Day 48: I Have a Dream

I have had a few interesting dreams since I have started to walk my process of Self Correction. One thing I have seen is that I have moved from horror dreams to 'dreamy dreams', possibly as I have decided that I would rather face the horrors of me when awake than when sleeping.

When I was a kid I hated to go to sleep, once in the bed and about to sleep I had a feeling of being sucked into a black spiral and of falling, which led me to develop the habit of sleeping against the wall, it was the same as being drunk and it would happen only when I closed my eyes in that moment just before 'falling asleep', the falling was actually real.

When I smoked pot I used to move from awake to fainting into sleep, so I skipped that moment for which I still held fears, even though 'the falling into nothingness' seemed to fade as I grew up.

Last night I had a few dreams, I always hoped to be able to go 'back' into a dream, when I get up to pee at night I hope to go to the toilet in a zombie state, trying to not wake up too much just 'hoping' I may get back to where I was just before waking up, specifically if the dream was 'good'. I never managed this, once a dream stops, the mind moves on to the next storyline.

The one that I remembered this morning was me meeting a guy, we were in Asia, I assumed at one point that we were in Thailand, there was great chemistry between us, there were hints and words to show me how happy he had been to meet me, he was a successful artist -I think- I remember clearly evaluating him and checking if he would have stood as a 'valuable 'option for myself, he did. We met his ex wife and 2 kids, surprisingly his 2 kids were monkeys or monkey like, this can be due to a comment I once heard from a German guy in Thailand that said, the Thais were Monkeys and I felt particularly offended because he had married 2 Thai Women and had kids and I could not reconcile his stance inside me.

In the dream I remember wanting to show him how good I was with his monkey kids and how much they loved me, just to impress him.

I don't recall the sex, only the anticipation and him asking me 'do you want me to take you now ?' in a sort of annoyed way, probably because I showed my impatience for sex and implying I should reply NO because giving in too easily and NOT allowing this build up would have made me cheap in his eyes.

The clue of the dream was a feeling of how far I have been willing to go in my life to 'be liked by a man' and to be able to believe that I was 'valuable', something I have criticised about my mother and I have lived out with a different twist, not like her, showing she did not feel she was valuable as this was evident to me, but pretending that I believed I was worthy and valuable and a 'real prize', just to in fact be nothing more than the carbon copy of my mother and all the women of my family who would have given up everything for a man just to be loved and cherished, a job none of us was willing to do for ourselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not love myself and for not being here for myself unconditionally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sleeping as a child and the moment I would spiral out into nothingness to the point that I had to hold the bed to not perceive myself as disappearing into the void, fearing I may never return

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the void of sleep

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to oversleep as a way to not be Here but lost somewhere in my imaginary world, without having to feel responsible or guilty for my participation in alternate realities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in and as alternate realities instead of pushing myself to be Here in Breath from which I do not desire to run away

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to run away from me as The Mind, looking for an imaginary solace in my sleep

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if and when I am loved by a man I am more worthy than when I am not because my own love and my own being here for myself are not enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak for desiring a relationship with a man and for suppressing this desire denying that I desired a man that loved and cherished me while I did not love/cherished myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself or other women for desiring a relationship because I disliked how my mum became inside a relationship giving up all of herself to be loved and cherished by a man, instead of seeing I disliked myself because I knew I desired a relationship and that I would do the same

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men and relationships because I blamed them for who and what I accepted and allowed as myself within a relationship to be accepted and loved instead of seeing I feared myself and what I was willing to do to get that love and acknowledgement from a man

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be swept off my feet instead of seeing that when I am swept off my feet I am not grounded and I separate myself from Self Here while I dis-earth myself for positive feedback and love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dis-earth myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent hearing racist comments about Asian people instead of seeing I held my own racist comments and just did not express them in fear that I would be judged/would judge myself as being a racist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some races are more worthy than others based on an imaginary value that I have accepted and allowed as me as the definition of all of us within a monetary/value system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a man that makes me look good in front of others, that gives me face and gives me a good image, not realizing I have chased imaginary ideas and beliefs regarding what can give me value and worth in separation from myself as life Here in every moment of Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to envy women who have relationships because they can be loved and cherished instead of seeing I envied the imaginary feelings I would have access to through a relationship that would make me feel better about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not feel good about myself so I spent my life looking for ways to feel good about myself, instead of questioning the Polarity of this existence as our starting point and looking for ways to step out of any polarity game to bring myself back to earth in and as Breath, as stability of Self as Life, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Relationships and what they do to me instead of seeing that no one has ever done anything to me but me and that I can stop in the moment I stop existing as someone who looks for energy fixes to give myself a high that will unavoidably will be followed by a low

