOPE, the Hopeful Feelings, The Hopeful wishes, the Hope-fool Leaders so we may stand as Self responsible Human beings and bring about the Change that is required for Life as Life, in this World, as this World.

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Day 126: Giving Up Hope requires Self Commitment

When and as I see myself desiring to move, or moving into the Hope-full Character, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that this Character is My Creation born Out of Fear and that indulging in Hopes means I am not capable of taking care of myself and standing as The Correction/Solution of/as Me, instead I no longer accept to see myself as 'in need of Hope' as Hope is just a fabrication of the Mind and thus Not Real unless I accept it as real and as something I need as I Believe I am not able capable of directing myself as What is West for All

I commit myself to drop the Hope Act when I see myself about to approach or having approached the Hope-Fool Character as I see realize and Understand that Hope is Not What is Best for All, as Hoping has kept us just Hoping that something would Change, that I would Change, instead the Change of Me Inward and Outward requires My Self Direction and my being Here in and as Breath and not lost in and as The Mind, as Thoughts Feelings and Emotions

I commit myself to investigate where and how I have invested myself in HOPE as The Solution for Change, and to remove my investments as they bore no fruits but the separation of Me into Hope-Fool pieces that I need to bring back to Self so I can Earth myself and the Energies I have stolen from the Physical while entertaining myself with Hopes, Hoping that I would Not Have to Change

I commit myself to stop charging Hope as something positive according to my past definition of Hope, as "Good", As having smething to Hope for, because 'at least' we have Hope as I see realize and Understand that this System is extensively manipulating and promoting 'Hope as The Solution' to make sure no one in fact stands to say, Fuck Hope, We need to be this Change that we Want to See in the World and keeping on Hoping is not and will not accomplish that

I commit myself to show others One and Equal to me that Hope is a Trap, and as all System approved Traps, it's insidious and while we believe we are Not Doing Any Harm by Hoping, we are in fact crippling Ourselves and Existence waiting for something or someone to Change and Change Us, instead of embracing Ourselves as the Change as The Solution for This World

I commit myself to show others One and equal to Me, how Hope Promoted by The System under Fancy Titles such as 'the Audacity of Hope' are misleading with a purpose, as Hope is born out of Fear, and there is so no-thing Audacious about Hope that is scary that we have actually believed that, unless we stop and look at WHY we bought into the blatant Lie that was sold as the cover up for the Fear that those that sell Hope are first creating and promoting while they sell Hope as the Anti-Dote that is no where as effective as The Fear that was sold and bought By Us in the first place

I commit myself to share with others One and Equal to me, what I have come to realize about this System and everything that seems "Good" about it, such as Hope, so that others may see how we have been taken for a ride through our own desire to Not Ever Have to Be Responsible for ourselves and Our World and How Only through ourselves disengaging from the Energetic Blackmails that we have signed up for, we can start to see with Clarity What is really Going On so we can abandon Hope Forever More and Stand as Self Directive principle to Change Ourselves Inward and Outward

I commit myself to share with Others why Hope was created in the first Place as our desire to Not take responsibility due to the extensive Fears we Exist and Live As, that were born from our separation from each other and everything that exists, Hoping that we could in fact leave to someone else the tiding up of this Mess that has resulted from Not Having Started Our Creation on the Right Foot, so we may make a Turn into Self Correction to realign ourselves to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All.

I commit myself to share with Others what I realized about the Lie of Hope, as Hope has robbed us of our Time as we waited for something to Change just because we Hoped it would and yet Nothing has Changed, which is a self evidence point showing The Utter Failure of Hope as a Solution, and that unless we stand and say NO MORE to Hope, we'll end up the Hope-Fools that this System has set out to turn us into, and yet if we give up Hope as the Solution to our Fears and then we apply Ourselves to give up Our fears, we could stand United as One, Moving as One toward the Solution that is Best for Life and Best for All such as what is proposed with an Equal Money System

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Day 124: Giving Up The Hope-Fool Character

Hope (Photo credit: bitzcelt)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I qualified for Hopeful intervention while the rest of the World, including kids who did not even have food, a point I was aware of, did not, making myself a Victim of a system in which Victims create Abusers and viceversa

