Day 187: Social Engineering - My Constitutional Right to Happiness

This is a follow up to my Post 'The Downfall of Happiness', link at the bottom

So, since Happiness seems to be the thread that hooks me left and right in many seemingly unrelated ways, I will take a look at the origin of my Idea of Happiness.

It's quite sad to realize how we are sold our drugs and fixes by our parents first, but not surprising. The Mess of Humanity is quite extensive, they did not have tools to disentangle themselves such as we have found nowadays through the Portal and the dedication of some to What is best for All Life, and so there is no reason to blame anyone, but just a commitment to walk back to see where and how such points were sown and watered and ultimately accepted by us as ourselves.

My mum suffered from depression, which sucks, it would be quite normal to not wish depression on your Children if it did not work for you, so All Parents in the World mostly unite under One Common Banner 'the wishing of Happiness for their Children', did they all suffer from depression? This I don't know, but seeing this world and what it has become it's more surprising the happy side of our make belief lives that not the depressing/sad side.

It is interesting as well to see how we have not ever questioned Reality in any way, just the point of wishing Happiness on someone as the better of the two polarities within 'feeling bad and feeling good' should have raised a flag toward the point that mostly everyone must have experienced the 'feeling bad' of living. We mainly blame this on external sources, such as poor health, lack of Money, broken relationships, some kind of loss, and yet all of us learnt at some point in life that rich, healthy people who are in a relationship have been unhappy too, some to the point of taking their own lives.

Happiness is not a given in this world, it's an achievement, we have to 'do something' to be happy, and that depends on how each one has branded and defined Happiness, but Happiness is a 'to do' thing, 'do what makes you happy' 'what do you like doing, what makes you happy?'. In this parents play a pivotal role in the selling of the 'Happiness Product', it is a product, it's marketed and sold and ultimately bought by each and everyone of us -if and when we can afford it.

Happiness sells, there isn't one commercial showing 'sad' people, sadness doesn't sell, we have invented medications to restore the biochemical Happiness we seek and have become accustomed to identify Happiness with 'succesful lives', only happy people are really successful, of course living in a Consumerist system where Happiness is for Sale, Money has to play a big role in it.
The Poor are naturally, acceptably sad.

But what about if this elusive Happiness was elusive because it is NOT a natural state, what if our Natural State of being was beyond emotions and feelings and we were trapped in this make belief world chasing good feelings while fleeing bad/negative emotions?

Wouldn't the question then be, where are the negative/bad emotions we experience coming from, why is the starting point of our existence negative/bad, so much so that the system found ways to make Happiness into a sure Sale, why is Happiness not lasting, elusive, why is everyone rooting for Happiness in a rotting world?

So, I will apply Self Forgiveness to release myself from this Idea of Happiness as an experience, as an achievement, as an aspiration I must hold on to, as my secret suppressed Desire, because it is in the seeking of what is not Real that we have signed away our Right to live outside of our self created boxes that we designed & then accepted and allowed to stay in place, until Happiness became the driving force of existence and a Constitutional Right, the best stroke of genius, because if the Pursuit of Happiness is my Right, by God I'm gonna get me some.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to seek Happiness in separation from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Happiness is worth dying for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is an Happiness out there that I must seek and then achieve and then hold on to as a proof that my Life is worthy of something because at least 'I'm Happy'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I was letting my mum down when I couldn't generate the "Happy' feeling that I was supposes to feel so 'she could be happy too'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'the important thing in life' is to 'be Happy' failing to realize that every time I failed to 'be Happy' I would then judge my life and myself as Not Important, dispensable and ultimately a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be Happy as a feeling of Happiness, without realizing that the 'feeling of Happiness' is a biochemical creation, a shot, a fix I seek to validate my life and my existence because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'the important thing in Life is to be Happy' and when I am not, I failed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mum as a failure because she could not keep herself happy all the time even though she said that being happy is 'the only important thing in life' and for fearing that I may become like her, unable to sustain the Happy Feeling long enough to be likable and someone others would like to spend time with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure because I could not hold on to the Happy feeling in a sustainable way and I had to come up with new things and props to make myself happy and those led me to live a self destructive life in the 'Pursuit of Happiness'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave in self destructive ways toward my body in my pursuit/fix for the experience of Happiness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when someone said 'nothing makes you happy' feel guilty and ashamed because I was not good at generating and holding on to this 'happy feeling' and for this I judged myself as a failure and someone who was not right but wrong and flawed


