Day 391: Me as the World Systems - The Judicial System

I have had an interesting conversation recently about how Islam views Jail as an inhumane solution.

Apparently giving a man 'Life' in jail is unthinkable within Islamic paradigm, that would mean that the man has no chance for redemption plus, given that jail is not a redemption centre and in no ways support anyone to correct themselves - why are we jailing people at all?

In some systems Jail is a Business, so the answer there is quite easy, we jail people for profit, we profit on the miss-takes of others and for that we hold them nailed to their history for Life and call them criminals.
We have created judicial systems that are so inhumane that we make nailing Jesus to the cross look lame.

According to Islamic understanding, under Sharia Law, no one can punish a man that steals for hunger or to feed his family or because he has no way to make a living because he stands as the proof that the system failed, in the Islamic scenario, the system that asks people to give back 10% of their earnings to the less fortunate. as something compulsory.

As I was listening to this person sharing I realized how many ideas I hold in my mind that are screwed about almost everything, I am not an advocate for any religion, far from it, but I don't mind someone having spelt out right that Inequality is Wrong, that not taking care of the less fortunate is inhumane, that holding anyone forever guilty for what they did that was not in alignment to what would have been best for themselves and everybody, is unacceptable.

In our group we remind each other to look at everything, keep what is good and discard the rest. Well then, I want to keep this with me, the understanding that we can have our chance for redemption only if we give it to others unconditionally and no one in this world is beyond the need for redemption, look at what we participated in, what a shame.

On a personal level, the prelude to this exchange was me sharing something that happened in the past between me and my mum, which as I went about telling, it made me cry, showing there is still a point of charge, a point in which I invested blame and judgement (isn't that what 'charging' someone is all about?) but as I talked this person replied to me that 'we were both the result of the faulty lives we lived' and on the word 'faulty' I felt no blame, no judgement but the quiet understanding that we live in a faulty world, playing out the faulty characters that we have become to the detriment of ourselves and others.

It is essential to remove all 'charges' from our lives, our memories are stored ad-hoc through our personalities eyes, emotional highs and lows and are generally manipulated to make up the story we want to paint, to make sure everyone gets it that, in My Imaginary Court of Law, I was right, that I am right even now as I keep holding the other wrong in my mind and turn him/her into a criminal, someone who committed the crime to step over one of my fail safe mechanism, making them pay for life for a crime they, either did not even commit, or committed in unawareness within circumstances I could never fully understand and making sure they are branded as a danger to me because I was unwilling to see my part in the whole play and share the responsibility and, within that, become the solution to end all judgements and release all from this hellish existence.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I would have been better than my mother if the same circumstances were given to me to live out - without seeing, realizing and understanding that if I had been in the same circumstances, with the same past and the same programs running in my mind, I would have been her -and I would have very possibly behaved in the same way

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such thing as Justice in a world where we don't mind to let 2.5 billions of us go hungry because we have invented reasons called Economics or Politics that make it legal and explain why it should be so

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to regard the Law as a system where there is Equality such as in The Law is Equal for everyone, when in fact the Law is NOT Equal for everyone at all, it is more Equal for those with More Money and I don't need to look at the world systems to know that because I can see within myself that my Law doesn't apply to everyone Equally but according to gender, money, what I can profit from and the story I want to paint, making it an absolute unreliable tool to solve disputes that each one of us should start solving within ourselves instead

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that we have a Justice system when in fact we have barely been able to create a retaliation System because we have never managed to overcome our spiteful nature and we took it all the way into our Judicial system as who we are

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Justice equals Retribution, without seeing, realizing and understanding that through this very word we have put a $price$ as a compensation to our abnormal behaviors instead of working to correct our ab-normality in realignment to a system that works for ourselves and everyone else

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge things I know nothing about, like the Islamic religion, just because I have come to a final verdict about Islam that I have absorbed through the media and my own catholic culture that fought to place itself firmly into our minds and hearts, discarding everything else without consideration - without seeing, realizing and understanding that one reason why the Islamic religion is damned, doomed and demonized is because it firmly affirms the principle of Equality and of Equal Rights of all living being and that I should never make assumptions that then turn into judgements based on my limited understanding of a topic, place or person

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to express my nasty, hateful comments and judgements about this religion out loud to spite another without seeing realizing and understanding that within judgement I am Judgemental, no matter how many good reasons I believe I have for my stand and how rightful I can picture myself out to be about something

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use a judgement I made on something about my mum's past to make myself look like the victim of the situation and to explain why sometimes I behave the way I do, without seeing, realizing and understanding that while what she did may explain how I developed a specific trait or habit of behavior, judging and blaming her for me not changing what I realized doesn't work for me and everyone around me -is not acceptable

