Day 346: Parenthood and Corporal Punishment - Scarring/Scaring Tin Soldiers to Death

As I wrote my blog yesterday I was amazed at how many memories I have of Corporal Punishment, even though I was never inflicted the kind of corporal punishment some of my friends had to go through, which left them with blue hand marks on their arms or tied to the table legs in a dining room that had blood marks on the walls from their heads smashed against it.

My mother used to just mainly slap me in the face, hard, I remember specifically the aftertaste feeling of humiliation immediately suppressed and followed by huge waves of hatred and desire for retaliation.

In my experience nothing compared to that feeling, it was intense, I can still recall it vividly as I write.

I am not sure what parents are going for when they hit their children, what I found out among parents with a 'fast hand' is that they excuse their behavior because they opted to do it LESS than it was done to them, this point seems to bring home the desired justification that it's all right, they survived Much Worse and they 'turned out alright' and so you should be what, grateful?

In my neighborhood, a poor neighborhood where parents worked like dogs, corporal punishment was the order of the day, we could hear children screaming and the beatings going on from my balcony as we shared a common courtyard, I have lost touch with many of my childhood friends, the last time I saw them, none of them had turned out as an overachiever, I guess I became one out of my desire to move on, to move out, the fear of having to go under the rule of my mother ever again was so intense that I shone at every job I did, I developed an extensive attention for details in fear of retort ion, of having to face humiliation ever again in my life, my life became a striving for perfection so that I would safely move beyond that lurking danger, the potential for humiliation in any way, shape or form.

Since I am one odd case out of hundreds I can safely say that if parents hope that beatings will mold children into perfectionist or overachievers they are just wrong, I lived in a constant state of tension, when I finished any job I would review it in my mind meticulously, walking all the steps looking for any possible mistake I may have made before anyone else would/could find out about it.

Living with my mother had been hellish, I have once read about how governments and their secret agencies would pick kids to raise them for remote viewing in the military and I found that I fit the profile perfectly, the best kids were from homes like mine, with crazy schizophrenic parents, I developed the ability to see the invisible in my mother's mannerism and behavior, to hear the inaudible in her tone of voice, to see the one gesture out of place in a pattern to always be in the know about her being either on a normal or on a crazy day, so I could adjust myself accordingly, the invisible became visible to me, twitching eye lids, a specific shake in her hands, I was not aware of the sequence of thoughts but was aware of the accumulation signs, she always surprised me with her 'reasoning', she could go from something absolutely irrelevant, like me smiling while watching a movie and turn it into something about herself, something that she claimed I did to spite her, to provoke her, my life became a walking on eggshells in utmost constant -paranoid- awareness.

In my first jobs I became so good that the stress of keeping up with a zero mistake rate was so great that I could never shake it off, even when I went home and the only way I would stop the fear that I may have done something wrong was to numb myself with pot until the next day when I would wear my professional clothes and personality over the wreck I really was and go to work. I almost never missed out on a day of work, I never cut corners, I was the perfect corporate slave and I was willing to enslave others to the same Fear that drove me to perfection, because it worked.

Only many beatings after, one day I slapped my mother back, the ironic thing about that moment was the shock in her face, she became paralyzed and when she regained her voice it was just to tell me how That was inconceivable, how horrible I was, that it was a taboo to hit your parents back, that she had never hit her mother back -whom never hit her by the way except much later in life when she was off once on one of her crazy all-over-the-place ranting and grandma hit her to bring her back here-, normal kids never even thought about it, this specific point was raised many other times in the future when she tried to show me that I was in fact really bad, I even HIT her (she never used the word BACK, because that was Not the point, the point was that she was the only one with Legal Authority to Harm Me and I did not have any, by Law or by God, to try and stop it) what was wrong with me?

By that time though my life was already a mess, I lived on the edge of insanity in a Cirque du Soleil balancing act, I had run away from home at 17, jumped on a train and went to Ireland with the equivalent of 50 USD in my pocket, I cried for most of the trip but when i got there I found out that I could breathe again and when I came back to live with my mother again one year later, that was when I slapped her back during one of episodes while she unwisely insisted on saying 'you want to push me out of the window don't you and laughed while slapping me-, and I did want to, a thought even crossed my mind that unless I did throw her out of that window my misery would never end but I didn't, I just slapped her back instead, it was my 19th birthday, she left the room and came back to throw my bank saving booklet in my face and told me to leave, I took all my birthday flowers, packed my bags and left for real.