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was wrong and flawed unless I could generate and hold on to the Happy Feeling that I was supposed to feel because I had a home, food and was luckier than most and yet, it was not enough


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the point of 'Happiness' as a dis-ease and not something that I felt at ease with due to its volatile nature and the things I had to do to reach that 'feeling' and then make it last as long as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be Happy, seeking the acceptance of those around me that I knew treasured 'the Happy people with the Happy feelings' and for fearing that if I was Not Happy I would be rejected and for living with and as fear of rejection for Not Being Happy I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be surrounded only by Happy people so it would be easier for me to keep up the Happy facade and not have to face the point that I was deeply sad and that this experience of living vs Life was less than satisfactory in any possible way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn into a Positive Thinker, hoping that if I focused on the 'Good' long enough I would be able to make myself Happy and live an acceptable Happy Life, making my Life conditioned to the level of 'happiness' I could generate and hold on to, never questioning WHY we created philosophies such as 'Positive Thinking' which would not make sense unless we were 'negatively thinking/experiencing' ourselves to start with, and yet suppressing the unacceptable negativity to cover it up with the sugar coating of positivity while I allowed the negativity of me to run havoc in separation and denial of it, instead of standing up within myself and correcting my participation with and as negativity that I believed to be me until I became it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the fear of experiencing myself negatively within the belief that it was out of my power to change such experience of me and that That was who I was and that such belief was the key that run my Life blindly into the Pursuit of Happiness as I escaped the negativity and the negative experience of myself jumping right into the arms of the Consumerist system that made it its business to sell Happiness in so many disguises for a price and within this, for giving up myself in The Pursuit of Happiness I forgive myself


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist giving up the Quest for Happiness, because I feared that if I took Happiness out of the Equation, there would be nothing left since Happiness is the Most important thing in Life and when you have THAT you have everything and so I feared having nothing left and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated and judgemental when I see Happy People on Tv ads, because I secretly held on to the desire to be Happy, but I won't allow myself to be Happy now because I no longer want to participate in emotions and feelings, so I am sad instead, because sad seems a more justified emotions for the times we live in, at least it's real, when in fact none of them is real, nor the Happiness or the more "dignified" version of its polarity as Sadness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to Sadness because it's still an emotion, it's still something I can define myself by because what If I am not happy nor sad, do I even exist then?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as one with my experience of emotions and feelings, without ever asking myself how could I be my emotions and feelings if there was no stability but a swing I would board ad nausea and from which I just feared to get off, and for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting off my emotional roller coaster I forgive myself as I see, realize and understand that I have subjected myself as my physical body to much strain and pain within my pursuit of happiness and fear of sadness and that I am not self realizing anything just because I condemn myself to the other polarity of the Happiness swing, out of an imaginary 'decency' for which I felt the need when I understood who we are and what it is we are really doing here and for not realizing that sadness is not ennobling me in any way, it's not making me more than the 'Happy people' out there and so within this I commit myself to keep investigating how and why I am still swinging on the happiness/sadness swing instead of getting off for good once and for all, until I do, for myself and All of existence, Equal and One.

Related articles

• Day 186: Social Engineering - The Downfall of Happiness
• Day 9 - Misconceptualization of Life as Happinesss - Part 4
• Facing the Evil within - the KEY to Self Awareness - Day 188
• Day 187: After Death Communications - Part 36

Day 186: Social Engineering - The Downfall of Happiness

Just back from a week of idleness.

