Day 311: New World Order? Les Miserables.

Arrival of immigrants in the sea of Lampedusa, Italy. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today a lady came to visit me and sat down for a chat. She meant to warn me that a thief had broken in yet another apartment in our building but he was caught on the act and fled like a circus acrobat from the roof of the garage.

In 2 years there have been 5 break-ins within this and the next building which are connected by the bottom floor drive way into the car park.

These buildings are targeted because they stand out in the misery of the surrounding area and no matter how rocambolesque the thefts are becoming, they will not stop for sure. There is no point in informing those that are struggling around here, that the good old times are long gone and many are now living on their miserable pensions and barely making it to pay the monthly managements expenses.

The lady viced as well the opinion of many Italians, never more appropriatly than now when I have, on the other side of the fence, made friends with some people who have actually come here on the famous boats from North Africa, looking for a chance at a better Life.

The shared consensus is that we should not allow the boats to berth, this even in the face of the maritime Law that says it is compulsory to offer help at sea to any boat in trouble, and I cannot imagine any boat more in  trouble than one full of poor thirsty and hungry people that travelled for days holding their pee and poo and their breath as they dreamt to reach 'The Promised Land' of Europe.

The reasons why we love to hate them are economical, we fear losing our standing which is already extremely precarious in an ever deteriorating society that offers less and less protection and hence, anything that we can identify as the cause, as the reason why we are getting worse will get our attention and wrath.

This is how we have developed urban legends about immigrants and how they like to steal in church or inside apartments like the ones where we live.

Other Urban Legends speak of those monsters who threaten women and are a danger to society and highlight their ethnicity and religion, we don't want to read the statistics that say that the majority of those crimes are committed by Italians and that specific forms of violence such as rape are committed by Italians too with a minority of crimes  ascribable to immigrants who are moving dangerously in a Mind Field of emotions and suppression that explode into the fantasies that are encouraged by our national television, our media and the way we live.

It's easier to blame the stranger and the outsider than to look at what the fuck are we doing and what kind of society are we raising that we justify standing to send back the boats of migrants so that we don't have to live in fear that our very little possessions are going to become even less, that our few privileges are going to vanish in the face of the increasing dis-ease from which no one is exempted.

And we don't notice that yes, the world was safer a few years ago, but not because of migrants, because there was less desperation, because people were not driven by hunger to leave their country looking for the 'European Dream', we were still allowed the chance to comfort ourselves in our own country's dreams, hoping to grow, get out of the black tunnel, have access to some wealth, have another renaissance.

Regardless of what we like to believe many of those migrants are university graduates that don't come with any desire to harm and that they themselves had been fooled into the dream and it would be educational for us to understand what kind of depression overtook them when they finally landed here, when the dream bubble burst open to reveal a life ahead of them of no documents, no job, only finding openings to be exploited over and over and warned to shut up because they were 'illegals' and Abuse is the name of the game they unknowingly entered -but I couldn't because the belief went too deep and I saw it was no fault of her own that she believed what she believed, it's our brainwashing, it's the idea that we are worth more because we need less and I didn't as well because just last night I was told that for a poor man a relationship is like a bank, no one wants to give you one until you have one, a relationship with your own status, a home, some money, Italian women don't want to take on a man that has nothing to give, they will when he has a house and then he will be allowed to leave it behind and move in with them, he has to build up his worth first, his value, and I heard the truth of what he said of our individual banking systems and loans and credit rates and interests, $kaching$ -and then we have the guts to say that this world doesn't run on Money, that Money is not our God, that we have bigger and better 'I'deals, when in fact we live and breathe Money and in so doing, we keep alive the system as it is to the detriment of all that exists.

This system is designed to implode, what many do not consider is that it will implode from the bottom up, those that designed it created many buffers to the Olympus to make sure they would be the last to go and it will have no reserves into turning every lowest layer into Misery and watch it turn on itself, as we don't see, we are blinded by our own self interest into protecting our little nests in the face of a Humanitarian Holocaust that we justify because we can, because we see sense in pushing back, in telling the ones who found themselves lower than us to not even try to come up for air, just die please, die at sea, not on my land, not on my watch, away from my Praying/Preying eyes as I vow to pledge to MY God for your life, just don't ask me to help you, or share what I have, I have earned what I have and if you lost what you had, tought luck, pick a better God next time, try the Money God, it worked for me.

