Day 373: Letting Hong Kong go

The Chinese characters for "Hong Kong". (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As I wrote the title of this blog I felt a sense of sadness, a sense of loss.

Hong Kong has been the peak of my professional value and somehow of my personal value as well.

It is where, according to my mind, I shone the most, I was at my best, the world at my feet, I was slim, attractive, well dressed, connected to all the right people and earning a lot of money. In addition I was independent with a full time helper and the freedom to travel around the world at my fingertips.

What my mind always forgets to bring up when throwing memories in my face at all apparently random moments is the downside of it, I was never really happy in a stable way in my lifetime, when I was in Hong Kong I was either high or tipsy all the way to drunk.

I was bulimic and would spend Sundays roaming aimlessly inside supermarkets and gourmet shops looking for enticing but cheap food because I knew I would eat it and then throw it up, I had given myself up to my mind completely, I didn't even try to fight it any more, my life was a life of damage-management.

And yet, whenever Hong Kong comes up in my mind it is to highlight the glamour, the 'good side of it all', the food I loved, my sense of having successfully impersonated somebody competent but this is they key word 'impersonating', so however others perceived me, that was never how I experienced myself, instead I always felt overstretched between worlds, the one where I came from and the one where I had landed myself, always stressed at the idea that it could all fall apart and that I would be outed as an impostor, because I couldn't, shouldn't have been able to make that jump, ever, where I was born and my life history could have only led me to an average life, my Hong Kong life was way above who I believed myself to be or could ever be and this stretch, this attempt to stretch myself beyond my self imposed limitation kept me on my toes and at a level of anxiety that at the time I could only medicate with pot and with pretending that all was really fine, as I hung to positive thinking looking for that relief that I could not have from my mind.
Switching it off never seemed an option, maybe I could pivot it -as Abraham Hicks said-, I thought at the time, pivot my thoughts into something else, oblivious to the fact that none of it was real and that the essential experience of myself, sadly, remained.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Hong Kong had a value that I could try and squeeze out of it for myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that it was me divesting some of my value, some of my substance, to Hong Kong and then attempt to get it back by living Hong Kong as me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when images and memories of enticing Hong Kong pop up in my mind, to not question why my mind is offering that specific hook in that specific moment but instead take the hook all the way into regret for having left a city I believed I loved so much

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was Hong Kong that made me feel special and better than how I felt in other places in my life, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that there was nothing special in Hong Kong but the sum of the values of the things I have been valuing in my life and that instead of taking Hong Kong as my opportunity to break free, I dived into it believing that I had arrived, that that was My city, my place -and not just a place like any other where I just happened to come face to face with the divested values of myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress the truth about my real experience of Hong Kong, such as how I really experienced myself as lonely, sad, weak and addicted, as the puppet of my own mind without seeing, realizing and understanding that things got to where they got through my participation in the 'positive thinking' movement, that while it enhanced on the surface all the good, kept in the backstage all the negative, the bad, which grew to a point where my anxiety reached a level of unsustainability and I had to leave the city

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny my experience of myself while in Hong Kong because I had previously manifested my dis-ease with this world, with life in general and my place in it and had been told to 'chin up' hence I wanted to find one place in the world where I did fit in, where I did not keep experiencing myself in such a negative oppressive way and I turned Hong Kong into this positive place for myself, one place in the world where I could believe I fitted in so as not to feel like such a misfit for the rest of my life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that making one place in the world 'my perfect place' came with a price tag, which was that the rest of the world could never be my perfect place because that place was already assigned and within this for creating within myself a polarity between Hong Kong and the rest of the world with the result that when I came back to Italy or I moved to Thailand I was forced to live in my 'not favorite place' and within that for creating unnecessary anxiety for myself regarding my placement in the world that should always be equal and not matter at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the depth of a self created depression when I came back to Italy because I faced the perception of a fall from grace, where grace was Hong Kong and Italy was a shit hole by comparison as I failed to see, realize and understand that a place is just a place and everything I experience within it, within me is of my own making 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was suddenly less, worth-less since I came back to Italy because I no longer had the relationship of positive energy I had imbued myself and Hong Kong with, tying together myself to a city in search of a stability that I never reached there or anywhere else, as I failed to see, realize and understand that I mySelf must become my own stability and nothing else outside of me that can be taken away, cease to exist or simply reveal itself for what it always was, a place no different from any other but just overcharged with my own 'positive energy investments'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive and feel a sense of loss at the idea that I may never be able to go back to Hong Kong in fear that I will never feel as positive as I felt when I was there, while hiding from myself the whole truth about those times, when I was sad, addicted, bulimic and lonely

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed about being lonely, sad, addicted and bulimic and for suppressing those truths so that I could keep up the image of the accomplished business woman and get kudos points for myself from others within the hope to gain a value for myself that I perceived I never had

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make mental lists of the many reasons why I loved Hong Kong without seeing, realizing and understanding that everything that was on my list was always a point of positive energetic feedback in which I perceived an increase of value for myself and that the solution cannot be to return to where I divested my value but to return to myself the value I have divested over time over this particular city

