Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Day 147: I am Not Judging You - Bitch!

Back to the judging board.

Another way I judge myself and others at the same time is comparison, while in Morality I can stand as an absolute point of Self Judgement, when I compare myself to others or something I have to be judging both, myself and the other comparison point.

If I am more the other point must be less, if I am less the other point must be more, if I win the other point is losing, if I am better the other point is worse.

In English this point is clearer than in the Italian language, in Italian I can say best and better and omit 'than what', in this omission the very point of comparison can lay hidden, it just somehow happens to be better (than), best is an absolute and so the point that is better than everything else is as well omitted, this works within the English language as well, You are simply The Best (among them/us All).

The fact that we try to NOT express the comparison and competition point is in itself interesting, we don't want to face what we do continuously in the hope no one will notice we are 'value/worth diggers' and we play down the competition point in case we may lose out and feel diminished/inferior, even when we say it would be best, what we imply is 'better than' for which we keep the hidden list of 'not best' within our Mind so as to Not expose all the points we have already compared this 'best' action/speech/sentence against/to and how our devious Mind truly works, we can 'play innocent' which in itself means we know what we are doing and why we just don't want to expose it.

"Playing innocent" hides a judgement of myself and my self expression, that I have seen and judged what I am NOT going to do or say in the open as 'not innocent', if I were innocent I would not need to 'play innocent' but instead I will 'play innocent' as in 'pretend not to be guilty', so I won't have to face the judgement of me and my self expression.
Another cover up I have used in judgement game is the  famous 'I'm not judging you/it-there is no judgement here because I have done it too (and judged myself for it, and still doing the self judgement, so please join in)' when all the words are stringed together to say otherwise, but the 'I'm not judging you/him/she/it/them' it's a declaration of fake fairplay, because I am superfucking judging, I just don't want to be judged for it.

In fact the 'I am not judging sentence' is one of the most cunning, it's like when parents suppress and program children and tell them 'I am doing it for your own good' which leaves the child beaten, angry and feeling guilty, because my gosh, they are doing this for my own good and what do I do "Hate Them', what a freaking Monster!

In the same fashion declaring 'I'm not judging you (Bitch) and then listing the judgements is absolute genius, as I/we can judge/self judge AND get away with it, or pretend to, because I have declared the name of the Game 'Not Judgement' but then I list How and Why I think what YOU DO is not OK, as it is not what I would do, or would like to think it is not what I would do, while fearing my own judgement that I may do just the same or have already done the same and conveniently forgot about it, or pretended to,  how could I even tell another what is Ok and what is Not unless I was comparing the point to something that is in fact OK - within the files of my Mind- and then judging that This is Not, while I skip and hop through Life looking for My Value/Worth Pot, could be at the next meeting, around the corner, at the end of the rainbow.

Why do I compete for value in this Game of Life?

Because my Value is by my own acceptance and allowance tied into a system of Value that is external and outside of myself to which I have subscribed, saying yes to the Game and the desire to be More, not just from this lifetime, Nope, just going back eons of time, when I believed that I was NOT in fact enough and There must be more than Me and there must be more than Here

Self Forgiveness and SC to Follow

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