There were other issues after this, they escalated into physical violence only twice, once she threw me down the stairs with one of my Hong Kong colleagues following up, for raising the objection that for someone who had so much hatred for a mother that left her as a kid, she was no Snowwhite either, that DID not sit well with her, specifically because it brought up something that she did that she could never blame on me, no matter how hard she tried. 

Still abusive parents have to be told when it's enough, physical violence is a form of (mis) communication, it's the last resort out of frustration, it's empowering and rekindles the sense of ownership parents live in fear to lose - it's a hard one to give up, plus children develop all sorts of copying mechanism to square things out and grow up disfunctional adults as they accept abuse in the name of the 'Loving' Promise of a chance to Survive.

So, this is how we start the life of the children in the world, if they don't bend, we beat them into submission, because we can, because apparently we are their Parents, their Masters, their Owners, without seeing, realizing and understanding that we are just creating armies of submissive weaklings, of tin soldiers who will make Money their God, because after All it was Money that took them out of the Hell that FamiLies really are for the most part, and gave them the Independence and ''Free Choice' to continue Abuse themselves in the name of the Family Construct, because we Honor our Families and this is why we have not yet put an end to our Self Abuse inside and World Abuse outside.

A different Life is possible for All, it's a Lie that we have to learn through suffering or that the best lessons we had came through suffering, I don't remember one good lesson from my suffering if not that I should stop it and that I should never pass it on, but I believed I was scarred for Life, for sure I was scared before meeting Desteni, so much so that I would not allow myself to see that my story was a very common one, that the Abuses of our Parents end up in the Adults that Abuse and that we'll have to Parent Ourselves back into something decent to bring about a world that works for All - to not end up as the jailed/jailers of all others that cross our Path.

Bringing it all Back to Self - Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memories of my mother's beatings because that gave me a credit, something I could write on my side under all my apparent Wrongs while my mothers had all the Rights given to her by Money and her power to support me or not, and for failing to see, realize and understand that within holding on to my rights(eousness) within my relationship with my mother, I jailed her back instead of freeing myself and her from the past so that a new future beyond abuse could be created for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remember the physical sensation of being slapped in the face as humiliation, as a diminishment of myself at my mother's hands instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I was not diminished by the beating, but by embracing humiliation as who I was, by believing that the action of my mother were related to me and not to her, by taking things personally as if I were personally faulty vs admitting that there was something not normal with my mother for fear of being the offspring of someone insane

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was one and equal to the feeling of humiliation that I hang on to when my mother hit at me because it made me feel righteous no matter the wrongs that my mother would come up with about me, and for provoking my mother to the point of beating me so I could at least be right about One Point, that she was Wrong about hitting me and within this develop a pattern in which I would push people to punish me when I would deliberately cross lines with my words, so they could be wrong too instead of me being the only wrong one within a relationship equation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the times when my mother beat me against her as a way to get my own Rights so I would even out with the Rights my mum held on me all the way apparently to deleting me from existence - and for suppressing the negative feelings I connected to those times instead of releasing myself from them, in fear I would no longer hold a credit, be a creditor and in that would become a debtor, because I saw that the world is based on Money and credits and debts and I decided I would not be on the Debtor side, I would make money so I could be on the Right side of this Polarity Equation and this is why I rose from the ashes of a perceived broken self just long enough to go out in the world and make money, to guarantee myself Immunity and buy myself the Rights that parents teach children they don't have and make them long for, until they long for Money as the God that gives the Rights in this existence and deletes All Wrongs

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my mother beating me because we were not the kind of family where beatings should take place as my mum was educated and played the piano and within this for believing I was one and equal to the shame of being beaten

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel proud about keeping my mouth shut about my mother's beatings because it gave me a leverage over her and proved I was better than her because even though she was crazy I covered up for her, which made me good while she was bad instead of seeing realizing and understanding I covered up with the same intent of accumulating credits and ammunition for when I would have to shoot her out of my life, for when I would bring up all her Wrongdoings and in one single swoop even out all my perceived wrongdoings until we would be squared and I would be out of her home

