Day 110: 'What if I Ask and it is NOT Given?' Character - SF and SCS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the Philosophy of 'Ask and it Is Given' when ample evidence is everywhere to show that many are asking and yet it is NOT given, because the System is NOT built to be able to sustain everyone and every living being Equally but to make some the Winners and some the Losers at the Game of Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately brush away the evidence that there is suffering in The World because I did not want my positive experience of believing that anything I wanted I could get, to be spoiled by thoughts and negative emotions about the inhumane conditions in which we allow some of us to live while we get off on the 'feeling good ' practices of the World that we can afford because We have Money in our pockets and NOT because we are special

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some may have chosen an experience of physical discomfort as starvation and famine and watching their kids die, as it is sustained by all the New Age Cults, because I wanted to not have to worry about them while I entertained myself with beliefs as preposterous as 'Ask and It Is Given' in the face of millions who ask for food every waking hour of their day and it is NOT given, by God or the Universe and not even by Ourselves who instead have the luxury to throw away food so as to not be bothered to design a system for the redistribution of the surplus resources/food of some countries to benefit/feed everyone in the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for reasons about why we are special to be fed and with a roof over our head to justify the system as it is, instead of seeing that This system is justified by our own Fear that if we do not justify it, we'll have to join the homeless and starving to show everyone that the system cannot be fucked with and so we are looking for justification to do what we do, due to our Fears of standing up for what is an obvious injustice in this world as believing that not all have the same right to Live and to the Life they were born  with, because we created a system that is not Life friendly but Life threatening, and now we feel threatened with every Breath we take

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that the reason why philosophies like 'Ask and It Is Given', New Age, Matrix Energetics are so popular is because I/we wish to find points to justify WHY it is OK to not stand up for the World as myself, and within those beliefs I can make myself feel good as I believe I am into them for the good of All and that I will eventually share the bounty once I get my hands on it, yet all the Founders of Spiritual Practices as Capitalism have proven again and again, that once they become rich, they keep the loot and the bounty to themselves, trickling down the crumbles of their fortune as we justify that ANYONE can have access to it All, if they Ask because it is Given, when in fact WE KNOW that this is NOT TRUE and that we are just hoping to pass on our delusions as justifications about WHY we are NOT standing up for a Change that would benefit All equally, as we fear losing our positions of Privilege within the World and the World Systems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that some of the  New teachings fit in perfectly with my/our desire to not have to interact with each others for Real out of the humongous Fears that we  have built and fed in an as The Mind that I do not want to own up to and face, and so I keep myself content with developing theories that revolve all about ways to Not interact with others and have it All, basically have my Cake and Eat It

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stupid every time I look back at what I believed -and why- instead of letting go once and for All the judgement of me as Stupid which stands in the way of my self honesty as I use my own self judgements to scare myself and prevent myself from looking at the whys and hows I ended up be-lie-ving the unbelievable as long as I would not have to face my fears and within this I see realize and understand, that I label myself as Stupid because I perceive that being Stupid is better than being Fearful as I know how to stop being stupid by just stopping believing the unbelievable, yet I tell myself I do not know how to stop being fearful, while I do know, as fearful, like stupid are just definitions and ideas that I have accepted of and as myself at one point in time and that I can backtrack to their origin to delete them through self forgiveness and self corrective application to stop my stupidity as an excuse to not do the things I fear doing whose fears i myself have created through storing knowledge and information about 'my perceived negative experiences' based on memories that are not Real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have been stupid for believing in Law of Attraction and Abraham Hicks and Matrix Energetics, while I see that I have never been stupid, because it took a lot of cunning clever deception to believe such bullshit as a justification for why we were not required to stand in and as Self Responsibility for ourselves and the World and that 'Stupid'' is a nicer label than ''deliberate fucker' which would be closest to the truth of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become, because we seek and pay People who are willing to put their face onto the Bullshit they sell Just so we Can make THEM responsible for NOT Having changed and stood up as they said it was Not required of us and that everything was in 'divine order', that we were on a Course in Miracles, on an Energetics Matrix, on A Journey to Joy, and with the teachings they sold the blindfolds with their names on it that we could wear hoping to get away with murder and our own Accountability, and we can self  honestly see how priceless such teachings are, that we can BUY through the MONEY we have, our way out from our responsibility for this world and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to believe in Love so I could cover up My fears that there is something wrong with this World and that there is much that I fear but if I make myself beLieve in Love, I can make myself feel 'safe'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that if I am the One making myself feel Safe through Love, I must be the One making myself scared through my own accepted and allowed bullshit that I have picked up from my Family/Environment as Parenting/ Patterns and that when I am fear-full I am just playing out one of my Characters that I have embodied in this Life Game so I could keep the Illusion of separation going and the Blame Game that it was others, institutions, educations, religion who made me this way and there is nothing I can do about it, instead of seeing and realizing that since it was always ME the required point of acceptance and allowance, I am in fact self response-able and I can change what I accept and allow as myself and STOP scaring myself to Death so I can start to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'Asking' as in Seeking with a negative Charge, because if and when I ask I believe I am stating I am not enough and do not have enough, and I am Cheap, because if I had enough I would NOT be asking for anything , instead of seeing and realizing this is just a definition I have picked up from my family that defined and patterned all Words for me before Me, and then just passed them on in separation from themselves as living words, and I accepted and allowed them in me as me, so that words ended up within me as tools of separation with their own charges as memories of experiences and a Life of their own in separation from me as the living word, and that asking is not negative or positive but determined by my self honesty to ask for myself as Life as What is best for ALL

