Fear
Thought
Imagination
Backchat
Reactions
Physical
Consequences
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear the Desteni Message, because this message implies Self responsibility and I fear having to become Self responsible for myself and the World, Equal and One
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to superimpose my previous knowledge and information about Doomsday, Reward and Punishment, onto the Desteni information within an attempt to decode what the message was about, in fear that I would not be able to understand it, unless I interpreted it through everything I knew and believed to be The Truth prior to joining Desteni
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dropping my knowledge and information and stand in and as Breath to HERE/HEAR the Desteni message because I believed that unless I decoded it through prior knowledge and information, I could not understand it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death and the Afterlife and for believing that since there has been a change in the Hierarchy of Heaven, I better side up with the ones who hold the key to the New AfterLife System so I would, as Marlen said, get VIP tickets for the AfterLife
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk this process for one year in utter Fear and Petrification because that was preferable to having to deal with this fear that I have of still existing after death and having to spend time with myself through eternity as a stranger that I fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that, if I would stop and get rid of this Fear, I would just say goodbye to Process because it's fear that has kept me moving and I have not yet established myself to move as a self directive principle in any way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I can't get off Process because I have nowhere to go but Here, which is a place I am not yet experiencing in and as Breath but in and as Fear and thus, unpleasant
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own definition of Process as a boring place where people are doing nothing else but forgiving themselves for their imaginary faults, as I still relate forgiveness to wrongdoings because I was born a Catholic and I have allowed and accepted myself to carry the shame and guilt loaded point of forgiveness as I under-stood it as a kid
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am still missing the forgiving point as I don't stand Equal to my Forgiveness yet but under-stand my Forgiveness and while I have experienced energetic release I still have to drag myself everyday through this process due to my own definition of Forgiveness and 'Process'
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand One and Equal to For-Giveness as Me giving back to me, as in Earthing the energies that I invested into Characters that I played throughout my Life, to give back, to for-give, the resources that I have taken in this journey of Lies in Self Interest for the purpose of experiencing myself as energy instead of being Life Here in and as Breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that Breath is not enough, that there should be something more, better, more exciting, failing to see that I have just bought into 'ideas' that were sold to us about Life and what Life should be vs what Life is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear that if I did not join Process something terrible would happen to me, proving that I have joined this Process in and as Fear and for this I forgive myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I don't even know what I am doing or attempting to do with and through this process because I have taken process to be a Task, and as a Task is lacking 'directions', instead than a Change that I have to become to reflect my Self Correction as Oneness and Equality for What is Best for All
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I skip one day of writing something bad will happen to me, instead of seeing Writing as the Self Support that I give to myself every day to not accumulate backchat that then holds me into an ever tighter grip the day after
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I won't make it because I have too many years of Fake Life under my belt and that I may not have the stamina to walk backward to undo all my participation in this Lifetime in and as Energy, instead of seeing and realizing this is just another Character because once I am clear that there is nowhere to go but ahead this can only be the Self Sabotage Character that I try to play so I can justify why I don't want to walk to give up all of myself and for this I forgive myself
Thoughts
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about process and to tell myself that this is alright 'because I'm just thinking about process' even though I am clear on the point that I won't be able to get out of this mess Inward and Outward through Thinking, no matter how worthy of being thought my thoughts are
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am not a robot, because I dislike the idea of being a Robot as I feel diminished every time I associate myself with the word 'Robot', as I have associated Robots with Non Life while I believed to be alive and I do not want to face the point that I am not alive yet and I won't be until I am the willing Prey of the Mind/Consciousness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that the word 'destonian' is stupid, as it is so obvious there should have been an 'e' there as Destenian, just because I dislike 'O's in the middle of name, having my name 2 'O's which I have associated with Masculine as all Italian masculine singular words end in 'O' and so I resented for many years my name with 2 masculine vowels when I am a woman and should have been given the 'a' and 'e' and then for creating this disliking for 'O's in the centre of names which is one of the reason why I think that I dislike this name