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'dream' about the day when I would meet my soul mate and my life would finally be sorted out instead of seeing I am the one who must sort myself out

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sex and my being unable to step out of the mind to experience myself in and as the physical because I fear all the sexual trash I have put in my mind over the years that may condition both how I behave and how I feel within a sexual experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a kind gentleman next to me and for then ask for rough sex as a way to feel intensity and desire that gave me a sense of value, distorting the nature of the men that I chose for their qualities and then wanted to change into something else to satisfy my Mind/Energy desires

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose men for their potential and never for who they were, and for then trying to change them in the way they looked and behaved so I could feel satisfied that I was mirrored back effectively as someone that understood and bent to the requirement of the system in terms of how to behave and how to dress and how to interact with others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Relationships because I fear I will still manipulate and try to have it my way in my search for value and worth and I won't allow another to just be and self express instead of seeing that i am not my past

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not good material for a relationship due to my past behaviours instead of seeing I am not my past unless I accept and allow myself to be defined by it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is nothing I would not do for a man to prove my worth instead of seeing that this belief about myself shows another point of worthlessness of and as me that I have lived throughout my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal to worthlessness, seeking value and worth outside of myself while I was unable to see that worth and value of me as Self exist Here in every moment of Breath

When and as I see myself moving into memories or about to move into memories of past relationship and 'good moments within them' as a way to feed my desire for and as relationship, I stop, breathe, remind myself I no longer want to participate in memories of who I have been that I have used to define myself and that I wish to STOP my participation in and as the past, in and as memories so I may embrace myself Here from which I can create a different future for myself, Breath by Breath

When and as I see myself suppressing or about to suppress the desire for a relationship that may arise when I meet a man I am physically attracted to, I stop, breathe, remind myself that my next relationship if I should have one cannot be based on the same parameters that I have used to choose in the past because I know where those roads lead, but I will stand for and as Life and walk into an agreement only and if I am ready for it, when and if I am ready for it, choosing what is Best for me and Best for all

When and as I see myself regretting what could have been with my ex husband if I had this understanding of how to manage my thoughts feelings and emotions when I was married, I stop, breathe, remind myself that the past is past, and that the end of my relationship is the consequence I have manifested for me to walk of all my backchats made of fears, judgements, ideas and beliefs, and that there is no point about regretting if not the point of seeing what did not work out and what were the patterns I played out so as to not repeat them again

I commit myself to stop my existence as the desire for relationships, romance, being loved and cherished and I stand to walk myself into and as the unconditional self acceptance of me Here in every moment of Breath, so as to never ask another to do for me what I am not willing to do for myself

I commit myself to stop dreaming and suppressing my desires of and as relationships and love, so that I can stop my existence as the distractions of delusional desires and Start Living

Day 47: Giving up "Fighting the Good Fight"

In my mind exists a difference between the Bad Fight and the Good Fight.

The Bad Fights are the Evil Ones, the Good Fights are the Good Ones, done for good, for Love, for Peace, for Justice and lately I have added a new one, for Equality.

Given that the first two are imaginary, as Love is just a feeling, thus not real, and Peace exists only within Conflict, I am left with the 'Good Fight for Equality'.

Because I am a fighter and I don't yet grasp that the point of Fighting is a point of Conflict, and there are no Bad or Good Conflicts but in my Mind.

It would be interesting to see why I have replaced the Fight for Equality with the other ones, but the point is self evident, as I became aware through Desteni of the Reality of Creation, I had to let some things go.

I have been more pissed off to have to let go of Love, it suited me to define myself as a Loving Person with a Good Heart, letting go of Peace and Unjustice was easier as I realized that they were both products of Inequality but I have not healed the need to fight, because I have not let go of the Fighter in me.

So I occasionally still find myself chasing or wanting to chase people around the Internet to get on with 'the Good Fight' to show them that they are wrong and I am Right, so I can find some value for myself in this moment where all things I have placed value on and defined myself as are exposed for what they are, Mind Bubbles of Personalities and Beliefs I have breathed into life, and I fear not existing and lacking points to define myself by.