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was a Victim in need of -Hope-fool- intervention and within this for giving up my power to stand for myself and All, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was not worthy because Mary Poppins did not come for me as I learnt to compete for attention, hoping to come out the winner within my competitions with other kids, growing more and more indifferent to the needs of others in favour of my wants and within this I forgive myself that I did not care if a child was starving and that I would not have given up Mary Poppins to go and help someone more needy as I took Mary Poppins and everything else in Life as the measure of my worth and value and in seeking Worth and Value for myself in separation from my Self Worth and Self Value I would happily trample others and existence as a whole just to come out the winner and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself as Life as that gave birth to all sorts of abominations while I sailed through existence forgetting that I am All There Is and that whatever I trample and trash on my way to victory is myself as You are Me in another Life
 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Hope that someone would come and save me as I feared this world, this life and my family without realizing I only feared myself and the chance that I might have to stand up for Change as Change, in separation from myself as Existence and All there IS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live fear as Who I am as a kid, which gave birth to the desire for HOPE, within which I could HOPE that things would get better without having to do anything to make them better for myself and this Creation Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pretend to leave behind the Hopeful Character as the One that Hoped that Mary Poppins would come and save me, just to upgrade my operating system into more elaborate Hopeful patterns, such as the one of a Lightworker or the one who was Idle-ly waiting for a shift to occur, for a spaceship to board, for any external intervention that meant I did not have to do anything about what is going on in the world that is affecting 1/3 of the people on the Planet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself about having grown up, meaning that I had become self responsible, while I secretly hid the same desires I had when I was a kid, to not be responsible and to be saved and rescued from this world and this reality by someone bigger and more powerful than myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Hope in the Existence of something Bigger than me that I could Blame for the state of the world and Hope it would come and save me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we need an external intervention because I trusted that we cannot change and that we had reached an all time low as humanity, instead of seeing and realizing I had reached an all time low and did not trust that I could change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could trust the fact that I would not change as I heard many times that 'people don't change' until I made it my mantra to justify why I did not change, instead of standing up consistently for change until I stand corrected

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that the reason why I embraced the point of trusting that I would NOT change, was just because I believed it was easier than to in fact change, and because I did not have the tools to change myself when I reached the con-clusion that 'yes, it's true, people don't change' but I have now the tools to change myself and so I can stop justifying my not changing with the point that People do not change and just keep correcting myself until I in fact stand corrected

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that we are stuck into timeloops of our own creations, in which we have first defined who we are either through our acceptances and allowances and then went out and lived our own secret self definitions, and that we can in fact change as we stand to redefine ourselves and everything we have participated in in alignment with Oneness and Equality and What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if and when we have been evil as children, that was who we really are and then tried to leave those memories behind, without seeing and realizing that the whole of who we have been is Here and has never gone anywhere and so it will require that I dig up the memories of myself that I have stored together with my self definition so I can correct all my starting points as memories as Characters of separation born out of Fear to realign myself to Life as What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to Hope, to join groups full of Hope as Love and Light, hoping that I could wave my Light Wand and make the ugliness of the world just go away, fearing that if I let go of Hope there would be nothing left to hang on to and within this I forgive myself for believing that I HAD to Hang on to Hope because I perceived and then beLieved that I was not Enough to stand and be the Change that is required in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself because I spread the Hope disease as my hidden fears around and for supporting the education of Children through bullshit Cartoon Characters, comix that are not funny anymore when we see why we Create them and what is their purpose as to pass on our fears to the Children of this world in the form of Hope as the crippled Characters we have become and believe to be Who We really Are

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the words 'let's Hope' even now that I now better, just because I fear not knowing what to say when people share with me their suffering and how they are Hoping that things will get better and since I hold mixed emotions about 'the right words to say in such circumstances' I give them 'Hope' laced with my own fears that there is nothing that can be said to alleviate Human suffering to people who are too old to Change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to hang on to the wild card of Hope for others, pretending that I do it for them, while I still feed off it whenever I speak the words 'Let's Hope' I have just changed polarity and I am no longer able to access the 'positive polarity' of Hope as the potential solution but now I access the negative polarity of Hope as the Lie and the cover up for the Fears I feel when I am faced with suffering, believing that I myself might want to receive the Hope Last Rite when on my deathbed, instead of seeing and realizing that HOPE is what is making the deathbeds for all of us in which we'll have to Lie unless we STOP hoping and stand united for and as The Solution for a World that is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'One spoonful of sugar' makes the medicine go down, and within this failing to see that we are all in fact self medicated through our own participation in chemical manifestation that we call emotions and feelings that we participate in, believing that Life is Not Enough, that Life is Bitter and there is Nothing we can do about it apart from taking a fucking spoonful of sugar to make it go down, failing to see that we mistook Life in and as the Mind as Life Here in and as the Breath we All Share

