Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 248: Moving Beyond Duality - Imagination vs Reality - Fear vs Desteni

I can talk from real life experience here.
My very first post on the Desteni website was 'are you aware guys of how much fear are you spreading?'. It's odd to look back now because I almost can't relate to that post anymore, I remember writing it, I remember even where I was when I did, sitting on my couch on a tropical island high on pot, still trying to imagine how Positive I was and how My Positivity and staying focused on the Positive was going to change the World.
The Positive Movement is Not a Proof of Our Intelligence in any way whatsoever, many of us followers or ex followers of such Movements did not even have the excuse that we did not understand the intrinsic Dualistic Nature of Reality, and yet, we I'm-Agined that we could focus/create the positive alone and overcome the negative, not that we would be creating both and then desperately try and stick to the Positive only while pushing the Negative under the carpet, disowning it, turning the other Cheek and pointing fingers at the Negative that would pop up in the World to show us what we were doing, Nope, THAT was Not Our Creation, we were the ones creating the Positive, sure thing, then Someone Else out there was sitting down in meditation just Like Us, and thinking up negative stuff, yes, that was it, Creation 101. Thanks God for ME!

On this point I had an encounter on my last trip to one of Matrix Energetics classes, one gentleman was distressed about a whole bunch of people playing with 'the Field', his concern was that if the Field was Finite and we were taking out all the goodies from it, what would happen to those who couldn't do so, and basically, what right did we have to take out all the goodies for ourselves and leave the bad, the shit, the nasty karma for others to live out, who said we were more entitled to the "good" of this world than others?
At the time being the Positive Cheerleader I was, I told him his worries were just imaginary, this was a good benevolent existence and everyone would get their share of goods, they would just have to 'focus on it', imagine it and not let negativity run their lives -obviously I was not considering the sick, the starving, the ones born on the outskirts of this Money system, but when anything else failed there was always Abraham's teaching -coming out a bit short on this one in the face of Existential Questions by the way-, we all chose the lives we live, don't worry, we are just having a ride, it's all cool.
In a way it's even true -bar the it's all cool part-, but how come we can't see how we are held captive to contracts that were signed through con-sciousness, if this was a ride, why can't we remember How We got Here and Why? Would that make the starving, the violence, the abuse and conflict any way more FUN?

I want to underline that at the time I was the kind of person who would run the tap water unnecessarily without closing it while doing other things in the kitchen, always eliciting irritation in my ex husband, to which I responded 'I don't believe in scarcity, I support abundance', this didn't help my passing on my 'positive opinions and MindSet' within my Reality based family as something Sane, as not believing in the scarcity of Finite Resources is a sign of a Mental health issues resulting from Imagining Life and the Universe vs Landing into it and checking against reality if what I make up/Imagine has any foundation in the Real Physical One Reality we all share beyond Opinions -unless we superimpose them on it, just like I showed I used to do- or if it's just my own Disney Movie in the Hollywood production of my Mind.

When I met Desteni I was already in the process of questioning the True Nature of Creation and of ourselves. As much as I would have liked to blame it all on God/ the Universe/ or the randomness of what brought us here, Here WE were, a pitiful example of what Humanity is vs what we Imagined it to be, insisted in fact on wanting to Imagine it to be, kind -as in HumanKind- good hearted, wanting each other's best,  and basically being inherently Good.
I had mental problem as well, we could call them mental dis-orders if we wouldn't be so scared to call things what they are, I had started to have flashes of images in my Mind, to explain it in computer terms, I had a full loaded Memory of which I was no longer in charge, imagine a computer virus that while you are working will just shut down the programs you are using and run its own, to say the least I was scared shitless.

What especially scared me was that even though I had been an avid reader all my life, I never came across Mind-disorders described as mine, these image flashing of which I was not in control, repetitive Thought Patterns as images and obviously each Image had a story attached to it, so I would spend my days running from one story in my Mind to the next, all based on my Imagination, not that I imagined pigs flying, no, I just imagined past stories and experienced them in strings that seemed sequentially meaningless, like randomly burping up reel thoughts, having a movie in my head that I could no longer stop that was made of bits and pieces of my life, mostly the shitty ones, the ones where I saw I could have done better, be different, act differently, speak differently and yet I had not and now I was condemned to the Playback of my Life while I only had the power to sit and watch in dismay. 
Of course my Pot use increased as the images in my mind became more random to try and push them back wherever they came from, and as I increased my Pot use the images gained power and finally I felt beaten, I resigned to this excuse of a life in which nothing was new anymore, where when walking anywhere, even to my bathroom everything had a meaning and a story attached to it already, for example my toothbrush, no longer a toothbrush but the memory of when my ex husband would squeeze the toothpaste on it for me as he did for himself, and this happened for every object in my life, the most meaningless menial object had a story and then a commentary to show me what I had lost, what I had missed out on, what I failed, my life had a whole new MEANing and it was not cool at all.