So I have embodied this new point, the Fighter for Good, as if this was not just another oxymoron that doesn't even need to be explained, it stands there in its absurdity of my acceptance of the Game of Good and Evil, instead of me realizing that a Fighter for Good or Evil, is ultimately just that, a Fighter, and that I am in no way contributing to stopping the Conflict and friction I exist in and as, to bring about a World that is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and design  myself into a friction seeker for the purpose of generating energy for my existence in and as the Mind, instead of realizing that I was existing as an Unit of Energy in separation from Self and everything that exists, seeking my own charging as satisfaction and the reason for my existence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the fights I can win, because in winning I get a charge and units of energy/value for myself, instead of realizing I was seeking value in separation from myself as Self Worth/Self Value Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek conflict as a way of life and for switching from the negative conflict that became too obvious as being Ego/Delusion based, to the more subtle conflicts that I defined as Good conflicts/good fights, instead of realizing I had just switched polarity to be able to maintain my existence in separation and self interest, accumulating energy units/value units for myself to survive as/in The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be imprinted and to imprint myself with the desire for conflicts that I could win because as a kid I was subject to conflicts that I would lose with my parents and my family in which I perceived myself as diminishing, not realizing I was diminishing in an energetic sense, as and in the Mind, that needs Energy to exist and sustain itself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel defeated when I lost my conflicts/fights as a child to my family because I lacked the proper vocabulary to come back at them and so I lived the frustration of not being able to win what was obviously a contest they were playing, as well, with me, at me, looking for their own energetic fixes, passing on to me the disease of conflict for the purpose of getting my energetic fixes, that I then went on and played out without ever stopping and questioning myself about the point if that was really who and what I was or who I wanted to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for fights that I can win so I get to experience myself as Right /Righteous and make someone else Wrong, making myself more valuable than another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that now the good fight is against the Ones that are against Equality, instead of seeing that within the Oneness and Equality of existence I am always and only fighting and conflicting with myself and that Equality won't be brought about by and through Conflicts but by stopping all and every conflict I have allowed myself to exist in and as, as an uncaring energy vampire, sucking the substance of myself as Life out of my own physical body from which I have lived in and as separation, instead than Here in and as Breath, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divide fights into bad fights and good fights within me as The Mind, so when I would be forced to let go of the bad fights I could always pick the good fights and keep the energy game going, instead of willing myself to stop all fights and conflicts starting with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight myself and to be in conflict with myself due to my own judgements of myself in comparison to what I was supposed to be, should be, should have become on my way to becoming a valuable/acceptable part of society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as conflict, in and as the desire for peace, and within this desire condemning myself to war, accepting that I could only exist desiring balance, seeking balance, seeking the peace of mind that cannot exist and always eluded me, because the Mind exists in and as Polarity and it needs the friction to exist in fear of ceasing to exist, even though I will have to face this point of fear in my walk to leave me as the Mind behind to realign to Self Here as Breath in Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear giving up all conflicts, in fear of no longer existing as the personalities, ideas and beliefs of myself I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate and believe to be me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may give up on myself when I saw to which extent I exist in and as conflict, instead of seeing it is me as the Mind playing out this fear so I will give up and continue to exist as a Mind Consciousness System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my own Fear and for fearing my own Fears

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself To fear myself and everything that I will have to face of me as Me while I walk out of the Mind into Self here in and as Breath as Life in Oneness and Equality

When and as I see myself moving into a reaction that tells me I could be moving soon into a conflicting position outside of me, having reached the conflicting point inside of me, I stop, Breathe, refuse to give in to the external conflict whichever name I have given to it, the Good Fight or the Bad Fight, instead 

I commit myself to investigate all points of conflict I exist in and as and to release them and myself, to clear myself from my past existence in and as conflict and to stop projecting my inner reality into the outer world, seeking for energy as a reward and validation of my existence in and as the Mind

I commit myself to no longer engage in conflicts outside for the Good Fight for Equality as I realize that Equality will come about through each of us releasing their internal conflicts and judgements, ideas and beliefs that keep us separate from Self as Life as One and Equal.