This morning I got up and I was just aware  that I had paralyzed myself into a place of nothingness, it's familiar, it's quite amazing as well how willing I am to return to the familiarity of a life that I created and sucked rather than push through to move into self discipline for Real Change, Self Discipline a total alien concept before I met Desteni, that reeked of constriction.

When I move into the nothingness of me and the desire to not exist, I look for things to distract myself, this week was TV nonsense and Dr. Phil's shows, the American psychologist that brings up 'current cases' of dysfunction and lives that don't work and are quite fucked up.

I used to read magazines for this purpose, reading the gossips about the rich and famous, looking for lives that obviously did not work, like mine, so I could say 'see, all your money and fame and look, you are not less fucked up than I am', this is why we enjoy magazines, it is not to dream about lives that seem out of reach, it is to look for lives that fail to attain the holy grail of happiness, the ever eluding feeling that shows us that we made it, we got how it all works and now nothing can push us out of balance, we are It.

I am not sure how I slid into this state either, it was an accumulation of 'bad news' from the newspapers we read, watching Obama on his way to reelection with an oblivious forgetful world missing out on all the promises he had made he had not stuck to, from Guantanamo to Afghanistan, to Healthcare and pipe dreams of social changes to come, watching the pantomime of Romney not making it regardless of the Money he put into the race, the celebration of The Illusion of Choice, the President of the derelicts getting his seat back because look, it's not Money that counts, not Romney that counts, it's Change, Freedom, a Black Man to show we can all make it up there not once, twice, stay tuned people, don't blow the bubble of the American Dream or you may just Wake Up.

As far as depressing news and reads we don't seem to joke either as a group, some of our Blogs are just like the News, just a tad too much Reality to not get occasionally buried in a pile of shit, I don't feel good doing what we have set out to do, reading what we write about, I look everywhere and I can't find the 'good feelings' anymore, this world is essentially cruel and sad, it's quite amazing the effort we have to go through to deny it, must be tiring as well to keep up with the Joneses of the Feeling Good Movement, I was tired of it, consumed by it, funny though, because this week I was still consumed, just on the other side of the swing, no wonder that between these 2 choices 'feeling good or feeling bad' it's a no brainer what we'll choose, and it's a no brainer how to move us 'en masse' towards desired outcomes, it's called 'Social Engineering'.

Obama stands as the example, it would have felt 'too bad' to put RMoney in Power, what about the poor, the ones that still have only the Dream of a good Life? The world is -apparently- rising against Inequality, we'll keep it down with the Illusion that the Poor Won -again-, there is nowhere else to aspire to, You Poor Ones are already sitting at the Highest Public Office in the World, now feel good about it, celebrate and go back to sleep.

What moved me out of this pitiful useless state were a few points mentioned in the reads I have done these past days, in between Dr. Phil's shows glorifying the 'Happy State' we can all reach if we just make a few adjustments.

One was a sentence Cerise mentioned in one of her Blogs, "I see your Point but I still don't Care"

"Sure, we may want to keep our word. We may want to honour our commitments. We may want to change the world. But we don't. In order for us to develop self discipline, we need to start by actually forcing ourselves to walk that which we have committed to walk - there is no other way."

It's the forcing that stroke a cord inside me, because there is no other way to say this, it won't happen unless we FORCE ourselves past our resistances to stick to our commitments, it is not something we seek or look forward to because 'it doesn't feel good', which proves the point that we are driven by a make belief internal reward system for quick biochemical fixes, basically we are drug addicts unwilling to give up our drug of choice 'happiness', we don't even realize what goes on inside of us that generates the 'happy feeling', well most of us don't, Big Pharma does, this is why they have concocted chemical cocktails to 'regulate the happiness output', they call them 'mood re-balancing', they move us from sad and hopeless into happy and chirpy, at least we function, we can get back into out slot in the system and stop the questioning.