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embody this 'Spoonful of Sugar' song, turning myself into a sugar addict as a way to make my life sweet as I believed that Life is in fact bitter and unbearable, instead of seeing and realizing I am the one making my life bitter and unbearable as I participate in the polarity of the Mind, where once I board the swing for the positive polarity I will have to live out the negative polarity of my Choice, living the self balancing act of a Life that is NOT what Life is but what we believed it to be as we bought into the need for Hope to just get by/through it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Not Care about others as myself because I did not care about myself enough to be able to extend such care to others One and Equal and within this Hoping that someone who really Cared would come along and sort things out, failing to see that I must be the One that really Cares for myself as Life and All of Existence, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself through Hope, within which I no longer saw myself as capable of standing up for Change but as someone who needed Help and within this belief I trapped myself in Helplessness not seeing realizing and understanding that since I am the One that Decides, if I need Help I decide that I am helpless and it is only when I give up all desires for help as Hope as a Saving Intervention that I can stand as the Saving Grace of myself and Existence, Equal and One

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Day 123: A Spoonful of Sugar

This would definitely be the Origin of my Hope Character.

The first time I saw the Mary Poppins movie I was a troubled kid. As I was becoming aware of the hidden conflicts and suppressions within the energetic interactions of my family, I experienced myself in a constant relentless state of tension. The documentary The Trap explains that much of those hidden energetic interactions are at the base of our Mental dis-eases as we realize that nothing is as it seems, the world is a big fat lie and yet we are asked to just step in our Role as as a Character and keep moving.

The point that someone somewhere could see troubled children all over the place and come to their rescue was a point I made mine, I was both troubled and all over the place so I definitely qualified.

When we went out of the Movie Theatre I remember feeling guilty as hell as I hang on to these Images in Hope that someone from somewhere would come to show my parents and my family The Way, how it was important to spend time with Children and to encourage their imagination.

I am not sure if I had 'Hope' before this movie, I do not recall Hope as being a big part of my Life as I was told that I was among the lucky kids, I had foods to choose from, I could even remove the fat from meat and ham as I was a fussy eater, and so the point of Luck for being fed vs the Unluck of Not being fed was already driven Home, which must have meant I was already holding one of the best spots available in The World and so there was not much space for Hope to 'move on and up' so to speak.

For months after I watched the movie I held a secret desire that Mary would come for me, I wasn't even from a rich family at the level of the Banks, only child, no Chef, I did not have a Chimney she could come in from, I hoped she would have some ingenuity and see the balcony as an option.

Today when I look back I see how we create Hopes and Lies for our kids so they will accept this world as it is, we whisper the ugly truths and frustrations of ourselves and others, not wanting to expose the Children to "Real Life", filling their Heads with Walt Disney's bullshit about Magic and how everything turns out all right at the end, hiding the Ugliness of this World in Fairy Tales that fail to tell that many Ends have come with no Happiness but as the logical conclusion of a Life lived in Misery, both emotionally and economically, while Hoping it will get better, seeing external interventions as the Only Way to Change, feeding them spoonfuls of sugar to make the Medicine, as the Bitter Truth of Human Life, go down, Make the medicine go down, make the Medicine go down.

It would be natural from such Characters to develop into full fledged Hopeful Lightworkers, professing that "Love will Change the world', turning the Love Lie into the spoonful of Sugar that makes the Medicine go down, showing that we have in fact not learnt from the Past, that being let down by Mary Poppins was not enough to give up Hope, we will look for something else, something bigger, something that must deliver as we gather together with other Dementia sufferers in support of a Comix solution, it was called Comix as in meant to make us laugh, not as in 'The New Coming', nothing ain't coming, we are the Second (or better the one millionth) coming and we have not got it yet, talk about the Superior Human Race.

I have fucked myself with Hope extensively, when what I hoped for became un-hopeable for such as a woman in Victorian clothes flying through the sky by a talking umbrella, entering my balcony and my life to sort it out, I moved on, yeap, not out of Hope, no, that would have been unthinkable as that would have pointed out that I was the One having to stand up for my own Change and a World Change, but the world provided many free upgrades to my operating system, and Love embodied them All.