Day 46: Fami-Lies and the Debt System

For 2 days I have been disturbed by the Creation's Journey to Life Blogs, the first one is titled

Parenting Patterning Fear and Control

from which this sentence is the one with the highest 'off-ending' value to me' as in off-sending me into some Mind trips and Blame Constructs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every emotion, action, word, pattern produces in the child a chemical response that is associated with a feeling-experience - and that the parent will seek the patterns that the child responds to in a way where the parent feel is in control, and then the parent will call this the personality development of the child, while it is in fact the creation of a chemical dependency in the child’s body that produces a feeling, which as a feeling will play the major decisive role in regards to what the child will become as the New Adult will make decisions and create the world based on the feelings they are addicted to, and even create more chemical responses of greater feelings by training the body to produce chemicals that eventually will lead some adults to become gurus, masters, lightworkers, successful people all based on feelings created by an addicted body - though the mind will get all the honor, while the mind is not the real Creator of the feelings.

The second One is called  

In the name of Love 

This one fared better in the Off(s)ending that I felt, and I took out 3 sentences that did the trick for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that the parent would force the child to learn patterns of behaviour and speech as early as possible, patterned on the patterns that have been proven by history to not be in the best interest of Humanity or Earth - and yet no effort is made at any level to stop this abuse, and in fact the right of the parent to visit the sins of the fathers on the children is seen as a right that may not be challenged, as God apparently gave the parent the right to ownership over the child to do whatever the parent sees fit for the child – regardless of the fact that the result of patterns taught can be measured and thus much of the outcomes of a human Life can be patterned to greatness and equality, yet the pattern used is fear that is programmed into the body to a level of physical addiction that repeats itself as personality that gives the parent great joy to see themselves MIRRORED in their children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any form of religious indoctrination that the parent impose on the child is conveniently protected under freedom of speech, allowing the freedom to abuse not only the New Children but also the planet – regardless of the fact that the consequences are known, just because it fits unscrupulous business, political and religious leaders and allows them free reign to feed off the terror and fear programmed into the human generation after generation, so that no possibility exists to bring a world that is best for all Life that will expose abusive leadership and stop the intentional spreading of rumours and lies purely to protect power and profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the damage done to a child to become an insufficient, irrational adult is not done to the mind, but through the MIND into the physical as a permanent, chemically induced, infused bodily response pattern hidden behind thought and words visible as behaviour, beliefs, fears, mannerisms, thoughts, secret thought, desires, all exactly in similar patterns to what exists in the parent – that is why the metaphor says: like father like son. The Desteni Portal allowed for the total reinvestigation of all things to see direct with cross-reference how reality actually functions and those with some regard for Life left in them should pay very close attention.

The reason why I had reactions that I tried to suppress are various, one is that I dislike to 'attack' my family as the source of my fuck ups, yet I see in this script the possibility served on a golden platter, to just walk away from my response-Ability to embrace Blame, second is that in truth I always wanted to Blame my family and tried hard for most of my life but then I pretended to give up and went  for therapies because at some level I understood that it was a passing on of patterns, like if we were imprinting each other with each other traumas and bullshit that did not end with the FamiLies, it goes on into infinity, until We Stop.

Then there was the point of 'I don't want to discuss this in an open Blog', that my mum can read (mum, remember what I explained to you, it's nothing personal, it's just systems releasing systems :)), in which I will expose what I felt for my family and what probably many of us felt for our families and could not explain and then suppressed and then felt ashamed about and then guilty and by the teen age all this compounding comes out in disgust and rage, but I was never angry at my family, I was always angry at myself, how could I accept and allow myself to turn into a Circus Clown, to imprint myself with my family history, traditions, beliefs, ideas and when i did not, with the polarity of all of the above.

Yesterday as well I saw how the Debt and Credit system starts, the Ledger starts in the FamiLie, where everyone pretends to be someone else, where everyone lies and doesn't own up to their real emotions and feelings and where we are asked to do and say things 'to make others feel good' and so we start to perpetrate the madness of The Mind as ourselves into endless loops of Blame for which we write on the Credit columns, and Shame and Guilt for which we write on the Debts column, then we grow up and take the fucking Ledger into the world, we live squaring books, accounts, building Credits in a world of Debts, while Fear eats us up, that the Debts may one day swallow us and remove us from existence once and for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I hated my family because I couldn't work out how to stop this imprinting that I could see myself participate in and as, becoming the undesired clone of patterns of abuse and excesses that I ended up beLieving to be Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity of Love/Hate within the family system and for feeling and judging myself as good when I beLieved I Loved them and bad when I beLieved I hated them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and shameful when I believed I hated my family instead of seeing I was just participating in an Energetic Polarity Construct of negative/Positive for the purpose of generating energy for myself as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by and throgh the emotions and feelings I lived One and equal to me and for believing these Emotions and Feelings to be me as Who I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on to other Children, the wisdom of Imprinting them with patterns of Energetic rewarding/punishment as a way to make them be/have and tame them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that manipulating others into patterns of emotions/feelings as punishment/reward systems, building credits/debts along the way was acceptable just because someone did it to me and so I had to pass it on instead of seeing I always had a choice to do what was best for me as an Energy system or to do What is best for All as Life and I picked the choice to do what was best for me as a collector of Energy/Credit units for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear posting about my family in case my mum reads this thread and she feels off-ended about it, meaning that I would be the cause of a loss of Energy/Credit Unit and I would then be resented