We are moving toward the failsafe of the system, toward the wars of the miserables, there is nothing to be proud about, in fact, everything we do to justify our hatred is just one step lower on the ladder of our Humanity toward which we move in Fear, failing to see the Solution of which we could be a part, for All, as One, for a World that is uplifted from Misery for All Equally.

The Equal Life Foundation has rewritten the Bill of Rights, to grant to all what we never had, the freedom to embrace each other as brothers as we give to All what we would like to have, a life free from poverty and fear, we are not dreamers, those dreaming are the ones that believe we can pretend that we are right and that there is sense in pushing back vs pushing upward together, we are locked into a nightmarish creation that is moving up and will reach those that could not hear the call to give, until they do and we will give to each other the right to Live for All by pushing to overcome the pettiness of our existences of separation hoping to be more than those who have nowhere less to go.

Equal Money, stand up, a solution is waiting for all of us to see it, real-ize it and embrace it, it's so simple we'll wonder why we did not see it before. Join us. 

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Day 228: Gang Rapes and Violence, how is it working for you?

It's not working for me.

Last night I read the article about what is going on in Delhi and the demonstrations that have taken to the streets, I breathed through reading it but I could feel the Rage, I'm sick and tired of this world of violence and I am especially reactive to blatant acts of abuse against women, I have been beaten once in my life and all the beliefs I had about standing up and giving him some, pow pow, a good uppercut, kick in the balls etc, flew out of the window at the first slap he gave me which made me fly over the bed and in a moment I realized how much bullshit we hold in our minds about reality and who we are, would be in a situation we have never faced, gotta live it to know it.

I should be equally outraged for all violence and learn to breathe through it all because we have a lot coming still before we can put some common sense in out little heads that this is no way to live, but violence against women and Rapes still hits a chord, it's the point that we are not a match in strength, I know for a fact, that makes me angry and brings up the same anger I felt for myself when I got beaten up, as if it was my fault that I did not see it coming and how I let myself down, not being the hero I imagined I was and would be.

So thoughts of how to harm those people came up, they must PAY, we don't have an Equal Money System for reeducation yet, an Eye for an Eye seemed to work quite fine within my mind last night, get them, hang them, obliterate them, whatever, just delete them from existence. Make an example out of them.

I woke up this morning and the Delhi incident was still in my Mind, so here I am writing about it to clear some of the fog and the suppressed and poorly disguised rage.

I have been to India a few years ago on a trip to an Ayurvedic centre, down in the southern province of Kerala, I was told to bring conservative clothes, and in my mind I chose the most conservative clothes I had, jeans and tee shirts, no skirts or sleeveless tops, but on my arrival I was told that 'I couldn't go out dressed that way', because it was not about how much skin you show, it's the shape, the shape is enough to arouse men, the resort owners assigned me a bodyguard to walk to the shops after my first outing on a bike turned out to be quite a stressful experience as men surrounded me in flocks and asked 'Please, what's your name?' in a choir of indistinguishable scary voices and I feared for my safety.

In 2 days I already hated being there, I was told I could not rent a car and drive around -Lady, you are not in London-, that I would have to have a driver AND a chaperon to guarantee for MY behaviour, the chaperon to guarantee I was not fucking the driver at any time, it was for my own reputation -please understand-.

I adapted and wore the traditional Indian attire of trousers and a long dress on top, long sleeved, I only took baths in the resort in a one piece white swimming suit, we were on the border of a lake so dirty that my swimming suit was never white again but a hue of slimy grey, who knows what they threw in the lake, who cared as well, in a country where the levels of poverty are so high it's hard to not notice.

The Patriarch of the place where I staid was a Muslim gentleman, his granddaughter asked me to teach her to swim and I said fine, but the grandfather said "ONLY in her dress", she would never be allowed in a swimming suit, I declined the teaching as I told him no one can learn to swim in a lake where the water is 'heavier' than sea water and doesn't help buoyancy in a long dress that when wet would weight more than her body weight, to which he replied that then it was a no go, no decent Indian woman would wear a swimming suit, this was the reason why there was no Indian Female Olympic teams, until that day I never noticed.

