Day 148: Stopping Self Judgement by Comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others/other things and other circumstances of my Life to work out if I am winning or losing by comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to see my worth and value through Comparison just because I have bought into what this system teaches as comparison for Value, from kindergaden up, and I have learnt to see the value of coming out 'on top'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the tension of competing as a child and for believing later that I did not like to compete, when in truth I did not like to lose

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to appear 'innocent' in my comparison and competition, because the I believed the winning is better and more 'elegant when I am not blatantly flaunting what I have that I perceive to be 'more' than others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having more than others in terms of anything makes me more than others in Value and Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more than others because apparently I already concluded I was not enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I was not enough/good enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as myself for not being innocent in what they do but for hiding a blatant deviousness, such as my own, the judgement of which I projected on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be innocent and for wishing others saw me as innocent because I believed I was not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'play innocent' when I had in mind something that was certainly self motivated and self benefiting that I had judged as not innocent, attempting to not be judged by others as self motivated and devious instead of seeing and realizing I had already judged myself as such

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire my innocence back, even though I have no memories of a time in which I was in fact innocent as in beyond judgement of myself and others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my own self judgement behind comparison, hoping to come out the winner and that winning could make me feel better regarding a point for which I was judging myself using sentences such as 'at least I', including 'at least I judge myself harshly'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own unresolved self judgement on others and for telling them 'I am not judging you' as an entrance line so I would then have free reign in the damage I was about to do through my words of judgement as self judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the sentence 'I am not judging/ not judging you, not judging here' because I projected on these words my own judgements and the deviousness of such sentences for the purpose of not being judged for judging

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in judging Feasts with others as Gossip, in which there is a Group Take down of someone so apparently the winning effect as consensus is multiplied and is justified at the same time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge what I think because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my thoughts as good and bad and now I don't want to look/own the bad ones because my own judgement of them makes me feel tense and anxious and brings up resistance in me regarding facing the 'bad' thoughts and taking responsibility for them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that the origin of my desire to smoke pot was not what was happening in the outside world around me, but what was happening in my inside world, in which I constantly judged myself for the Characters I was aware I was playing and that I struggled to keep in line, each one in their place and just coming out when I said it was their appropriate Air Time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I don't know how to relate to this world unless through comparison and for feeling at 'a loss' when we tried to turn EMS Wiki into pictures because I saw that I was unable to deliver one concept as Best, without the comparison to everything else as Worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a Best and a Worse, because as a kid my grandfather used to say 'it was the best in the shop' which always meant the most expensive, and for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Best must Cost The Most and then apply this judgement to people and myself and when I did not manage to get 'My price' in any exchange I had with others, I would end up feeling Cheap and as such not best and by absolute comparison just worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept the point my mum tried to make when I gave up at my scientific studies at 14, by stopping to go to school, that I was competing to be the worse, while I believed she was just lost in her psycho babble with no foundation into reality, when in fact it was true, I had convinced myself that, since I could not be the best I could at least compete to be the worse and still get to win within one of the polarity plays of life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter my marriage believing I did not deserve my ex husband because I believed he was better than me and for then spending years trying to take him down to my 'level' of mental depravation so that he would stop being best and could start fitting into this reality as one of us devious and manipulative creature of the world, and for many years later, after our divorce, feel a great sadness as I believed I was seeing in him the aftermath of my negative influence and the consequences of what I did, teaching him that by naming the game, as in 'Overt Manipulation', one was being honest and not hiding anything and that made 'Manipulation' OK

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself regarding my relationship with my ex husband, thinking and believing I married the best man I have met, just to turn him into a shadow of his former self due to my verbal abuse and mental disorders

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to memories that I have clearly manipulated of my 'badness' within my marriage, to prove that I was the worse, when in fact I have discovered that my ex hisband has good memories of us as well, which I did not file because they were not aligned with the Character of the worse I wished to play and beat myself up for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I ' created a Monster' as my ex husband after Marriage, as I saw him change into this Manipulative and Judgemental Creature, as the carbon copy of me, as a result I believed, of having spent 7 years with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I could undo what I have done to people that I believe I have influenced/hurt/damaged because I believed I had the right to say anything that crossed my mind, never taking responsibility for anything that in fact crossed to see how what I was about to say or express would support another as me, going as far as to think and say that words don't matter, that they are meaningless as I perceived words to be empty and never meaning what they were used for in the context they were use within