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed when my partner did not take the bait of my judgement of my mother as the reason for my behavior and instead replied that 'we were both the result of faulty lives', not letting me get away with my own responsibility for me having to change my behavior no matter how good I have become in telling 'that storyì and refine that judgement and make it look like, at the final verdict, I am right and she is wrong because what she did is every bit culturally unacceptable and therefore the perfect excuse for me not having to change

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this specific memory of my mum asking me to move out of her house in my teenage years, believing that she preferred to hold on to a man that was a molester than working out things with me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is my very limited interpretation of the events that unfolded in that circumstance and that if I wanted I could always have broadened my understanding of that particular moment in mine and my mother's life but I did not do it because I saw the chance for retribution and I did not want to miss out on it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that jailing people for life for 'terrible crimes' is the right thing to do, when in fact yesterday as I listened to my partner in a state of withhold judgement of any sort, I could see the amazing common sense of what he shared and how small our system of justice suddenly looked that doesn't take into account the well being of the one that has committed the crime because he has been judged guilty and as such - deserving to suffer instead of being helped and supported to see where his actions harmed himself and others and helped to correct himself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all judgement is Self Judgement as we exist as One, made of the same substance, lost in separation, and everything I do to another I am doing to MySelf  and within this for having judged myself as unredemable because of what I lived and participated in and as

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to  not see, realize and understand the pettiness of our 'justice system' that has written useless laws to make sure to protect our imaginary 'private properties' that go as far as our 'images' and avatars, pictures without any substance, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, we have created the Justice system one and equal to who we are, creatures born in an unsupportive system, hell bent to survive at any cost, creating copies of ourselves in our image and likeness out in the world systems to reflect back to us the real substance of everything we are participating in and to show us how much we need to correct ourselves to correct the system outside, one and equal

When and as I see myself wanting to, tempted to, desiring to share or replay the history between myself and my mother to make sure I get the upper hand in the PR number I am about to lay out, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that I am about to play out the role of the plaintiff in my imaginary court of justice according to how I have learnt justice should be applied, as in crucifying people to their mistakes for life, instead I do not allow myself to participate in this pattern, watch the thoughts, emotions and feelings reactions I get when I prevent myself from stepping into the pattern and commit myself to write out the final deletion of all of them until I can stand stable whenever I rethink about my past

When and as I see myself perceiving that my mum has no right to say, do or participate with me in a way that I find challenging because she has a pending Life sentence to live out, I stop, breathe, look at what made me feel challenged to the point of desiring to hold her accountable for life and use this avenue of disclosure to work on defusing whatever it is that came up for me that needs to be redirected to a solution

When and as I see myself making a judgement or wanting to make a judgement about someone without having taken into consideration all points within their life, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that there is no way for me yet to be able to see the sum of what this person has learnt, lived and walked to make any sort of assessment about their life, instead I work on learning to listen without judgement to anyone I share my life with, momentarily or in a more steady way

When and as I see myself judging myself or about to judge myself, I stop, breathe, see, realize and understand that self judgement is my way to in fact NOT change, which is how we created a system where people are judged and do not change, instead I suspend all judgement, I do not allow myself to move into any judgement constructs while I assess in Breath a particular point or situation and look for a solution to correct myself and the possible outcome of what I believe I have Miss-taken-ly done

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that true Justice would be to not accept anything less than what we could be and of what we could give to each other to create a world that works for all and to extend this understanding in all areas of my life until I no longer exist in and as judgement but as a point of support for myself and all of existence, Equal and One

Day 389: Me as The World System - The Debt System

Day 389: Me as the World Systems - The Debt System

Day 389: Me as the World Systems - The Debt System - See more at: http://adirectorjourneystolife.blogspot.com/2014/03/day-389-me-as-world-systems-debt-system.html#sthash.vrwzo5ok.dpuf

Day 389: Me as the World Systems - The Debt System - See more at: http://adirectorjourneystolife.blogspot.com/2014/03/day-389-me-as-world-systems-debt-system.html#sthash.vrwzo5ok.dpuf

Day 202: The 'Intelligence' Gatherer - Character

Last night I had an 'idea' about my future and what I could do.

Having 'ideas' it's another point in itself, they come up at the end of the dull roads of existence I travel and can only take for so long, when dullness seems to 'kill me' here pops an idea, something to keep me going, to give me a sliver of 'hope' for my future, a place I dread because I see this dullness of existence multiplied in years to come and how won't be able to take it.

When those 'Ideas' strike like lightening I then go on an information rampage to gather as many 'valuable' news as possible about whatever I set my mind to. "I" set my mind to..interesting expression...

I am able to read for 24/48 hours, until my body aches and jump from one website to another as I see connections of things I apparently need to know.

This 'I need to know it's of course manufactured by My Mind, it's to cover all my bases so to speak and never clearer than today, it's just FEAR.