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was worth-less on my return to Italy because I perceived the lack of all my positive energy props about Hong Kong, failing to see realize and understand that I never lived in that city for real and I know for sure because when I saw for the first time the documentary Hong Kong cage dwellers or the plight of the migrant maids and their abuses, I was shocked as I never knew this reality even existed under my very eyes and this is the proof that I have hovered over Hong Kong in my position of privilege and not lived there within all its dimension at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would never be the same as I was in Hong Kong as in sharp, well adjusted and successful instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that those definition of myself where definitions of myself as The Mind and they had no foundation in reality as I can see, realize and understand that I have never lived those words as myself but as a system within a system and one of the reasons why I felt well adjusted was because I had successfully managed to stop questioning reality and some of the friction that I used to feel due to questioning reality and the purpose of our existence subsided, as I successfully accepted that this reality finally worked for me and that all questioning should end, submitting myself to myself as the Mind and my own deluded self definitions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invest value in another culture as a way to escape mine, which seemed belittling to me by comparison to the vastness of the oriental culture, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that a culture is just a cult and that when I started digging into the Chinese one I found many similarities to mine because all cultures are limiting, judgemental and oppressive and within this that I did not see realize and understand that I was trying to break free from my own limits, judgements and oppressions by projecting the judgement about them outside, on my culture, on what cultivated me from embryo into adulthood instead of taking responsibility for myself about breaking free from my preprogrammed and self programmed limiting existence

When and as I see myself long for Hong Kong, desire to be there, regret that I have ever left or about to do any of such things, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that I am clear about what was valuable about Hong Kong and that was my own energetic investment in it and I can realign myself by taking it all back to delete it and my ties to this city for good

When and as I see myself projecting to myself happy moments in Hong Kong as a way to remind myself of my utter failure to lift myself out of this country, my past and my culture, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that there is nothing wrong with Italy per se and I can take back all judgements and self judgements about myself and Italy in relation to each other so that my experience here doesn't have to be a struggle but can become just like anywhere else, where I can work toward being stable so I can really focus on what matters

When and as I see myself indulging or about to indulge in a moment of sadness for what I lost, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that I have lost nothing but an energetic feedback from my own investment from my own years spent substantiating Hong Kong as being more than somewhere else and special and breath by breath make sure that here is nothing left tying me to this city as any ties means I am in fact Not Free

I commit myself to let Hong Kong go for good

I commit myself to, whenever a though, a memory, a feeling comes up within me or is about to come up about Hong Kong, to flag it so that I can remind myself that I have walked my SF in relation to this point and my SCS and I just need to now walk them into the physical to make the severing of this ties real and for good

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Day 335: The Joy and Freedom of Hating Desteni

I have been with Desteni for over 2 years now.

I used to be a heavy duty, unrepentant, Pot Smoker, Life didn't make any sense to me and I felt too inadequate to take on the world as myself and stand for what could be a world that works for all.

Before I met Desteni I wasn't even interested, come on, who would even think to try and change this world, aligning to the distortion of what we created is so much easier and, in many cases, even financially rewarding.

The people at Desteni helped me a lot when I joined the Forums, not because they are Self Perfected beings(...), but because they are working to become the kind of beings that care about others and all Life, this is why they spend much time working on themselves to uproot the Evil we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become, selfish little egotistical shits, that have no other interest but to have the upper hand on others, at any cost, even just by using our words to try and diminish what we perceive is a call to Self Responsibility for a Self responsible World, as our Creation.

It was only with the use of Desteni Tools that I was able to leave behind for good an addiction I could not sort out in over 25 years, and I have tried anything, from therapy, to Spirituality, positive thinking, Abraham Hicks, Matrix Energetics, Family Constellation, Detox, Hypnotherapy, Cranial Sacral Therapy, sacred geometry, anything that exists I have personally investigated and positively failed to help me sort myself out, sure they must be bullshitters with a lucky strike to manage to provide just the right tools that did the trick, or could they be up to something?

I am currently at the Desteni Farm, where I have been hosted for free, simply because I did not have the money to contribute, but these weird people Here insist that every human is NOT to be seen as 'money making' potential but as a Life potential and must be supported to find it in them to stand for themselves and every other living being, as Equals. Crazy, mind-blowing shit. By the way I reserve my right to write a full Witness blog at the end of my stay - anyone who talks about anything should have done their leg work and put in the effort to go and find out if there is substance to people's claim, are we not otherwise brainwashed if as Truth Seekers we look only for 'The Truth we Like?', how convenient is that?

I even get to sit with the Inter-dimensional Portal every day, a little girl that speaks anything from biology to physics, able to explain in detail any paranormal phenomena that has ever existed, from Demons to Angels to Ghosts, any freaking thing -without a script, of course that should make us question this Reality, we could do that OR take up our little pens and keyboards and try and diminish what we can't even understand yet, THAT will save us from feeling belittled in all our Knowledgeable Minds by someone who is not fitting our ideas and opinions of what communication with the other side should look and be like - and then we insist on us being the intelligent species - compared to what? Forks? Which other species has shown the same disregard for life that we have shown just because we think and speak, yeah, the real high achievers of this existence, you just need to look around at what we created, something we must all be proud of.

Wouldn't you like a better world? If you do, you have to start to consider how can you be a part of it, a better world will not come by while some sit watching it unfold and then join in, no, this time we are required to stand together for a change; is this going to be easy?

Surely not, we'll have to wait for everyone to align to their Self Responsibility, plus we'll have to wait for some bigheads that do nothing but spread lies and misinformation about Desteni, just because they know they should be standing too, but they rather cash in on the controversial energy that surrounds us as a group, so they can get some views and publish some ads on their website (think we didn't notice?), some would do anything for money hei, even compromise their own chances to get the message about how to stop being Dick-s so we could be Life instead.