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my words so much, that both myself and my words became empty of Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for my past comparing what I have been, done, said to what I see understand and realize now as my responsibility for the part I play within the world, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding I need to forgive myself for what has been and what I have done and the judgement of me competing to be the one that judges myself most harshly is really stupid and useless and just proves that I am still competing within judgement if not to be the best, to be the worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'no longer innocent' in comparison to an imaginary innocence that no one has ever had on the planet because living within polarity cannot be living within and as 'innocence' and so I have been judging myself comparing myself to an 'idea and ideal' of innocence that I have just made up in my Mind as a way to belittle myself and remind myself how unworthy I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as unworthy, not enough, not good enough, comparing myself to those that I saw and judged as better than me, more innocent than me, instead of seeing and realizing that Equality is the point of seeing our Equal participation in both the roles of victim and abuser and to stop our existence as both to return Here in and as Breath to walk my self correction to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop judging myself as others within comparison, either to come out the best or the worse because all comparisons and competition are a sickness of the Mind and not What is best for All as Oneness and Equality

I commit myself when and as I see myself moving toward comparison/desiring to compare and compete, to stop and Breathe, remind myself that when I am faced with this desire or habit I am still the one that decides if I participate or not and that I have chosen to no longer participate as I stop the existence of me as self Judgement/Judgement by comparison

I commit myself to when I see that I am moving toward speaking, thinking about speaking, wanting and desire to speak the sentences 'I am not judging you, him/her/them/it, here", to stop and breathe before I speak these sentences, as I have seen and realized they are the introductory red carpet to the Judge by Comparison and to breathe myself back Here until I am stable and no longer desiring to participate in judgement/self judgement by comparison

I commit myself to deconstruct my Judge Character consistently as it is a total waste of space and not in alignment to what is Best for All in Oneness and Equality.

 

Related articles

• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...
• Day 85: Manipulation Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 121: The Box: Judgement and Suppression
• Day 145: The Judge - Judging Myself and Others as Characters
• Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality
• Day 147: I am Not Judging You - Bitch!

Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality

Since I am just switching Characters at the moment and far from alive yet, I can only be judging myself through a Character for the Characters I play.

So the judging Character is the Judge, which needs supporting Roles to go on his missions, the supporting Characters of my Judge are my Morality Character, my Compare and Compete Character, My Inferiority and Superiority play out Characters, these two just swap on a swing, they kinda live together.

One point that I saw today is that unless I compare and compete, I could never access judgement because judgement is by definition through comparison, so whatever stick I use to measure myself against, there is a measuring as comparison and competition going on, or there could never be self judgement or judgement

Self Judgement supported by my Morality Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace this world in polarity as what is right and what is wrong and for defining every information I take on board through the eyes of my previously accepted Morality definitions of right and wrong, which I have filed as information that I use to compare myself against, to assess if I am doing something 'right' or 'wrong' so I can determine which experience I have to embody that is consistent with my own judgement, if I believe I did something wrong I will align with feeling bad about myself as in guilt, shame and then blame to relieve myself of both and if I believe I did something right I will align with self righteousness, superiority and feeling good about myself and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to participate in the emotions of guilt and shame and the experience of self righteousness and superiority as it it was me as Who I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, that the Morality Code I use to Judge myself is a construct of my own making, because most of the Morality information have been passed on from generation to generation but I have been the one accepting them as True and aligning myself and my experience of living to my self defined Morality stick o that I could always assess if I am right or wrong and thereafter access the related emotions and feelings, in a closed loop that once I boarded I believed I was unable to step down from

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a 'right and wrong' as I heard soo many times that we have to teach children 'right from wrong' as we make each other stupid and paralyzed into belief systems instead of teaching that Life is Equal and One and allow Common sense of Equality and Oneness to develop for each one without rules that can never fit every situation in life, as life is moving and every point has to be assessed for itself in self honesty for what would be Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'bad' when I believe I have done something wrong, according to my own accepted and allowed morality system, instead of seeing and realizing that self judgement is NOT in fact self correction and that when I see myself judging myself I have to stop, Breathe, assess in self honesty if what I did that is causing me to participate within self judgement is system wrong or was Not Best for All, if system wrong I need to find what I have stored as the original instruction in my right and wrong morality book and self correct to equalize myself to it, if it is Not Best for All, I can stand up forgive myself and correct myself to realign to what is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when I judge myself as bad with the desire to justify myself because I don't like the way I experience myself when I believe I made a mistake, because I have this idea that 'good people' do not make such mistakes as the ones I make, and so I move into the judgement of me as a 'bad person' and from there I desire to, first justify myself and then see how can I share the blame or how can I blame in full someone else