I am Italian, no one is possibly more famous than Italian men for bothering women, but it was not even close to what I experienced in India, the ganging up was especially unsettling, on my arrival the son of the patriarch as he walked me into my room and put my bags down, closed the door and pushed me against the wall and tried to kiss me, it took me a moment to realize What he was trying to do my mind lacked any reference to such behaviour and I could not read his intentions until I was against the wall and had to fight him off, I told him I would tell his Father and he better never come close to me again, his reply was to not act so 'innocent', that he lived in Dubai for 2 years and watched lots of 'Blue Movies' and he KNEW, for a FACT, that THIS was what Western women wanted, ALL OF THEM.

I am not sure if there is something going on between the culture of suppression/repression and those sexual assaults in India, what I know is that the whole culture is geared toward teaching women to Not Get Raped, as IF, as IF it was in their hands, because any excuse would do, 'you looked at me, you had your hair down, your ankle was showing,' basically quite plainly 'you wanted it'.

As I come myself from a culture of repression in which men's behavior is mostly justified, a blatant example was in 2008 when a 15 years old girl was gang raped by 8 boys, ranging from 15 to 23 years of age, in a village and the major put up the money for the boys' defense until Italy's women took to the streets and forced him to withdraw his offer under public outrage. But the interviews that followed to the elder women of the village talked about how this girl 'deserved it' how she was not a good girl because she had already had sex prior to this incident -whore- that was consensual though did not make a difference, she had already been 'used', was not 'new' so to speak, and yet the women of the village stood up for the boys, all coming from good families, those things could happen to anybody, good boys overall, really,  gentlemen rapists.

The country divided on the issue which ended in no accountability for the boys, the village reaching out to them offering jobs and support, and the girl shunned and forgotten for having brought shame to the village, dirty clothes should be washed at home, how did she dare go public and turn this into a national case?

It was obviously her fault, she should have kept her mouth shut, where is HER decency?

This just to say that India has just been brought to the limelight in the wake of the last recent event, as women felt a line had been crossed when a woman who had to be operated and her intestines had to be removed due to the ferocious attack and penetration with rods, should not go unpunished.

I am enraged, as a woman and as a member of this society, where sex has turned into just another weapon to harm, diminish, overpower, humiliate each other and it is not about sex anymore because it's all a gender Mind Game that we are playing for an apparent supremacy, looking at who can do the most harm and get away with it and we go back to what we teach to women, to not get raped, to not expose themselves to this risk, to keep their place, cover up, walk unattractively possibly loop sided, cover the hairs, the ankles, the arms, do what you have to do to not arouse men, even though nobody knows for certain how THAT happens since any man has its own kinks, as no one wants to take responsibility for what goes on in our individual minds that justify such acts, that justify the gentlemen rapists who had the misfortune to find themselves in such situations and not ask ourselves why and how we breed these people and then defend them because if we didn't we'd have to ask ourselves tough questions about what are we doing, how are we educating children and young boys to hatred, because Rape is an act of hatred and not a sexual act, and we must stop excusing our hatred and our desire to harm each other, take a good hard look at what we have become and STOP.

This world is not working, it will continue this way unless the whole system changes, women have done  enough being victims, when I read that women in Delhi celebrated their being recognized as Victims I wondered if we even understand what that means, as while we win our right to our own victim-hood we accept that this will go on, as Victims need Abusers to exist, instead of standing up to no longer be victims, choosing a system that supports Life and that it will make sure everyone will be reeducated into supporting each other to crate a New World, where violence ends for good and that will only be possible within a system of accountability, which is not Capitalism as the abdication of our self responsibility, but a system of Equals standing as self responsibility for what goes on inside of us that spills over in our World and in tragedies such as this.

So, to the Women of this world, stand up, we are victims of our own acceptances and allowances, we don't have to live this way, asking 'off with their heads' after crimes have been committed is too late, no one will give the intestines back to the last girl that was attacked, some consequences are irreversible and we have to live with them until we say til here no further and stand for a Global Change.

And to the men of this World, the rapists, the gentlemen rapists, the rapist in denial, the women beaters, the ones who think to throw acid on women's faces or have already done so, pull yourselves together, this is no way to live, no one can have self respect that harms others because we are One and what we do to another we do to ourselves, it's time to STOP, get help, support yourself to stop the Self Hatred, the Hatred, we Can Change one breath at the time.

Prevention is the Best Cure, check out Equal Money for a world of Equals to put an end to all violence and all crimes of Hatred once and for all so we may create a world that works for All and manifest Heaven on earth for everyone, instead of this sorry excuse for an existence we have to endure each and every day. 