It 'feels good' to Hate Desteni, considering that the alternative is so much scarier, the idea that You are in fact as responsible for this world as anyone else and that it is time for You to stand as the Change You Want to See in This World and that we are accountable, each one of us, for everything we have ever participated in, inside and out, and there goes a real frightening thought, obviously Hating is just so much easier, though ammunition must be getting scarce  if some have to write 'overall blogs' vs the specific libelous ones, careful though, the hatred shows, there aren't enough clever words to line up to disguise it effectively, specifically when young girls are called 'cock teasers' just because they share their views on sexuality.

 

So, there is a Journey to Nothingness to walk, the tools are provided for free to return to yourself your Authority so you can Author and Authorize a different world from the one we live in, use your words wisely - we are already doing time on this planet, because it's time we get it that we have to find ways to coexist, and one day you will open your eyes to realize the world we live in is a world you are contributing to with your words and godforbid the day you will, you better find a place to go for support because the fall will be painful, I can testify to this from personal experience.

For those that claim to be intelligent, please consider that being in the business of hating Desteni is a luxury no one can really afford, because this time Money won't buy anyone their way out of here, we'll have to walk together a new path for a new world and there is never going to be Your Way out of this.

Desteni has written and is writing a Destiny for All Humankind, a Way Out, together we can stop all suffering and return Dignity to this world, you have the Choice to join and walk your change or not, but no Choice is Free, not even to those with plenty of Money, We are all Doing Time here, and will do all the Time required to Self Realize that either this World works for All or soon it won't work for anyone, because we can only be and live what we are willing to give and let others be, Jesus said that -and instead of living his words -we crucified him.

There is Only One Choice that ends All Consequences, and that is what is Best for All, which is not an opinion or an idea, it's a point each one can find within themselves if they care to look for it, the Cross is the Choice, you get off if you For-Give Life to yourself and All Equally or you can Not Be for-Give-ness and nail yourself to the Cross until you make the Right Choice, there was always Only One Choice - Dumb Human - we just kept missing it.

You can get it now or after some Time on The Cross, You Choose.  Happy CrossOvers ahead.

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Day 332: The Lies of Positive Thinking and Law of Attraction

This is going to be a sore blog to write.

It's the story of how I went all the way with Law of Attraction, meaning checked its consistency, because I could at the time, I had plenty money in my pockets and no fear.

For years I had been listening to Abraham Hicks and his teachings, the point that everything had two sides that could be summed up into 'something' or 'the lack of it' was very clear to me, the world existed within a duality frame, Abraham said that The Secret was to just align with what we wanted, do not allow ourselves to focus on the lack of it but just on the object of our desire, and then wait to see how the universe would deliver to us everything we dreamed of - and more.

The theory sustained that the Universe had been keeping a tab of All Our Desires, and was always willing to deliver to everyone what they wanted, they just had to Ask -and it would be given.

As I write this I can see how the whole story is quite lame, with the situation we have in this world believing that the universe would give me 'a parking space' or the money for 'the dress I wanted' was just outlandish, at least in a Universe with any Morality, obviously the Universe would have to keep into account that first It should deliver the Necessities required by All, such as food, water, shelter, I mean, imagine that we were too greedy to put on hold our individual desires or focus on what others are lacking, that they need to survive, FIRST, wouldn't a benevolent Universe be Able to rearrange all requests by Priorities?

I don't know who is in charge of giving out Parking Spaces in Heaven, but wouldn't be logical that Heaven should reassign this 'Angel' to do something more relevant, like giving food to the dying kids in Asia or Africa - or were people in Heaven too specialized in tasks and unable to be redirected - like did they have The Angel of Parking Spaces and the F&B (food and beverage) Angel was so overwhelmed with work that he could not keep up?

How was this theory really working and WHY if we found that this was the way the world operated, didn't we go to Africa to show children that they had to stop focusing on their hunger, they should visualize a BigMac instead or a McMeal, why were we keeping The Secret to ourselves?

So as I said, with plenty money in my pocket I left my job and moved to Thailand where I had the whole day to realign my focus and see if this Law was really a Law of the Universe and committing to, once I had worked out all details, spread the good news - for free.

For months I listened and watched nothing else but Law of Attraction cds and videos, it made so much sense, the questions such as why there is suffering in the world where always cleverly redirected into 'some choose to experience life at the other end of polarity', but of course, why did I not think about it, because already the thinking about this made me feel so much better, silly me, for years I dwelled on the misery of Humanity when in fact it was a CHOICE, Great, I could now move on and stop the lifelong affliction with guilt and shame for the world we live in.

And THAT I did succesfully, so succesfully in fact that I would dodge beggars in the street, afraid that they may contaminate my Mind escrow of positive thinking stuff, because we had to guard our emotions as well, no negative emotions allowed, there was even a chart which would highlight both the emotions we were living and the required process to get out of them, according to the book Ask and It Is Given.

I had plenty of time, I did all the process mentioned, religiously, I could 'pivot' among my emotions riding rampages of appreciation until I would feel good, I mastered that process -and unfortunately shared it with others who suffered like me from anxiety or sadness or worse-, I lived a jet setter life style but the money kept reducing in my bank account, there was no ACTION taken to support the Lie of Energy as Emotions and I had to discover the hard way that NO ACTION means NO MONEY.