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to blame and sharing blame in fear of how I will experience myself if the Judge in me will Rule that I AM WRONG and BAD, as I believe that the wave of shame that I feel every time I make a mistake is just too much for me to endure and that I don't know how to stop that experience of myself, instead I can stop, breathe and return to the physical to stabilize myself and walk through the unpleasant experience to delete it with self forgiveness and self correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire as a kid that my little cousin would be blamed too, as I perceived there was blame on me in my family, which I believed was the cause of my feelings of guilt and shame, while his family looked at him like the apple of their eyes, and so I would throw his toys out of the balcony and then wait for the mother to come and get angry at him, because in my mind that way, I would see someone else being blamed and judged, and I could feel better about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, due to the extensive self judgement I lived with, desire to see others being blamed and judged when I was a kid, and to feel a sense of elation when it was someone else and not me at the mercy of our Educators/Parents as I felt better about myself because among us all that could be judged and picked out, shamed ad made to feel guilty, it was not me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was bad for holding secret desires as a kid to see other kids judged and condemned as wrong/bad so that I would not have to feel so bad about myself for my own self judgements and self condemnation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to teach kids the 'right and wrongs' of our ways that define what a Good person is all about, robbing the newly arrived on the planet of their chance for common sense in favour of a system of morality that defined the rights and wrongs of existence up to the minutest detail without any common sense but just so to make sure noone would ever challenge the system or they would be made to feel 'wrong and bad'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself through my Morality Character using memories as thoughts of other times in my life when I did better, spoke better, wrote better, within the sense of what is right and what is wrong, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be taken on memory lane by my Morality Character and shown moment of my Life where I was apparently a better person that I am now, so I would be able to compute how much I failed and fell into the cracks of my own mistakes as 'wrongs', when if I slow down I can see that most of the memories that come up in my Mind as my own bashing tool are manipulated and huge chunks of 'what really happened' are missing to fit the agenda of Each of my Characters while I just board the ride to self judgement as 'the way things are'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that all my self judgements based on 'Morality', come from a memory as a thought, in which I compare myself to what I am doing to what I SHOULD be doing if I were a good person -while I am not - and for failing to see that this System Morality always leads to the same place, to make sure that I do not change because the burden of self judgements as My Morality Code is just too big to shake off and that if in fact I am a good person I must LIVE with it, as the consequence of my life, words, thoughts and actions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to escape my self judgement I have to do the Moral/Right thing, which is to judge myself for my wrong doing, because if I do not AT LEAST judge myself where is my goodness and my morality, instead of seeing and realizing that this self judgement is standing in the way of my change and that I must let go of my desire to be good as the Morality Character in fear of my own self judgement to be able to stand for what is best for All without restraints

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying self forgiveness to all the events in my Life that I see as the source and files that I use against myself when I step into the Judge Character because I have judged Self Forgiveness like Forgiveness as the 'Easy Way Out' of my perceived 'wrong doings' instead of seeing realizing and understanding that Self Forgiveness is no Way Out and is not at all a Cop Out, it's just me giving myself another chance to stand in Oneness and Equality and stop the Self Abuse as Self Judgement as the point in which I feel like shit but I get to at least feel self righteous for judging myself mercilessly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge self forgiveness as the eraser that will lift me from my responsibility as consequence of my life, because within the Morality Character and the Moral Judge of myself this is not acceptable as I have judged responsibility for consequence as suffering and I have resisted giving up my suffering because then I won't be a good person anymore as I have embraced suffering as the Right Punishment bestowed on myself by my Judge Character in my desire to be Good and doing what is Right and Just

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate Justice with Punishment, because our World system promotes punishment as Justice instead of Self Correction, with the result that I have been punishing myself as I embraced the sentences of the court of my own Judge as myself as Guilty as Charged, and yet I failed to see that I was the one setting the Charges, the Judgements and the Punishments, and as such I can let it go because realigning myself to Oneness and Equality cannot come from my suffering and punishment but only through my Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some punishment in our Justice system are not harsh enough, because as I punished myself harshly for every mistake I believed I made or every wrong choice I believed took, so should the system, as leniency only shows weakness and as we know, spare the rod, spoil the child