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never ASK as a Character that 'doesn't ASK' and is superior to those 'who are constantly asking for something' as I stood  and lived as the fear of being told NO, believing that being told NO means I am worthless and not valuable or I would be told YES, always all the time, because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my worth and value lies in the positives experiences of me as 'YES' and not in me as Self Worth and Self Value not defined by a Yes or No experience of myself,  and for this I Forgive Myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I as myself as the experience of YES am more valuable and worthy than the experience of myself as NO, and so within the fear of experiencing myself as NO as in diminishment and worthlessness, I would not ask to avoid any chance of the experience of NO that I myself defined and built as a lesser experience than the 'YES' experience', instead of realizing that any experience within polarity is my creation and it's Not real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for ways to expand my knowledge and information about Energy as a source of Value, as I hoped that when I did become All Knowledgeable about Energy then I would be able to never interact with the real world at all, and Like Harry Potter I would cast my spells inside my Mind in isolation and voila', my Life and other's lives would be sorted out without any physical interactions in which random fears and experiences may arise of which I feared to  not be in control of and feared having to face instead of having the leisure and choice to suppress and deny them within me as The Mind, and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be an Energy Wizard within Matrix Energetics for the purpose of gaining Value for myself and make myself feel Special, so when I would be special I would never again have to experience the 'NO' experience within and as myself in which I saw myself as rejected and diminished and BAD as I was not rewarded as I had been taught that rewards are YES/positive experiences, but held hostage by a NO, negative experience so I would become defter and more manipulative to fine tune my skills for rewarding, checking out everything that is rewarded in Life and align to it as a way to get to feel the positive energy experience of 'YES' and feel good about myself as only the good ones/worthy/valuable ones are rewarded with the YES/positive experience, while the others are given the NO/negative experience to underline that they have not satisfied the requirements the system has set for the positive/YES experience and they must work harder at it, until they get it and get to feel special and worthy about themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my mother whenever she would say 'I said NO' without taking the time to explain to me why that 'NO' was the best common sense choice, assuming that I as a kid would not be able to see common sense when shown, instead using NO as a way to feel powerful over me that I believed as I filed the word NO together with the experience of having been duped and overpowered and not being able to do anything about it but roll over and pretend to graciously accept the parental verdict that stated 'I was not good enough for a YES' now suck up on your NO and don't be a wimp about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mum for how I experienced myself within the polarity of the words YES and NO, believing that it was her fault if I experienced myself as diminished/rewarded, not seeing realizing and understanding that my permission, acceptance and allowance of an experience was always required of me as I moved through Life and that I just lacked the instructions about what was going on with me, as did my mum and all the Parents that have walked the earth so far re-patterning their Children into their own sins as faults, as reactions as memory and experiences that they themselves believed to be real and who they really were, while no one would STOP to break the chain and start to reverse the trend through self responsibility as the Break that would put an end to All Blame games and begin the re-patterning of a Self Responsible World where Life is valued and considered as the only Worth/Value we All Share Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate my relationship with the word 'NO' as the experience of diminishment that I feared and that I shared with much of Humanity to the point that we manifested an Idea that we could ask and it would be given, the YES we were seeking and desiring for a statement of self worth and self value that we had separated ourselves from as self worth and self value, and within this I FORGIVE myself for separating myself from my Self Worth and Self Value Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that conferences where we are taught ideas and philosophies about 'always having it our way' as in Ask and It is given, or were we sit and pretend to throw dolphins as in frequencies to each other, are kindergarten for the wealthy, where we pay the entrance fee ourselves now, just to have the positive experience of ourselves that we seek and hope for, not wanting to see and realize that if we pay to get the positive experience, we are moving within the Capitalistic system of Rewards and that nothing special is happening from the outside moving us into positive experiences, we just paid the required 'positive experience' Fee and then allowed ourselves to generate the positive experience, which when we look at it, it's bizarre to say the least, yet it is apparently important to group together as on one side we pay for the right to believe what we want while some sell the beliefs we want, no more and no less than any other Consumerist products available within our society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the selfishness that we teach each other through these 'feel good ' programs is a good thing, because I have to feel good before I can attend to myself as the world, while I fail to see that the feel good is the translation of Capitalism into experiences, where good feelings are sold within the clear understanding of our fear for the negative feelings, and that being duped by Spiritualistic Capitalism doesn't make us any more intelligent than being duped by Capitalism, we just gave it a better twist when we saw that jumping on the Capitalistic boat was not giving the hoped results, both in terms of the Money and the good feelings to milk out of it, as much more money is required to feel good within Capitalism, than it is required to feel good about spirituality, so we embraced the watered down version of Capitalism as spirituality as the less wealthy can afford to dream to throw each other 'good feeling words' or 'frequency dolphins' but NOT to go on a beach where there are real dolphins to share time and space with, as for that real Money and Not Frequency Feel Good Imaginary Experiences, is in fact Required