If you are still a Believer, take it all the way, prove your Faith in the Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking to yourself, take No Action and watch your Money disappear, there is no way you are going to manifest Money out of thin air because MONEY requires physical movement, it requires participation in reality, unless you have truckloads of Money and then you make your Money work for you, but you see, again, somebody or something has got to work to get the Money!

Moral of my story, both Positive Thinking and Law of Attraction are Hoaxes, they just ride our desire to inflate our lives with unnecessary 'goods' while others live out al the 'bads', we should have realized it by ourselves, there is no way anyone in this world could have chosen some of the horrific lives that are taking place under our very eyes, if we believe it, is because we want to, it's because we look for excuses and justification to why we have it better than some, when you really look at it Positive Thinking is just Evil, it's the Selfish desire to feel good no matter what, in the face of a world where people suffer while we shut them out, come on, if The Secret were real, what would it have cost to the writers of the book to go and share it with those that are starving? Or don't we believe in the Infinite Resources of the Universe, isn't the Universe able to cater for All as long as we align with our desires?

No it's not, it seems pretty obvious with 1/3 of the world living below the Poverty Line, the Earth resources are Finite, what we're pulling out of one side of the equation means some have to go without it, think about it, the poor of this world can't be all pessimists or are they having negative emotions because they found out that this world is designed in a way that will never allow them to take part in it, no matter what, that they don't stand a chance to make it, or to even come to a stability that would allow them and their families to leave in peace?

You know what is The Secret? The Secret is that those that sell us bullshit, about how to make money doing nothing, are liars, and they need the ones who dumbly believe in their words so that They Can Make Money, there this is the Secret, and the why they don't tell us how they made Their Money, because they would have to tell us that they need the naives who will buy any lie they write to support their lifestyle, but they can't -because then we would have a negative emotion and they can't afford the luxury of a negative emotion that could make their house of cards crumble once and for all.

We are the Creators of this world, if we feel bad about it, if we feel shame, there may be reasons, we feel bad because this world is unjust, because many suffer, because we lost ourselves into Mind Games while Life goes unnoticed in the best cases or completely wiped out in the worst cases, so why don't we give up the feeling chart and put our hands on paper for a Human Rights Chart?

We have done it at the Equal Life Foundation, no one says you have to give it all up, but you have to start considering others who have not been born in our same conditions of privilege and start to share what we can while supporting a new system that will guarantee that Life is a Human Right for all, then being Happy may be real, until then we are just Great Pretenders, and the only charts we are on, is the top of the chart of  Human Indifference and Disconnection -and that makes us unworthy of the Life we are not busy guaranteeing to All Others - and then we want to believe in a Universe that would reward this as Benevolence, because we deserve it, because we managed to Feel Good through a Rampage of Appreciation of what we have and others can only dream about? 

Wow, what an achievement...

Time to Wake Up. Life is Waiting.

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Day 151: The Biggest Missing Piece - A Reply to Abraham Hicks

I followed Abraham's teachings for over 10 years, I bought all the videos, books and tapes available and brainwashed myself with them, literally.

I had to make a few changes in my life to keep up with Positive Thinking, for example I would not allow negative thinkers around me and would blame them for 'bringing the tone of the positive' down, so to speak, like in mathematics, if you have positive numbers to which you add negative numbers, the positive numbers decrease, so if I was a +10 and my friends a -7 and I ended up being a +3, it was obviously Their Fault.

I went to a few events as well, Houston & San Antonio Texas, a venue I believed I manifested in perfect synchronicity with one of my husband unplanned business trips, during which we had a terrible fight and he boarded a plane to return home a few days before Abraham's meeting.

During his flight back home he lost his luggage where his treasured toothbrush was, since he was particular about brushing his teeth I could imagine the stress with a certain pleasure, there you go dear, see what negative thinking does to you. When you are a Positive thinker it's cool to look down at the miseries of the negative thinkers 'thinking' that they are doing that to themselves, boyohboy, when will they ever learn.

It was an easy ship to board, and I can call it a ship with reason, I joined their cruise program to Mexico on this Positive Wave/The Secret craze.

Then I decided that since this was my daily bread I should take it as far as I could, go on a deserted island and manifest money out of nothing to prove that it worked and then teach others how to do it.

It actually Did Not work, I spent all my Money in 4 years and while I pushed and strived to stay positive reality took a while to sink in, I saw as well, just recently how those Teachings diminished me, as I believed basically that my hard work in the physical real world was worth nothing and that making money was the resut not of having consistently aligned myself to the system and having worked my ass off, but simply of me being good at manifesting, at positive thinking, I scuffed my physical life and my physical participation for my Mind bullshit.

The landing was not an easy one, considering that I went from positive thinking to the realization 'there is something terribly wrong with this world' first and then to Desteni, which would have been for me living on "charges' just about as polarized as one could get into a lifetime, Desteni being on the extreme 'negative' polarity of the spectrum, otherwise called 'in touch with reality' I thought that I would not survive the stretch either, that I would snap in half and that would be the end of me.

It's been over a year since I started walking with Desteni and applying their tools, two days ago I watched Abraham again, in a video called 'The Biggest Missing Piece' I used to really always get a kick out of the channelings and discount everything I saw when someone opposed the teachings as 'them, not getting it', this time this is what I noticed:

A man exposed very clearly his distress about The World and what is going on, which would equate phase 2 of my life, he is still lacking phase 3, Desteni, because he has not yet heard about us, maybe our messages will reach him this way. Basically he woke up to the shithole of this existence and was not taking any positive chit chat for an answer

Things Abraham did that I did not notice before: 

sympathized with the man, told him 'yes you are right we are not denying what you are saying, horrific things are indeed going on everywhere', the 'WE' hit me for the first time, because 'WE' means there is more of 'Us' than 'Yous' -and they always said there are more than 100 entities channeling through One voice as Abraham-, and 'We' is usually granted to Royalty that speak as 'We', for the same reason, because more of us means more than One of You, in case you didn't get the superiority point through the "Channeling Act" or 'the Royalty title" itself.

