For 17 years that I lived abroad, someone has always taken care of me one way or another, either working part time for me or full time, so coming back to Italy and to the 'business' of taking care of myself is something that I have done but not enjoyed, I see taking care of myself as a drag, someone else should take care of me, I don't mind paying for that, I mind caring for myself.
Recently I have gone back to feeding myself properly, which is time consuming as I have to prepare all the food I eat fresh, wash the veggies and cook every day, I realize this is something I don't enjoy in my mind but not in the physical, because when I do it it's just like anything else, it is only my judgement of not being doing anything worthwhile that stands in the way of enjoying myself. I have allowed as well my idea of 'process' to stand in the way to enjoying myself as I have polarized process to something 'unpleasant' because I swung to the polarity of what I did before, which was nothing at all apart from smoking Pot and accumulating useless knowledge and information that I did not live out in the Physical and yet I defined as 'pleasant' by the world standards idea that since I was Not Working I had it sweet by comparison, and therefore I was living an idyllic life as one of the Lucky Ones that Deserved it, on a tropical island in Thailand.
It is interesting to see that I live a Life that is just made out of ideas and beliefs and definitions, because in self honesty my Life has taken a Quantum Leap in Self Worth, as I moved from the worthless pointless Life of self interest to widening my horizons to include Humanity as a whole and the need to stand to Change myself to change this system of abuse that I was too oblivious to even recognize before I actually started this Process of Self Correction.
Another Point is that I have first engaged and then suppressed thoughts about how I have regressed, as I had accepted and allowed myself to invest my sense of self worth into my 'life achievements' that included not having to care for myself, as in having a helper doing for me the menial tasks that living in this world requires, such as making my bed, ironing, cooking etc.
I still live out this sense of regression as loss of worth due to having to care for myself as I had dreams and hopes that I built around what a perfect Life was supposed to be, which included slaves to attend to my needs and desires that I would keep like a Good Master, attending to their well being and care, not as an Equal because Slaves are Not equals, but as a Good Master, the best Master, to the point that they would want to work for me for free. I actually achieved that, but now when my ex helper calls me with her own money for a chat and to tell me the latest news about Hong Kong, I am overwhelmed with a sense of unfairness for having taken other people's lives to serve me and for having manipulated them to such a degree that my Greatness as a Master would not allow them to forget me ever, as they would compare me to their new employers who would always fail the comparison game as they are not motivated by my same blinding desire to enslave with wisdom and kindness as the ultimate sneakiest invisible shackle to bend others' lives to my whims and desires.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I deserved more than others and that someone should give up their life for me because I was special and entitled to be served
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define taking care of myself as a drag that should be the duty of someone else and not mine as I was born to do much more important things with my life while others were born just to slave and take care of me and my desires
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a genie in a bottle that would come out and say 'your wish is my command' because I was Good and Special and deserved a genie of my own as my Reward
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the devotion of my staff and for going to unbelievable length to enslave them to me through fake benevolence that was just a trap I set out for them to become tied to me for Life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished by the fact that I no longer have slaves at my service which means that I am no longer special and deserving of a genie of my own
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when my Ex Helper calls me to chat using her own money, because I judge this as the ultimate act of self sacrifice a person with no money makes to hang on to the shackles that I have designed and made her wear to please me as the Good Master
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some were more worthy than others in this world and that WHO was more worthy was defined by how much money we managed to make to be able to get what we wanted in comparison to those that could not get what they wanted, because they did not deserve it by the Grace of God
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for belief system that justified WHY some deserved more than others, such as Law Of Attraction and for then selectively teach the system but not to the ones that were below me as my staff in case they would become rich, up and move on, and leave me without my privileged life with slaves at my service
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as Evil because I took advantage of my position in Life, instead of realizing we are All equally Evil because as soon as we have some money we enslave another, like my ex helper does with the family she herself supports and enslaves through Money
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to see to what extent and how this world revolves around Money and the power it gives to some over the lives of others which is why the point of the Equal Money System is addresses within Desteni as a way to STOP the Slavery we are subjected to and subject others to, through Money as Power over other's Lives
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a Good Master so I would not have to feel guilty over the fact that there cannot ever be a Good Master, because attempting to be the Master of someone else's Life using Money as a Tool for enslavement is Evil as a point of Not giving to another what I would like to receive as an Equal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because someone around me is a Happy Slave I no longer have the responsibility to Equalize myself as it is them wanting to play that role and I am just providing better than others would do in my same place, which makes me better than other Masters