Love will Change the world, emmh, NO actually it didn't, it doesn't, the "End Famine by 2010 Live Aid campaign" would be forgotten and replaced with another Hope, a shift in consciousness, a planetary shift, aliens, Mayans, bring it on, just don't ask Me to do it, or I will tell you to just Fuck Off.
And Honestly, you know How Much I Love You.

Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment statements to let go of the Character of HOPE to Follow

Related articles

• How Thoughts Activate Personalities - Part 1: DAY 123
• How Thoughts Activate Personalities - Part 2: DAY 124
• Day 123: TRUE ACTIVIST UNIVERSAL GRACE

Day 107: "Bury me Richly" - Character

Today as I walked, I passed a small Chapel with a collection of 'Skulls and Bones' and a Sign that said 

What we are Now, you will be, those whom forget Us Now, 
Forget themselves.

My Grandmother was the first I heard passing on this sentence, as the Elders tried to secure their immortality by making it clear that relationships do not end at Death (you wish), you are bound to them after they pass on, all the way to the Grave, Your Grave.

People that say that Death is 'The Great Equalizer' have not visited the Monumentale Graveyard in Milan, which took 80 years to build, an exclusive graveyard for the Rich where if you do not have a family burial chapel, that you have prepared many years ago with plenty empty spaces for the generations to come, you won't be able to get in - as a corpse-, unless you are very very rich, and then for sure someone can find a space for yours or your 'dear' ones corpses, to ensure your Status in Death as well so you would never have to mix with the Poor that during the Plague were just burnt in the squares and whose Skulls and Bones decorates some of the roofs of Churches in Milan and why not, who was going to claim them back anyway ?

My mother used to take me there on field trips, to view the amazing sculptures and Chapels, as I researched a picture I found one from Tripomatic that said
"Huge cemetery with exciting atmosphere. Wide arrange of amazing statues, tombs and graves."

What is exciting about Death really ?
The freaking FEAR we all have about it ?

Why do we pass on this Death Cult and not the Honoring of All of Life to the new generations, why do we prepare their graves to let them know they will have to fill them one day and to never forget, and we warn them, if you try to forget about Death, You forget about Yourself, the Living Dead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear cemeteries

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question why, even in Death, there was Inequality and some corpses were more valuable than others and would have to be preserved from being returned to the Earth since their remnants were too precious to be soil-ed 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be buried among the rich, so that I could have a Better/Bigger Death and not be buried 6 feet under where I would no longer be able to Breathe and I would suffocate, since the concept of death was not so clear to me when they dragged me around the Cemeteries of the Wealthy and the ones of the Poor

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist going to the Poor people cemetery, The Maggiore one, meaning the biggest, because of the uneasiness I felt at the idea that there was where I belonged, with the Poor, having the biggest cemetery, the Major as they died younger in biggest number than the Elite, the minority, who led better lives with better living condition, better healthcare and food throughout time, making their lives easier and longer, just proving that Nothing has EVER Changed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being buried in a cemetery that was not even worthy of a proper Italian name but had a dialect name from Milan 'Musocco' and for fearing that when I would be buried there I would have little space between me and other corpses because the poor were not allowed to take up land space and everything about their burial was not to remember them but to forget them, rotate their bodies into the earth for 20 years and then dig up the bones to store in small boxes inside walls

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsion for the idea of Death and cemeteries and for resenting my mum wanting to drag me along on the prescribed 'Worship of the Deads' calendar day, to pay our respects by washing the tombstones and changing the plastic flowers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was angry at my mum for insisting to bring up the point that when she died she expected me to visit the cemetery to 'see her' and bring her flowers while I was angry at myself  because I could not understand the point of the worship of corpses and could not find any common sensible reasons why we paid attention to the dead and not to the living ones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that all this Death business was just a business and for judging the business of Death as worse than other businesses because I believed people were taking advantage of other's sorrow and desperation, while every business is the same because Through the Current Money System we are always taking advantage of someone's sorrow or desperation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking next to cemeteries at night, in fear that spirits would rise from the graves and grab me to drag me down 6 feet under with them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to despise all the people who went regularly to the cemetery to sit for hours on the tombs of their dear 'departed' instead of realizing I never despised them but just Death and the extensive fear I suppressed of Death , what it was and the Hereafter, of which nobody was sure or had clear indications/instructions about what was awaiting us and how we were supposed to prepare for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death and dying suddenly without being prepared

