Sunday, August 12, 2012

Day 116: Don't Let Go and Let God, Let God Go

Take Back the Fear
Take Back the Fear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that God has a plan that I am unable to see and understand about the suffering of the world, children included, as a way to justify why it was not my business to stand up for and as The Correction/Solution, as God had everything in His Capable Hands

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the desire to hold on to this belief in God's Capacity/The Universe Ability to sort things out as I moved along my life without taking responsibility for myself and my world as my creation because that would mean admitting that I was just too scared and frightened to accept that this world is my responsibility since Here I am with nowhere to go

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that if God was capable to fix the World and he didn't do it, then God would just be a Mental Case like all of us and he could not be relied on for coming up with nothing better than what he created and blessed into existence, which is the "SinFul Human"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that the Original Sin is What Parents imprint on their Children about this System being the Way It Is because God willed it into existence This Way and so it Must be Perfect, when the evidence of a Faulty System and a Faulty Human is everywhere and that teaching Children that 'this is The Way things are' just because parents don't want to address their faults and Change themselves, is simply Child Abuse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on board the belief that Charity is what we do to Help the World and that makes us Good, instead of seeing and realizing that if Charity was the Solution the World would have changed already, instead the World has NOT changed proving that Charity is what we do to feel good about ourselves and the fact that we do NOTHING for Real Change as that would imply Self Change and God forbid we took on the task of Changing the faulty Creation that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in self interest and fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated by the people who are using God/The Universe/Consciousness as an excuse for why we are not required to Change, instead of seeing I am irritated with myself because I know better yet I still don't change and within this I forgive myself for deliberately Not Changing and commit myself to Change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust/Hope that someone/something/somewhere would pop up as the Solution from a Higher Being, without seeing and realizing that by seeking the comfort of delegation I deliberately put myself in the Lesser Being position and from there I could not stand up for Change, nor I would because this was the purpose of the Higher Being Make Belief to start with, so I could bask in my flaws and Leave it all up to God

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question WHY a God of Love would allow abuse and suffering as a way To Learn when we do not allow abuse and suffering to be inflicted on children by their parents as a way to Learn, are we better than God ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if I excuse the God in my head about what I believe He does with this world, as a 'Lesson' for Humanity, than I have to excuse everyone, from the abuser to the rapist as they too are following in God's footsteps and walking the world inflicting abuse through violence 'so that'll teach you''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Not Change as I wait/Hope for God/Something Higher/Bigger/Better than me to change me, embracing the Harry Potter belief that a wand is all I need and holding God as the Greatest Wizard that with a touch can Change me and My Life, when in fact every Change we make is made by ourselves and the intervention of God is just in Our Minds to justify Why we didn't do it before if we could in fact 'just do it'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the words 'let go and let god' with great satisfaction as if I finally found a way out of existence, offloading what was my self responsibility to God, trapping God within this Creation as the Supervisor of our accepted and allowed Dementia that was born of our separation and the fear that came with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say that I am God's servant when I was forced to repeat the meaningless prayers of the nuns I grew up with, as they passed on to me their Fear of existence that led them into reclusive Monasteries, in which they hoped to escape the World as Our Creation and what it had become and then imprinted Children with their own fears to make sure nobody would ever change and that we would keep this Dis-eases Creation in Place, following our Energetic experiences that we mistook for Life and that we went so far as to glorify even when what we experienced was just FEAR as an adrenalin rush, and that we Fear to let go is our FEAR, because when we stop the FEAR how will we know we are ALieve since we KNOW that LOVE is NOT real and All other Feelings and Emotions we seek are Not real but FEAR is the First Love and never forgotten, until we let go of the FEAR to stand as Life for ourselves and All of Existence Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that FEAR is our LOVE and that this is the point that we cannot let go of because FEAR is primal, it is the very thing that we connected to Who WE ARE as that was the consequence of our separation and the first thing we experienced as individual units of the One/Self, and so we built a world on our first Impression/Experience and now we are living the consequences of So Much Fear that we are busy creating tools and weapons to STOP the FEAR, that we ourselves create and keep Alive as we FEAR that letting go of the FEAR will make us DIE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that God as Love is just Fear dressed up for Sunday Mass, that the Mass of Fear we have AMassed required a celebration, in which we would gather and praise the Lord/Fear of this existence, instead of waking up and seeing, hei, we are scared shitless of this world, is this normal, what is this FEAR/GOD we are praying/preying to, how can we STOP?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the reason why people are running from Desteni is the same reason that kept me pussyfooting around them for some months, as I wondered if they were the Ones stirring up All That Fear within me, desiring to blame them, ending up Blaming them for what I experienced when I heard what they had to say about existence and what we accepted and allowed ourselves to become, because the Fear that they would pull the Universe/God//Love as my blinders off my eyes and I would be forced to see, was so great that I feared them as what they could do to me in no longer allowing me to be blinded, failing to see that I feared ME and I wanted to hold on to my Blanket of Safety and not to give up the Illusory Safeness that comes with giving The responsibility of what is Here to my Creator, not wanting to be an Equal to my Creator because that meant Equal responsibility and it meant I would have to get down  and dirty to clean this mess just as much as I hoped God/Universe/Light would do FOR ME and I did not like that AT ALL

