Day 193: Be Nice! - The Patron-izing of Reality

Reality is in the grips of Positive Thinkers and is being manipulated for 'feeling good", I know how it works to the T, I was one of them, I lived it, preached it and wouldn't have had it any other way. I was Sold, a Sould-Dear to 'sticking my head up my butt', it was warm and comfy up there, I really liked it.

To 'feel good' about this world we have to Not Look at It, there is No other way if we are looking to regulate our Life on Feelings and Emotions as a Guideline, it takes some practice, blindfolders and a dedication to Role Playing, it is the Fifty Shades of Grey of Humanity, Reality is sold out for a sadomaso kit of cuffs and gags.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my mum that ended in this 'ah today is your complaining day, let me take out some popcorn so you can have a go at it' -laugh/laugh-, I was not complaining, I just asked if this World seems All Right following the 'Education incident' she asked me about.

I was aware that I must have started somewhere to brush off reality, I am aware as well that it starts with the Family but I liked to see my mother 'not like other mothers', due to the fact that I suppressed much guilt and shame for our Relationship I have made her a Martyr in my Mind, better than most.

I don't like to think that everything She did was for herself, every bit of "Good' she chased was not for the Good of others, but was for 'feeling better' about this World, that is just sad, the truth of this World is Sad, isn't it?

There is a commmon thread we all seem to follow when we are born in this world, a thread that is woven with the horrors of Reality and our relationship with each other that ultimately ends in denial, not the longest River in Egypt, the other one, the one that says NO to reality, that shouts that the Physical is not Real, that tries to 'HarryPotter' existence into something else.

When she laughed last night and I did not join in I felt a huge Gap taking place between us, I saw clearly in detail as well how it isthat Children are moved out of Reality by Parents, it starts with the 'Be Nice, you know how lucky you are, think of those Poor children in Africa, what do you lack?", which shows as well how we use the Poor and Derelict for a 'Pick me up' they are the 'Tiramisu' of Existence, they make our Life sweeter by Comparison, it could have been me, and yet, it isn't.

This proves that there isn't One of us that is Not Aware of what goes on in the World, we are so aware in fact that we use 'reality' to threaten each other with and to push each other to build up a Nest in our Minds to escape reality, a 'Safe Place' haha, boy did we get this one wrong.

Poverty is in place as a reminder of our Better Place in Society, as the Wand and Bat we use to cast the 'Be Nice" spell on each other which contains the unspoken wide ranging 'or else', that goes anywhere from 'boarding house' to 'out in the street' ragged and starving in the Big Bad World.

You want my support? BE NICE

You want my unconditional Love? BE NICE

You want to live? BE NICE

You want to talk reality? Fuck Off, Be Nice, stop the Negativity -no of course I don't mean 'the One out there', I just mean yours, stop bringing up this subject that makes me feel bad for which I will have to patronize you until you STOP, get it, reality is Not the Problem, YOU ARE , so you better change your attitude Missy and align with the way things are, because the system won't change, cant' change, I won't support you wanting to Change this system, if I did it would stand as a testament about My Fuck Up and WHY didn't I, and I won't have any of that. Get that Clear, Missy.'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my mother told me as a kid to 'be Nice' she was being a good person trying to teach me about Good Manners and how to respect others, instead of seeing she was asking me to shut up and never raise subjects that were moving emotions of unconfortability and inadequacy first within her and then within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'being Nice' is better than 'being Not Nice', instead of really seeing what both these statements meant and what they implied as the blind Acceptance of this System and how Acceptance and Allowance is the very thing that is keeping this system in place the way it is, and how the System has turned everyone into the jailers that keep others in place, no longer requiring any force because the jailing has become an Inside Job that we took on from our Parents when we grew up

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to believe that my mum was 'good at heart' because I wanted something 'Good' in my life to hag on to and I feared letting go al delusions that are Family related and stand alone in this World having to face the Ugliness of what we have accepted and allowed in the name of Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my mum 'Good' in my eyes out of the Guilt and Shame I felt for how I handled my relationship with her, not seeing, realizing and understanding that if we are on this Planet, we can't be Good and no one can be trusted until All of Us walk out of our Mind Consciousness system that seeks only self interest, to stand for what is Best for All, as Life, as One and Equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that kids are patronized into existence, which means owned as Patron is the Master of the Colonies and Plantation, where the seeds as children never had a chance to grow up to be the best they could be because the System through the Parents told them to 'Be Nice' and not make waves of any kind that could upset the Status Quo