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Death at all times because nobody knew how we were supposed to prepare for it and so it was one of the never ending hovering fears of my life without resolution that I suppressed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that Death is not the end, because if it was the end then it would just be the end, but what if after death a surprise awaits us and we get so scared that we die a second time, is that even possible ? To be scared to death after death ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with stories of Death and the Dead, and the After Life as distractions from Here and Life and living, so I would not have to face the Here because my focus would be constantly subconsciously on the Here After and I could cruise through life never taking responsibility for myself because the accountancy was done After Death and it was not clear what we were supposed to be accountable for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the Illusion of Life as the Living Dead, fearing what I already was while I searched for Life and the Meaning of Life out there, never being Here with myself in and as Breath as The Physical, spending my waking time within the extensive fear of Death, Hoping to at least be buried richly, so if I would end up having a Poor Life I could Hope for a Rich Death, comfortable, away from humidity and Worms eating my flesh and being blinded by the soil in my eyes into eternity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my fear of Death, because fearing death which is inevitable is unbecoming and something nobody talks about unless they are close to death, and then the secular fears come to the surface to be shared with the young ones that are shocked and surprised to learn that the Elders too fear death, as they were the ones passing onto us their own Fears, so that Death would seem less scary to them through the eyes of the young ones that had all their Life ahead of them, until they spilled over their uncontainable Fears under the guise of the Worship/Cult of Death and the Dead and took their Life from them, to live a little longer through the imaginary fearless world of Youth, no matter if the sharing their fears and imprinting them into children with fancy names meant that the children were now contaminated by Fear as they were, but they called it Love your Dead Ones, so it was all right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT question this sickness of the worship/ cult of Death when Life was clearly never on anybody's mind and for not standing up for Life while I accepted and allowed myself to be put back in my place by Death and Fear of Death, as all the generations that went before me and will go after me, UNLESS WE STOP and return Here where Life is, in Breath as Oneness and Equality and What is best for All, until Death will be no more and we will be back to Life eternal Here in every moment of Breath, for the generations to come.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on my own fear of Death to children and the Young ones under fancy stories of Disasters as I myself felt thrilled by the stories of Disasters when I was a kid, such as Titanic and asked my mum to tell it again and again, never realizing I was not thrilled, I was scared to Death by Death and confused the feeling of fear with thrill/excitement like the ones leading groups of tourists are still doing until today, when they describe our Monumental Cemetery as 'an Exciting At-Most-Fear'.


Self commitment statements on fear of Death to follow

Day 79: "Fuck It' Self Forgiveness Statements

Thoughts connected to this Character

You only live Once

Might just as well

Who cares

Enough is enough

Sometimes you have just go to....

A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down (Mary Poppins)

Forget about it

Moving on

Feelings and Emotions

Sadness, Joy, Anxiety, Longing for something, Fear

Identified Circumstances for activation

Sense of Defeat, Desire for a Reward not received, Perception of Uselessness/Hopelessness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a Character whose password is 'Fuck it' to underline that nothing that comes after " Fuck It" should be anything for which I should concerned myself or be responsible for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and BeLieve that 'You Only live Once' as a way to justify why 'Fuck It' should be the next thing I say and then get on board 'Fuck It' for the next senseless ride