It is the FEAR that if I don't know enough when I move into a new venture I will be taken advantage of, it's the 'Intelligence' side of the fear of looking stupid, yesterday I experienced the physical side of 'looking stupid' and today the mental, which is in fact just 'mental' as in mental case, the case in which I trap myself in fear of abuse.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define existence as dull because I am lacking the frenzy of energetic movements, of excitement and depression, instead of seeing realizing and understanding, it's a process and as it took me some time to get use to my existence as an energy drug addict, it will take some time to get off the energy wheel and see that 'not feeling' doesn't define my successful engagement with existence as Life, I am the ones that defined not feeling ad dull and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I evaluate a new possibility, to move into a mental frenzy through which I then believe that I NEED to gather information/intelligence because every new things I evaluate gives rise to both excitement and fear or better stated, excitement AS Fear and I have taught myself that the fear can subside if I gather enough knowledge and information as my counter-intelligence

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need counter-intelligence against myself because I have always only feared myself and my own self judgement and I believed I needed to become 'intelligent' so I would not have to endure myself judgement of myself as stupid, instead of just stopping all and any self judgement

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must load myself with knowledge and information to be prepared for potential abuses, when in fact the piling up of useless knowledge and information that I don't need at the moment and therefore I cannot live, is a form of self abuse

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to trust myself so little that I have come to the con-clusion that I 'better be prepared' when in fact on my way to getting myself prepared I abuse myself as my mind with useless piling up of knowledge and information that creates friction inside of myself from which I then perceive I need MORE knowledge and information to stop the friction I myself created and then accepted and allowed

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that being prepared as with plenty of knowledge and information is a sign of intelligence, which it is, it's the sign that I have successfully filled my head with useless knowledge and information in fear that I may appear stupid if I didn't, before moving myself in and as the physical world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imagine what will the people around me say/think if I make a decision for which I cannot prove to have done/overdone in fact my homework because I fear they may think I am a fool, instead of seeing and realizing that I fear my own judgement of myself as a fool, because I have already judged myself in the past as a fool for having made wrong moves due to the fact that I had not taken the time to inform myself which I have equated with piling up tons of information so I won't have to face my own self judgements as a fool again

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to despise people who have not collected tons of knowledge and information such as I did and for thinking they are fools and should never talk because almost everything they say it's stupid, without realizing I can only judge myself no matter how far and how well I motivate my projections of my own self despise in self judgement

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when yesterday with my students I realized I was about to push her to study either through Fear or through Diminishing her and when I forbade myself from doing either I saw I did not know how to talk to her effectively because so far this is the only way I have taken on board about HOW I motivate myself to pile up knowledge and information and for seeing that I did not have the RIGHT information on how to talk to her in a supportive way I moved into self judgement and then shame which is why I then left at the peak of my irritation so I would not open my big mouth and then say something I would regret and for feeling ashamed of myself I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from Self so much that I have lost touch with the common sense of how to talk in a supportive manner to another human being, because even when I asked myself 'how would I want to be treated' I could not see an answer as I never saw any choice than being motivated either through fear of failure or the fear of being diminished and so an alternative to who I have been was not here because I was not Here and did not trust myself that I could express myself in self honesty in a way that would be mutually beneficial, for me as change and for her as me as support

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and what I may say, do, think in my pursuing intelligence as a weapon and an armor with which I arm myself and harm myself at the same time

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to 'intelligent people' such as those who held more information and knowledge than myself and for, instead of correcting this experience of myself to stop the fear, seek to even out the play field to NOT experience that fear again, which would be impossible because in the whole world there will always be someone who knows more than me so the point to realign is not the knowledge and information but to stop defining myself through knowledge and information, taking back my value from where I have erroneously invested it, in my search to be more in fear of being less/not enough.

When and as I see myself move or about to move into the Information/Intelligence Gatherer Character, I stop, breathe, assess in self honesty if I need that information in that moment, if I can live that information or if I am hoarding info just for value, and if I see that I am on an info hoarding trip I stop, I breathe and bring myself back Here to stop participating in fear and then the desire to 'do something' to stop the fear

When and as I see myself moving into Conflict with myself about a point of perceived 'required knowledge and information' that I lack I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that such point is coming from the Fear of not Knowing Enough, not having Gathered Enough Intelligence, so I breathe and bring myself back Here instead than giving in to the fear of not Knowing enough, not being 'intelligent' enough as I see, realize and understand I am not defined by my knowledge and information, nor is anyone else.

I commit myself to stop my existence as the Intelligence Gatherer and to explore this Character if and as it comes up until I no longer exist as such Character, but stable Here in and as Breath

Related articles

• Day 101 - Fear of Myself
• Day 200: Humanity - Armed with Intelligence
• Day 114 - Intelligence is Fear
• Day 150 - Human Intelligence
• Day 93- Observer as the Mind - Breathing is Living

Day 161: The Scarlet Letter

This Post is Private
Published on the Desteni Website under Eleonora's Journey to Life

Day 153: I'm not 'That Kind of Woman' - Character

So, part of my annoyance with the point I wrote about yesterday brought forward his Character, the "I'm not That Kind of Woman' Character.

