A Director's Journey to Life: Day 389: Me as the World Systems

Two days ago my partner asked me to give him a lift to the central station.
It was 4 am but I was not asleep yet. so it was not a big deal considering that at that time the city is empty and it would have taken me just a little more than half an hour to come and go and it would have made his life much easier.

What happened afterward was very interesting, because I saw myself looking at the opportunity to make a fuss due to the unconventionality of the request, meaning this is not your everyday request and so, being a 'rare' request we could say, it had more value on the trading floor, I could get 'credits' if I did go - of course it was of paramount importance to keep up the illusion that he shouldn't even have asked me, that it was an inconsiderate act on his side and to pump this simple action full of value that I could milk for myself.

Isn't this what the banking system does on another level? We make illusory bank notes scarce, meaningful, keep up the storyline that they are becoming 'rare' and then charge an interest on them, so in this post I will walk the correction of myself as the debt system to no longer perceive the separation between myself and this specific world system but realize that there is equality in behavior and I can realign to what works for all within my micro world to become a piece in the macro world that moves out of the misalignment of make-belief stories, meant to vex and burden others unnecessarily and return myself to a piece of support of others and as the system as a whole.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when asked for a favour that I could have done without making a fuss about it, to instead evaluate how much 'credit' I would get out of it if I did make a fuss and made sure to create a debt on the other side that I could call back anytime I wanted

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to drive to Central Station disgruntled as part of the plot about making a mountain out of a molehill, to make sure to add value to what I did for another and not let them get away debt free

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I realized what I was doing, to move into self judgement due to the nature of what I saw within and as myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that, if we live in a debt loaded world what I do is shared by all on a mind level and I am not unique or special in my abusive behavior and that it is not a matter to feel guilty as a way to break even but a matter of standing, stabilizing myself in and as breath so that I can correct myself to not allow this to happen again

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel burdened and indebted to others who made it clear that what they did for me was special and out of the ordinary in order to create my imaginary debt and within this for subscribing to this idea of credit and debt that move quietly and secretly among us in a huge cover up that is then reflected by the nature of the world system we have created outward

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop a skill when talking to my mother about identifying immediately what she is offering as an indenture and for making sure that I take on the burden of debt so that I am aware I have to repay her for something, least she makes me pay (the interests) for it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I copied this system and the credit and debt ledger by those that went before me, which doesn't mean it was the 'proper thing to do' but just that I internalized this behavior that I understood unconsciously, to make sure I would understand how to play it out in my favour and within this for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the indenture of myself and humanity one and equal

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as I researched these days about the crimes of our world, to ponder how and what would be enough to even out the score looking for ways in which this debt can be settled, without seeing, realizing and understanding that there will never be enough to repay this specific debt in which we sunk ourselves as humanity, debts that started at home and became the very force that drives our interactions with each other at all levels of our society and within this for thinking that there are some more evil than me out there, when in fact it was never based on the degree of evilness but on the capacity in which they found themselves to affect large portion of humanity by applying this same principle of debt and indenture

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the creation of debt and indenture is a way to diminish others and make them 'inferior' as in living at a lower level compared to myself, making sure I stay on top while they 'suffer at the bottom' and that this is the nature of our system, in which we push those that are weaker at the bottom so we may feel better about ourselves and feel safer, instead of working to create a world where there is no lowest for some to live out while we take the grandest route

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when having a fall out with someone to move into my ledger to establish the degree of their debt and accordingly to decide if I can let it go or not, proving to myself that my participation in this world has never been debt free so far and that I need to change how I participate to bring about the change I want to see in this world, as myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'some debts can't be forgiven' because as I desire to hold on to my credits toward others and myself I have not yet made that change required by me as the world to guarantee that ALL DEBT CAN BE FORGIVEN and within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold myself captive by my own debts, by my past miss-demeanours instead of releasing myself and the world with me from all debts once and for all

When and as I see myself attempting or about to attempt to seize an opportunity for 'debt creation', I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that in that moment I am equal to a world banker and make the decision to not create a relationship of indenture for someone else toward me in any way shape or form

When and as I see myself desiring to 'add value' to create an asset for myself to an action I am about to undertake for another, I stop, breathe, see, realize and understand that the only value I can build for myself is within who I am and that any other value I desire to create would only serve as the creation of debt for another and this is no way I wish to behave anymore

When and as I see myself holding on to a behavior of debt creation for the purpose of making sure another is clear about 'owing me something', I stop, breathe, remind myself that as I reap so I sow and that if I want to live a debt free life, I have to give a debt free life to others - without exceptions

When and as I see myself moving into my ledger or about to move into a ledger of debts and credits toward another, I stop, seize this opportunity to delete the ledger by applying self forgiveness to what I have done as an 'investment' and 'credit facility' and make sure I stand clear with everyone in my life regarding this specific debt/credit point

I commit myself to no longer participate in the creation of debts for people within my life or within myself

I commit myself to delete all debts and forgive myself and others what I perceived existed out of balances in a 'credit facility' scenario to move beyond giving within conditions to learn giving unconditionally

I commit myself to never bring up a debt in words or deeds but use the opportunity of 'debt surfacing' as a moment in which I can correct my stance and realign myself to a debt free life and world inside and out

I commit myself to put an end to the debt system within and without and align to what is best for all for myself and all of existence, Equal and One