What if we realized what is really happening to us, the manipulation, the Mind Control on the swing from Fear to Happy, that would be quite horrifying, imagine waking up to the truth of this reality of what we made out of it, of being forced to being born into the consequences of an existence that is deteriorating as we write, where nothing is Real, from Human relationships to Politics, to Food to the Healthcare System, we do see what is going on, but Happiness is such a drive, it is more, it's a Driver, the one that runs the choices we make, the directions we take, the desires we have and are being sold in our elusive search for Happiness, having equated Happiness with a satisfying life and being rewarded with the accomplishment of a good job.

Hence Desteni stands as the perfect example of how to push oneself, as there is no reward or happiness to be had in walking a process of Self Correction, both points that I am still accepting and allowing to drive me and my choices, as when I don't have access to Happiness I wish to at least be rewarded, at least see that we are reaching more people, and yet this setup is just perfect, it is a space in which each one of us will grow out of our addiction, it is 'La Hacienda' for the drug addicts we have become, in which we have group support and yet we stand alone, in which each one of us is required to become Self responsible about seeking the support others are writing because, as amazing as it seems, as I live through my own shit, someone writes about it and I see MySelf in their writings, not necessarily as they intended, which is the example of a few of Marlen's Blogs this week, in which each title was a thud on my head even when she only spoke about herself and in fact what 'I read' in the Title had nothing to do with what she wrote, but I read what I needed to read to get back up and moving again, because Self Interest is an Obstacle to real Change, as I seek happiness for myself alone and Self Sabotage is Self Interest, because the Sabotage allows me to just keep doing 'That thing I do' which will have the same outcome that led me here, unless I stop and let go of my delusion and desire fr a 'Happy Life' so I can start living and discover what the Hell Life is All about when I get off the Junkie Train of Emotions and Feelings.

Tomorrow will write out my Self Forgiveness for my Right to my own Pursuit of Happiness 

Related articles

• 203. The Acceptance of Heaven is the Allowance of Hell
• 2012 How I was able to hear the Desteni Message....
• Day 9 - Misconceptualization of Life as Happinesss - Part 4
• Day 130 - Social Engineering

Day 169: Deleting the Corruptible Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child connect Money to a positive experience, as I associated Money with the image 'my problems are solved' and a sense of relief' (which could be why we call foreign aids 'relief' as well, which begs the question 'if we understand Money to be a Relief, meaning that those that don't have it live in a constant state of stress and anxiety as to how they will make it another day', why is MONEY NOT given to All Equally?)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, perceive Money as my independence from my mother, as the 'thing' that allowed me to have what I wanted without having to justify why and how I spent my money in the pursuit of my desires, money that I received in 'secret' from my grandparents and on which I had absolute indisputable control as my 'freedom'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, associate my secret money to an idea of 'Freedom' as in having My Own Money makes me not accountable for my actions/spending, which is exactly what happens to those with lots of Money, who believe they are not accountable for their actions, because Money will buy a way out of anything

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child, when in the presence of my grandparents or people that I knew would give me 'pocket money' to transform myself into whatever they wanted like a circus performer, so they would reward me with the Money as energy as positive experience, that I desired

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as a child feel a mixture of guilt and excitement when 'secret' money was given to me that I knew I could hide and not have to justify to my mother what I spent it on, associating Money with 'excitement'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a child to believe that Money was what everyone was after because it moved secret dynamics of energy within my family and fears when my grandmother would say to my mother 'I will delete you from my will' or when she gave her some 'pocket money' to spend as she wished

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect Money with 'Love' and the feeling of 'being loved/cared for' because anyone who would part from their money to give it to me, must have loved me because Money was the most important thing in the world, nobody wanted to part from