It is a preposterous statement from someone who has been All kind of Women and is a Character that doesn't have a clear idea of what kind of woman I am not, according to the occasion I'm just Not "That Kind of Woman" that someone is showing to not like/prefer/ admire or want to count among their friends, there, I am not THAT one, I am the Other One, the one that is liked, preferred, admired and wanted among your friends.

As we walk looking at the Characters we created it's amazing how we can keep up the act, oh wait, we can't, this is why we are going mental, suffer from depression, find all possible alternative therapies to cure the existential dis-ease that we have, our personality dis-orders, in which we lose the ability to manage the crowd in an orderly manner, like an Orchestra Director having to deal with musicians who have lost the plot and are now attempting to blow into violins or drum on trumpets, really, how long can we keep up the act?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the expression 'that kind of woman' with a negative charge, based on how I perceived the expression 'those kind of women' charged by the people who used it to diminish other women and ostracize them as 'not belonging to our group', when I was a child and later on in my teen years

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'I'm not that kind of woman' even though I am not even clear about what kind of woman I am not, having failed to notice that if I were not 'that' kind of woman as all the woman kinds I have listed as not 'being like that' I wouldn't even exist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not be 'that kind of woman' as in the woman that I perceive is not liked, appreciated, desired, admired and thought well of by others, failing to see that I exist as if the opinion others have over me is more important than just being me, here in and as self expression within the simplicity of Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more than 'that kind of woman' not better identified but some kind of woman that I perceive is under criticism in a moment and to which I don't want to be associated

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'I am not that kind of woman' as the kind that seduces a man who is younger, like a cougar, according to the new disparaging definition of 'such a woman', when in fact in my life I have been that kind of woman having lovers 20 years younger than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become uppity and self righteous when I fear that someone might have made up their mind about me as being 'that kind of woman' and for wanting to prove them wrong because if I can prove them wrong I won't have to experience myself as 'that kind of woman' as a negative judgement in diminishment and shame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I become 'that kind of woman' in someone's mind is a problem, when 'that kind of woman' is only defined by me within my mind which means I am having a problem with me and not with the judgement of another, as I am only making up the judgement of another in my mind as I project a situation about myself and 'that kind of woman' as a woman that is -hopefully- less than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to file the definition of 'that kind of woman' as negative as in no good and I don't want to be or be thought or judged as a woman that is no good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being called 'that kind of woman' even if just in the mind of someone around me and for trying to prove that I am NOT 'that kind of woman, doing things that make me feel ridiculous and pathetic as I battle with the imaginary dragons and phoenixes in my mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the expression 'that kind of woman' to diminish another woman in my own eyes and the eyes of others and rule out any competition that could lead me to lose out in comparison to their beauty and or attractiveness or a point within which I perceived myself as 'inferior' to them, that now includes youth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divide the world in this kind of women and 'that kind of women' leaving the category of those kind of women always open for updates and corrections to suit my perceived inferiorities so I could come out the winner in my imaginary competitions of and as the mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed when resorting to the thought I am not 'that kind of woman' because to not be that kind of woman I first had to participate in a judgement about 'what kind of woman that woman was' and then separate myself from the judgement I made as me being better than that Kind of woman, instead of seeing realizing and understanding, I have been all kind of women at all times and I stand Equal to every Woman that I have ever met or will ever meet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that when someone dislikes me or takes a distance from me, there is something wrong with me and he must have associated me with 'that kind of woman' which I desire to not be just because I don't want to experience the rejection and the judgement that is usually reserved for 'that kind of woman' to now be linked to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to FEAR to be 'that kind of woman', as the woman who is judged and pushed on the side of society because she is not fit to be part of the 'creme de la creme' because she is 'that kind of woman', the kind whose judgement we leave open and undefined to fit all possible situations and find a replacement and a walk in to any potential rejection

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being rejected by others, instead of seeing and realizing that I have always and only feared my own rejection based on my own self judgement of myself as someone that in a specific moment stepped out of a line of acceptable behaviour and into the realm of 'that kind of woman' who took it on herself to now be ostracized and pushed out of the group

When and as I see myself desiring to use the expression 'that kind f woman' or thinking about the expression 'that kind of woman', I stop, Breathe, I ask myself what 'kind of woman' am I thinking or desiring to speak about as a way to not be associated with what I fear to be me, or have judged to be me and then I commit myself to write out the point to release myself from my own self judgements and fears regarding being rejected or pushed out of a group

