Thursday, August 23, 2012

Day 127: The Justifier Character

No One Is to Blame
No One Is to Blame (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today I had an experience  that did not turn out as I expected, with 2 people I know that I advised to do something for their health based on my 'knowledge' of nutrition and natural healing, and the benefits of therapeutic fasting that I had experienced for myself in the past.
One vomited all night last night and the other drove himself to the ER, I guess, since he is anxious and believes to have all sorts of diseases, going through the release of toxins must have seemed like dying to him and this is because I have not taken into account all possible outflows and what was best for them for who they are and what they are living in the moment, as I took pleasure in showing off my knowledge and convinced myself that it would have been good for them and it would have sorted them out, one of this consequences I could fix using a hot stone to help the stomach relax, yet I have no clue about how it will fare in the next few days, the other gentleman I know nothing about yet as he went off radar we could only assume he went to the ER for treatment.

Then I watched myself move through these emotions: guilt, sorrow, self blame but then The Justifier stepped in and I made up in my mind an elaborate story about why I was right and they were wrong because they still trust traditional medicine which has proved to kill more people in a year than anything else and they were sissies for not putting up with a bit of discomfort for their own good, this even though I am not in their body and I cannot effectively measure the level of their discomfort. I had a few more ammunitions too, the fact that they are fearful Italians, that they are men whose tolerance to discomfort is inferior to women and that I won't help anyone else. This of course not as a self realization that I just don't know what I am doing when I distribute advice that has worked for me -and so should work for everybody- but as a spite point that came from fear as well that they may go to the ER and talk about a lunatic that gave them such advice and I would be forever publicly shamed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I establish that I am wrong, that I have done something wrong, first to move into guilt as my own self delivered punishment and atonement, then move into sorrow on the same line and then into Self Blame as the Judge of Myself, without seeing realizing or understanding that when I take this trip, the Terminal ends at The Justifier, as in the moment I experience my own self created Blame, I want to Blame someone else and to be effective I can Only do it through justifying myself making up stories, looking for knowledge and information that I can hold against another so I can move out of my own self created experience of self Blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that when I realize I have done something that did not turn out as expected, I must have set up an expectation for myself such that everything will be all right, hoping I can manipulate other's minds for their own good into believing that everything will be all right, when in fact I am dealing with the physical of other people and I should have clearly communicated the risks of therapeutic fasting as some have a bad reactions when toxins are released, instead I THOUGHT that it would be better for them to not know, so they would not influence their body through their mind, hoping that I could be the one influencing their body through My Mind which is one step away from insane

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that 'The Mind is everything' as in the past when I studies Healing techniques this was the Mantra, and as I embraced the Mantra of the Power of the Mind over the Body I then held onto this belief, because I have a secret wish to be able to influence the physical through my Mind, even after I have proved to myself beyond any reasonable doubt through Law of Attraction that the Mind has No Power over the Physical or at least not in the sense we have come to believe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold a secret desire of the Power of the Mind over the Physical, while believing that I am walking away from the Mind, yet at the first chance I had I promoted through my behaviour the belief that the Mind affects the physical, which it does, but each one's Mind affects their own Physical reality and My mind doesn't affect other Physical reality as I use it in manipulation of other beings, that have put their trust in me, even if that is my secret desire

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could affect other people's lives in other ways that are not by example, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that everyone is responsible for their own life and while I can offer support I cannot take responsibility for others even when I desire to do so as a way to make myself feel special and more worthy than they are

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move into the Justifier Character so I would not have to look at How I participated in this event, so I could Blame it on them, stupid fools that believed me or stupid fools that believed Traditional Medicine and this just in fear of my own judgement of myself as a stupid fool

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge them as Sissies, Italian men, just having a lower tolerance to pain and discomfort than women, fearful and for thinking that 'I will never help anyone else' as a point of spite, as I played out my own script of the Justifier and Why I was right and they were WRONG

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad and diminished when I do something that I judge as Wrong, instead of breathing and seeing Ok this is what I have done while I was in Character, how can I fix what I have done, how can I take responsibility for what I have done, so I can do it as my Self Correction in my process of Stepping Out of Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to blame others as soon as I experience myself within self blame, instead of stopping, breathing, realizing that self blame is not required as I stand and correct myself to no longer offer advice as a way to make myself feel more and superior to others and if I desire to share I can tell others 'this is what I did and it worked for me, but you will have to take responsibility for yourself as I am not the one living in your body'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty because I took responsibility for an event and its consequences due to my own starting point of not sharing clearly the potential consequences but instead offering to organize this fast for them as a way to make another little extra income for myself and with this having put Money once again above What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a constant state of tension regarding Money and what I will do to survive as nothing has yet given me a steady reliable income and I do not have access to funds until I sell my home and so I believe I am justified to be worried, instead of seeing and realizing that when I worry I am just participating within Me as The Mind, doing what I have programmed myself to do to survive, make money and look for money making opportunities wherever I go and whoever I interact with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand the Role that Money has taken in pour Lives, wherein there is nothing else I think about because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Money is tied into my survival and everyone else's survival, and so we have created a world where when we do not Fear for our survival we are busy making money to survive, never stepping out of the Money roller coaster that has come to define our lives as The reason and Purpose, instead of stopping and seeing that I am working toward a steady income and that before I do something that can put someone else in jeopardy I have to Breathe and remind myself that fear of survival is just another program and that I do not have to accept myself as The fear of Survival that is driving my Life at the moment but I can push myself to breathe more consistently until I disengage from the fear of Survival program for good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself about the choices I have made in my life due to Money, suppressing The truth of How many things I have done just for Money regardless of the consequences that my actions brought upon others around me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Blame myself for the choices I made that were Money based in my Life and for suppressing this Blame instead of correcting myself for my own self cast judgement that would lead me to justify myself within The Justifier Character in a never ending loop

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself regarding the point of Money' telling myself that 'everyone is just doing that and that there is no other Way but to align to this system where Money decides who lives and who dies, instead of standing up for a Solution to the World System to guarantee that we will no longer have to experience ourselves between the limited choices of Money/Survival and Fear of death

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a Character that Justifies everything I do, looking for faults into others, into others' actions, into other's words, to make sure I never experience myself in a 'negative way' instead of seeing and realizing that I create the How I experience myself and then I create the Justifications to blame others so I can stop experiencing myself in the way I created my experience, instead of stopping the experience of me as thoughts, feelings and emotions and walking consistently to step out of the Mind for good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when the Justifier  steps in, desire to share my justifications with another/others, to make sure they too can justify me for my actions once I find all the right points to blame another about, instead of stopping, breathing, looking at what I am doing and Why and address my own experience of myself as the Creator of my experience and the One that can correct it and stop it once and for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to justify myself in fear that I will lose value points within my relationships with others when I do something that I myself judge as wrong, as in a negative way instead of a miss-take that is not aligned to Life and What is best for All, as I have come to measure myself through other people's approval of me, instead of realizing I am the one that must approve of me at all times as I walk in Self Honesty as The Correction of myself, for myself as Life and What is Best for All

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