The apparent equalizing was another way to level the play field but the 'WE' staid so there could be no real leveling or equalizing for real.

The man went on exposing in a very articulate manner what he saw in the world and how disgusted he was by it all, the cameras took in the people in the background, a typical channeling bunch, of lifeless uncomfortable lot that didn't know how to respond, some sneered, because after all they were paying money for the 'good feeling' and like me with my friends they wanted no 'party pooper' around that brought in reality into the equation as the effort to float above reality takes some consistency, being reality everywhere and hard to avoid.

Through an absolute unrelated gimmick he was taken on a Death trip to Heaven, to remind him that there is death if all else fail, be patient, and then on a closing that was rushed into 'your choice my man, I have a really good story here that gives you joy but you want to insist on reality? - Let's be clear that I have not failed you, the story stands, it's YOU no longer willing to believe it hei- remember where to place the blame when you'll review our little chat."

Here some of the replies from us as a Group

The BIGGEST Missing Piece - Response to Abraham Hicks - by Bernard

The Missing Piece - a Video response to Abraham Hicks, by Andrea 

The Biggest Missing Piece -- Video Response to Abraham Hicks - by Maya

The Biggest Missing Piece - Abraham Hicks, by Marlen 

It was painful to watch, the point is, is it true that 'We can't handle The truth'? Is the fear of the Truth of this existence and ourselves that is making us seek the unbelievable ad then make us beLieve it, what if we woke up to the state of this world to do what is required to create a Life that is Best for All?

Wouldn't that be what we say we want, so what are we waiting for looking for obvious Mind games vs reality, because get this, Reality is Not going away just because we don't focus on it, Reality is Here to stay, how else could we face what went wrong with our Creation and make an existential correction that starts with Each One of us?

There is the question to ask about Why we believe the stories told by The Positive Thinking Teachers and if we can become self honest about it we can say, because we mainly deal with negative thoughts and emotions as the experience of ourselves that we cannot explain or make sense of, we spend the first years of our lives trying to find reasons and meaning to both this Creation, for which we have no clear memories telling us how the fuck did we get here and why, and the mechanics of how we experience ourselves, one of the main oppositions we find to the Desteni Message is people fearing to leave behind 'emotions and feelings' and yet we looked for so long to make sense of them, which is the point where Abraham fits in neatly, when you say, "emotions and feelings are your guidance system", everything seems to make sense, there you go, we are on a Treasure Hunt and they forgot to tell us how to move around, got it, follow the good feelings back Home. Pity it was and is all just a big fat (expensive) Lie.

Check out #EqualMoney for a solution that will change Reality for All in reality and not in our dis-eased Minds seeking for solace in a world that truly doesn't make sense.

I have done lots of Sf for my involvement with LOA, I will apply SF for/as Esther's Role in this Character Creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question an entity that told me that all is well in this world when it was clear that it is not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an alter ego as a Sub Personality that takes over as 'Chaneling' that says things I can not take responsibility for because 'I am not there'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question the point of the Economics/Monetary System in this world as a source of suffering because Abraham said that we each chose our Life experience even though I would not have chosen a life of misery, war, starvation, murder or rape for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and alowing myself to let go of mine and Jerry's Common Sense about wanting to know about the Whys of the "Wrongs of the World" and for accepting and allowing an entity whose purpose we didn't question because the message 'felt good' to con-vince us that 'that was not out work' as that we didn't have to take responsibility for this world as Our Creation, as One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we deserved to stay at the Westin and have the best food and the best life while others did not because I justified the existence of suffering as having  made the "wrong/different choice" up in heaven before they reincarnated that resulted in a shitty life that no one could possibly wish for themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question Death and the anomaly of it in a world of Joy, not even when my lifelong partner crossed over and I was devastated by grief because I have to stick to my story that Death is Fun and we just 'don't get it'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide that my partner Jerry had cancer for many months because we could not come up with a good explanation about the fact that we each choose how to exit the physical and yet Jerry was sick and in pain for months having to go through Chemotherapy like everyone else that is Cancer striken in the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie about the sickness of Jerry attributing it first to a spider bite that magically turned into leukemia and for lying about seeking treatment with stem cells in South Korea, because this would have made us 'normal people' trying everything to stay alive haveing a dreadful Fear of Death, and not the Joyful Deliberate Creators that looked forward to the transition into the non -physical through the fun experience of 'croaking'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I become a Beacon of Joy through having All My desires fulfilled, then this will create opportunities for the world at large to align to well being, even though I have been telling the same story consistently for over 20 years and the world has become worse and yet I did not bother to have a Reality Check because My Reality worked out just fine