SAY STOP by casting your Vote for Life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to the Delhi incident as if it was more or less important than any of the violence that goes on every day in the world, just because I am a woman

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel righteously outraged and for indulging in the desire to harm the perpetrators just as much as the harm they have inflicted on this girl whose intestines had to be removed as a consequence of their gang raping her

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself for when I did not stand up for myself, victimizing myself into a position of worthlessness for not having been able to defend myself and for harboring hatred for men who harm women because we are not even in strength and they abuse the physical advantage that they have and for this hatred I held on to, I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that violent men are a product of our violent society and that we are walking the consequences of what we sowed and that the whole world will have to change for us to realign to Oneness and Equality and what is best for all and all hatred be forsaken as we learn to forgive ourselves and each other for what we have done against Life in our pursuit of self interest and self gratification, no matter what

I commit myself to, when I read news about violence against women, to stop and breathe, do not participate in reactions that underline our victimization but to learn to stand as a stable point in and as Breathe as Change will only come for All as we move beyond reactions through forgiveness of our past, our own and and each other's abuses, to create a world that works for All and supports Life and all Living beings in all its forms.

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Day 180: Don't you Dare Hitting me...

This Blog is a Follow up to: The Solitude of Prime Numbers & I Don't Need Anybody - Character
links at the bottom of the page

OK, so just starting with this structure of Characters deconstruction and my buddy and a friend reminded me that Thoughts are in fact images, which when I looked again it did bring up an image of my mother hitting me which made me fear that she did not want me anymore, which made me want to not want her anymore and extend this rejection in fear of being rejected to everyone else, which in fact created a suppressed denied desire for relationships, what a fuck up.

So today looking at the though dimension as a picture I have imprinted myself with and which I have layered into one picture seemingly even though it's not the first one because we were already living in our second apartment but it's the representation of those moments of utter fear I felt when I had the perception of being too small to do anything to protect myself and that I lacked both resources and knowledge to walk away, considering I did not even know where to go or how to survive.

Thought dimension:

Picture (could be a composite)

My mother screaming at me and her face going evil, her hands trembling, her eyes changed while she raised her right hand to hit me, me covering my face while she hit me where I did not protect myself with my hands and the contact of her hand with my face, the physical pain and the physical shame (don't know how to express this because I don't remember this as an emotion but as a physical being ashamed for her to hit me that way)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with the picture of myself sitting on a chair while my mother shouted to not respond, to just shut my big mouth or there would be consequences, but because I could not shut up my mouth without feeling defeated and diminished I had to speak up for myself becoming the trigger that would unleash my mother bottled up anger and turn it physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the experience of humiliation without realizing it was a self created experience but instead allowing myself to feel defeated and diminished and disempowered as a consequence of my own self created experience, for which I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this picture of myself as disempowered, not knowing what to do, having to sit and wait for this woman to just walk toward me and hurt me, fearing the physical impact and what I would experience if she did hit me, having the memory of the palpitation of the negative expectation of troubles to come, that could not be avoided because I did not consider the moment and how much my mother was under stress, instead I saw that moment as her condemnation, as the moment in which IF she did hit me, I don't know what I wold have done, I would no longer hold myself back (HAHA) and for fearing in fact the emotional experience I would have to go through, as hatred and desire to retaliate that I had experienced before when she hit me or abruptly touched me physically in a way that I defined and then felt trespassing and abusive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this picture of the moment in which her hand landed on my face, feeling her fingers even when she had already lifted her hand from my face, feeling utterly humiliated that she would even dare do such a thing, wanted to say 'how do you dare' but not having the vocabulary to put my feelings into words to express my endless indignation and for believing that now that she DID hit me I was entitled to hate her and desire to retaliate, because she brought this on herself, not realizing that we all lived out on friction in this reality, and as I stood as the point of friction, so did she, as the lives of those that have nothing to look forward to seem to become 'lively' and meaningful only in such outburst of energies, which it doesn't matter if they give rise to good feelings or negative emotions, as long as we get to experience that moment of aliveness that seems missing from our lives at all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with the moment in which I was physically hit, and then dragged myself through the experience of humiliation for having caused such moment to even take place and then since I could not stand both the abuse and the responsibility for it, I blamed my mum for being the cause of my misery, wanting to hold on to such a moment as proof of my future entitlements as the pay back of her fuck ups, never giving up on my perceived credits because I had the PROOF within me that she did in fact fuck up when she hit me and she shouldn't think she would be left off the hook so easily because now I got her and as I held on to this retaliatory excuse I bound myself to that moment which caused me to create experiences of further cycles of abuse and entitlement as I kept playing out the same loops until now