I commit myself to investigate my fear of rejection and to flag myself to see when I step into the desire to separate myself from other women through the expression 'that kind of woman', so I can correct myself to stand as any kind of woman anytime beyond my self judgement based on morality and cultural beliefs that I may still harbour within and as me

I commit myself to no longer participate in and as the Character that says/thinks about other women as 'that kind of woman' as that is a point of separation that is not best for me or best for all and within this I commit myself to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All deleting this Character once and for All 

Related articles

• Day 152: The Untouchables & The Cougar
• Day 68: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...
• Day 71: Perceptual Character Self Commitment Statements continued...
• Day 79: Blame Character Self Forgiveness Statements

Day 148: Stopping Self Judgement by Comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others/other things and other circumstances of my Life to work out if I am winning or losing by comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to see my worth and value through Comparison just because I have bought into what this system teaches as comparison for Value, from kindergaden up, and I have learnt to see the value of coming out 'on top'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the tension of competing as a child and for believing later that I did not like to compete, when in truth I did not like to lose

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to appear 'innocent' in my comparison and competition, because the I believed the winning is better and more 'elegant when I am not blatantly flaunting what I have that I perceive to be 'more' than others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having more than others in terms of anything makes me more than others in Value and Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more than others because apparently I already concluded I was not enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I was not enough/good enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as myself for not being innocent in what they do but for hiding a blatant deviousness, such as my own, the judgement of which I projected on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be innocent and for wishing others saw me as innocent because I believed I was not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'play innocent' when I had in mind something that was certainly self motivated and self benefiting that I had judged as not innocent, attempting to not be judged by others as self motivated and devious instead of seeing and realizing I had already judged myself as such

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire my innocence back, even though I have no memories of a time in which I was in fact innocent as in beyond judgement of myself and others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my own self judgement behind comparison, hoping to come out the winner and that winning could make me feel better regarding a point for which I was judging myself using sentences such as 'at least I', including 'at least I judge myself harshly'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own unresolved self judgement on others and for telling them 'I am not judging you' as an entrance line so I would then have free reign in the damage I was about to do through my words of judgement as self judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the sentence 'I am not judging/ not judging you, not judging here' because I projected on these words my own judgements and the deviousness of such sentences for the purpose of not being judged for judging

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in judging Feasts with others as Gossip, in which there is a Group Take down of someone so apparently the winning effect as consensus is multiplied and is justified at the same time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge what I think because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my thoughts as good and bad and now I don't want to look/own the bad ones because my own judgement of them makes me feel tense and anxious and brings up resistance in me regarding facing the 'bad' thoughts and taking responsibility for them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that the origin of my desire to smoke pot was not what was happening in the outside world around me, but what was happening in my inside world, in which I constantly judged myself for the Characters I was aware I was playing and that I struggled to keep in line, each one in their place and just coming out when I said it was their appropriate Air Time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I don't know how to relate to this world unless through comparison and for feeling at 'a loss' when we tried to turn EMS Wiki into pictures because I saw that I was unable to deliver one concept as Best, without the comparison to everything else as Worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a Best and a Worse, because as a kid my grandfather used to say 'it was the best in the shop' which always meant the most expensive, and for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Best must Cost The Most and then apply this judgement to people and myself and when I did not manage to get 'My price' in any exchange I had with others, I would end up feeling Cheap and as such not best and by absolute comparison just worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept the point my mum tried to make when I gave up at my scientific studies at 14, by stopping to go to school, that I was competing to be the worse, while I believed she was just lost in her psycho babble with no foundation into reality, when in fact it was true, I had convinced myself that, since I could not be the best I could at least compete to be the worse and still get to win within one of the polarity plays of life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter my marriage believing I did not deserve my ex husband because I believed he was better than me and for then spending years trying to take him down to my 'level' of mental depravation so that he would stop being best and could start fitting into this reality as one of us devious and manipulative creature of the world, and for many years later, after our divorce, feel a great sadness as I believed I was seeing in him the aftermath of my negative influence and the consequences of what I did, teaching him that by naming the game, as in 'Overt Manipulation', one was being honest and not hiding anything and that made 'Manipulation' OK

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself regarding my relationship with my ex husband, thinking and believing I married the best man I have met, just to turn him into a shadow of his former self due to my verbal abuse and mental disorders

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to memories that I have clearly manipulated of my 'badness' within my marriage, to prove that I was the worse, when in fact I have discovered that my ex hisband has good memories of us as well, which I did not file because they were not aligned with the Character of the worse I wished to play and beat myself up for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I ' created a Monster' as my ex husband after Marriage, as I saw him change into this Manipulative and Judgemental Creature, as the carbon copy of me, as a result I believed, of having spent 7 years with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I could undo what I have done to people that I believe I have influenced/hurt/damaged because I believed I had the right to say anything that crossed my mind, never taking responsibility for anything that in fact crossed to see how what I was about to say or express would support another as me, going as far as to think and say that words don't matter, that they are meaningless as I perceived words to be empty and never meaning what they were used for in the context they were use within