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire my own self judgement as the punishment of myself for my careless life that I have judged as mostly 'wrong' through my Morality Character, instead of seeing and realizing I have been lost in a Character Play with other Characters and that correcting ourselves will come through unconditional self forgiveness first, because it' s only through remitting our sins that we can remit everyone's sins and this is how self forgiveness will work inward and outward until we live in a for-giving world for All and no longer in a for-getting world, where we forgot our self responsibility to our Self and all of Existence Equal and One

When and as I see myself attempting to, about to, or already making judgements about myself through my Morality Character, I Stop, Breathe, remind myself that I have seen how this plays out and why, breathe myself back Here into the Physical until I let go of the desire/need to judge myself

When and as I see myself attempting to, about to, or already making judgements about myself based on what is right and wrong, I stop, Breathe, investigate what beliefs/definitions am I holding regarding a particular point that I have charged negatively as in 'Wrong' or positively as in 'Right', so I can write it out to investigate its origin and correct myself through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

When and as I see myself desiring to be right, fearing to be wrong and the judgement of myself as wrong, I stop, Breathe, look at what it is that I am fearing as my own potential self judgement, so I can release the fear and dig into my experience to find the origin of my judgements of 'potential wrong' and release it through Self forgiveness and self corrective application

I commit myself to stop my own self judgements as I see realize and understand that when I judge myself I actually believe I have done my part, as I have learnt from religion, that once I say 'I am wrong' I do feel devalued BUT I am now back to being Good and Right by my own admission of being wrong and bad, and that this is not effective to Correct myself until I in fact DO correct myself through self forgiveness and self corrective application AND Change myself in the physical

I commit myself to no longer participate in self judgements based on Morality in which I use one Character as support for another that can stand as a Judge to the actions, thought, words and deeds of my other Characters, but to consistently bring myself back Here To Stop this Character play Once and for All

I commit myself to flag myself for the self judgements of me that may come up automatically that I can identify through an emotion of guilt or shame, breathe, and investigate how and why I reacted so I can clear myself and equalize myself to my experiences to see where and how I need to change so I can script my correction to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

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• Day 94: Morality Character
• Day 96: Morality Character Self-Forgiveness statements
• Day 97: Morality Character Self-Forgiveness statements
• Day 98: Morality Character Self-Forgiveness statements continued 3...
• Day 99: Morality Character Self-Commitment statements
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• Day 119: Suppression Character
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Day 145: The Judge - Judging Myself and Others as Characters

This Character is one of my oldest and as such, most treasured.

Maybe treasured is not the right word, because this is one nasty Character, let's say one of the most familiar and yet uncomfortable, one of the most abusive and yet well known, letting go of some of my Characters feels like leaving behind an old time abusive friend, once you learn to live with the abuse you fear you'll miss them when they won't be around anymore.

I remember being a kid playing "the Judge" in the courtyard to establish who was Wrong and Who was right regarding disputes.

I remember as well a comment made by my mother to someone, praising me for being a natural 'Leader' and 'Moderator' and how good it felt to be praised for doing something worthwhile with my life at 5-6 years old.

Courtyard disputes were usually about stuff, toys, bicycles, who should play with whom, who said the wrong thing who said the right thing.

At the time I had not realized that my special position as a Judge was granted to me by being the one who had the biggest access to the Money system, as I was an only Child, never competing for resources within the family -until a new man came into the picture- and the only granddaughter as well, lavished with both gifts and Money that, as I wrote in another post, I could hide from my mother and gave me a sort of autonomy, I was somehow spared from the crawling all kids had to do to get into their parents favours to get what they wanted.

This put me above the crowd and as such, as the natural Judge of my Environment, like the TV Judges who have no Power in the reality of a courtroom but limit themselves to the recording room of the 'Judge TV Shows', my recording room was my courtyard.

The elation of my new role was short lived, because as soon as I embodied the Judge Character, the Judge started to Judge me as well, which was not what I had in mind when I self elected myself as the Judge of others due to my wisdom=as access to Money and yet, once the lock in to this personality suit took place, the nasty side effect of self judgement became more obvious and I started to experience doubts and anxieties, both on my rulings, 'what if I did not rule for the 'Right' One? What if I am influenced by my friendships ties? How can I be Wise to uphold this Judge Role with Fairness and Justice? 

