Went to the GYM today and in the sauna a Persian man I saw before was having a go at an Italian about Israel and the dumb ass douche bag Italians.
There is no doubt that we are dumb, we are freakishly dumb given what we have accepted and allowed in our Parliament and in the last 20 years in Politics as we watched all our rights go down the drain, while taxation reached the highest levels in Europe with then lowest social security and benefits and have been sliding down the Freedom of Information Chart to the 61st place, right after Ghana, who supposedly has less news to share, but being called dumb fucks basically by this guy who was saying we understand nothing about Israel hit a nerve, mainly because he understood nothing either as he was speaking about Israel like the country of Mother Teresa, hit by unreasonable medieval Muslims who call them pigs and are just after 'their' land.
It would have been sane to just let it go, but no, I had to have a got at it, to remind him he is just equally a dumb fuck, then he called me boiled brain and told me I knew fuck all about HIS country, His country I said, you were born here, THIS is your country, a point I drove home just asking 'where were you born?' which didn't go unnoticed because he immediately claimed his father told him everything he needed to know about those Muslim beasts and after they do in Israel -who is protecting us BY THE WAY, thankyouverymuch- they'll come after us the dumbfuck Europeans.
At the height of our verbal exchange to which I was not physically reacting, a point for which I could not stop complimenting myself inside that gave me a sense of pride and pleasure in pursuing the button pushing meticulously , I told him why isn't he in Israel then to fight this soveryright war, low blow, I regretted it the moment I said it, meanwhile another Italian took the chance to jump in and say he just wants the cross in our school, not because he is a Christian but as a matter of principle because we wouldn't be allowed to build churches in Israel yadidadida, proving we are in fact the dumbfuck he was talking about when I waked in. The Jew almost blew an artery attempting to tell him how he was brain boiled by the Muslim news we have in this country and then I said, we have the Vatican, and a lady said, that's it the church is the problem, they should stop them -the Muslims-.....
In 5 minutes we displayed all the problems we are having in the world, just 4 people, from spite (me), to trying to diminish another (me), to secretly laughing about someone blowing a vein and concluding he should just return to his Homeland. I even complimented myself for not reacting as a point of superiority while the stupid misinformed Jew had his blood pressure go through the roof. And what an achievement that was.
The point is, I hated Jews for a long time, not consistently, I have a "Hate the Jews" personality, not the ones who mind their own business and don't thread heavily on Israel vs Palestine issues, but the ones who do, the ones who insist that there is just 1 faulty party in that war, dismissing forever the 'It Takes 2 to tango' saying, not counting the historical facts, because there are FACTS in History that I wished he would agree upon, facts I know nothing about because my education is as fuzzy as his, it's just fuzzy in another direction, and brushing off the great piece about Palestine and Jewish bereaved families trying to come together to resolve their conflict. Can one dumb Jew count for all the Jews who are themselves tired of conflict and seeing their own responsibility in the conflict?
Can I dumb Italian let go of the desire to just prove my point beyond any reasonable doubt, as if That would solve this conflict, just because I have concluded that there is no way to talk with many of the dumb Jews that support Israel because their self interest overrides any common sense, what about mine, if it was not to solve the Israel/Palestinian conflict, what was even the purpose of this talk if not for my self interest to prove he was the dumb fuck and not me? Mirror Friction on the wall, who is the dumbest of us All?
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I entered the sauna and heard this 'repeat offender' get off again against the Muslim because of Israel, to think 'what a dumb fuck' and as I sat listening to his rant I couldn't prevent myself from jumping in because I wanted a piece of the energetic action that was going on, even if it would have to come at the expense of another having his veins blowing in his neck
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be moved by a sense of 'nationalism' because he spoke against My country, just because I accepted and allowed myself to engage the nationality brainwashing without breathing and concluding I had a right to stand up, almost a duty, and then proceeded to act like a robot supporting the division in nationalities that we have invented so we may never come together as One and foe even considering approaching another from my Nationalistic stance, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, since I met a nice group of Arab men at the school where I started teaching, to swing my sympathies in support of the Arab community in Milan vs the Jews community -so I discovered today- because now I am personally involved with the Muslims but I don't give a shit about the Jews and anyway they have already stolen someone's else's land and isn't that enough to withdraw my support
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I realized I was not reacting -by comparison of my heart palpitations of 1 year ago if I had engaged in such a debate- to feel proud and to enjoy the sense of superiority that I derived from seeing another react, and for taking this point of not reacting and polluting it with the desire to be more than another I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future to the next time I will see this guy and he won't be able to hold himself and then I will say 'excuse me, pls take your propaganda somewhere else and for sure out of the sauna room' and for then laughing at the idea of how I would have everyone's backing me and he would be banned from the sauna and I would strike my victory, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that all his talk was fear based and that he was just possesses which would have called for non intervention instead of fuelling the fire just for my personal pleasure, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the Jews because they seemed to be the chosen ones in terms of how well they did in the world through being united and lending money to each other and for secretly desiring what they had that we didn't have, my own self defined sense of unity and support and for being envious of such a point and desiring to drag them down into diminishment through the obvious "wrong point of Israel", I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I