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately NOT CHANGE as I see the point where I need to Change and stand, such as stopping my participation in thoughts and reactions and while I have done quite well with the reaction part, I still allow myself to go thought-hopping, believing that there is NO HARM in that if I carefully sift the thoughts to NOT THINK the harmful ones then it's OK, while I know that Thoughts are polarity creations and not who I am and whatever I think ripples within me as the Mind and I am not yet able to see HOW in the minutest detail and so I should start by STOPPING my participation and slowing myself down with Breath, until I do see as I walk all aspects of my decision making and become aware of the ripple effects of everything I engage with as only then I will be able to be HERE walking the deliberate realignment to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into FEAR, I stop, breathe, remind myself that if FEAR is HERE I am not HERE as Breath and I am NOT doing What is Best for All as every though I think boosts Me as The Mind and doesn't accumulate Breathe of Me as Life aligned to Oneness and Equality

When and as I see myself facing the point of God/the Universe/The Quantum Field/Consciousness as a justification that I see in another about why the World is the way it is and why it is fine, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a manifestation of fear, the same fear I engage in every time I spend time within thoughts as the Mind and not in and as Breath as What is Best for All and before I comment I make sure I am stable and have no reactions and share the Common Sense about why those BeLiefs are not working to create a World that is best for All when we hang on to these excuses as our Creations, that we now Blame for the Creation we are walking as manifested consequences of our original fear of taking self responsibility

When and as I see myself desiring to move in and as a familiar pattern, such as thought hopping and I see myself start to justify why it is OK that I do so since 'I am not harming anybody', I stop, breathe, remind myself that it will take Patience to stop a Habit that I have become but that it is not impossible, as others have done it before me and are walking the same path to stop our existence as the Mind and so I can do it too, there is no reason why I should not be able to do it apart from my deliberate excuses and justifications regarding why I just don't do it

I commit myself to stop my existence as the supporter of this world as The Mind Consciousness System, as I see realize and understand that nothing comes from the Mind that is in alignment with What is Best for All as the Mind is into an individual trip of self survival as Characters and personalities, and that the only way we have to STOP this Creation is to just STOP ourselves from participating in it, as in the stopping we find our Breaths and the Space that we have to now carve out of the networks of relationships we have built that were not in alignment with Oneness and Equality and What is best for All, and that by Each realignment we make we stand clearer and more stable building Self Trust through Self Honesty until we can rebirth ourselves as Life and stop our existence as Mind systems for ourselves and All of Existence Equal and One

I commit myself to stand and to keep correcting myself when I see that I step into a thought/Character that is not me as Who I am as a piece of The Solution/The correction to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

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