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my words so much, that both myself and my words became empty of Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for my past comparing what I have been, done, said to what I see understand and realize now as my responsibility for the part I play within the world, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding I need to forgive myself for what has been and what I have done and the judgement of me competing to be the one that judges myself most harshly is really stupid and useless and just proves that I am still competing within judgement if not to be the best, to be the worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'no longer innocent' in comparison to an imaginary innocence that no one has ever had on the planet because living within polarity cannot be living within and as 'innocence' and so I have been judging myself comparing myself to an 'idea and ideal' of innocence that I have just made up in my Mind as a way to belittle myself and remind myself how unworthy I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as unworthy, not enough, not good enough, comparing myself to those that I saw and judged as better than me, more innocent than me, instead of seeing and realizing that Equality is the point of seeing our Equal participation in both the roles of victim and abuser and to stop our existence as both to return Here in and as Breath to walk my self correction to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop judging myself as others within comparison, either to come out the best or the worse because all comparisons and competition are a sickness of the Mind and not What is best for All as Oneness and Equality

I commit myself when and as I see myself moving toward comparison/desiring to compare and compete, to stop and Breathe, remind myself that when I am faced with this desire or habit I am still the one that decides if I participate or not and that I have chosen to no longer participate as I stop the existence of me as self Judgement/Judgement by comparison

I commit myself to when I see that I am moving toward speaking, thinking about speaking, wanting and desire to speak the sentences 'I am not judging you, him/her/them/it, here", to stop and breathe before I speak these sentences, as I have seen and realized they are the introductory red carpet to the Judge by Comparison and to breathe myself back Here until I am stable and no longer desiring to participate in judgement/self judgement by comparison

I commit myself to deconstruct my Judge Character consistently as it is a total waste of space and not in alignment to what is Best for All in Oneness and Equality.

 

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• Day 85: Manipulation Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 121: The Box: Judgement and Suppression
• Day 145: The Judge - Judging Myself and Others as Characters
• Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality
• Day 147: I am Not Judging You - Bitch!

Day 147: I am Not Judging You - Bitch!

Back to the judging board.

Another way I judge myself and others at the same time is comparison, while in Morality I can stand as an absolute point of Self Judgement, when I compare myself to others or something I have to be judging both, myself and the other comparison point.

If I am more the other point must be less, if I am less the other point must be more, if I win the other point is losing, if I am better the other point is worse.

In English this point is clearer than in the Italian language, in Italian I can say best and better and omit 'than what', in this omission the very point of comparison can lay hidden, it just somehow happens to be better (than), best is an absolute and so the point that is better than everything else is as well omitted, this works within the English language as well, You are simply The Best (among them/us All).

The fact that we try to NOT express the comparison and competition point is in itself interesting, we don't want to face what we do continuously in the hope no one will notice we are 'value/worth diggers' and we play down the competition point in case we may lose out and feel diminished/inferior, even when we say it would be best, what we imply is 'better than' for which we keep the hidden list of 'not best' within our Mind so as to Not expose all the points we have already compared this 'best' action/speech/sentence against/to and how our devious Mind truly works, we can 'play innocent' which in itself means we know what we are doing and why we just don't want to expose it.

"Playing innocent" hides a judgement of myself and my self expression, that I have seen and judged what I am NOT going to do or say in the open as 'not innocent', if I were innocent I would not need to 'play innocent' but instead I will 'play innocent' as in 'pretend not to be guilty', so I won't have to face the judgement of me and my self expression.

Another cover up I have used in judgement game is the  famous 'I'm not judging you/it-there is no judgement here because I have done it too (and judged myself for it, and still doing the self judgement, so please join in)' when all the words are stringed together to say otherwise, but the 'I'm not judging you/him/she/it/them' it's a declaration of fake fairplay, because I am superfucking judging, I just don't want to be judged for it.

In fact the 'I am not judging sentence' is one of the most cunning, it's like when parents suppress and program children and tell them 'I am doing it for your own good' which leaves the child beaten, angry and feeling guilty, because my gosh, they are doing this for my own good and what do I do "Hate Them', what a freaking Monster!

In the same fashion declaring 'I'm not judging you (Bitch) and then listing the judgements is absolute genius, as I/we can judge/self judge AND get away with it, or pretend to, because I have declared the name of the Game 'Not Judgement' but then I list How and Why I think what YOU DO is not OK, as it is not what I would do, or would like to think it is not what I would do, while fearing my own judgement that I may do just the same or have already done the same and conveniently forgot about it, or pretended to,  how could I even tell another what is Ok and what is Not unless I was comparing the point to something that is in fact OK - within the files of my Mind- and then judging that This is Not, while I skip and hop through Life looking for My Value/Worth Pot, could be at the next meeting, around the corner, at the end of the rainbow.