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I 'Might just as well" enter the "Fuck It" Character because I have accepted and allowed myself to embody Hopelessness and Uselessness and from there I might just as well follow up with a Useless, Hopeless Character such as 'Fuck It'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Uselessness and Hopelessness are who I have been and who I am within my interpretation of 'Fuck it' and just before entering the 'Fuck It' character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be concerned regarding the perceived judgements of others that I then would fear and lie about saying 'Who Cares' and from the friction between my feelings of Fear and my desired suppression an opportunity to board 'Fuck It' opens up, instead of seeing and realizing it is always me judging myself and as I have started the judgements within my 'Judge' character I can stop them stepping out of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe and speak 'enough is enough' and within this meaning to Blame on others and external circumstances my own experience of myself and within this Blame feel the entitlement of boarding and embodying 'Fuck It' as a way to get even with the ones who  I perceived have pushed the 'enough' line without seeing and realizing there is only me doing the job in my own Mind and having all of the responsibility for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that 'sometimes you have just got to ........" in which the blanks are usually filled with something damaging or toxic that I do to myself stepping into my 'Fuck it' Character, because within this sentence what I am actually stating is that I have no power to actually NOT do 'that thing I do' which is entering and embodying 'Fuck It' and the string of consequences I will create for myself and others because 'I have just go to'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold Mary Poppins as a role model of everything I wished to have had in my Life, a flying nanny who would take care of me and my emotional needs, showing my parents that it was time for them to learn how to fly kytes with me and not be so concerned with working all the time leaving me behind and not even providing the perfect nanny that would look after me and take me to walk on the smoke of Chimneys into magical sunsets, justifying that I had it harder that the Banks family and their loving nanny and I was thus justifyed to say 'Fuck it' once in a while and claim back my fun, never realizing the fun I was after was system fun, in which something had to be bought for me to have the experience I was seeking as in booze or dope or shopping or sex, which was a form of shopping that I paid for with myself as energy as the price/prize for that moment of experience that I would then call and define as a Life worth living, implying that I am just worthy when I am Energy and the ups and downs of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe 'that a spoonful of sugar makes anything go down' and for then substituting the sugar with anything that seemed whatever I was trying to push down to infact go down, deeper into my Flesh, so that I would not notice that I was infact making myself one and equal to everything I have used a spoonful of sugar to not face and address, sweetening the truth of who and what I believe myself to be, which was How I experienced myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Sugar as a way to sweeten a Life I perceived and labeled as Bitter, for which I saw no sense at All but to look for those spoonfuls of sugar here and there to make what I perceived and believed Life to be, bearable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and label Life as unbearable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love Walt Disney and everything he did to make us dream and remove us from this reality of suffering and horrors, until I went on a rampage of digging for the truth of everything and discovered he molested children and had set up a space under Disney world where children were trained to become sex slaves while his fantasy world was becoming more and more Sexualized, failing to see Disney was the ultimate reality check for landing as that reality of fantasy could not be above and beyond the reality of ourselves which we are walking as manifested consequences of our desire for More than me and desire for More than Here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the justification of the Demonic nature of this world as an excuse for my 'FuckItAll' embodiment, because suddenly everything seemed just too big, the Demons had taken over even Disney and what's next then, instead of seeing I am the Demon of my own existence and we should have seen it coming because we could not have the Angels without the Demons and that realizing the nature of Polarity of Reality did not need a "FuckItAll' Character, because that had already taken place and brought us Here, but the opposite, a movement into Self Responsibility to stop any and every participation in and as The Mind in which everything has become justifyed in our insane search for the next energy surge

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everything is Energy and the physical is transient and so 'Fuck It' could coexist within this belief, because one day I will leave the body I have been abusing behind and move to Higher Planes, free from the limitations of the Physical, failing to see that as in the Physical wherever I went I would take the whole of me with it and having equated myself to Abuse that would not make for a pretty follow up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself within the 'Fuck It' personality/Character, thinking and believing I had the right to abuse myself as I was not damaging anyone else but me, failing to see that whatever I did to me I did to the Whole, as Oneness and Equality exists in the Physical and can be seen all around and that me stopping my existence as Self Abuse as 'Fuck It' is an act of sanity that stops my participation within and as the insanity that I/We have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that when I access sadness, I am in Character as the 'Sadness/Sad' character and that I usually move into sadness as a way to justify my next move which can be 'Fuck It' because now I am sad and I will do anything on my swing of emotions and feelings to just move on the higher scale from the low end that is sadness in which I myself have put myself as a form of self manipulation to lay the ground to justify why I need that something that I want, to move myself out of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and see 'Fuck It' as a reward Character, failing to see that Re-Warding is what it is, it's putting myself back into the Insanity Ward from which I will have to pick myself up yet again when I am done swinging and have done enough damage/self abuse to see that I cannot go on 'that way'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use joy/ happiness as a way to access 'Fuck It' because I have been sooo good that now I am happy/joyful and from there to 'Fuck It' the step is short and sweet as I claim my Re-Ward for a job well done, that of securing an energy high for myself against al odds

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use 'Fuck it' as a way to get over my anxiety issues, failing to see there was only me in my Mind that could put myself into a state of anxiety and I can stop as I have started it, by Breathing and investigating what is going on within me that I can address to correct my participation in and as the Mind that generates feelings of anxiety, instead of boarding the 'Merry-go'Round' of 'Fuck It' because there is Merry there but there is 'Go ROUND' as well as I always land where I started or lower and 'Fuck It' has proved to NOT be able to address or resolve any issue in my Life so far