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent those that took Energy/Credit Units from me, believing that it was their doing, instead of seeing my own acceptance and allowance in the participation of me in and as the Credits/Debt System of Energy as a way for me to exist as the Ego of and as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear interacting with others, because in every interaction due to my comparison/competition I would subject myself to the potential of losing Energy/Credit Units to someone that i would define More than me, instead of seeing that I could stop All Games by renouncing the Ledger of the Debt/Credit system that I have lived in and as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to accept that the sins of the father could be passed on from generation to generation, in fear that I was doomed to become/be like my family, failing to see that by accepting and allowing myself to be born into and as separation within a system of abuse I had already given my permission for the cloning of me as a unit of Self Interest that generates power through friction and that I have lived a life of friction for the purpose of creating more and more Energy for myself so I could beLieve I was more than others who had a lower Energy/excitement/friction existence as I defined myself according to my Ledger of accumulated Energy/Credit Units toward the World in separation from myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to Blame my family for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and within this I abdicated my response-ability, projecting my guilt and shame on them for my participation in and as a system of self interest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the Blame for my family when I understood that Blame was not a desirable emotion, while I kept blaming them inside of me, in the depth of me, because I rathered be the victim that the one that would have to stand and stop what I had accepted and created myself into

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate memories and to store my life in convenient patterns of abuse, so I could remain 'the victim' and justify why I was not  standing up in and as the Solution of myself as Life, One and equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I was fucked beyond repair and for fearing turning out like my mother, who was not mentally stable because she fought herself as The Mind all Her Life without having the tools that are now offered to me by Desteni, to get out of my own Self Created Hell, in which I dwelled for most of my Life and in which I dragged others with me while I tried to make sense of why I felt so sickened by Life and myself and I did not want to live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to die because I didn't want to live and face the manifested consequences of my existence in and as The Mind, and everything that I have accepted and allowed to imprint into me, that became me as The Mind in The Physical, from which I now have to delete the energetic polarities I have embedded into my body that create and drive me automatically into friction for the purpose of manufacturing energy for my existence in and as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask myself the question 'if I deserved to live', having seen and judged myself as the source of my and others' suffering, a destruction machine that I could not stop, did not know how to stop, instead of seeing that if I Breathe I am Alive and every Breath is a chance to start new, and I could see the Mercy of Life standing in and as the example of Self Forgiveness, so I keep walking myself into the Self Correction of Me, until I stand One and Equal to the Physical in and as Self Forgiveness, to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All, for myself as Life, and all of existence, One and Equal

I commit myself to stop my patterns of 'Victimhood' that I kept alive in the desire to blame who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become onto my Family, instead I stand in and as self responsibility, accepting that I am the result, the outflow and the manifested consequence of my own separation from Oneness and Equality and that I am walking myself in and as Self Correction to realign with Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop my existence in and as a Debt/Credit collector/ generator, supporting my existence as a Unit of Energy in and as The Mind, stopping my desire and search for friction to feel 'alive' realizing that a-live means without live, without Life, and that Life is not defined or limited by thoughts, emotions and feelings, but exists Here stable in every moment of Breath 

I commit myself to walk myself patiently out of the Mind and out of my existence of and as an Energy Unit Debt Creator and Credit accumulator, to stop all the Ledgers of the World, to stop the Debt System that is now manifested in and as The Money/Debt System within me as The World, so we may manifest a World that is Debt Free, as me, as Life and existence Equal and One

Day 45: Can we "Own" an Animal ?

I like to watch the Dog Whisperer, I like success stories like tiger tamers and dog whisperers and I like to beLieve they have a good relationships with the animals and that the animals enjoy complying to the requests of their Human caretaker, but do they ?