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to invest my self worth into a system where abusing another is necessary to be someone and for justifying taking the life of another to be at my service as something good that I am doing because without me they would starve, instead of addressing the point of WHY there are people who starve on this planet unless they enslave themselves to someone for Money, and standing up to correct this point within myself as my own desire to have and own Slaves
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself as a bad person for the life I have lived in relation to managing people and their lives, instead of seeing that Equality means that I have to take my own responsibility for my desires to Master other people's lives and they have to Equally take their responsibility for accepting and allowing their own enslavement as Equality means equal responsibility for our mutual creation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to take all the blame as that keeps me in a position of MasterHood, while others are not allowed to take responsibility because their self responsibility would disempower me from being in charge of their lives
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel indebted to my ex helper as I judge myself as the One that created an image of the Perfect master that she can't shake off now, instead of letting her go for good within my self created Master/Slave relationship within my mind and release her from my Good Master Character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have regressed and I am diminished because I no longer own slaves, nor in the workplace or at home and that since I bought into the belief that Life is judged by what we accumulate and the position we can secure for ourselves, I have accepted and allowed my own diminishment through my own definitions and con-victions of what a Successful Life is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that in enslaving another I am enslaving myself to my own creation of enslavement and that I have just played out my Anuness with my idea of self righteousness because really, without me others would not have been able to take care of themselves and survive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto others my sense of being powerless so I would not have to face my own experience of myself as powerless and useless within existence
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there are Good Masters and Bad Masters and since I was one of the good Ones, providing proper accommodation and good Money I was better than the bad Masters who kept their helpers like dogs and had to be told what a proper accommodation is' and that a bathtub or the kitchen floor doesn't in fact qualify as such
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be the master of someone as I feared that I was not the Master of myself, believing that if I could manage someone else's Life I could let go of this feeling of being powerless and useless, instead of addressing my own feelings of inadequacy and how I experienced myself so I could stop the enslavement of myself and others within existence
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my life was more worthy than others' who were paid/rewarded with less Money as a Wage, because I believed that we are in fact defined by how much Money we earn and what is our Market Value, instead of seeing and realizing that embracing such beliefs means I am for sale and my life is for Sale, which means I am a Slave to this existence and the Master of Nobody, not even myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that 'taking care of myself is a drag', when in fact it's just an idea I have embraced within my desire to not take care of myself and be a responsible human being and that nothing I do within the physical ever proves to be a drag when I step out of myself as the Mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate Process with something unpleasant as the polarity of the 'imaginary Pleasant Life' I lived for 4 years on a tropical Island, conveniently forgetting the truth of my 4 years in which I battled with a pot addiction and a lack of sense within my life and this physical experience and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from process, as if it was not just Me walking a Path of self correction, but a task, like 'taking care of myself', something I project into the Doing realm and not into the Beingness of Me, coming back to myself from the million little pieces I broke myself into through self judgement, guilt and shame.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand in the way of me becoming the Master of me as I get lost within my mind and my own Self Definition of what worth is in separation from myself as Self Worth and Self Value Here in every moment of Breath.
Recently I have gone back to feeding myself properly, which is time consuming as I have to prepare all the food I eat fresh, wash the veggies and cook every day, I realize this is something I don't enjoy in my mind but not in the physical, because when I do it it's just like anything else, it is only my judgement of not being doing anything worthwhile that stands in the way of enjoying myself. I have allowed as well my idea of 'process' to stand in the way to enjoying myself as I have polarized process to something 'unpleasant' because I swung to the polarity of what I did before, which was nothing at all apart from smoking Pot and accumulating useless knowledge and information that I did not live out in the Physical and yet I defined as 'pleasant' by the world standards idea that since I was Not Working I had it sweet by comparison, and therefore I was living an idyllic life as one of the Lucky Ones that Deserved it, on a tropical island in Thailand.
It is interesting to see that I live a Life that is just made out of ideas and beliefs and definitions, because in self honesty my Life has taken a Quantum Leap in Self Worth, as I moved from the worthless pointless Life of self interest to widening my horizons to include Humanity as a whole and the need to stand to Change myself to change this system of abuse that I was too oblivious to even recognize before I actually started this Process of Self Correction.
Another Point is that I have first engaged and then suppressed thoughts about how I have regressed, as I had accepted and allowed myself to invest my sense of self worth into my 'life achievements' that included not having to care for myself, as in having a helper doing for me the menial tasks that living in this world requires, such as making my bed, ironing, cooking etc.