Why do I compete for value in this Game of Life?

Because my Value is by my own acceptance and allowance tied into a system of Value that is external and outside of myself to which I have subscribed, saying yes to the Game and the desire to be More, not just from this lifetime, Nope, just going back eons of time, when I believed that I was NOT in fact enough and There must be more than Me and there must be more than Here

.

Self Forgiveness and SC to Follow

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• Day 81: Justifications Character
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• Day 145: The Judge - Judging Myself and Others as Characters
• Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality

Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality

Since I am just switching Characters at the moment and far from alive yet, I can only be judging myself through a Character for the Characters I play.

So the judging Character is the Judge, which needs supporting Roles to go on his missions, the supporting Characters of my Judge are my Morality Character, my Compare and Compete Character, My Inferiority and Superiority play out Characters, these two just swap on a swing, they kinda live together.

One point that I saw today is that unless I compare and compete, I could never access judgement because judgement is by definition through comparison, so whatever stick I use to measure myself against, there is a measuring as comparison and competition going on, or there could never be self judgement or judgement

Self Judgement supported by my Morality Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace this world in polarity as what is right and what is wrong and for defining every information I take on board through the eyes of my previously accepted Morality definitions of right and wrong, which I have filed as information that I use to compare myself against, to assess if I am doing something 'right' or 'wrong' so I can determine which experience I have to embody that is consistent with my own judgement, if I believe I did something wrong I will align with feeling bad about myself as in guilt, shame and then blame to relieve myself of both and if I believe I did something right I will align with self righteousness, superiority and feeling good about myself and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to participate in the emotions of guilt and shame and the experience of self righteousness and superiority as it it was me as Who I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, that the Morality Code I use to Judge myself is a construct of my own making, because most of the Morality information have been passed on from generation to generation but I have been the one accepting them as True and aligning myself and my experience of living to my self defined Morality stick o that I could always assess if I am right or wrong and thereafter access the related emotions and feelings, in a closed loop that once I boarded I believed I was unable to step down from

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a 'right and wrong' as I heard soo many times that we have to teach children 'right from wrong' as we make each other stupid and paralyzed into belief systems instead of teaching that Life is Equal and One and allow Common sense of Equality and Oneness to develop for each one without rules that can never fit every situation in life, as life is moving and every point has to be assessed for itself in self honesty for what would be Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'bad' when I believe I have done something wrong, according to my own accepted and allowed morality system, instead of seeing and realizing that self judgement is NOT in fact self correction and that when I see myself judging myself I have to stop, Breathe, assess in self honesty if what I did that is causing me to participate within self judgement is system wrong or was Not Best for All, if system wrong I need to find what I have stored as the original instruction in my right and wrong morality book and self correct to equalize myself to it, if it is Not Best for All, I can stand up forgive myself and correct myself to realign to what is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when I judge myself as bad with the desire to justify myself because I don't like the way I experience myself when I believe I made a mistake, because I have this idea that 'good people' do not make such mistakes as the ones I make, and so I move into the judgement of me as a 'bad person' and from there I desire to, first justify myself and then see how can I share the blame or how can I blame in full someone else

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to blame and sharing blame in fear of how I will experience myself if the Judge in me will Rule that I AM WRONG and BAD, as I believe that the wave of shame that I feel every time I make a mistake is just too much for me to endure and that I don't know how to stop that experience of myself, instead I can stop, breathe and return to the physical to stabilize myself and walk through the unpleasant experience to delete it with self forgiveness and self correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire as a kid that my little cousin would be blamed too, as I perceived there was blame on me in my family, which I believed was the cause of my feelings of guilt and shame, while his family looked at him like the apple of their eyes, and so I would throw his toys out of the balcony and then wait for the mother to come and get angry at him, because in my mind that way, I would see someone else being blamed and judged, and I could feel better about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, due to the extensive self judgement I lived with, desire to see others being blamed and judged when I was a kid, and to feel a sense of elation when it was someone else and not me at the mercy of our Educators/Parents as I felt better about myself because among us all that could be judged and picked out, shamed ad made to feel guilty, it was not me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was bad for holding secret desires as a kid to see other kids judged and condemned as wrong/bad so that I would not have to feel so bad about myself for my own self judgements and self condemnation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to teach kids the 'right and wrongs' of our ways that define what a Good person is all about, robbing the newly arrived on the planet of their chance for common sense in favour of a system of morality that defined the rights and wrongs of existence up to the minutest detail without any common sense but just so to make sure noone would ever challenge the system or they would be made to feel 'wrong and bad'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself through my Morality Character using memories as thoughts of other times in my life when I did better, spoke better, wrote better, within the sense of what is right and what is wrong, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be taken on memory lane by my Morality Character and shown moment of my Life where I was apparently a better person that I am now, so I would be able to compute how much I failed and fell into the cracks of my own mistakes as 'wrongs', when if I slow down I can see that most of the memories that come up in my Mind as my own bashing tool are manipulated and huge chunks of 'what really happened' are missing to fit the agenda of Each of my Characters while I just board the ride to self judgement as 'the way things are'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that all my self judgements based on 'Morality', come from a memory as a thought, in which I compare myself to what I am doing to what I SHOULD be doing if I were a good person -while I am not - and for failing to see that this System Morality always leads to the same place, to make sure that I do not change because the burden of self judgements as My Morality Code is just too big to shake off and that if in fact I am a good person I must LIVE with it, as the consequence of my life, words, thoughts and actions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to escape my self judgement I have to do the Moral/Right thing, which is to judge myself for my wrong doing, because if I do not AT LEAST judge myself where is my goodness and my morality, instead of seeing and realizing that this self judgement is standing in the way of my change and that I must let go of my desire to be good as the Morality Character in fear of my own self judgement to be able to stand for what is best for All without restraints