Most of these questions were for sure prompted by talks with my mum trying to explain to me the 'Right and Wrong' of my new Character and how to try to be impartial when I expressed my opinion about others, something that we did not practice at home, as all the Opinions my family expressed, especially on my grandparents side, were absolutely biased and always designed to depict someone as 'bad' if they had fallen from their Grace, some of the comments made behind closed doors about people to whom they had smiled just 5 minutes before were scary and evil, they often threw in my mum as well and asked me to participate in the bashing, this was a point that ended up making me physically sick, in time I saw there was a correlation between my dinners at grandparents and my anxiety as I tried to not upset the boat by standing up for my mum and yet judged myself mercilessly for not doing so.

I don't have memories of much of the same happening with my mum, she actually tended like me to feel guilty and ashamed for saying certain things, not that the point of 'thinking certain things' is any different from speaking 'certain things' if not that they are not shared and exposed, and yet we have been granted by this world the knowledge that whatever happens in your mind is a bit like Vegas, as long as it stays in Vegas no one is the wiser.

Yes, it's true, no one is the wiser, as we drag our lives from one judgement to another, about ourselves and everyone else, the everyone else is like the chicken or the egg, still unclear who came first, did I start to judge myself first and then projected my judgements on others, or did I start to judge others first and then had no choice but to start to judge myself? Are there 'Others' by the way?

As I wrote I saw that self judgement started first, it must have, how could I start to think about judging another if I had not been shown what judgement is, we learn through example, so every time a parent criticizes their kid and passes judgements about how they express themselves, sit, walk, speak, eat, and then trying to access their mind with 'what were you thinking?' so they can judge their thoughts as well for being appropriate or inappropriate which is when and how we retreat into the mind to never again investigate what it is that is going on with me, where are these Thoughts coming from, how did this 'Thinking' business started and why don't I seem in control of it? WHO is thinking? Is someone living in my Mind doing the thinking? Why do I have thoughts I do not agree with, as Oscar Wild used to say?

So the self judgements piles up and then looking for relief, the judgement goes outward, to show oneself that I am not the worst, there is worse out there, look carefully, let me dig out some of their 'Secret Mind' bullshit and expose it, then we can all have a Judgement Feast, let's invite friends and celebrate our nastiness, see how we can outdo each other, who has the guts to judge the most, say the most awful things about another as The Truth, justifying how we crawled all the way under the scum of the Earth out of the Fear of being Judged, ending up Judging for a living, because when the Judgement of Others Stop, I am faced with all the Self Judgement I have not dealt with and God forbid I should open that damn of my own self created damn-nation, just to be swept away into nothingness and annihilation.

Will follow tomorrow with Self Forgiveness and SC to stop my participation in and as The Judge standing as  Judgement of myself and others as the Characters of Existence.

Related articles

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• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...
• Day 70: Perceptual Character Self Commitment Statements
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• Day 81: Justifications Character
• Day 96: Morality Character Self-Forgiveness statements
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Day 138: I am NOT a Dirty Lousy Kid, I am ALL The Dirty Lousy Children of The World

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I feared other children while I always only feared the experience of me when around strangers and people for which I had not yet developed a fitting Character/personality to interact through and as

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear interacting with other kids that I did not know because I accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to them and feared to be a loser by comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to buy into the winner/loser construct as a kid, in which I desired to win by comparison, because losing felt awful and I feared my own acceptance and allowance of the definition of me as a 'loser' and the emotions and feelings to match I would have to live with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself yesterday, when listening to a father telling me that his son at 4 years old told him 'he was a loser' to react with a feeling of dismay and the thought that we are fucked, if at 4 years old now we are already self defined as 'losers' by and through our life experiences that are becoming more and more competitive as the system assures that only a few get through the net of becoming well adjusted and provided for, while the rest of the world, by their own acceptance and allowance through comparison and competition, defined themselves as 'worthy and deserving' to starve, just as planned

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that what I reacted to was the memory of me judging and defining myself as a 'dirty lousy kid' and as such as a loser compared to the kids that did not happen to have lice