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed as a child when I had to be on my 'best behaviour' to have access to money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excited when I knew we were about to visit one of the people that was on my list of 'money lenders', because money was never given for FREE but always against something that I had to do, be or say in return for the 'grant'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use money in my life as a manipulation tool to make people do, be or say something specific, using money as the positive energy that rewards the bending of a Character to my will and for having been the Character bent to someone else's will because of Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the corruption outside of me, when in fact I have accepted and allowed myself to be corrupted by Money outside and Energy inside as the positive experience I sought and achieved when I was in possess of money, was given money or was paid money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as bad for my relationship with money and for hiding from myself how important, and infact vital, money had become in my life and in everyone's life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I was part of the positive thinkers and LOA,  say that Money is Not important, just because I had plenty access to it, and for preaching that Love is the most important thing in the world, just because I didn't want to seem attached to money because being attached to Money is negatively judged by society -and therefore by myself as a member of society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that we were taught to feel bad for wanting seeking Money, so that the ones who had it could keep it for themselves and not be challenged about it as we fell under the weight of the negative emotional experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Not realize that everyone is secretly or openly attached to Money due to what Money has become in this World, a Life resource without which we are left in the cold, homeless, starving and ultimately if sick, dying because we don't even have the Money to access the Healthcare system or medications

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed that money played such a big role in every single interaction in my life, in which, whenever I met someone either for business or privately, if the topic would move onto Money, I would automatically move into my Corruptible and consequently 'What's in it for me' Character, because I  connected Money to a positive experience that when is mentioned I want to have access to

I fogive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn Money into a tool for abuse of myself and others instead of seeing Money as a tool for support of All Life Equally, and for not questioning why, if Money is now the key to access resources and Choices, is not given to All Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny that Money plays a vital role in this world, because when I had money I could down play it, because I Had it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spread the lie of LOA that said we all have equal chances in Life to have what we want and desire if we align to it, when in fact we DO NOT have Equal Chances because a Child born in war torn Darfur will not have the same chances of one of the Rotschild's children

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify the Inequalities of this World through the belief in reincanation and the 'Idea' that everyone chooses the life they walk into, when in self honesty I have a long list of lives that are currently playing out that I would not have chosen for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself and my mother 'I am not like You' meaning I am not attached to Money like you, always calculating and checking what you can spend and where, not because I was not like her, but because I disliked this trait in her as 'Cheap' and as negatively charged, so I did all my calculations and money planning within the secret of my Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was disgusted with myself because I saw that when the Money topic came into any conversation, I would change my posture and perceive a state of anticipation as in a Pavlovian reflex, and for subjecting my body to this energetic abuse for the sake of an 'idea' and definition of Money I myself accepted ad allowed within me as Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when moving into this Corruptibe Character, dislike myself and perceive I could not trust myself and in fact shouldn't, because this Character, and all others, never make any common sense what's bes for all choices, but just what's best for me choices and in no way can I trust what comes up into my mind after I have seen myself shifting into the canning Character of Money, but instead I must STOP MYself, Breathe and do not make any decisions until I no longer perceive myself as pushed and shoved and in the grip of Energies as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect Money to the experience of shopping as happiness and worth that I projected in everything around me, including people, places, countries etc.  as I saw last night with my ex husband when he said 'Italy is now lousy because it's grey, few people aound and ALL Shops are closed'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when counting Money, touching Money, looking at Money coming out of the ATM machine, feel this happiness as an energetic movement of empowerment, because as I allow this money driven empowerment, when I am not Money driven I am disempowered and this is how the system is keeping us all locked into the perception of 'not being abe to move, not being able to change anything' as who we are as Money is integrated within our bodies and we will have to undo what we have done to release ourselves and this world from the grip of Money as our Master

