An interesting topic opened up during a group chat: "Negativity".
I am glad this cat is out of the bag because I could not pinpoint exactly what has been going on with me, it was not depression but something close, it increased exponentially as time went by for no particular reason, it was easier to let go of the experience of positivity which I used to seek in the past, obviously as a cover up to the inherent negativity I always felt and lived as, as the feeling of being born in a heavily fucked up world for no apparent good reason never really left me, quite a conundrum if I have not yet stepped out of whichever of the polarities of this life I have defined myself as, negativity was harder to spot, partly because it's harder to see what you have in fact always been and partly because it seemed appropriate for the world we live in, kind of the right emotional response, 'cos isn't being positive a delusion and a form of self interest in a world of suffering?
Yes, but so it's being 'negative', it is just the swinging back to a perceived 'more acceptable' polarity, something that like clothes is appropriate for the occasion, so the world is a fuck up, negativity is called for and I'll wear it, I'll believe it.
The truth of the matter is that if I go back in time, a long way back, I remember the sense of negativity from very early on, with just a few moments of break in between, when I hopped onto the happy clappy mode as I shared activities with my family for which I would be told 'you are never happy - it's impossible to make you happy' and then I started pretending to be 'happy'.
I had looked at this point already when I delved into my positive thinking times with Law of Attraction and how we would be following the 'Think Pink/Get Positive/ Look at the glass half full' crowd as a way to be accepted and fit in, no one wants to be surrounded by the gloom and doom types, I for sure didn't.
And yet, we fail to see that negativity could be just another mind delusion, a place we are born into because without it there would be no fucking way to use "positivity" as the carrot at the end of the stick and then the whole system designed to have us 'follow our bliss/happiness etc' would just not work.
If we had designed this place we would have to start people off on one polarity, the name of the game was "swinging for energy", as a platform the negative was best, then people could be emotionally coerced to seek the positive and the feel good experience instead of having them start positive and then what - seek out horrible experiences for themselves? THAT would obviously not have worked, we are stupid enough to not have noticed the "drivers", but we would NOT have been stupid enough to go from feeling good to feeling bad as an apparent choice, even Humans would not have been that stupid.
So, negativity was just a great place to start. Incidentally it was who we are as well, separation didn't work as well as we planned, a bad trip for sure, seeking for more was just never enough.
Additionally, positive people make better slaves, productivity goes up with positivity and we could be sold the happiness we craved to overcome the Negativity of our very Beingness
And then we made up all sorts of sayings, pop wisdom, urban legends to highlight how much better the 'happy people'' are to be with, which created the desire to be one of the happy ones to be accepted and to not be ostracized and in turn be one of the fake happy ones asking others to be as fakely happy as we pretended to be, a real fool proof system for mutual Mind Control.
Breaking free will require for all to leave behind not only our 'positivity' but our 'negativity' as well, because until we do, the desire, hidden or suppressed, for happy experiences and excitement will be there and external and self manipulation will be possible, probable, in fact, certain.
Tomorrow I will start to write down my experience with negativity to walk myself out of it's spell once and for all.
What is left after the negativity is gone - will be interesting to find out.