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the words dirty and lousy to the Rom kids who lived in caravans with their families and were always pointed at as 'the dirty lousy kids' we should fear and as such when I defined myself as a dirty lousy kid, I started to fear myself even further

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the thoughts that came up inside of me toward other kids when I felt cornered into a situation of shame that I could not deny or brush off, such as having found myself standing in the courtyard with a group of others 'dirty lousy kids', some of which were obviously visually dirty and lousy, but by association through lice I became 'dirty and lousy' too, and then I moved into blame seeking for faults in both the 'lousy dirty kids' for 'infecting me' and the 'non lousy dirty kids' attempting to even out my perception of me, which was self created and had no connection to reality at all, and for this I forgive myself, as lice is not the kids "fault" since thay are not taught about it until they get infected by it, but of a faulty system that doesn't care for Life enough to make sure that the sleeping quarters of kids that are ammassed to slip in unsanitary conditions due to Money/budget restrictions, are kept clean and lice free

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was more worthy that the Rom's dirty lousy kids because we had a roof over our head, and within this point starting my association with the Money System as a value/Worth system, seeing the ones who had less as the 'dirty lousy' people of existence which we were supposed to fear, because anyone having less would be desiring to have more and within a finite resource system they were a threat to me and my security and therefore to be feared and confined within their poverty, away from the possibility of taking from me what was mine by birthright

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that my own participation within the polarities of existence, of good and bad, right and wrong, positive and negative, supports this system as is, because there cannot be positive without the negative, or right without the wrong or good without bad, and that seeking the positive polarity of every experience of Life through the Money System, means someone will be left out in the cold and No solution will ever be possible until we give up our right for the good, the right and the positive of existence, to equalize ourselves to everything that exits as in our equalization polarities will cease to exist and we will from there be able to create and manifest what is best for All Life always

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was that moment of utter shame and disgust for myself when they found out I had lice and had to be confined until the cutting of the hair, as something that I perceived as a sacrifice of a part of me, a piece of me, had to be performed to be readmitted into the group, and then my amputated parts had to be burtn in public for everyone to see, that I had given up my dirtiness and lousiness to belong again and would they please take me back into the group, which was my secret desire that I did not manifest or spoke about as I assumed they had rejected me and would not admit me back having taken this episode as a pint of diminishment of myself and very 'Personal', instead I rejected them and isolated myself as I lived fearing facing their rejection now that I had been exposed as dirty and lousy too

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself in fear of rejection and having to face the experience of shame in relation to rejection, which are both self created within my sick mind, the potential rejection and the shame and yet I lived a life of isolation to not face this point for which I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the group approval is what makes Life worthy, and since I missed out on the Group approval anticipating their potential rejection, I was not worthy, same as the Rom Dirty Lousy kids, who were not worthy to come to our same schools because sometimes they wore no shoes and this was unacceptable as they did not comply to the demands of the system, failing to see that the system is demanding that we have money to comply to Rules and regulation to be considered acceptable, worthy and welcomed into the group and yet when Money is Not given to All Equally it is through this system of Inequality that we are creating the dirty lousy kids of the World and noone can stand above them since they are our very creation and the manifestation of abuse in every way and form won't stop, until WE STOP.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abandon myself in shame, wishing to be someone else, one of the kids who had not been found to be dirty and have lice, wishing to separate myself from myself, not wanting to be there to face that moment of utter shame without support, failing to see that I was looking for my own support that I did not yet know how to give to myself, because as kids we are not taught about the physical and breathing, but live within a system that passes on to kids the mental infirmity of its dwellers as fears as memories, thoughts, feelings and emotions, until kids are crippled and little copies of their parents and unable to support themselves just like the grown ups aren't

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was angry at my mother for failing me, for allowing me to get lice by sending me to this fucking summer camps full of dirty and lousy kids to whom I wanted no association with whatsoever as I blamed them to be the source of my shame as I failed to see that only I could generate thoughts, emotions and feelings within myself that culminated in how I experienced myself and that blaming others for how I experienced myself, so I could , hopefully, shift the whole experience of me onto them was not the solution and that I would trap myself in feelings of hopelessness and uselessness until I stood up to own back the experiences of myself as Me and apply Self Correction to STP the experience of me as Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at me everytime I experienced shame and believed to be that shame as Who I Am and for projecting my anger onto others trying to make them responsible for how I experienced myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to make others responsible for the experience of me, for what I accept and allow within myself within the desire to Not Take responsibility for Myself as that seemed impossible since I was blamed by other adults about the way they felt and so I joined into the game, like we all do, as we fail to STOP and OWN UP to our own experiences, stopping the blame and the self blame to just see what is in fact going on and where has this originated from, so within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application I can stop these experiences of me, to stop the past from manifesting inward and outward into this world that is mirroring back what we have accepted and allowed and ultimately BeLieved ourselves and the world to be, until it was