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying self forgiveness to all the events in my Life that I see as the source and files that I use against myself when I step into the Judge Character because I have judged Self Forgiveness like Forgiveness as the 'Easy Way Out' of my perceived 'wrong doings' instead of seeing realizing and understanding that Self Forgiveness is no Way Out and is not at all a Cop Out, it's just me giving myself another chance to stand in Oneness and Equality and stop the Self Abuse as Self Judgement as the point in which I feel like shit but I get to at least feel self righteous for judging myself mercilessly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge self forgiveness as the eraser that will lift me from my responsibility as consequence of my life, because within the Morality Character and the Moral Judge of myself this is not acceptable as I have judged responsibility for consequence as suffering and I have resisted giving up my suffering because then I won't be a good person anymore as I have embraced suffering as the Right Punishment bestowed on myself by my Judge Character in my desire to be Good and doing what is Right and Just

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate Justice with Punishment, because our World system promotes punishment as Justice instead of Self Correction, with the result that I have been punishing myself as I embraced the sentences of the court of my own Judge as myself as Guilty as Charged, and yet I failed to see that I was the one setting the Charges, the Judgements and the Punishments, and as such I can let it go because realigning myself to Oneness and Equality cannot come from my suffering and punishment but only through my Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some punishment in our Justice system are not harsh enough, because as I punished myself harshly for every mistake I believed I made or every wrong choice I believed took, so should the system, as leniency only shows weakness and as we know, spare the rod, spoil the child

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire my own self judgement as the punishment of myself for my careless life that I have judged as mostly 'wrong' through my Morality Character, instead of seeing and realizing I have been lost in a Character Play with other Characters and that correcting ourselves will come through unconditional self forgiveness first, because it' s only through remitting our sins that we can remit everyone's sins and this is how self forgiveness will work inward and outward until we live in a for-giving world for All and no longer in a for-getting world, where we forgot our self responsibility to our Self and all of Existence Equal and One

When and as I see myself attempting to, about to, or already making judgements about myself through my Morality Character, I Stop, Breathe, remind myself that I have seen how this plays out and why, breathe myself back Here into the Physical until I let go of the desire/need to judge myself

When and as I see myself attempting to, about to, or already making judgements about myself based on what is right and wrong, I stop, Breathe, investigate what beliefs/definitions am I holding regarding a particular point that I have charged negatively as in 'Wrong' or positively as in 'Right', so I can write it out to investigate its origin and correct myself through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

When and as I see myself desiring to be right, fearing to be wrong and the judgement of myself as wrong, I stop, Breathe, look at what it is that I am fearing as my own potential self judgement, so I can release the fear and dig into my experience to find the origin of my judgements of 'potential wrong' and release it through Self forgiveness and self corrective application

I commit myself to stop my own self judgements as I see realize and understand that when I judge myself I actually believe I have done my part, as I have learnt from religion, that once I say 'I am wrong' I do feel devalued BUT I am now back to being Good and Right by my own admission of being wrong and bad, and that this is not effective to Correct myself until I in fact DO correct myself through self forgiveness and self corrective application AND Change myself in the physical

I commit myself to no longer participate in self judgements based on Morality in which I use one Character as support for another that can stand as a Judge to the actions, thought, words and deeds of my other Characters, but to consistently bring myself back Here To Stop this Character play Once and for All

I commit myself to flag myself for the self judgements of me that may come up automatically that I can identify through an emotion of guilt or shame, breathe, and investigate how and why I reacted so I can clear myself and equalize myself to my experiences to see where and how I need to change so I can script my correction to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

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