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the current Money System is a gambling system, in which 99% loses and 1% wins and that we are the ones that have to come together as a Solution to this problem, giving up all hopes that we may be winning because the 1% that could win has already won and is NOT putting back the Money on the game table for All to have Equal Chances at this Game, because by now they bought the game and they hide their profits offshore so they won't even pay taxes on it and are basically supported by the poor al the way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Hope to win at this game, which is how The Game holds us in, because we have not left the table and moved on to create a system in which the Money that is used now will simply no longer be valuable and the New Money will be distributed to Everyone Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that we are born into a rigged Monopoly Game and that games like Monopoly are created to imprint ourselves with how the system works, so that we will always know, from when we are children, that not everyone wins, but just one, making it normal that the majority has to lose AND PLAY for 1 to win, or we could call off all games and get up from this unfair game and set up the New Rules of the game to benefit All Life Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if I were asked to sit at a Monopoly Game in which everything had already been distributed, land, hotels and resources, I would notice that the game IS NOT played that way, because we have to start with Equal Opportunities and this is why Money is distributed Equally at the Monopoly Game, and yet we came into this world and insist on accepting that THIS Game is played Unequally, just because someone said so, the meagre 1%, but they have spent so much Money con-vincing us All that we now believe it, and even believe that it is normal that resources of the earth be owned and that such a thing cannot be changed because we are only the 99% , DUH

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a Child, when I asked about why not all kids eat, when told that I was lucky because I did eat, and when asking why in Africa there were Poor kids we had to send stuff to, accept the brainwashed answers of my parents, my teachers, my priests, nuns and all the other zombies that walked this earth before me as Truths, because I lacked the vocabulary to tell them that what they were saying that they insisted made sense, DID NOT make sense, because if we kept sending goods, food and toys to Africa, there should come a day when we did not need to, when we had effectively Equalized the field, and yet I let another 30 years go by before asking the same questions to myself again, such as WHY has Charity Failed, why didn't we manage to feed the World when we throw away food, why is it OK to let people die of starvation and we have been unable to solve THAT problem while we went on the Moon and now Mars? And for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when raising the point that we should in no way leave this planet until we fix what we have here as problems that are costing people's lives, be dismissed with the 'logic' that we need the technology that comes from space travels, such as the microwave or other things that further our c-evil-azation, when in fact we have no civilization going at all, because civilization would mean a society in which all are cared for, from birth to death, and not this world in which much suffering goes on while we justify our technology as an advacement and fail to see, we keep advancing stepping on those that are left behind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when my e.h. said 'go change the world but don't make too much damage' feel off-ended, as if this 'Mission' was not important, making this remark personal as in patronizing as in 'go on little system, let's see how far you go with your foolishness' about 'changing the World' and for perceiving that as he said, this is an impossible task, because he is scientific and knows better than me what it takes on a Project level to move to the finish line, and yet this is not at all impossible, because I am not infact in charge of the World, but of Myself, so as to no longer be a random piece that exists in separation as self interest and greed, driven by an imaginary idea and a fictionary energetic experience, but in alignment with Breath Here as One Piece of the Whole, addressing myself as all Self, in Self correction to realign with Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal with the Shame I felt for this existence and that I suppressed, because if I didn't I would have to look into that shame and do something about it, such as investigating what is this existential shame we all share and feel, until I would have uncovered the truth of Who We Are, as the very leeches of Existence that leave a wake of Death wherever We move, for the Love of Profit and Money.

I commit myself to flag every single energetic experience I have in connection to Money, so that I can stop my existence as Corruption inward and outward, and realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for ALL

I commit myself to breathing to come back to the Physical and to not allow myself to be driven by Money/Energy as the search for a positive experience/happiness but to stand in and as Breath for as long as it will take to manifest a World that is Best for All 

Related articles

• Day 73: The Money Supply - Part 3
• Day 88: Capitalism vs Socialism?
• Day 105: Human Liberties
• Day 109: Politics as a Double-Faced Game
• Day 111: Evilution - Neocolonialism - Part 2
• Day 107: Getting Reality to Conform to an Illusion
• Day 170: Letting go of Little Miss Money Bags
• Day 146: Forgiving the politician in me
• Day 97: The Uselessness Monster - Self Forgiveness
• 172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions

Day 100: Journey to Life Review and Why to Join.