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to own someone who would take care of me, for me, such as a boyfriend, a husband and when all else failed, employees, a maid, someone I could pay to do the dirty job of taking care of me, so I would not have to and I could cruise through Life just making money, making Money the objective of my existence to buy myself out of my Self responsibility as THIS is what we are currently using Money for, as our responsibilities are clearly shifted to the Miserable and the Poor who do not have access to the Money system as WE KEEP THEM THERE, as The slaves that will attend to our desire for the right, the positive and the good, living out the polarity we don't wish to live, exactly as Heaven did, leaving Humanity in the Hell of their own Creation, as above so below

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how my participation in and as 'benevolence' was always just a cover up, for my selfish desires to have it good for myself, uncaring about the rest of the World because the rest of the World is Not my responsibility, failing to see that I am a piece of the World manifested and I am Here and as such it must be my responsibility to STOP the existence of me as The Mind and return to the Physical in and as Breath, where Equality and Oneness already exists to show us what are we supposed to aim for, as a system of Equals, Equally supporting Each Other to walk out of the Mind, to restore dignity to Existence and Life as One Breathing Organism, united, indivisible, understanding that doing what is Best for All is best for Me, because any Lousy Dirty Kids in existence is ME and I can never be more than the lowest manifested part of this existence, until I STOP and stand for Life Equal and One.

I commit myself to investigate where and when I see that I separate myself from a physical manifestation within existence, to look for the source of my separation within my Mind, so I can Self Correct myself until I no longer exist in Fear as Separation from the Whole

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing memories of the past of my Life experience to determine who and what I am and what I can or cannot do as I walk to deconstruct myself all the way to nothingness because it's only on a clean slate that we will be able to rewrite a world as us that is Best for All in Equality and Oneness

I commit myself to stand for the kids of this existence every time I see an opportunity to interact with them to STOP myself as the indoctrination of New Life into a system of Abuse as Self Abuse, made of judgements, ideas and opinions that we keep passing on regardless of the fact that we are living the physical evidence that our knowledge and information is in fact flawed, or it would NOT have created a flawed world such as the One we live in

I commit myself to support myself as the physical, to keep stopping myself from going into the Mind, understanding that I am walking a process in which I have to be patient with myself and that I can see I have gained more space for myself as Breath during the day as I write myself out of all the bullshit of my existence that I believed to be 'Life" and that I must not allow discouragement as it took me a long time to automate myself into ready personalities and Characters that I can just step into so as to not have to in fact assess my participation in each and every moment of Breath, but I see that this awareness of ourselves in and as Breath is what is required for Change, as Change won't happen in and as The Mind, since the Mind is what we are living out into this utter disgrace, and to STOP the Mind we won't be able to THINK about how to STOP IT, but we will have to walk away from it, Breath by Breath as we correct ourselves on the Way Out, to bring about a World that is Best for All in Equality and Oneness in the Physical as Breath.

I committ myself to support myself to Change to stop my participation in and as the Mind, so that as I stand as the Self Correction of the inequality I have become, to allow another brick of the system to move back into and as the support of a New System that will support All Life Equally, as the Equal Money System, and to give up what I Self Honestly don't need to support this Change with Money, as I see, realize and understand that it would be foolish to believe that we can Change a Money System without Money or to not recognize that Money is the way through which we are voting this World in place, by our very own decision, acceptance and allowance of letting the System be ruled by a Free Market Economy, deciding that nothing but our desires should be shaping the World, and yet we fail to see that moving only towards our desires is leaving someone without their needs fulfilled as they starve homeless to bring into the World other Dirty Lousy Kids they cannot care for, for which we are All Responsible and One and Equal to, as we have to remind ourselves that since we are ONE, the Delusion that the lowest parts of Creation are separate from Us, it's just that, an Utter Ridiculous Delusion of Our Sick Divisive Mind.

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