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, due to my own definition of the word Destonian as separation since not everyone is a Destonian while I am just starting to grasp that we are equal and then I have to deal with a new label and I think this is irritating and Elitist and I don't want to be a part of that, maybe if they were Destenians who knows, I wouldn't have had such a mind tantrum but for now I think I don't want to be a part of it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that when I get on the Forum and see the thread Ask a Destonian, that they are asking someone else, and not me, as that label doesn't identify me and so when I read the Forum I read it to see the answers of Destonians, never to reply as I think I am not one of 'these' and so it doesn't apply to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think up a new definition of myself and other Destonians as Desteni People, as I think and believe I don't like this name to use even for other Destonians, as it looks silly and sounds silly with the 'O', which seems to be a big deal only when I think about it as I see now that I write that it is not important how others see me as a Destonian with an 'O' or with an 'e' since it is about the message and not about Desteni at all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I fear what others think of me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'this name looks silly, sounds silly' when I read the name Destonian for the first time and forever after and within this I forgive myself for judging words and names as silly just because of my personal preference and likes/dislikes of a vowel over another in this particular example as I see realize and understand that it has nothing to do with this name but everything to do with me and how I experienced myself stuck with 2 'O's in my name being born a woman in a gender sensitive country, perceiving myself as diminished as a woman and pushed through the thin line of maledom just by 2 simple meaningless circles
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'enough already with this depressing Consciousness talk', let's talk about something else, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that we cannot talk about something else until Consciousness is All We Are
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think there must be some shortcuts out of this, what the fuck, 7 years to nothingness, plus 7 years to rewrite ourselves as Oneness and Equality plus another 7 years for the Equal Money System to become manifested, while I am in a rush to get to Life, even though I don't even know what that means, I just want this to be over as all Tasks have a dead line and this seems way too long
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about this process in terms of Time, as that there is a specific Time that must go by and that it takes Time which then leads me to feel impatient, because I don't have Time, Time is Money, I want to use my Time doing something else, instead of realizing I am doing Time as I write, because Earth is The Correction Facility of the Universe for those that abused Life for Self Interest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'come on people, can we spend 28 years doing THIS', as in Process, as in Self forgiving our very Life as we live it, instead of seeing and realizing we are keeping forgiving ourselves because we are not stopping the abuse yet and we'll have to do that until we in fact STOP
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'isn't this a bit far fetched that we should be doing this and tell others we are changing the world, where no evidence of this change is manifested outward in fact?" instead of seeing and realizing that this is the Question to ask myself as we won't see any change until We Change, which means, I/We have Not Changed yet At All
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that there is No way that I can explain Self Forgiveness in Italian bypassing the Atonement, Shame and Guilt that results from speaking and hearing this word, instead of seeing and realizing that it is me still reacting to this word in Italian as something that is connected to guilt and shame and atonement, and that for-giving ourselves will be loaded with shame and guilt until we do not have a Secret Agenda for-giving, such as Atonement for 'feeling good' purposes, but we will unconditionally For-give ourselves as the New System that we are Creating and manifesting One and Equal to Us to For-Give everyone One and Equal, which will manifest a system of For-Giveness such as the Equal Money System
Imagination
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Imagine how shameful it would be if we won't make it and I will have to stand facing my delusion of Our Ability to Change the System, instead of realizing that this shows me that I still fear and see the System as something separate from me and because I cannot see how such a small group of people can impact the external system as a separate system I move into the paranoid state that I may be delusional and that I may have boarded just about another train to Nothingness, where the group may be disbanded in a few years and just say 'sorry we were too ambitious and did not see clearly our limitations' and I will be left with nowhere to go
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine the worst, as a habit that I took on when I decided that imagining the best leads always to disappointments, and so in fear of being disappointed I imagine the worst and fill my Time with 'what ifs'' that show me that I'm just undertaking an impossible task and I have moved from the Love and Light delusion to the Desteni delusion
Backchat
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchats regarding process and the interviews I listen to, in which I try to make up opinions about what is being said that I can turn into my advantage as knowledge and information, instead of just stopping consistently my participation in backchat as part of My Commitment to Life and to Changing Myself to realign to Oneness and Equality and what is best for All
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my backchat about how I will never stick to anything for 7 years and why am I even trying, because the longest thing I stuck to was my marriage and that was a lot of grief and I can't see myself going through so much grief again for 7 long years