I still live out this sense of regression as loss of worth due to having to care for myself as I had dreams and hopes that I built around what a perfect Life was supposed to be, which included slaves to attend to my needs and desires that I would keep like a Good Master, attending to their well being and care, not as an Equal because Slaves are Not equals, but as a Good Master, the best Master, to the point that they would want to work for me for free. I actually achieved that, but now when my ex helper calls me with her own money for a chat and to tell me the latest news about Hong Kong, I am overwhelmed with a sense of unfairness for having taken other people's lives to serve me and for having manipulated them to such a degree that my Greatness as a Master would not allow them to forget me ever, as they would compare me to their new employers who would always fail the comparison game as they are not motivated by my same blinding desire to enslave with wisdom and kindness as the ultimate sneakiest invisible shackle to bend others' lives to my whims and desires.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I deserved more than others and that someone should give up their life for me because I was special and entitled to be served
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define taking care of myself as a drag that should be the duty of someone else and not mine as I was born to do much more important things with my life while others were born just to slave and take care of me and my desires
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a genie in a bottle that would come out and say 'your wish is my command' because I was Good and Special and deserved a genie of my own as my Reward
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the devotion of my staff and for going to unbelievable length to enslave them to me through fake benevolence that was just a trap I set out for them to become tied to me for Life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished by the fact that I no longer have slaves at my service which means that I am no longer special and deserving of a genie of my own
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when my Ex Helper calls me to chat using her own money, because I judge this as the ultimate act of self sacrifice a person with no money makes to hang on to the shackles that I have designed and made her wear to please me as the Good Master
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some were more worthy than others in this world and that WHO was more worthy was defined by how much money we managed to make to be able to get what we wanted in comparison to those that could not get what they wanted, because they did not deserve it by the Grace of God
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for belief system that justified WHY some deserved more than others, such as Law Of Attraction and for then selectively teach the system but not to the ones that were below me as my staff in case they would become rich, up and move on, and leave me without my privileged life with slaves at my service
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as Evil because I took advantage of my position in Life, instead of realizing we are All equally Evil because as soon as we have some money we enslave another, like my ex helper does with the family she herself supports and enslaves through Money
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to see to what extent and how this world revolves around Money and the power it gives to some over the lives of others which is why the point of the Equal Money System is addresses within Desteni as a way to STOP the Slavery we are subjected to and subject others to, through Money as Power over other's Lives
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be a Good Master so I would not have to feel guilty over the fact that there cannot ever be a Good Master, because attempting to be the Master of someone else's Life using Money as a Tool for enslavement is Evil as a point of Not giving to another what I would like to receive as an Equal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because someone around me is a Happy Slave I no longer have the responsibility to Equalize myself as it is them wanting to play that role and I am just providing better than others would do in my same place, which makes me better than other Masters
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to invest my self worth into a system where abusing another is necessary to be someone and for justifying taking the life of another to be at my service as something good that I am doing because without me they would starve, instead of addressing the point of WHY there are people who starve on this planet unless they enslave themselves to someone for Money, and standing up to correct this point within myself as my own desire to have and own Slaves
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself as a bad person for the life I have lived in relation to managing people and their lives, instead of seeing that Equality means that I have to take my own responsibility for my desires to Master other people's lives and they have to Equally take their responsibility for accepting and allowing their own enslavement as Equality means equal responsibility for our mutual creation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to take all the blame as that keeps me in a position of MasterHood, while others are not allowed to take responsibility because their self responsibility would disempower me from being in charge of their lives
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel indebted to my ex helper as I judge myself as the One that created an image of the Perfect master that she can't shake off now, instead of letting her go for good within my self created Master/Slave relationship within my mind and release her from my Good Master Character
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have regressed and I am diminished because I no longer own slaves, nor in the workplace or at home and that since I bought into the belief that Life is judged by what we accumulate and the position we can secure for ourselves, I have accepted and allowed my own diminishment through my own definitions and con-victions of what a Successful Life is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that in enslaving another I am enslaving myself to my own creation of enslavement and that I have just played out my Anuness with my idea of self righteousness because really, without me others would not have been able to take care of themselves and survive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto others my sense of being powerless so I would not have to face my own experience of myself as powerless and useless within existence
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there are Good Masters and Bad Masters and since I was one of the good Ones, providing proper accommodation and good Money I was better than the bad Masters who kept their helpers like dogs and had to be told what a proper accommodation is' and that a bathtub or the kitchen floor doesn't in fact qualify as such
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be the master of someone as I feared that I was not the Master of myself, believing that if I could manage someone else's Life I could let go of this feeling of being powerless and useless, instead of addressing my own feelings of inadequacy and how I experienced myself so I could stop the enslavement of myself and others within existence
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my life was more worthy than others' who were paid/rewarded with less Money as a Wage, because I believed that we are in fact defined by how much Money we earn and what is our Market Value, instead of seeing and realizing that embracing such beliefs means I am for sale and my life is for Sale, which means I am a Slave to this existence and the Master of Nobody, not even myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that 'taking care of myself is a drag', when in fact it's just an idea I have embraced within my desire to not take care of myself and be a responsible human being and that nothing I do within the physical ever proves to be a drag when I step out of myself as the Mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate Process with something unpleasant as the polarity of the 'imaginary Pleasant Life' I lived for 4 years on a tropical Island, conveniently forgetting the truth of my 4 years in which I battled with a pot addiction and a lack of sense within my life and this physical experience and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from process, as if it was not just Me walking a Path of self correction, but a task, like 'taking care of myself', something I project into the Doing realm and not into the Beingness of Me, coming back to myself from the million little pieces I broke myself into through self judgement, guilt and shame.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand in the way of me becoming the Master of me as I get lost within my mind and my own Self Definition of what worth is in separation from myself as Self Worth and Self Value Here in every moment of Breath.
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