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the consequences of a message that glorifies Death in a sick and sickening world, where we made Death look so glamourous that people may believe it is a cool way out, such as Karen, the lady that suffered from grave depression and ended up committing suicide after which we deleted her from the Forums because it gives the wrong impression of the joyful croaking transition into non physical - and maybe of our responsibility in it as she took our words about Death being so cool that she could not wait to experience it-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not really Hear what the Distressed man brought to the table which could have been my chance to question The Truth of this Mess-Age I am spreading for over 20 years, because I was too busy keeping up the act that gives me a living and without which I would no longer know Who I Am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not Hear the Common Sense of the Words of a Man that exposed the inconsistency between reality and the Message of Law of Attraction, targeting only the Few that have already access to a world of well being, having enough to either attend the seminars and buy books and tapes, which means they have food as well and a roof over their head and an education that allows them to read or access the message in some way, vs the world at large where 2.5 billion people don't have access to sanitation and 1 billion is starving and or malnourished as we write

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and belittle the man who raised some much important questions regarding the state of the world, because not belittling him would mean belittling me and my message and this cannot happen

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell the story that the 'Secret behind The Secret' is me and my 'original Message of wellbeing and 'You can have it if you Want it' when in truth the Secret is that in an obviously finite universe where resources are limited if you take more than you need, someone will have to go without, which is what is shown to us in the increase of poverty and starvation since law of Attraction was introduced and practiced

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to insist that these are the best of Times for 'Shifts to Happen' and only rarely add that they are 'The Worse of Times too', not making the connection that it must be if everything exists within polarity and that increasing the pulling of the Positive will have to create an increase on the Negative, and that is fine, as long as the Negative happens somewhere remote where we can't find a correlation to 'that thing we do' as we participate in the positive Polarity of The Mind for our own selfish and self centered reasons

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that now that Jerry is gone and I no longer have a sounding board to confirm that everything I say is true, everything may come tumbling down if I engage in depth questions such as the gentleman's questions about The State of the world for too long, and I will be exposed as a fraud in the best case or a mental case at worst

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear facing the Reality of this World and the Suffering that exists because this would invalidate my whole Life's work and Myself as I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'Abraham's Channeler' and friend.

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Day 110: 'What if I Ask and it is NOT Given?' Character - SF and SCS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the Philosophy of 'Ask and it Is Given' when ample evidence is everywhere to show that many are asking and yet it is NOT given, because the System is NOT built to be able to sustain everyone and every living being Equally but to make some the Winners and some the Losers at the Game of Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately brush away the evidence that there is suffering in The World because I did not want my positive experience of believing that anything I wanted I could get, to be spoiled by thoughts and negative emotions about the inhumane conditions in which we allow some of us to live while we get off on the 'feeling good ' practices of the World that we can afford because We have Money in our pockets and NOT because we are special

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some may have chosen an experience of physical discomfort as starvation and famine and watching their kids die, as it is sustained by all the New Age Cults, because I wanted to not have to worry about them while I entertained myself with beliefs as preposterous as 'Ask and It Is Given' in the face of millions who ask for food every waking hour of their day and it is NOT given, by God or the Universe and not even by Ourselves who instead have the luxury to throw away food so as to not be bothered to design a system for the redistribution of the surplus resources/food of some countries to benefit/feed everyone in the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for reasons about why we are special to be fed and with a roof over our head to justify the system as it is, instead of seeing that This system is justified by our own Fear that if we do not justify it, we'll have to join the homeless and starving to show everyone that the system cannot be fucked with and so we are looking for justification to do what we do, due to our Fears of standing up for what is an obvious injustice in this world as believing that not all have the same right to Live and to the Life they were born  with, because we created a system that is not Life friendly but Life threatening, and now we feel threatened with every Breath we take

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that the reason why philosophies like 'Ask and It Is Given', New Age, Matrix Energetics are so popular is because I/we wish to find points to justify WHY it is OK to not stand up for the World as myself, and within those beliefs I can make myself feel good as I believe I am into them for the good of All and that I will eventually share the bounty once I get my hands on it, yet all the Founders of Spiritual Practices as Capitalism have proven again and again, that once they become rich, they keep the loot and the bounty to themselves, trickling down the crumbles of their fortune as we justify that ANYONE can have access to it All, if they Ask because it is Given, when in fact WE KNOW that this is NOT TRUE and that we are just hoping to pass on our delusions as justifications about WHY we are NOT standing up for a Change that would benefit All equally, as we fear losing our positions of Privilege within the World and the World Systems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that some of the  New teachings fit in perfectly with my/our desire to not have to interact with each others for Real out of the humongous Fears that we  have built and fed in an as The Mind that I do not want to own up to and face, and so I keep myself content with developing theories that revolve all about ways to Not interact with others and have it All, basically have my Cake and Eat It