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was something wrong with me when my mum would beat me and state that she knew it was not 'me' but the 'devil in me' asking me to do the things she did not approve of, and for splitting myself up in personalities that carefully selected what she approved of from the devilish ones, according to her desires, losing touch with my own accountability for my own actions that could be blamed on the devil first and then on the environment, on external forces and ultimately on my parents so I would not have to be accountable for my words, thoughts and deeds if I accepted the split my mother offered as an excuse, instead of learning about consequences within a timeline so I could make informed decisions about my behavior and the consequences I was willing to live

I forgive myself that I failed to see, realize and understand that I led myself from abuse to self abuse and from self abuse to World abuse through Money and my participation within it and within my unwillingness to see that unless we live in HarMony Money will do Harm and within this for not stopping myself and investigating why and how we gave Money the Power to Harm, so we could feel safe in the dysfunctional world we were born and become a part of

I commit myself to let go of all memories that are related to my mother's corporal punishment and to investigate if and where I am still invested in my own victim-hood, so I can release myself, take my power back and stand as a Self Responsible part of this world to become Part of the Solution for MySelf and All of Existence, Equal and One.

to be continued with how this intertwined with my participation within and as the World System.

Related articles

• Day 106: Patterning/Parenting/Patenting Rights ?
• Day 345: Parenthood - Slaves cloning Slaves
• Day 180: Don't you Dare Hitting me...
• Day 463: Can Animals be Brainwashed?
• Day 323: IMAGINE a World that Works for All....
• Day 411: Why We All Hate Ourselves
• Emotion Driven Parents - Day 396

Day 259: Families, the System Bodyguards

Today I had a discussion with my mother over what I am supposed to do with one of my bank Accounts, it  ended with 'don't come to me in 3 years time telling me you are in trouble with that Bank account because you didn't want to ask someone who knows how bank accounts abroad really work'. 

That someone could not be me of course, living abroad 17 years doesn't qualify me to know what I am doing, I have to be scared of a Bank because she is and because they may take some of my belongings -of which I have nothing left but that doesn't matter either- I have to fear that they will take one of my organs, a kidney, through accrued interests until they meet the black market kidney price.

Parents exist to keep us in line, they make it their business to pass on their fears, no wonder we grow up not even considering to take on this system to change it, we have to thank our FamiLies for holding us in place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated when my mother doesn't approve of what I do, because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mother's approval is important and shows me the 'right path ' I have to walk

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek the approval of my mother for what I do

I forgive myself that  accepted and allowed myself to feel fearful about the things my mother projects for me as my possible future that I will have to live unless I do as she says

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I feel irritated with my mother, instead of stopping and breathing to see why the irritation comes up within me as a point I need to correct, to instead move into my backchat and think 'shut the fuck up' as I blame her for how I experience myself instead of taking self responsibility for my experience and walk to free myself from the ties that bind me to my mother, and for blaming her for how I experience myself, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to dismiss everything my mother says on principle because, if I don't, I fear moving into reactions that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not in control of

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I see that I have moved into a backchat regarding what I would like to say to put an end to how I experience myself, instead of stopping recognizing that I am accumulating an energetic experience that won't make it easier to be self honest and see clearly around my mother, look for justifications about why I am entitled to my backchat, just because this is what I have always done and I don't push myself to rewrite this relationship in all its expressions

I forgive myself that I accepted ad allowed myself to fear changing within the relationship with my mother because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only alternative to suppressing my backchat is to speak it out loud and I fear the consequences of not controlling myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't control myself and I have only 2 choices, suppression or speaking out loud my backchat, instead of seeing realizing and understanding I can self correct myself to stop my backchat and my participation in and as it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at my mother today because, to justify my backchat I blamed her for being the source of the fears I have about living in this system as the system, instead of taking self responsibility for my fears and walking to stop them once and for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that our Families are guarding the System as the System bodyguards and that they can't be blamed for having passed on what they themselves received as the system teachings and what they came to believe to be true, including 'self survival' fears, but that it is my self response-ability to stop participating in the fears that are offered to me to participate on, no matter who is offering them