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we never grow out of our education and the proof is in the British Etiquette for when we share a table and agree that we won't talk about Religion, Politics or Money, which is not so as to not have anyone upset, but so as to not have the System upset by people getting together discussing their Mind Control and how did we end up believing that the World the way it is makes any sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'Be Nice' and pass on this desease to other kids I interacted with when Being Nice meant that we had to be something else, do something else and mainly accept things the way they are without making a 'fuss' about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when my mu last night said 'no, it's not that I don't see this World, I just accept it' feel a void inside of me and then when I saw THAT sentence as how I myself moved into acceptance of the World as it is to feel annoyed and patronizing toward her, wanting to say 'you don't know shit' just because I felt patronized by her speech that said 'I don't stand in your way to wanting to change the world, I hope YOU do, I am here waiting for you to do it' but regardless of her words what I heard was 'go on little system, go and face the truth of this unchangeable world then YOU'll see WHo has lost touch with Reality'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel patronized, because this word means owned, which means I have accepted and allowed myself to be owned by ideas and beliefs and the gicing up of others, aligning myself to 'giving up' and Being Nice and Positive because this is what will keep this system in place, the Happy Slaves we have become under the Imaginary banner of Freedom, when in fact we have never been Free and as far as Happy goes, we have managed to be biochemically Happy and that would be about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when I see that I don't want to see my mother this week end but then 'I think' maybe is because I want to retaliate, it's because I want to patronize HER now and cast her aside for Being Nice and for having become a convoluted bundle of emotions and feelings that I am not discerning clearly and for not trusting myself and my self honesty I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, to always have to think things over before I make a decision, because I believe that I don't know what I want and now I believe that everything I want could be tainted with an agenda that I am not yet able to see in full and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it makes any difference if I se my mum or not this week end, instead of seeing and realizing nothing that happens outside has any power over us, unless we decide it does and for gicing my power away to outside events, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be moved by external event, by someone outside of myself into thinking or feeling something, when in fact no one exists outside of me, but the World as a Mirror, to point out where I am still holding on to Ideas and Beliefs that keep me in Place, being Nice against All Odds and for asking others to Be Nice to me as a way to secure for myself 'Good Feelings vs negative Emotions' I forgive myself

I commit myself to stop my existence as a brick of the being 'Nice' movement as I see, realize and understand that being 'Nice' is a way to support this system and not make waves, it is a way to separate myself from this system in fear of rejection,  in fear that the system can't be changes and I better align myself through niceness to not rock any boat

I commit myself to stand for a Change as the Change that is required in this World, owning the point that we are the bricks  that needs changing and we need to turn our existence from a flimsy make belief into Matter, because only Matter Matters and each one's change into a substantial existence is required to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All, for a real Change to take place for All.

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Day 116: Don't Let Go and Let God, Let God Go

Take Back the Fear (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that God has a plan that I am unable to see and understand about the suffering of the world, children included, as a way to justify why it was not my business to stand up for and as The Correction/Solution, as God had everything in His Capable Hands

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the desire to hold on to this belief in God's Capacity/The Universe Ability to sort things out as I moved along my life without taking responsibility for myself and my world as my creation because that would mean admitting that I was just too scared and frightened to accept that this world is my responsibility since Here I am with nowhere to go

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that if God was capable to fix the World and he didn't do it, then God would just be a Mental Case like all of us and he could not be relied on for coming up with nothing better than what he created and blessed into existence, which is the "SinFul Human"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that the Original Sin is What Parents imprint on their Children about this System being the Way It Is because God willed it into existence This Way and so it Must be Perfect, when the evidence of a Faulty System and a Faulty Human is everywhere and that teaching Children that 'this is The Way things are' just because parents don't want to address their faults and Change themselves, is simply Child Abuse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on board the belief that Charity is what we do to Help the World and that makes us Good, instead of seeing and realizing that if Charity was the Solution the World would have changed already, instead the World has NOT changed proving that Charity is what we do to feel good about ourselves and the fact that we do NOTHING for Real Change as that would imply Self Change and God forbid we took on the task of Changing the faulty Creation that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in self interest and fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated by the people who are using God/The Universe/Consciousness as an excuse for why we are not required to Change, instead of seeing I am irritated with myself because I know better yet I still don't change and within this I forgive myself for deliberately Not Changing and commit myself to Change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust/Hope that someone/something/somewhere would pop up as the Solution from a Higher Being, without seeing and realizing that by seeking the comfort of delegation I deliberately put myself in the Lesser Being position and from there I could not stand up for Change, nor I would because this was the purpose of the Higher Being Make Belief to start with, so I could bask in my flaws and Leave it all up to God

