Reality is in the grips of Positive Thinkers and is being manipulated for 'feeling good", I know how it works to the T, I was one of them, I lived it, preached it and wouldn't have had it any other way. I was Sold, a Sould-Dear to 'sticking my head up my butt', it was warm and comfy up there, I really liked it.
To 'feel good' about this world we have to Not Look at It, there is No other way if we are looking to regulate our Life on Feelings and Emotions as a Guideline, it takes some practice, blindfolders and a dedication to Role Playing, it is the Fifty Shades of Grey of Humanity, Reality is sold out for a sadomaso kit of cuffs and gags.
Yesterday I had a conversation with my mum that ended in this 'ah today is your complaining day, let me take out some popcorn so you can have a go at it' -laugh/laugh-, I was not complaining, I just asked if this World seems All Right following the 'Education incident' she asked me about.
I was aware that I must have started somewhere to brush off reality, I am aware as well that it starts with the Family but I liked to see my mother 'not like other mothers', due to the fact that I suppressed much guilt and shame for our Relationship I have made her a Martyr in my Mind, better than most.
I don't like to think that everything She did was for herself, every bit of "Good' she chased was not for the Good of others, but was for 'feeling better' about this World, that is just sad, the truth of this World is Sad, isn't it?
There is a commmon thread we all seem to follow when we are born in this world, a thread that is woven with the horrors of Reality and our relationship with each other that ultimately ends in denial, not the longest River in Egypt, the other one, the one that says NO to reality, that shouts that the Physical is not Real, that tries to 'HarryPotter' existence into something else.
When she laughed last night and I did not join in I felt a huge Gap taking place between us, I saw clearly in detail as well how it isthat Children are moved out of Reality by Parents, it starts with the 'Be Nice, you know how lucky you are, think of those Poor children in Africa, what do you lack?", which shows as well how we use the Poor and Derelict for a 'Pick me up' they are the 'Tiramisu' of Existence, they make our Life sweeter by Comparison, it could have been me, and yet, it isn't.
This proves that there isn't One of us that is Not Aware of what goes on in the World, we are so aware in fact that we use 'reality' to threaten each other with and to push each other to build up a Nest in our Minds to escape reality, a 'Safe Place' haha, boy did we get this one wrong.
Poverty is in place as a reminder of our Better Place in Society, as the Wand and Bat we use to cast the 'Be Nice" spell on each other which contains the unspoken wide ranging 'or else', that goes anywhere from 'boarding house' to 'out in the street' ragged and starving in the Big Bad World.
You want my support? BE NICE
You want my unconditional Love? BE NICE
You want to live? BE NICE
You want to talk reality? Fuck Off, Be Nice, stop the Negativity -no of course I don't mean 'the One out there', I just mean yours, stop bringing up this subject that makes me feel bad for which I will have to patronize you until you STOP, get it, reality is Not the Problem, YOU ARE , so you better change your attitude Missy and align with the way things are, because the system won't change, cant' change, I won't support you wanting to Change this system, if I did it would stand as a testament about My Fuck Up and WHY didn't I, and I won't have any of that. Get that Clear, Missy.'
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my mother told me as a kid to 'be Nice' she was being a good person trying to teach me about Good Manners and how to respect others, instead of seeing she was asking me to shut up and never raise subjects that were moving emotions of unconfortability and inadequacy first within her and then within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'being Nice' is better than 'being Not Nice', instead of really seeing what both these statements meant and what they implied as the blind Acceptance of this System and how Acceptance and Allowance is the very thing that is keeping this system in place the way it is, and how the System has turned everyone into the jailers that keep others in place, no longer requiring any force because the jailing has become an Inside Job that we took on from our Parents when we grew up
I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to believe that my mum was 'good at heart' because I wanted something 'Good' in my life to hag on to and I feared letting go al delusions that are Family related and stand alone in this World having to face the Ugliness of what we have accepted and allowed in the name of Money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my mum 'Good' in my eyes out of the Guilt and Shame I felt for how I handled my relationship with her, not seeing, realizing and understanding that if we are on this Planet, we can't be Good and no one can be trusted until All of Us walk out of our Mind Consciousness system that seeks only self interest, to stand for what is Best for All, as Life, as One and Equal
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that kids are patronized into existence, which means owned as Patron is the Master of the Colonies and Plantation, where the seeds as children never had a chance to grow up to be the best they could be because the System through the Parents told them to 'Be Nice' and not make waves of any kind that could upset the Status Quo
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we never grow out of our education and the proof is in the British Etiquette for when we share a table and agree that we won't talk about Religion, Politics or Money, which is not so as to not have anyone upset, but so as to not have the System upset by people getting together discussing their Mind Control and how did we end up believing that the World the way it is makes any sense
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'Be Nice' and pass on this desease to other kids I interacted with when Being Nice meant that we had to be something else, do something else and mainly accept things the way they are without making a 'fuss' about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when my mu last night said 'no, it's not that I don't see this World, I just accept it' feel a void inside of me and then when I saw THAT sentence as how I myself moved into acceptance of the World as it is to feel annoyed and patronizing toward her, wanting to say 'you don't know shit' just because I felt patronized by her speech that said 'I don't stand in your way to wanting to change the world, I hope YOU do, I am here waiting for you to do it' but regardless of her words what I heard was 'go on little system, go and face the truth of this unchangeable world then YOU'll see WHo has lost touch with Reality'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel patronized, because this word means owned, which means I have accepted and allowed myself to be owned by ideas and beliefs and the gicing up of others, aligning myself to 'giving up' and Being Nice and Positive because this is what will keep this system in place, the Happy Slaves we have become under the Imaginary banner of Freedom, when in fact we have never been Free and as far as Happy goes, we have managed to be biochemically Happy and that would be about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when I see that I don't want to see my mother this week end but then 'I think' maybe is because I want to retaliate, it's because I want to patronize HER now and cast her aside for Being Nice and for having become a convoluted bundle of emotions and feelings that I am not discerning clearly and for not trusting myself and my self honesty I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, to always have to think things over before I make a decision, because I believe that I don't know what I want and now I believe that everything I want could be tainted with an agenda that I am not yet able to see in full and for this I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it makes any difference if I se my mum or not this week end, instead of seeing and realizing nothing that happens outside has any power over us, unless we decide it does and for gicing my power away to outside events, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be moved by external event, by someone outside of myself into thinking or feeling something, when in fact no one exists outside of me, but the World as a Mirror, to point out where I am still holding on to Ideas and Beliefs that keep me in Place, being Nice against All Odds and for asking others to Be Nice to me as a way to secure for myself 'Good Feelings vs negative Emotions' I forgive myself
I commit myself to stop my existence as a brick of the being 'Nice' movement as I see, realize and understand that being 'Nice' is a way to support this system and not make waves, it is a way to separate myself from this system in fear of rejection, in fear that the system can't be changes and I better align myself through niceness to not rock any boat
I commit myself to stand for a Change as the Change that is required in this World, owning the point that we are the bricks that needs changing and we need to turn our existence from a flimsy make belief into Matter, because only Matter Matters and each one's change into a substantial existence is required to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All, for a real Change to take place for All.
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