When and as I See myself wanting to share something with my mother, I stop, breathe, look at all the reasons WHY I want to share a point and what kind of reply am I expecting and why am I seeking to have such interactions and once I have considered all possible outflows I make the decision if it is something to share or not, and if I see in self honesty that it will be a source of friction I stop myself from sharing because I see realize and understand that self honesty is not blabbering out loud about everything that goes on in my life, but standing as all points that interact in a moment and making a decision that is best for all, and this can include not sharing something with someone

I commit myself to walk to stand stable in and as breath beyond the need of my mother's approval or the fear of her disapproval

Related articles

• Day 243: Stopping the Fami-Lies Inside
• Day 250: Fearing Diminishment through Family Disapproval
• Day 217 - Worried about my Parents
• Day 256: The Experience of Others -My Responsibility?
• 113 Response-ability for Others
• Day 179 - Always Worried about Money

Day 198: Evil in Childhood - Hoarding for Value

So, as a consequence of Money and my Under-standing of it as a Child, I learned to monetize everything.

A few days ago at the supermarket a kid was running around his mum pointing out all the offers 'look mum this is only 2.75, muuuumm this is 2.50', seeking for his mother's approval, learning that food has a value, a prize and we have to go for the cheapest one, mum's job is to make ends meet so lives are spent looking for offers, sales, what's cheap this week, what can we afford.

In turn we sustain the 'Economy of Cheap', unaware of the real Costs in terms of Human Lives in the world, because as I tried to explain many times to my idiotic/greedy Italian boss who had set in mind to purchase Metal goods from China at a price lower that the published going rate for Metal, you simply can't. There is a bottom line to cheapness and we have crossed it quite some time ago. When we look for things we don't need at prices that are lower than the cost of the raw material, even if we are ignorant, if we stop to ask some questions we must be able to see that someone must be working 'for free' to manufacture them, just to feed this system that we ourselves have created and become of seeking out bargains, the lower, the lowest price we are willing/able to pay for something and instead of demanding that everything is reconsidered to stop the abusive system we have created, we look for other suppliers, people willing to pay their workers less, give them less benefits, less coverage, less to them so we can have more. But this is digressing from my childhood, so back on track.

When I was a kid I did not take this route, I felt ashamed for my mum always counting money, it was not 'elegant', plus my grandparents who splurged made remarks about people who 'always talk about money' were vulgar, this word in Italian means 'common' in its original root, being common was Not Good, being Above the Common was the desirable condition, so I became the kid that would roll her eyes when questioned about money by my mum and when constantly prodded to realize its value and not the kid like the one above helping out and running from shelf to shelf to contribute to 'money saving' in the understanding of the family situation.

I did that because I could, I lived in between the Third World and the First World, Third Class and First Class, the only thing I had to do was to endure the week, then the weekend would come and I would be lifted out of the Misery of our lives into the riches of my grandparents' boundless lifestyle.

What I did not see at the time, was that my grandparents rich lifestyle and apparent Money 'snobbery' was just another form of Money Fear, they just did not want to talk about it because Italy is Not America, rag to riches stories here underline the RAG and not the Riches, and every Rag-ger wants to forget where they came from, it's important for the Act they are now playing, Old Money and New Money is not the same and doesn't have the Same Value. So everyone likes to forget their roots in favour of the Higher Value they can get for themselves if they can have everyone believe 'they are Old Money' which means REALLY entitled to Wealth and Luxury, they did not have to Earn it, only New Money is Earned, Old Money is given, Old Money it's a State of Mind we all wish to belong to, the certainty that one can NEVER revert back to Not having because there was Never a Not Having apparently within Old Money FamiLies.

So in the attempt to exorcise their fear of Ragging back to where they came from, Money became a Taboo, a thing for the vulgar, the commoners like my mother who did not have a choice but to rag it out because she couldn't work any more than she did, we already lived in the Government Housing, shopped only once a week and had one meager fridge that was plenty for the food we had to put inside, while at my grandparents food was hoarded in 2 fridges, at the time I saw it as a result of the war and having lived hunger, but it was not, it was the pleasure of hoarding what you don't need, they did that with things, plates, glasses, silver, clothes, shoes, jewellery, things that were stored in cabinets and not used, just for the pleasure of hoarding as Value, everything in their house had a mental -and spoken out loud within the family- price tag.