went to make this guy angry and he called me names, to take the name calling as a chance to put him back in his place, not because I felt offended, but because I saw an opportunity and since I was possessed by the idea of making him look like a dumb fuck I could not pass this on without taking advantage of it and for desiring to take advantage of the words another speaks in haste or anger, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when thinking about the Jews feel a sense of entitlement toward them, because I have identified the Jews with the bankers, with the abusers of this world and for saying that Hitler was right because they are a cancer in our society, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have an internal friction about the Jews within myself, wherein as I felt sorry for them for the holocaust and used the Holocaust as a leverage for everything else they 'in my opinion' did wrong aka Israel as the Stolen Land, no see realize and understand that I sought a leverage point because I had already taken a position against them due to the stories of my childhood that it were the Jews killing Jesus - who was another Jew, a fact no one told us when we were in Catholic school so we could come to understand Jesus was a Christian, no more, a Catholic- and as such the hatred toward a whole ethnic group was implanted and then robotically followed as I sought for reasons why it was RIGHT to hate the Jews as the profiteering of this world when in fact we are all profiting from each other one way or another and are in no way less responsible than anyone else for the state of this world
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when faced today with the choice 'go for it or Breathe' to deliberately go for it just for an energetic experience because I knew I could push the buttons of this guy and then resort to telling him 'go home' as if Israel was his home and not Italy, as if we really belonged to a place just because we are stupid enough to gang up and defend it, while none of us, myself or him, know the extent of History or any story so far because we live disconnected from the truth of this world and we just take sides, positions based on opinions that in this case happened to differ and were both based on hearsay and whatdoyou know
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because I felt no movement inside of me compared to the earth shaking reactions I used to feel when engaging in meaningless discussions, that I was more, superior and for silently celebrating myself as I fully engaged in my mind comparing me before with me after, not seeing realizing and understanding that I had just refined one of my personality, The Debater, not making it any less toxic but just with a wider load of justifications about why I was entitled to go after someone who is just as brainwashed as I am because I have the right of Nationalism on my side and for suggesting that some have less rights than me in living on this planet, wherever that may be, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop a 'one day old' affinity with Arab men just because they made me feel welcome at school, and as such they are now my friends, while the Jew debating against Italians was NOT my friend and so I used the excuse that I was standing up for the Muslim to make a point, to mark a territory, to belittle someone else, so I could get to experience myself as more valuable, having more right of belonging, superior at the expense of someone else that was clearly possessed and that should have been given the time to vent and run out of gas instead of being fuelled into a full blow possession for which I did not want to take responsibility because He was the one who started, which is in fact what I condemn the Jews for in the Palestine/Israel debate
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to take responsibility for the part I play in people going off their rockers and for pushing another as myself to exasperate his friction just so I can be right, righteous and feel more, superior and entitled, I forgive myself
When and as I see myself facing this guy again as the representative of the Jews of the world, I stop, Breathe, do not engage in any discussion that may lead to exasperating his fear of the Middle Eastern Conflict as I saw, realized and understood that this is the core issue at the bottom of his stance and I won't engage in any fear mongering activity no matter how tempting it may seem
When and as I see myself walking into a discussion where realize I have an opinion already formed and validated on the issue, I stop, breathe, I see realize and understand that only Characters have opinions and that I don't see all the dimensions of a point yet to participate in any supportive exchange and therefore I breathe until the desire to jump in runs out of power
When and as I see myself wanting to vent a useless opinions on matters that won't change the prblem a hand, I stop, breathe, I see realize and understand that whatever opinion I hold stands in the way of me being Here, seeing clearly how to direct a point which may very well be to keep quiet, and for fearing that by keeping quiet and not manifesting my dissent I am not standing for 'what I beLieve in' I forgive myself
When and as I see myself meeting someone who states 'I am a Jew' I look for what comes up inside of me that needs clearing so I can stand stable in and as Breath whoever I may meet, whatever religion he professes or wherever he may be coming from as I no longer allow separation to exist within and as me for made up, make belief reasons that we created through Consciousness as The Mind in separation from each other, instead of valuing the Life we all share Equally on this Planet that we must learn to share as One.
I commit myself to stop debating the Jews on things I know nothing about because I have not lived through what they share and the fact they haven't either is not my responsibility or a point that authorizes me to take them on because we are Equal Brainwashed Dumbfucks, and for judging myself and another as a dumbfuck and a douchebag as a way to authorize myself to be both, the dumbfuck and the douchebag just because i named the game, I forgive myself
I commit myself to stand for and as an Equal Money System, that will remove the Fear of Wars, genocides, violence and atrocities and the Fear that our livelihood and lives may be taken away from us, as we stand together for what is Best for All to create a world where no one needs to fear for their survival and for their Life as a constant consistent fearmongering Mindset.
Join us, the world is One, our Body is One, what other hints should The Physical give us about what's the Process to walk to realign all its parts as Oneness in Equality of Worth and Value to make this World work for All.
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