Day 107: "Bury me Richly" - Character

Today as I walked, I passed a small Chapel with a collection of 'Skulls and Bones' and a Sign that said 

What we are Now, you will be, those whom forget Us Now, 
Forget themselves.

My Grandmother was the first I heard passing on this sentence, as the Elders tried to secure their immortality by making it clear that relationships do not end at Death (you wish), you are bound to them after they pass on, all the way to the Grave, Your Grave.

People that say that Death is 'The Great Equalizer' have not visited the Monumentale Graveyard in Milan, which took 80 years to build, an exclusive graveyard for the Rich where if you do not have a family burial chapel, that you have prepared many years ago with plenty empty spaces for the generations to come, you won't be able to get in - as a corpse-, unless you are very very rich, and then for sure someone can find a space for yours or your 'dear' ones corpses, to ensure your Status in Death as well so you would never have to mix with the Poor that during the Plague were just burnt in the squares and whose Skulls and Bones decorates some of the roofs of Churches in Milan and why not, who was going to claim them back anyway ?

My mother used to take me there on field trips, to view the amazing sculptures and Chapels, as I researched a picture I found one from Tripomatic that said
"Huge cemetery with exciting atmosphere. Wide arrange of amazing statues, tombs and graves."

What is exciting about Death really ?
The freaking FEAR we all have about it ?

Why do we pass on this Death Cult and not the Honoring of All of Life to the new generations, why do we prepare their graves to let them know they will have to fill them one day and to never forget, and we warn them, if you try to forget about Death, You forget about Yourself, the Living Dead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear cemeteries

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question why, even in Death, there was Inequality and some corpses were more valuable than others and would have to be preserved from being returned to the Earth since their remnants were too precious to be soil-ed 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be buried among the rich, so that I could have a Better/Bigger Death and not be buried 6 feet under where I would no longer be able to Breathe and I would suffocate, since the concept of death was not so clear to me when they dragged me around the Cemeteries of the Wealthy and the ones of the Poor

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist going to the Poor people cemetery, The Maggiore one, meaning the biggest, because of the uneasiness I felt at the idea that there was where I belonged, with the Poor, having the biggest cemetery, the Major as they died younger in biggest number than the Elite, the minority, who led better lives with better living condition, better healthcare and food throughout time, making their lives easier and longer, just proving that Nothing has EVER Changed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being buried in a cemetery that was not even worthy of a proper Italian name but had a dialect name from Milan 'Musocco' and for fearing that when I would be buried there I would have little space between me and other corpses because the poor were not allowed to take up land space and everything about their burial was not to remember them but to forget them, rotate their bodies into the earth for 20 years and then dig up the bones to store in small boxes inside walls

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsion for the idea of Death and cemeteries and for resenting my mum wanting to drag me along on the prescribed 'Worship of the Deads' calendar day, to pay our respects by washing the tombstones and changing the plastic flowers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was angry at my mum for insisting to bring up the point that when she died she expected me to visit the cemetery to 'see her' and bring her flowers while I was angry at myself  because I could not understand the point of the worship of corpses and could not find any common sensible reasons why we paid attention to the dead and not to the living ones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that all this Death business was just a business and for judging the business of Death as worse than other businesses because I believed people were taking advantage of other's sorrow and desperation, while every business is the same because Through the Current Money System we are always taking advantage of someone's sorrow or desperation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking next to cemeteries at night, in fear that spirits would rise from the graves and grab me to drag me down 6 feet under with them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to despise all the people who went regularly to the cemetery to sit for hours on the tombs of their dear 'departed' instead of realizing I never despised them but just Death and the extensive fear I suppressed of Death , what it was and the Hereafter, of which nobody was sure or had clear indications/instructions about what was awaiting us and how we were supposed to prepare for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death and dying suddenly without being prepared

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Death at all times because nobody knew how we were supposed to prepare for it and so it was one of the never ending hovering fears of my life without resolution that I suppressed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that Death is not the end, because if it was the end then it would just be the end, but what if after death a surprise awaits us and we get so scared that we die a second time, is that even possible ? To be scared to death after death ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with stories of Death and the Dead, and the After Life as distractions from Here and Life and living, so I would not have to face the Here because my focus would be constantly subconsciously on the Here After and I could cruise through life never taking responsibility for myself because the accountancy was done After Death and it was not clear what we were supposed to be accountable for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the Illusion of Life as the Living Dead, fearing what I already was while I searched for Life and the Meaning of Life out there, never being Here with myself in and as Breath as The Physical, spending my waking time within the extensive fear of Death, Hoping to at least be buried richly, so if I would end up having a Poor Life I could Hope for a Rich Death, comfortable, away from humidity and Worms eating my flesh and being blinded by the soil in my eyes into eternity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my fear of Death, because fearing death which is inevitable is unbecoming and something nobody talks about unless they are close to death, and then the secular fears come to the surface to be shared with the young ones that are shocked and surprised to learn that the Elders too fear death, as they were the ones passing onto us their own Fears, so that Death would seem less scary to them through the eyes of the young ones that had all their Life ahead of them, until they spilled over their uncontainable Fears under the guise of the Worship/Cult of Death and the Dead and took their Life from them, to live a little longer through the imaginary fearless world of Youth, no matter if the sharing their fears and imprinting them into children with fancy names meant that the children were now contaminated by Fear as they were, but they called it Love your Dead Ones, so it was all right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT question this sickness of the worship/ cult of Death when Life was clearly never on anybody's mind and for not standing up for Life while I accepted and allowed myself to be put back in my place by Death and Fear of Death, as all the generations that went before me and will go after me, UNLESS WE STOP and return Here where Life is, in Breath as Oneness and Equality and What is best for All, until Death will be no more and we will be back to Life eternal Here in every moment of Breath, for the generations to come.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on my own fear of Death to children and the Young ones under fancy stories of Disasters as I myself felt thrilled by the stories of Disasters when I was a kid, such as Titanic and asked my mum to tell it again and again, never realizing I was not thrilled, I was scared to Death by Death and confused the feeling of fear with thrill/excitement like the ones leading groups of tourists are still doing until today, when they describe our Monumental Cemetery as 'an Exciting At-Most-Fear'.


Self commitment statements on fear of Death to follow