They were worth the sum of their things.

SO naturally, within my possibilities, I became a hoarder too, as a kid I collected water tattoos, I kept them in a pile held by an elastic and showed them to my friends. They were bought at the news stall in small packets of 5, each of my friend could only maybe buy one packet weekly, but me, due to my hidden secret money could buy tens at the time, I would sort out the doubles for exchange and keep the best for myself. Then I would show them to my courtyard friends, I did not use them, I did not like to stick these plasticky things on my skin, I just enjoyed their jealousy and envy, they gave me value, until one day, one of them couldn't contain it anymore the 'negative emotions', broke into my house while we were out and took half of them, my best ones.

I was gutted.

It took some time before she came clean about it and apologized, she even gave me back some of them but they had lost their magic power, they had been contaminated out of my hoarding hands and the 'feeling' I was able to gain from them was forever gone.

The lesson I learned from this as a Child: hoarding must be done in secret to not move too much envy and jealousy -something I have seen later in life is shared by the Chinese Culture for example, not the Italian one- as that leads to consequences such as theft and the 'contamination ' of private property.

Did I question Why I had more rights than other kids to what I had? No. Because it worked for me.

In fact my mum who pushed for me to see the inequality and the point that I had to share was just a loser in my eyes and her behavior was the reason why she had not made it up there where my grandparents were, with 2 fridges and a big house, all her stupid sharing ideas and look where they got her.

And so I made myself into a successful hoarder with a twist, if I lost something or had something stolen I would push to let it go, just so I would not have to re-live the feelings of violation and abuse for having been made to see that Inequality will lead to some not being happy about it that will keep what you lost or steal what you have in an attempt to leverage the play field. because if I did take that into consideration I would have to question if this is a possible way to live, if the thieves are the ones that are committing the crime or if the hoarders are the criminals piling up what they don't need, taking from what should belong to all, just to add value to themselves, a value from which they separated when they bought into the idea that things and money have value and not Life, and by accepting this belief condemned themselves to seek to pile up the value for themselves leaving some out in the cold fending for their lives. Which was what I did.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my value lies in what I have and what I can accumulate as a sign that I am not common and as such not 'vulgar'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define 'vulgarity' as being Money aware, instead of seeing and realizing that vulgar means Common and that not having Money or not having enough is Common and therefore there is a system problem in the way we are managing this world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I didn't copy my grandparents behavior I would be left with my mother's behavior that led her to a life of financial misery always trying to make ends meet, which was something I feared

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear having to make ends meet and not having enough for myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define pleasure through hoarding in the hope to make others jealous and envious because those emotions showed me I had more, was more and therefore worth more than others in my search for value above others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek value for myself above others through hoarding what I did not need

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a kid, collect things that I did not necessarily want or use, such as water tattoos, just because others wanted them and within me having what other wanted I was buying value for myself and leaving them value/worth-less

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a kid, feel resentment for my friend that broke in and came and took from me what was the source of the ill feelings she felt, so she could stop feeling the way she did, which I wished for her to feel, because in her feeling less through jealousy and envy I got to feel more about myself and for wishing others to feel less so I could feel more I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the resentment I felt was for myself, for having created such a situation of inequality, of hoarding beyond my needs something I did not care for, just so someone else could feel bad about it so I could feel good, and for desiring to make others feel bad so I would get to feel good about myself I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make my grandparents 'more' than my mother in my eyes, just based on what they owned and possessed, instead of seeing and realizing it was because they felt less that they hoarded stuff to feel more about themselves by showing off and making others uncomfortable about what they possessed, that others did not