It took me 1 year to go back to Desteni, I could never dismiss their message in self honesty, it was so clear, consistent, and yes, absolutely totally frightening.
The Demons part was the center piece of my Fears, that too was based in my Imagination of what the demonic was and how I better run from it with all my power, interestingly once I overcame my fears it was one of my favorite parts, one of the most straightforward about Human Nature and why Demons ended up losing respect for us, the wimps of existence, not a pretty picture of ourselves but very informative, not to discount that if Demons could walk out of this duality crap, so can we, so it had an inspiring unexpected twist to it too.

Before taking the plunge and trying out the Desteni Tools, who were given to me for Free and that I chose to use and was in no way coerced or convinced or prompted or brainwashed to do so,  I wandered for 1 year trying to Not go back to it, I wished I could find something else to sort myself out, a miracle, a Holy Water, someone that agreed with me that they were loonies -found them too!- and yet they became my backchat, the point of no return that I feared getting close to and above all I feared what I would lose and miss out on, it took having nothing left to miss out on for me to move and approach them again.

"Do you know how much fear are you spreading around guys?", what I meant was 'do you know how much you scare me, do you know how much I would like you to say you were joking, that I don't have to give it all up -the delusion of me- that I can keep some bits and pieces, the ones I like -hard to pick by then-, do you know I scared I am that I will be laughed at, ridiculed for being part of a Cult, do you know they are telling damning stories about you and why on earth they didn't manage to con-vince me so I could dismiss You and Your message, that I have lived a life of Self Interest and in this I have separated myself from the whole and now I am left with a Hole as my existence that I can't fill with anything, food or pot, sex or mushrooms, nothing works anymore' and yet I hate that I came to Desteni at the end of the rope, I wish I had the common sense to Self Direct myself there but I didn't, because the Fear was too great and only when the Fear of my Life became greater than  the Fear of Desteni, they became a viable choice, the only choice left for me in fact.

It's been more than 1 year now since I started this process, many things have changed for me, I am building myself up into a stronger core, into trusting myself more, at least I trust that if not immediately I will be self honest about what is going on with me eventually and through self honesty I will be able to start to work out how I can correct myself, my Self, as each Self is called to Self correct to change this world that is nothing else but the sum of all the Selves for which we have refused so far to take responsibility for.

What I discovered by pushing through my fears is that Fear is my creation, it is through I'm-agining Life vs living Life that we build ourselves into Fear and then from Fear we built this world, as we fear who we are and then have internal conflicts between all our Imaginary Parts -talk about Mental dis-eases- we express into the world this very essence of ourselves, Conflicts and Fear, you don't have to look too far to see this, we have embraced a culture of War, a Gun culture, a conflict culture and then we disguise it all with diplomacy or with Liberal speeches like President Obama shows us, all talk about how good we are and how well we are doing and that is Our Imagination at work, we are Imagining to be those people we would like to be, the Warriors of Evil, Freedom Fighters, Democracy Bringers, in truth we are what the world is showing us, Conflict and Fear plagued creatures, seeking the Positive because we were born into the Negative experience of ourselves (how else would we seek the positive and find it even appealing if we were Positively charged when coming into this World? Think electricity and opposing charges attracting each other...) too scared to say that this is what we are and look for solutions to change ourselves.

If you are seeking for a way out of your I'm-agination of yourself because you have realized who you would like to be and beLieve yourself to be is not even close to who you really are and are ready to start to walk in and as Self Correction to realign yourself to Oneness and Equality of the Physical Here, join Desteni Lite, it's free, someone will assist to lay out the foundation for you to write yourself to freedom, out of your Mind, into the Reality that is One and we all share Equally, it's Here where we'll find the Solutions to ourselves and this World as Us and not up there in Imagination-Land as we try every trick of the trade to not Land and face who we  accepted and allowed ourselves to become just to find out that Nothing Works, until we become Self Honest and admit that we have screwed up and set out to make right what we know it's not right and that is each and every Self on this planet until we'll go back beyond the Imaginary Separation we created to Oneness and Equality as the Truth of Ourselves and All of Existence as Life, One and Equal.

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  1. wow quite the journey, glad ou make it. Cool share, thanks!

  2. very interesting story - thanks for sharing some background on how you got here