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I felt fear for what was coming, imprint myself with the image of my mothers movement, her eyes darkening, how she threateningly moved toward me, so I could be sure that I could always read the signs of something negative to come from anyone as I stored away the images of 'how it is done' what comes before a blow, and within this image stored in fear allowing myself to fear my mother whenever one of these signs would come up, such as trembling hands, which then led to extensive situations of tension as I lived in anticipation of being harmed, until she would, out of the desperation of perceiving me on the defensive for no apparent reason, locking her out of any possible communication as I waited for the blow - even when later in life it was unreasonable to expect such a blow up  I would still live out my automated robotic reactions - live out her frustration as I confirmed that 'you see, this is what you do' instead of seeing myself as the cause unnecessary un-required friction for which I did not take self responsibility to change myself from the cause to the solution

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not support my mum as an Equal, by letting go of the Past, because in my Self Interest it was a credit I  could always cash in on, no matter how long a time I kept this woman jailed to her past, jailing myself one and equal, standing in the way of my ability to respond as self responsibility and preventing myself to grow and expand into everything I could have been and become, so that I could make a point, again and again, of how wrong she was when I was so very right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, due to this image and the fear and humiliation associated to it, build up such a point of resistance to my mum that for years I felt physically repulsed by the vicinity of my mother, a point for which I felt ashamed, trying to look for faults to blame in her to justify this repulsion, such as that she was sloppy and did not take good care of herself, lining up with my grandmother and using her reasons to justify what was in fact my own behavior for which I was not willing to take responsibility and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject my mum in fear of being rejected as this was one of the point of this moment that I defined as a possibility as I took this moment personally, as if there was something wrong and faulty with me and she may decide to return me or that she may just have secretly hoped to have another kid and not me, which in this point of my imaginary self created rejection would lead me to backchat and creating a Character that rejects All, such as the "I don't need anybody' Character, condemning myself to solitude for years in fear of rejection, and for this I forgive myself.

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This Blog is Private
It is Published on the Desteni Forum on the thread Eleonora's Journey to Life

Day 171: Broken Stepford Wife - Part2

This Blog is Private

Published on the Desteni Forums on Eleonora's Journey To Life

Day 134: Gender Hatred - Self Forgiveness

Anaclasis – A Haunting Gospel of Malice & Hatred (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger when I read that another woman has been attacked with acid throwing by her former lover

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel entitled to hate men that violate women because I am a woman and I have to stand by my 'gender'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to say that some men should be hanged by their balls and left there to die, failing to see that I have been and still am participating and fueling the same gender hatred I blame men for, and that there is no difference in hatred just because one seems 'justified hatred' while the other doesn't

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are better than men because we do not go as low as such acts of violence and abuse as men seem capable of, instead of realizing both genders are a product of a sick society of fear and hatred and there is no difference but in the expression of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to aways look for the points through which I can up a man to prove that I am better than them and would never go as low as they do with their expression of violence and hatred toward women, instead of realizing that desiring to diminish another to prove that I am better is an act of hatred and violence that has just not become physical yet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the toxicity we show to each other within relationships is who we really are and that it will never change because men are just basically bastards and they would do anything they can to put a woman down, instead of realizing I have done the same within my gender wars to make sure I would come out on top

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that such relationships have a future as long as we hide and sugar coat the hatred for each other well enough, instead of seeing that we have to draw a line and STOP because we have gone as far as we could with gender hatred and it's time to put down the weapons, forgive the past and redefine how we want to relate to each other in a way that is supportive for who we are as life and as Honourable as the World we wish to see manifest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'men are stupid' because women can scheme and manipulate more efficiently than men, which could in fact be one of the very sources of the hatred men feel for us and then suppress as they get the manipulation point but not how we do it in the specific, which leaves them with a sense of frustration that bottled up leads to hatred and violence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are better than men because they don't throw acid on a man's face, instead of seeing and realizing that each gender hits the other through what we perceive is their assets, so as men try to take away women's beauty as their market value, women go for their money as their market value, they just go about it when possible 'the legal way'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the hatred and the fear that I felt for men within my life because that would not be 'ladylike' to dig up and look at as denial for women was always recommended, instead of seeing that we are mirroring each others' hatred which is ultimately our self hatred for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become while seeking for friction to keep this demented 'Energetic' creation in place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that rape is a result of a society in which sex has become a weapon just like everything else we engage with, and that we need to address everything that we have accepted and allowed because this Creation is tainted and damaged by our self Hatred that is manifesting through every possible Mean, from sexual to physical to verbal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when men blame women after they beat them or violate them seeking for excuses for the hatred that played out and they were not able to contain, instead of seeing that we blame men for the hatred that we feel for them and we do not manifest in the same ways