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and recognize Fear for what it is, which is a make belief emotion that I myself generate when I set for myself expectations that I do not meet or project myself into a possible future of doom and gloom, such as I am doing at the moment with my job point, which is self created and can be corrected if I keep applying myself, writing out what is it that bothers me so I can consistently stop my back chats and bring myself back Here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Fear is Real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'long for something' and for trying and attempting to suppress all my longings, hoping they would go away, so I do not have to look at what it is that I long for and why and remind myself I am longing for Myself Here, instead by suppressing I make the longing grow fonder and stronger and then in a disappearing act I don't remember what is it that I am longing for and I leave myself with an unidentified longing for "something" and then I access 'Fuck It' so the longing stops as I dumb/numb myself down until the next awakening into the damages and consequences of having, once again. boarded 'Fuck It' into my trip to nothingness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Uselessness and Hopelessness are real, which they cannot be, because Hopelessness is the lack of Hope, which is a Make-belief Construct, that I can suffer only if I have invested and valued Hope as something that is useful and could ultimately rescue me from myself, which is NOT, and Uselessness is just another make Belief, a state I access when I have not usefully managed to get what I wanted which I myself had a script for that I had not disclosed to myself as secrets are my way to keep it all Mysterious and Interesting, instead of stopping All and every Bullshit I create for myself in terms of desires and expectations and just bring myself back Here consistently to address myself and my Creation back into correction and alignment to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in my own 'sense of defeat' because to be defeated I must have set myself up against something, which at best is against myself, instead of stopping all 'against' so that defeat can not take place as I equalize myself to everyone and existence, for myself as Life and What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that whatever I do has to be rewarded, because I have embraced the Reward system of consumerism, in which if I study what they want to teach me I get rewarded with 'good' grades, and if I work and accept the system as it is I get rewarded with Money, and if I accept my role as a woman and keep my place I get rewarded with a relationship and so I believe that everything I do has to be followed by a Reward in the form of an experience of 'Feeling Good' about myself and who I am within what I have done and when the reward of feeling Good doesn't come, since I myself have decided I am entitled to it, I will seek for my own Reward and get on with the 'FuckItAll' Character, that always Re-Wards me into Feeling Good about myself through whatever it is I have filed as 'rewards' that can be Food, drinking, smoking Pot or having Sex, or all of the above, failing to see I am just abusing myself within the Belief that I am infact Not Enough unless I validate myself and my existence through an experience of Energy I have come to accept and allow myself to believe to be Who I Am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reduce and diminish myself to an experience of Energy, Seeking for the More of Me and the More of Here, creating this world within the starting point of Separation and the longing for the Moreness of Me and the Moreness of here, failing to see I was always Here as All There Is and there is in fact nothing More I can be or make of myself but lessen myself and diminish myself within the belief that the All/Whole of ME was in fact Not Enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was/I am NOT Enough and for seeking the experience of More, which led to where we are today, within the Moreness of Nothing, because as I sought the Moreness of Me I became a Character longing and seeking for More and from that Character separated from Me as the Whole and All There Is, I created other Characters who themselves were flawed with the Not Enough/Seeking for More that we translated into Sex and Money and a System of looking and longing for Moreness, from which we have to wake up and Claim our Wholeness of Self as Here, stopping the looking and longing of ourselves as Characters within a make belief reality of Energy to come Home to Self Here as All/Whole that Exists

When and as I see myself stepping into one of the con-ditions I have described as my excuse to activate me as 'Fuck It', I stop, Breathe, remind myself that any con-dition is Self Created and I can Stop It and do not allow myself to walk into and as 'Fuck It' reminding myself nothing of value has ever come from me embodying this Character for myself or others Equal and One, and apply Breathe to stabilize myself out of the CON to not give in to 'Fuck It'

I commit myself to walk myself out of 'Fuck It' consistently, to bring myself back Here using The 4 counts Breath when and as I see myself walking into the possibility and set ups that lead me automatically into 'Fuck It' and to stop my existence as a reactive robot that creates automatic stances I can step into as a way to not take responsibility for myself and my thoughts, words and deeds, but to become a Self Responsible Human Being that cares for myself and others as Life, for myself and All of Existence Equal and One.