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and ashamed for my attempts to diminish my mother in my eyes and make it her fault that she did not have access to the same things my grandparents had, so I wouldn't have to make it my responsibility to stop the crap of diminishing others through possessions but I could instead join in with my grandparents who had more and with whom I felt less afraid that I could be out in the cold any moment if I did not have Money to take care of myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to change my Hoarder Personality into a Discreet Hoarder personality in fear that what I hoarded would be taken from me, instead of stopping the hoarding altogether so that I am one less leech on this planet that goes for what is not needed in a planet where some can't meet their needs so that some can have all their wants fulfilled

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I let go of my ability to accumulate something, which is just food at the moment, then I would be in danger for my life, I would have to fear what would happen to me if I did not have 'more than enough' stored away and I didn't want to face this fear and come to terms with it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my life as my ability to earn and produce money and then spend it on things that I don't need or even want, instead of stopping and realizing that if I am driven by the desire to own things I don't care for, who and what is driving me if not myself?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have been driven into owning, possessing and hoarding by and through a system that needs my "desires to be more" activated and then maneuvered into an answer that is Money and Stuff that I need Money to access, so that I can become a faithful servant to this system of consumerism, playing my part in the game of purr-chasing substance for my own energetic experiences, instead of stopping my desire for my energetic experiences so that I can no longer be moved or used as a pawn to keep this system in place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the next thing I get will make me happy, even though so far no 'thing' I got has had any lasting 'happy' effect on me, including food

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be run by the fear of not having enough, of not being enough, of the future of what can happen to me within a system that clearly doesn't support anyone that doesn't have money in their pockets, instead of standing for a solution that can in fact stop this fear for all so we may start to rebuild a world that is not driven by desires to be more but by the Equality and Oneness of the Life we all share

I commit myself to stop buying and hoarding what I don't need and this includes food, as I see realize and understand that there is no reason but Fear driving this behavior and my desire to be more, which has now manifested in me being more, fatter in fact, so I can show myself that no one needs more than what is required to live and that pretending to give up hoarding, turning my hoarding to food is not working and is no longer an invisible hoarding and is just a visual reminder of what I have to let go to stop my self created brainwashing and mind control

I commit myself to myself, to support myself unconditionally through this transition from a hoarder to a common sense being, stopping the judgements of myself for what I have done and what I have been, which stand in the way of my change which is best for me and best for all

I commit myself to embrace myself during this transition, giving myself the support I want to see in this world for myself and every living being, Equal and One

I commit myself to support an Equal Money System and to explain to all those ready and willing to hear, why and how we need to change individually to become the bricks that can sustain a New World, where fear will no longer exist for anyone and Life will be born from the physical to reclaim this World once and for all.

Related articles

• Day 197: Evil in Childhood - Under-Standing Money
• Day 90 - Parents Suffocating Life
• Day 189: Social Engineering - The Illusion of Choice
• Day 194: You can always find the Evil behind the Good..& not viceversa
• 198: After Death Communication - Part 47
• Day 195: The Evil in Childhood

Day 105: Parenting/Patterning - Just One Cross of Separation

P A R E N T I N G

P A T E R N I N G

with one 'T' left over . The Tau, as it's named in the Greek Alphabet, or the Cross.

In Italy we are familiar with this symbol, it is the Cross chosen by saint Francis of Assisi, the monk that started the Franciscan order of renunciation, renouncing possessions, any possessions to go back to Jesus Teachings of Equality and Oneness.

So we could say that the Tau is The Choice, the Choice to Pattern our Children as Ourselves, regardless of how poorly we can in self honesty see we came out, or renouncing that Choice, giving up our Possessions as Parents to allow Life to live, to stop the Patterning of Life into infinity, creating the same broken patterns of Characters Interpretation from one generation to the next.

Two days ago I was sitting with my mum, as I said she is now 'fearing' my going away, she is aware of this fear, yet what she was 'jocking about' is that when I will be far away again, nobody will help me clean the oven burnt peppers like she was doing.   Imagine that.. and tremble :)

It was a weird moment because I saw both, the potential to laugh, which I took regardless of what she was really saying, or the potential to depattern myself from what she has passed on to me, as a joke or as something serious, menacing, the Fear of Aloneness, that she herself lives and that she can do nothing about, according to her, but pass on to me. 