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that confining human expression to Genders leads to hatred for the expressions one believes to not have access to that belongs to the other gender and that one point we need to address is the self expression suppressed within our 'gender confinments' to allow any gender to express outside of our defined 'gender boundaries' to stop all suppressions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within gender hatred because it was easy to direct my self hatred on the 'opposite sex' as the perfect way to put a space between myself and my projected hatred and because men always seemed to give us so many good reasons for it that it was hard to resist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame men for the hatred that has been plaguing our genders in the relationship with each other because I perceived and defined men as the one having all the power, as in the Money/Survival power, instead of seeing and realizing that as I felt justified to hate them for the power I perceived they had, they felt justified to hate us for the power They perceived we have as the power to give birth to another life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, that having split Us and Them into our different Perceived Powers within this World would lead to competition and comparison from which only one can come out as the Winner, and that to heal our relationships we have to stop competing and comparing what we have that they don't have and what they have that we don't have and instead accept our different expression as Life that doesn't make anyone of Us More or Less than another but just different in the Expression of Life that we Equally share

I commit myself to no longer react to news regarding this outbreak of violence against women as I work to equalize myself to men, outside of gender roles and preconceived gender based ideas, opinions and beliefs

I commit myself to stop my Gender hatred as I see realize and understand that it is not a Gender hatred but our Fears and self Hatred that we are manifesting on Each other that must be Healed and brought back to Self so we each can address the source as the thoughts that lead to the feelings and emotions that end up in expressions of violence and abuse

I commit myself to no longer support the Us and Them of this existence as it is not possible to be One if we cannot even overcome our perceived Gender Differences, and upholding a line to divide Men and Women is just an idea of separation within which we lose ourselves and forget that We are One and that anything that stands in the Way of the One as Self must be Healed and released, so we may come together as Life and What is best for All and return Home Here within the physical in the simplicity of Breath, for Ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One

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Day 133, Why do Men Hate Us So Much?

Today I read an heartbreaking article about violence on women, again.

I am actually tired of reading such articles, I am tired of reading news about the cruelty of humanKind that we insist to call 'Kind', I would like to let loose, get up and kick the wall, scream and shout and participate in the backlash gender hatred, so we show them, so we gain back our ground, because the lady writer, Soraya Chemaly says, "Women Are Not in Possession of Themselves".

Maybe the point is the opposite, Women are Possesses themselves by this Gender War, Equality cannot be given, it must be found within and claimed within, while we seems to believe that the World is happening Outward only and that since we belong to a specific gender, we have to stand by this gender and be the Abused as the Abused, for solidarity, for companionship.

But that would mean to share the hatred, the debits and credits ledger of the Gender Role, which is just another Possession as the precise point of our world, where everyone is getting back to one another for something, for not having delivered the experiences we wished to have, for something we have interpreted as demeaning, offensive, diminishing, harmful, selfish, like in this instance a woman saying 'NO, I won't fuck you' or going further back, a woman who said 'taste this Apple, it's delicious' and wham, Paradise was lost and she was forever blamed, a hell of a time to hold a grudge.

I'm tired of reading why some people did what they did as we dig into their history, family history, childhood history, school grades history, memories, traumas, all in the hope to find reasons to justify horrendous acts of violence and cruelty against Life, as we try to make sense of a world and a Race we are all participating within that in fact makes no sense at all. What if we became responsible Human Beings instead of accepting who we have been and what we experienced and believed to be 'Important' as our History to shape our present and our Futures, who enjoys being the Abused or the Abuser if not a sick Mind and if we are sick, why don't we look for how can we stop being sick, whichever line of the sickness we are breathing life into, does it really matter?

The writer says

"

Next time you are at a party, look around and remember:

• More than half of school-age girls experience sexual harassment.
• Sixty-nine percent of American women surveyed report that they do not look people in the eye when they walk in public streets, in order to avoid harassment.
• Between 85 and 99 percent of all women experience varying degrees of street harassment.
• One in four women in the U.S. experiences violence at the hands of a partner in her lifetime.
• One in three in the world will.
• One in five women is a survivor of sexual assault and rape."

