Have been experiencing anxiety anticipating the lady I saw everyday for massage and what she would come up with as her mind circles aimlessly looking for things to worry about, complain about and be unhappy about.
She would be the opposition to the 'Feel Good Movement' her life is all about feeling bad and she is basically a suppressed raging schizophrenic -on medication.
So working for a couple of hours everyday on her was an interesting window into human mind and what goes on there when unchecked and undirected -scary shit to say the least.
It doesn't matter what we think we are, there is the unfortunate Truth of Who and What we have become that needs addressing, our seemingly 'good intentions' are mere investments, our desire to take others down so we get to feel better about ourselves takes many ways, shapes and forms but is undeniably there and our ability to switch personalities is our biggest weapon, we move from one to another until we find the one that has the highest consent, approval and agreement.
We fear externalizing the conflict we feel inside, we are schizophrenic who just manage better than those on medication, we are just more skilled in the personality switch, this is why we are stuck on this planet together, the ones on medication and the ones who are not, like me.
I spent 2 days with my mum which started with conflict, first the resentment of my perception that she comes and goes as she pleases because this is 'her house' and I have no saying or freedom about it, then there was the point of having a Political disagreement about who to vote next, when I felt irritated and anxious when she told me the one I want to vote is crazy -because he screams that we can't go on this way and it's time to change and put new people in parliament - which gave birth to the backchat 'you don't know shit and you deserve this fucking government we have that steals from your pocket and keeps reshuffling the same thieves over and over- and then the point of walking home with one of my students and I can't even hear what he is saying because I am sifting through his words looking for my positive feedback, the point that I'm the best teacher, which he had said at my first lesson and I had magnanimously dismissed by saying 'no, all teacher are good' but secretly gloated for my winner position after just one lesson, proving that I still spend most of my time in the Menta-Lot of my Mind, where there is no round table where everyone sits with Equal Value and Equal Rights because I am too busy winning or seeking approval for myself.
Will walk in the next posts each point in detail, because Camelot and the round table will have to be established first within and as me, where the Value of All is returned to Equality and the Rights of All to the Equal Rights of what I would like for myself.
Join us at Desteni to walk out of the MentaLot we live in and as, as The Mind, to allow a world of Equals to manifest as Our Creation, mirroring the return to Oneness of Each Self on Earth from the fragmented existence we ended up living and believing to be 'what Life is All about'.