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stupid every time I look back at what I believed -and why- instead of letting go once and for All the judgement of me as Stupid which stands in the way of my self honesty as I use my own self judgements to scare myself and prevent myself from looking at the whys and hows I ended up be-lie-ving the unbelievable as long as I would not have to face my fears and within this I see realize and understand, that I label myself as Stupid because I perceive that being Stupid is better than being Fearful as I know how to stop being stupid by just stopping believing the unbelievable, yet I tell myself I do not know how to stop being fearful, while I do know, as fearful, like stupid are just definitions and ideas that I have accepted of and as myself at one point in time and that I can backtrack to their origin to delete them through self forgiveness and self corrective application to stop my stupidity as an excuse to not do the things I fear doing whose fears i myself have created through storing knowledge and information about 'my perceived negative experiences' based on memories that are not Real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have been stupid for believing in Law of Attraction and Abraham Hicks and Matrix Energetics, while I see that I have never been stupid, because it took a lot of cunning clever deception to believe such bullshit as a justification for why we were not required to stand in and as Self Responsibility for ourselves and the World and that 'Stupid'' is a nicer label than ''deliberate fucker' which would be closest to the truth of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become, because we seek and pay People who are willing to put their face onto the Bullshit they sell Just so we Can make THEM responsible for NOT Having changed and stood up as they said it was Not required of us and that everything was in 'divine order', that we were on a Course in Miracles, on an Energetics Matrix, on A Journey to Joy, and with the teachings they sold the blindfolds with their names on it that we could wear hoping to get away with murder and our own Accountability, and we can self  honestly see how priceless such teachings are, that we can BUY through the MONEY we have, our way out from our responsibility for this world and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to believe in Love so I could cover up My fears that there is something wrong with this World and that there is much that I fear but if I make myself beLieve in Love, I can make myself feel 'safe'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that if I am the One making myself feel Safe through Love, I must be the One making myself scared through my own accepted and allowed bullshit that I have picked up from my Family/Environment as Parenting/ Patterns and that when I am fear-full I am just playing out one of my Characters that I have embodied in this Life Game so I could keep the Illusion of separation going and the Blame Game that it was others, institutions, educations, religion who made me this way and there is nothing I can do about it, instead of seeing and realizing that since it was always ME the required point of acceptance and allowance, I am in fact self response-able and I can change what I accept and allow as myself and STOP scaring myself to Death so I can start to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'Asking' as in Seeking with a negative Charge, because if and when I ask I believe I am stating I am not enough and do not have enough, and I am Cheap, because if I had enough I would NOT be asking for anything , instead of seeing and realizing this is just a definition I have picked up from my family that defined and patterned all Words for me before Me, and then just passed them on in separation from themselves as living words, and I accepted and allowed them in me as me, so that words ended up within me as tools of separation with their own charges as memories of experiences and a Life of their own in separation from me as the living word, and that asking is not negative or positive but determined by my self honesty to ask for myself as Life as What is best for ALL

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never ASK as a Character that 'doesn't ASK' and is superior to those 'who are constantly asking for something' as I stood  and lived as the fear of being told NO, believing that being told NO means I am worthless and not valuable or I would be told YES, always all the time, because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my worth and value lies in the positives experiences of me as 'YES' and not in me as Self Worth and Self Value not defined by a Yes or No experience of myself,  and for this I Forgive Myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I as myself as the experience of YES am more valuable and worthy than the experience of myself as NO, and so within the fear of experiencing myself as NO as in diminishment and worthlessness, I would not ask to avoid any chance of the experience of NO that I myself defined and built as a lesser experience than the 'YES' experience', instead of realizing that any experience within polarity is my creation and it's Not real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for ways to expand my knowledge and information about Energy as a source of Value, as I hoped that when I did become All Knowledgeable about Energy then I would be able to never interact with the real world at all, and Like Harry Potter I would cast my spells inside my Mind in isolation and voila', my Life and other's lives would be sorted out without any physical interactions in which random fears and experiences may arise of which I feared to  not be in control of and feared having to face instead of having the leisure and choice to suppress and deny them within me as The Mind, and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be an Energy Wizard within Matrix Energetics for the purpose of gaining Value for myself and make myself feel Special, so when I would be special I would never again have to experience the 'NO' experience within and as myself in which I saw myself as rejected and diminished and BAD as I was not rewarded as I had been taught that rewards are YES/positive experiences, but held hostage by a NO, negative experience so I would become defter and more manipulative to fine tune my skills for rewarding, checking out everything that is rewarded in Life and align to it as a way to get to feel the positive energy experience of 'YES' and feel good about myself as only the good ones/worthy/valuable ones are rewarded with the YES/positive experience, while the others are given the NO/negative experience to underline that they have not satisfied the requirements the system has set for the positive/YES experience and they must work harder at it, until they get it and get to feel special and worthy about themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my mother whenever she would say 'I said NO' without taking the time to explain to me why that 'NO' was the best common sense choice, assuming that I as a kid would not be able to see common sense when shown, instead using NO as a way to feel powerful over me that I believed as I filed the word NO together with the experience of having been duped and overpowered and not being able to do anything about it but roll over and pretend to graciously accept the parental verdict that stated 'I was not good enough for a YES' now suck up on your NO and don't be a wimp about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mum for how I experienced myself within the polarity of the words YES and NO, believing that it was her fault if I experienced myself as diminished/rewarded, not seeing realizing and understanding that my permission, acceptance and allowance of an experience was always required of me as I moved through Life and that I just lacked the instructions about what was going on with me, as did my mum and all the Parents that have walked the earth so far re-patterning their Children into their own sins as faults, as reactions as memory and experiences that they themselves believed to be real and who they really were, while no one would STOP to break the chain and start to reverse the trend through self responsibility as the Break that would put an end to All Blame games and begin the re-patterning of a Self Responsible World where Life is valued and considered as the only Worth/Value we All Share Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate my relationship with the word 'NO' as the experience of diminishment that I feared and that I shared with much of Humanity to the point that we manifested an Idea that we could ask and it would be given, the YES we were seeking and desiring for a statement of self worth and self value that we had separated ourselves from as self worth and self value, and within this I FORGIVE myself for separating myself from my Self Worth and Self Value Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that conferences where we are taught ideas and philosophies about 'always having it our way' as in Ask and It is given, or were we sit and pretend to throw dolphins as in frequencies to each other, are kindergarten for the wealthy, where we pay the entrance fee ourselves now, just to have the positive experience of ourselves that we seek and hope for, not wanting to see and realize that if we pay to get the positive experience, we are moving within the Capitalistic system of Rewards and that nothing special is happening from the outside moving us into positive experiences, we just paid the required 'positive experience' Fee and then allowed ourselves to generate the positive experience, which when we look at it, it's bizarre to say the least, yet it is apparently important to group together as on one side we pay for the right to believe what we want while some sell the beliefs we want, no more and no less than any other Consumerist products available within our society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the selfishness that we teach each other through these 'feel good ' programs is a good thing, because I have to feel good before I can attend to myself as the world, while I fail to see that the feel good is the translation of Capitalism into experiences, where good feelings are sold within the clear understanding of our fear for the negative feelings, and that being duped by Spiritualistic Capitalism doesn't make us any more intelligent than being duped by Capitalism, we just gave it a better twist when we saw that jumping on the Capitalistic boat was not giving the hoped results, both in terms of the Money and the good feelings to milk out of it, as much more money is required to feel good within Capitalism, than it is required to feel good about spirituality, so we embraced the watered down version of Capitalism as spirituality as the less wealthy can afford to dream to throw each other 'good feeling words' or 'frequency dolphins' but NOT to go on a beach where there are real dolphins to share time and space with, as for that real Money and Not Frequency Feel Good Imaginary Experiences, is in fact Required