In fact in her mind, she means and has always meant well, Her Intent was Good, to prepare me for the ugliness of the world, for everything I will have to face, the untrustworthy Humanity, the sadness, the pain an the abuse and the Aloneness, that Hole that sucks All of us in, for which no one has found resolution if not to warn the new ones coming into the World, beware my Child, Aloneness will haunt you until you Die.

So, FamiLies, hold their children not through Love, but through Fear, the most 'successful' relationships are the ones in which the children are so fucked up by fears that they don't go away from their parents, in Italy we have a phenomenon called "Mammismo", meaning Mama's Boys, we blame the Boys for not having made the jump out of the nest, but where lies the accountability of Parents, of their Patterning Fears into their children, so BIG and scary that staying close to them remains the Only Choice, The Cross, The Choice, The Cross, how many choices are we making as Free Human Beings ?

If All Our Choices are still driven by fears, how can we stand up for one another if Survival of the Fittest has been driven into the Flesh of each Child as The Cross to Bear, that Equality is just no longer considered as Equality implies that everyone gets to survive, that we give up the Winner/Loser Game for What is Best for All, why are parents passing on their diseases to their Children and call their dis-eases LOVE ?

Why are Parents not seeing that in order to Change this World and allow each One to face the Only Choice there is, Life or Illusion, they have to rid themselves of their dis-eased Minds of Patterns so as to NOT pass them on, because what we call genetics is in fact just the shuffling around of what WAS into what IS, to never allow what IS to just BE, but tampering with every new Life that comes to this planet to cripple them in our own image and likeness, until they too participate as we do in this system without asking too many questions or having the 'preposterous' idea that things CAN CHANGE, because we'll teach YOU, THEY CAN'T, STOP THIS NONSENSE DEAR.

Today I have listened to 2 Eqafe Interviews, One was called "Compromising Dreams for Money", in this interview someone who belonged to an Elite family shares how his Life Path was predesigned for him to follow into the footsteps of the ones that came before. he had the privilege of Money, meaning he did not have to fear for his survival every day of his Life, yet he could not just live his Expression or what he would have liked to be and express because 'there was a Life ready for him to be lived out', footsteps had been left for him to walk into, there was no Choice, just THAT Choice his family had designed for him. In our 'Money smaller' lives, we have all gone through the same points, the difference between me and him is that he knew he loved to paint, I don't know what I love to do, I love organizing, is this Me or a Pattern I live out ? A Parent I live out ? Because when I look at my mum she loves organizing too, she gets great satisfaction from organizing, me I just do it, enjoy the feeling of 'task completed' but was this my dream, my self expression ?

Hardly, the oldest memory I have of expressing what I would have loved to do was to be a veterinary, then since I did not enjoy schooling and my family could not support me until I was old at University I had to find something else I 'enjoyed' within the Money bracket in which we were confined by the World System. My mum said I would have to work to live, she did, my grandma did, she told me that unless I was born lucky into a rich family I would have to work to live, to pay to live. She never actually questioned if it is normal to PAY for YOUR LIFE, BUT she passed on the knowledge, this is what we do, within our Caste we work for a living, please get it and tag along.

The second interview I listened to was How Addiction to Suffering and Pain Killed Me, this too is a pattern I have lived, not dead yet, but the pattern of suffering and pain existed within my family, in my teenage years I would almost look for it, as a way to feel alive, because for certain having been patterned into a Caste that has to PAY to stay alive is not something to look forward to for the rest of your Life and slipping into self Pity and Victimization as a Family Pattern is a cool choice, if the Pattern has been passed on and provided by Loving Family members as the best 'thrills' I can get for FREE.

So, really, where is the LOVE, why do we keep kidding ourselves instead of just looking at Reality in the Face, moving out from the polarity of good and bad, accept to see the World AS IT IS, so we can stop and Change ourselves to realign to the Only Choice we Have ever Had, Will I live for me in my Alone-ness or for ALL in my ALL-Oneness  to guarantee that I start to be the Creator of new patterns that will leave footsteps in which future generations can step into, until this Horror Show that we have put on comes to an end and Heaven will be manifested on Earth, as Life Equal and One for everybody and All of Existence.

Join the Journey to Life, De-pattern/De-parent Yourself to birth yourself as Life and to leave behind a better world than the One we found.