Which is just another invitation to remember, remember who we are, what we have gone through, remember our place within this society, we are bound to be harassed, beaten, violated and then, some tragically get raped and murdered.

So really, one question would be, Why do men Hate Us So Much?

What is it within this gender War that makes Men think and believe that if they could not 'use' a woman to have the 'experience' they were wishing for, no one should have her and so it wold be right and appropriate to throw acid in her face, to melt her face away, the face they desired and could not get for themselves, what is it that in the mind of men that justifies the violence, the harassment, the beatings, the acid, the rapes and then the trashing of a perceived worthless Life?

Is it because they are motherfuckers, as in the sense of fucked by their mothers to start with, that they grew up to hate women to such an extent that their lives are lived searching for reasons to get even, to square the gender books, get the upper hand that they ended up believing was in fact in the hands of women as they held the power to grant or refuse their desires, to grant and refuse their worthiness that they invested in a woman with no return, ending up more worthless than before desiring her and then blaming her for how they experienced themselves within Their Mind?

Recently I was looking at the point that I do not know how to explain Self Forgiveness in Italian, as if it the problem was with the Self Forgiveness because it brings up Shame and honestly who wants to be facing the shame of this existence when we can pretend to Love each other, until we don't and I desire to throw acid on your face, to delete you, to delete my sense of being inadequate of not having made the mark all the way up into your bed, into your arms for the solace I was seeking and believed you could give me and yet you refused me, as I refused myself.

What is Self Forgiveness then, that it's so hard to explain because God Forbid, it may bring up the Shame that is in fact existent within All of Us for such a World as the One we have created and participated within, Self Forgiveness is a tool to delete the past and our energetic ties to it that have turned into the strings that move us as puppets into a life that we believe we own, but that it's owning us as The Mind, as we puppeteer ourselves from one experience to another, from one Character to another, busy with gender roles of manhood and womanhood that are obviously abusive in the best cases and criminals when things get out of hand. We NEED Self Forgiveness to stop this SHIT, we need to forgive ourselves as our ledger of debits and credits, because if we do not, women might go out and start to douse men in petrol ad sit and watch them burn to hell, or cut their dicks and feed them to ducks, like they already do in Thailand, so that they won't be found and stitched back, unless you stitch the whole duck back where the dick was, they may wait after a lifetime of beatings until they spike a strawberry milkshake for the abusive husband and when he falls asleep they bash their head in with a golf club, like it happened to a perfectly 'apparently well adjusted wealthy family' in Hong Kong, because this is where we are headed, as everyone has plenty of apparently good reasons to hate one another, and get even, men may be underestimating the seeds of the hatred they are watering with their abuses and the payback that may come when enough is enough.

So, at the stage where we have arrived, there can no longer be forgiveness, this is obvious, what we have done to each other within this existence and in the specific our gender wars has just crossed any possible forgiveness line, we are left with forgiving ourselves, so we can stop claiming credits or believing that we have debts to pay that line up the abuses for us to experience until we see, that the Grace of this world cannot come from the Creator who has long ago fled the scene, it must come from us, to see that we are Equals, to step out of the Roles that either make us the Abusers or the Victims and to be precise both at different times, to stop turning abuses into the fuel for furthering abuses so that This World May Change.

So, to the Women of this World, it is not for us to remember, remembering led us here, to the cutting of dicks and the burning men alive and the bashing their heads in with golf clubs, and yet no change is visible but more fury and violence, as violence begets violence, and hatred begets hatred, and to stop We have to stop and realize that We have to forgive ourselves for the roles we played within the abuses, and to forgive others unconditionally as we can't give to ourselves what we are Not willing to give to others, so the for-giveness is the road to for-getting, because for-getting we must for-giving, isn't the irony of all of this just too much for us to not get it?

If you are a victim of Abuse start your Journey of Self Forgiveness as The Journey to Life, Life has no Credits and Debs as Life is Here, not lost in the Past of memories or the Future of Hopes. 

The Past is Over, You are Here, Breathe, Self Forgive, Life is Not Over until the Last Breath and who you turn out to be is up for You to decide.

Abused, Abuser or Life One and Equal?

Self Forgiveness to Follow Tomorrow

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