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in my backchat about what can I expect out of this process, as the milder version of 'What's in it for me' in which I look for something, anything that could motivate me for such a length of time as the carrot to dangle in front of myself and within this accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not and will not be able to be the directive principle of me motivating myself without the need or desire for Energetic feedback, and for this I forgive myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the backchat that asks what can we do to make money as a group, without seeing and realizing that I am still backchatting myself with the purpose to self sabotage myself, because I know I cannot see solutions for money making as a group as I approach this point as a business and look then for business ventures that I have not been able to find yet, as every business venture related to this group would mean our self compromise while we are standing not in judgement of self compromise, as we are all compromised by our daily acceptance and allowance of this Economics system of Inequality, but as a point of no compromise for the lure of Money as Energy, which means it will take time to build a solid money base that is not Energy generated but labor generated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some backchats are in fact coming as 'ideas' to provide solutions, while in fact I have not yet had any solutions from any backchat but just troubles that I then had to live out and walk as consequences of dis-connected and dis-eased Mind's backchat designs
Reactions
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear when I have to explain the process of Self Forgiveness as I fear that do not have the right words to say what I want to say about it and then I end up saying something I did not mean to say just because I have not yet taken the time to look into all aspects of this Self Forgiveness for myself so I can align my words to me as process and not fear having to talk about it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react as anxiety every time a new tasks comes up to do in the mailing list or in the LF, as I immediately project myself into a Time Frame and how much Time it will take to get something done and then I feel anxiety and the desire to just walk away
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with impatience when faced with something new to be done because I see that I don't even have enough Time to do what I have on my plate and how can I possibly take on anything else, instead of seeing noone is asked to do more than they can in self honesty, considering their life and what they have to attend to as well as a priority to build a stable life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in guilt if and when I do not do everything that I have decided I must do everyday to be effective within process and then when I do not I react feeling like a failure because I could/should have done more but I did not
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in guilt if and when I judge myself for not having done enough because I have associated process with Schindler's List and US as The Saving the World A-Team, and so every minute wasted is another Life that could have been saved from the Holocaust of the Mind, instead of seeing and realizing that I am creating such pressure for myself that I have turned this process into Agony and my walk into the Passion of Christ, where if possible I experience myself worse than before starting Process which could be a sign that I am doing something wrong, such as Not Stopping my participation in and as the Mind for One
Physical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel a physical tightening in the solar plexus every time something about process comes up, as I have built so much bullshit about it that I dread even the word as the trial I put myself through every day, which is so far away from Self Forgiveness I should have got the hint and corrected myself and my approach to process, as just a system that has been written to support us with guidelines about How to Walk effectively Out of The Mind and into the Physical
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the Physical to such an extent that I seldom get what my body is going through as I lose myself into the Mind "Thinking" about what my body is going through, instead of being Here with and as my Body so I can get the straight no bullshit feedback as I walk my process as me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can think about the physical and become aware through my mind about what the physical is trying to tell me, instead of moving myself back into the Physical in and as Breath and as One and Equal check what is going on as helpful Substantial feedback
Consequences
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live one year with a knot into my stomach as the consequence of how and why I started this process, failing to see that it is the physical that has already been paying the consequences so far, and that stopping myself as The Mind must mean that The Physical no longer suffers and that if and when I have a physical discomfort as a consequence of something I myself have set in motion, I must Stop, Breathe, Breathe, Breathe, until I, as One with the Physical, can assess which con-sequence I am walking, so I can stop creating it as this is what this process is about, it is the stopping of Consequences, as we stop the past to stop creating the future and ourselves into a Time Loop of Consequences that we can instead STOP creating as we see and investigate the origin and starting point and stand in and as The Correction that will stop the creation of Consequences we have existed in and as so far
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to overlook the Consequences that I am walking as I believe that if I look away they will go away, as I see realize and understand they are not going away because I am not stopping my participation in those things that are in fact creating those consequences as a result of my fears and separation and that I have to commit myself to stand consistently, slowing myself down to stop, to make sure I don't miss out on the point of what it is that we are doing, as stopping our existence in and as The Mind of Polarity/Duality as only the stepping out of our Polarity and Duality Worlds will allow us to find ourselves at the same starting point, Here, in and as The Physical, where Oneness and Equality already exists, in and as Breath, waiting for us to catch up.
Self Commitments to Follow tomorrow
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