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrilled because I pushed through one of my resistances, living the positive experience as a reward of being told 'YES, YES, YES' without seeing and realizing that I have to be aware to not turn pushing through resistances into seeking positive experiences or I will have just moved on the stick of polarity from My Fear of negative Experience as in being told 'NO' to the thrill of the positive experience of being told YES, entertaining myself within polarity and not breaking free to just walk and do what needs to be done and stand stable whatever may come, the YES or the NO as I stop being defined by my 'emotional experience' as worth and value within polarities constructs that I accepted and allowed myself to believe to be real and who I really am, as I no longer accept or allow myself to be defined by emotional experiences as worth and value, not by the Yes as my accepted and allowed perceived Positive experience and nor by the NO as my accepted and allowed Negative experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and ashamed as I realized that I have put my partners/friends through hell as I expected and demanded that they should know what it was REALLY that I desired and wanted, instead of asking for it and accepting both the YES and the NO as not defining me as Worth and Value, but a preference of my partner/friend to which he/she was entitled to, that was not personal and did not define me in any way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was the bringer/Creator of emotional and feeling experiences within others, as I desired to have the power of the lives of others within my hands, believing that I could make them feel good or bad, seeking the responsibility for the experience of others as I gave up my own responsibility for my own experience of myself within my relationship with others and I played both the disempowered when it came to my life and my own experiences and the empowered/powerful in relation to others and their experiences, failing to see that if I wanted to believe I had power over others, then others would have power over me and how I felt and experienced myself, as everything that I wish for another I experienced myself, and so within this I forgive myself for seeking power over others that ended up giving me the experience of disempowerment that I wished upon others as I hoped to never have to take responsibility for myself and what went on within me, while I kept the right to blame others as the other side of the coin of blaming myself for other's experiences for which I sought ownership and rights above their responsibility to their experiences

When and as I see myself desiring to HOPE that things will be fine, that something will happen and make everything All Right, or that I could ASK to some imaginary Characters in my head from which I discovered forthcoming disturbing ill-leading replies, I stop, breathe, remind myself that I am the Solution to My Self Created Problems and that I don't need imaginary help as a way to give up my self responsibility as I leave it to Beaver/God/Universe to sort things out, instead I stand to walk the correction of myself as the World so that the Outer World can change as my Inner World of acceptances and allowances of Inequality and Iniquities changes

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the Character 'I don't ASK, in case it is not given', I STOP, breathe, remind myself that I am not defined by my experiences of a YES or NO, that I do not have the elements to see why another is responding positively or negatively to a question or a request I make and that I don't have to take it personally as something that I allow myself to be diminished or exalted by, but just for what it is a Yes or a No, to which everyone is entitled as their own self expression of a need or a preference that has nothing to do with me and it's Not Personal

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into Fear about 'what if they say NO' as I anticipate the possible negative experience of the NO/negative emotion, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that I am the Creator of the experiences within myself and I do not have to fear another as the cause of my experiences but remind myself that whatever I experience is Me as what I have accepted and allowed and that within Self Honesty and Self responsibility I will be able to sort myself out to stop projecting on others the source of the experiences of myself as I consistently remind myself 'I am the One that Decides'

When and as I see myself desiring to NOT interact with others in fear of what I may experience if I do, I stop, Breathe, push myself to bring the changes I write out as Self Correction into the Physical as I face the point that All my fears are Self Created, and others are not responsible and never were for how I perceive/have perceived myself in my life, and that stopping the Blame game may require consistency as it seemed easier to blame everything outside than taking on the everything inside, yet the mirror cannot change the image it reflects, until I change the Character of myself to What is Best for All as Life to a World that is best for All as Life

I commit myself to stop myself as the Character that Fears that what I ask may not be given, as I see realize and understand I am not defined by what I am given as an 'external positive/negative experience' as I am the Creator of my own ideas and beliefs and definitions and charges that lead to my experiencing myself within polarities of negative and positive and I can STOP, by Breathing myself back Here realigning myself to Oneness and equality and What is Best for All