So it's been 100 days of writing myself out consistently, with 3 days interruption when my computer broke down, 3 days during which I could not wait to get my computer back.

For me it has been extraordinary, it has given me much more stability, less noise in my head, solutions for my life that I could not see before, because the cluttering chatter was deafening, have started to emerge, as I walk to become the Solution as mySelf inward and outward.

Today I had a moment of relapse into the downs (cause the ups are only up to delivery time, in the expectation and anticipation of the 'reward') of the reward system, since a few days ago we said 'let's write something about our day 100' I went into 'thinking' that day 100 would 'feel 'special', like an achievement' like something would ding and dong this morning to signal this mark, like I would feel rewarded.

None of these things happened, it's just another day of writing to get to know myself better, to tell myself that I did write for 100 days even though I doubted myself and I had backchat telling me I wouldn't because I could always step into the Failure Character and remind myself of all the times I took on something I did not see to the end.

So, for those considering to write themselves out, do give yourself this gift, this opportunity to spend time with yourself, look a the nitty-gritty of your behavior, at what goes on inside of you as The Mind, why we became what we became, how, what judgements, fears, ideas and opinions do we hold about ourselves and others that keep us separate, that stand in the way of us seeing our Equality and Oneness, in the way of us standing together for a project of Change that starts inward to manifest outward, for ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One.

To sum it up, writing is not rewarding, that is a concept of the Capitalistic system we have grown used to, where we believe that everything we do has a 'reward', a prize, a price, instead writing is an act of self commitment, it's the commitment to do something without a reward, without being given anything, not even a star for good behaviour, it's the consistent application of a new behaviour so that we may step out of our re-ward-ing, in which we keep ourselves caged to the Idea of 'what can we get out of this', 'what's in it for me'. And isn't this what is going on in this World ? Isn't the problem just this, that each one of us is 'in it' just for the 'what's in it for me' point? And The world doesn't have enough for the self interest and greed of All of Us, this should be clear by now.

Out of writing there is nothing in it for me, there is ME, all of ME that goes on paper, for me to see what I have made mine of this world and then believed to be me, what have I possessed that ended up possessing me, what have I not wanted to see of me that I have projected onto the world around me to turn this world into a giant mirror of myself in which, for a long time, I have been refusing to see ME, because really, how could this world be Me, with all it's flaws and shortcoming, was I not perfect as I was ?

Actually, NO, I was not and I am not, so we walk as a group with this intent, Self Perfection, to root out of ourselves what we see and realize is Not the World we would like to have and live, to make an inward correction to realign the mirror first to what is best for All, for Self, as Self is Me and You, and to return to nothingness as the point in which we can rewrite ourselves as what we were always supposed to be, caring Human beings, who see in another Ourselves and no longer the plaguing despair of our separation that has led to all sorts of atrocities that we can see outside of us, as Us.

SO, do consider to start walking for yourself as yourself, no reward, no prize, no price, it's free, it's what you freely give to yourself to build yourself into for-giveness, because let's face it, a lot of forgiveness will be required for the world to let go what we have done to each other in our demented pursuit of Happiness, a Happiness that we came to believe was to be bought and sold and ultimately stolen from each other as we turned Money into the weapon we used to be 'happier' than the ones who would have to go with nothing, just to guarantee that we could have more and be more and maybe ultimately be happier than anyone else.

Instead we see, realize and understand, how all this search has been a delusion, the idea we bought into that something 'out there' could complete us and resolve us and finally bestow on us that elusive 'happiness' for which we have gone to war, starved and killed each other, it's just Not Real.

It is really time for a Reality Check, time to stop the wars we live inside to stop the wars outside, time to stop playing Characters and become Real, Pinocchio could become flesh, will We ?

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