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question WHY a God of Love would allow abuse and suffering as a way To Learn when we do not allow abuse and suffering to be inflicted on children by their parents as a way to Learn, are we better than God ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if I excuse the God in my head about what I believe He does with this world, as a 'Lesson' for Humanity, than I have to excuse everyone, from the abuser to the rapist as they too are following in God's footsteps and walking the world inflicting abuse through violence 'so that'll teach you''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Not Change as I wait/Hope for God/Something Higher/Bigger/Better than me to change me, embracing the Harry Potter belief that a wand is all I need and holding God as the Greatest Wizard that with a touch can Change me and My Life, when in fact every Change we make is made by ourselves and the intervention of God is just in Our Minds to justify Why we didn't do it before if we could in fact 'just do it'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the words 'let go and let god' with great satisfaction as if I finally found a way out of existence, offloading what was my self responsibility to God, trapping God within this Creation as the Supervisor of our accepted and allowed Dementia that was born of our separation and the fear that came with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say that I am God's servant when I was forced to repeat the meaningless prayers of the nuns I grew up with, as they passed on to me their Fear of existence that led them into reclusive Monasteries, in which they hoped to escape the World as Our Creation and what it had become and then imprinted Children with their own fears to make sure nobody would ever change and that we would keep this Dis-eases Creation in Place, following our Energetic experiences that we mistook for Life and that we went so far as to glorify even when what we experienced was just FEAR as an adrenalin rush, and that we Fear to let go is our FEAR, because when we stop the FEAR how will we know we are ALieve since we KNOW that LOVE is NOT real and All other Feelings and Emotions we seek are Not real but FEAR is the First Love and never forgotten, until we let go of the FEAR to stand as Life for ourselves and All of Existence Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that FEAR is our LOVE and that this is the point that we cannot let go of because FEAR is primal, it is the very thing that we connected to Who WE ARE as that was the consequence of our separation and the first thing we experienced as individual units of the One/Self, and so we built a world on our first Impression/Experience and now we are living the consequences of So Much Fear that we are busy creating tools and weapons to STOP the FEAR, that we ourselves create and keep Alive as we FEAR that letting go of the FEAR will make us DIE

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that God as Love is just Fear dressed up for Sunday Mass, that the Mass of Fear we have AMassed required a celebration, in which we would gather and praise the Lord/Fear of this existence, instead of waking up and seeing, hei, we are scared shitless of this world, is this normal, what is this FEAR/GOD we are praying/preying to, how can we STOP?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the reason why people are running from Desteni is the same reason that kept me pussyfooting around them for some months, as I wondered if they were the Ones stirring up All That Fear within me, desiring to blame them, ending up Blaming them for what I experienced when I heard what they had to say about existence and what we accepted and allowed ourselves to become, because the Fear that they would pull the Universe/God//Love as my blinders off my eyes and I would be forced to see, was so great that I feared them as what they could do to me in no longer allowing me to be blinded, failing to see that I feared ME and I wanted to hold on to my Blanket of Safety and not to give up the Illusory Safeness that comes with giving The responsibility of what is Here to my Creator, not wanting to be an Equal to my Creator because that meant Equal responsibility and it meant I would have to get down  and dirty to clean this mess just as much as I hoped God/Universe/Light would do FOR ME and I did not like that AT ALL

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately NOT CHANGE as I see the point where I need to Change and stand, such as stopping my participation in thoughts and reactions and while I have done quite well with the reaction part, I still allow myself to go thought-hopping, believing that there is NO HARM in that if I carefully sift the thoughts to NOT THINK the harmful ones then it's OK, while I know that Thoughts are polarity creations and not who I am and whatever I think ripples within me as the Mind and I am not yet able to see HOW in the minutest detail and so I should start by STOPPING my participation and slowing myself down with Breath, until I do see as I walk all aspects of my decision making and become aware of the ripple effects of everything I engage with as only then I will be able to be HERE walking the deliberate realignment to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into FEAR, I stop, breathe, remind myself that if FEAR is HERE I am not HERE as Breath and I am NOT doing What is Best for All as every though I think boosts Me as The Mind and doesn't accumulate Breathe of Me as Life aligned to Oneness and Equality

When and as I see myself facing the point of God/the Universe/The Quantum Field/Consciousness as a justification that I see in another about why the World is the way it is and why it is fine, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a manifestation of fear, the same fear I engage in every time I spend time within thoughts as the Mind and not in and as Breath as What is Best for All and before I comment I make sure I am stable and have no reactions and share the Common Sense about why those BeLiefs are not working to create a World that is best for All when we hang on to these excuses as our Creations, that we now Blame for the Creation we are walking as manifested consequences of our original fear of taking self responsibility

When and as I see myself desiring to move in and as a familiar pattern, such as thought hopping and I see myself start to justify why it is OK that I do so since 'I am not harming anybody', I stop, breathe, remind myself that it will take Patience to stop a Habit that I have become but that it is not impossible, as others have done it before me and are walking the same path to stop our existence as the Mind and so I can do it too, there is no reason why I should not be able to do it apart from my deliberate excuses and justifications regarding why I just don't do it

I commit myself to stop my existence as the supporter of this world as The Mind Consciousness System, as I see realize and understand that nothing comes from the Mind that is in alignment with What is Best for All as the Mind is into an individual trip of self survival as Characters and personalities, and that the only way we have to STOP this Creation is to just STOP ourselves from participating in it, as in the stopping we find our Breaths and the Space that we have to now carve out of the networks of relationships we have built that were not in alignment with Oneness and Equality and What is best for All, and that by Each realignment we make we stand clearer and more stable building Self Trust through Self Honesty until we can rebirth ourselves as Life and stop our existence as Mind systems for ourselves and All of Existence Equal and One

I commit myself to stand and to keep correcting myself when I see that I step into a thought/Character that is not me as Who I am as a piece of The Solution/The correction to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

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