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrilled because I pushed through one of my resistances, living the positive experience as a reward of being told 'YES, YES, YES' without seeing and realizing that I have to be aware to not turn pushing through resistances into seeking positive experiences or I will have just moved on the stick of polarity from My Fear of negative Experience as in being told 'NO' to the thrill of the positive experience of being told YES, entertaining myself within polarity and not breaking free to just walk and do what needs to be done and stand stable whatever may come, the YES or the NO as I stop being defined by my 'emotional experience' as worth and value within polarities constructs that I accepted and allowed myself to believe to be real and who I really am, as I no longer accept or allow myself to be defined by emotional experiences as worth and value, not by the Yes as my accepted and allowed perceived Positive experience and nor by the NO as my accepted and allowed Negative experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and ashamed as I realized that I have put my partners/friends through hell as I expected and demanded that they should know what it was REALLY that I desired and wanted, instead of asking for it and accepting both the YES and the NO as not defining me as Worth and Value, but a preference of my partner/friend to which he/she was entitled to, that was not personal and did not define me in any way

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was the bringer/Creator of emotional and feeling experiences within others, as I desired to have the power of the lives of others within my hands, believing that I could make them feel good or bad, seeking the responsibility for the experience of others as I gave up my own responsibility for my own experience of myself within my relationship with others and I played both the disempowered when it came to my life and my own experiences and the empowered/powerful in relation to others and their experiences, failing to see that if I wanted to believe I had power over others, then others would have power over me and how I felt and experienced myself, as everything that I wish for another I experienced myself, and so within this I forgive myself for seeking power over others that ended up giving me the experience of disempowerment that I wished upon others as I hoped to never have to take responsibility for myself and what went on within me, while I kept the right to blame others as the other side of the coin of blaming myself for other's experiences for which I sought ownership and rights above their responsibility to their experiences

When and as I see myself desiring to HOPE that things will be fine, that something will happen and make everything All Right, or that I could ASK to some imaginary Characters in my head from which I discovered forthcoming disturbing ill-leading replies, I stop, breathe, remind myself that I am the Solution to My Self Created Problems and that I don't need imaginary help as a way to give up my self responsibility as I leave it to Beaver/God/Universe to sort things out, instead I stand to walk the correction of myself as the World so that the Outer World can change as my Inner World of acceptances and allowances of Inequality and Iniquities changes

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the Character 'I don't ASK, in case it is not given', I STOP, breathe, remind myself that I am not defined by my experiences of a YES or NO, that I do not have the elements to see why another is responding positively or negatively to a question or a request I make and that I don't have to take it personally as something that I allow myself to be diminished or exalted by, but just for what it is a Yes or a No, to which everyone is entitled as their own self expression of a need or a preference that has nothing to do with me and it's Not Personal

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into Fear about 'what if they say NO' as I anticipate the possible negative experience of the NO/negative emotion, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that I am the Creator of the experiences within myself and I do not have to fear another as the cause of my experiences but remind myself that whatever I experience is Me as what I have accepted and allowed and that within Self Honesty and Self responsibility I will be able to sort myself out to stop projecting on others the source of the experiences of myself as I consistently remind myself 'I am the One that Decides'

When and as I see myself desiring to NOT interact with others in fear of what I may experience if I do, I stop, Breathe, push myself to bring the changes I write out as Self Correction into the Physical as I face the point that All my fears are Self Created, and others are not responsible and never were for how I perceive/have perceived myself in my life, and that stopping the Blame game may require consistency as it seemed easier to blame everything outside than taking on the everything inside, yet the mirror cannot change the image it reflects, until I change the Character of myself to What is Best for All as Life to a World that is best for All as Life

I commit myself to stop myself as the Character that Fears that what I ask may not be given, as I see realize and understand I am not defined by what I am given as an 'external positive/negative experience' as I am the Creator of my own ideas and beliefs and definitions and charges that lead to my experiencing myself within polarities of negative and positive and I can STOP, by Breathing myself back Here realigning myself to Oneness and equality and What is Best for All