Today in one of the show the point of the perception that we can Own a Dog, stood out as something odd that is not only impossible, but not right, there is something not right in the belief that we can OWN a dog just because we feed him.

Because this is how this system is owning us, it feeds us, and sometimes it doesn't even feed us, yet the idea that Life can be owned is the trickle down experience of our own beliefs that we can own the Life of other living creatures.

I don't particularly like the Dog Whisperers because he Tames Dogs, I like him because he speaks the dogs language, and I would like that, I would like to be able to understand what other Life forms have to say and to communicate with them, plus I like that he teaches 'The Humans' that the Dogs are displaying their own fears and instabilities, and when the Humans Stop, the Dog stops.

Yet I don't like the collar, the muzzle, I don't like the idea that we want to bend animals to our will, and I don't see this as having accepted ourselves as Equals to Animals, having the same Life Worth, I see that we make of animals our pets, asking them to perform for us and behave as we like, stifling their self expression and reducing it to Circus stuff, that doesn't always turn out as we hoped either, like when the Tiger attacked one of the Siegfried and Roy team and they looked for all sorts of stories about why a Tiger would attack his friend and 'the hand that fed him', as in 'he was trying to protect me', covering up the truth that probably the Tiger was tired to go on tiny bicycle rides around the stage with a Top Hat so they could make money off her and did not enjoy being tapped on the nose with a microphone to 'go back to her place and her routine'. The Tiger did not go crazy, she was crazy before when she accepted and allowed to be put on a bike with a top hat, so the tiger went crazy is not right, The tiger went Tiger, as Chris Rock said.

So, how do we ask to be Equal and One to Life when we do not grant this same right to animals, when we accept and allow ourselves to believe that everything that exists is just Here to please us, when we believe that animals must be grateful for what we give them.

Isn't this the very Debt System we are trying to fight, aren't we the very Debt System we try to fight in our own beliefs that what we do for others must come back, must be paid back, if in no other way in an amusing performance, give me the paw, stand on your head, just remember the hand that feeds you.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we can own Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that animals 'belong' to us, as people belong to each  other, because everyone must belong to someone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to belong and to believe that everyone must belong to someone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'I am nothing until someone Loves me' as the song goes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Life to the point that I have no clue what animals are trying to communicate to me when in their presence but I assume and interpret, humanizing their behaviour that could be discomfort and a plea to be released that I cannot hear in my own separation from Life and everything that exists

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Life and everything that exists in and as The Mind, instead of living Here in and as Breath One and Equal with Everything that Exists

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the Circus experience and the Zoos when I was a kid even though animals had to be put through sufferings and deprivations for my own pleasure and amusement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I feed an animal, he belongs to me, enslaving the animal to me in my mind as I have enslaved myself to the Systems of the World because they feed me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the people that fed me because they believed I belonged to them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy watching animals 'behave', meaning behaving like we humans want and deem appropriate, instead of seeing I enjoyed watching the slavery of another being One and Equal to Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that animals are ferocious, because they attack humans, instead of seeing they have resorted to attack as self defense because we have been attacking and enslaving them through lifetimes believing ourselves to be more than animals

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel proud when my mum told people that I didn't fear dogs as a small kid, not even the big ones, because when she told this story I felt more and stronger than the people who feared dogs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than the ones to whom animals do not get close, because animals are like children and know who is good and who is not good, instead of seeing that I don't know why animals did not fear to come close to me but it's for sure not because I am good and others are bad, because I am just as Evil as everyone else in and as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a world where animal abuse is the norm, because it's better to abuse animals than humans and since there are many abused humans we don't have time to tackle the animal point, because they are worth less, so we do nothing for the humans nor for the animals that are anyway way down the priority list of 'abuses to be stopped, instead of seeing All Abuses Must Be Stopped

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that any Life form is less than me and that I The Human, must rule The World because I am the Most Important Inhabitant of The Planet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that animals exist just to serve us, either as food or as pets or as workers, instead of seeing that what I give I receive, and what I gave to animals Equal and One to me I have received as my own slavery to the system that feeds me and that I have accepted and allowed to turn me into a slave, a pet and a worker, Equal and One

I commit myself to stand up for Animals and their Rights, Equal and One to all Life and to spread the common sense about Life being the Only Value of the Planet that must be honoured and respected in All it forms

I commit myself to stopping my Mind delusions that feeding an animals makes it 'mine' and to see that as I would like to not be owned to be fed, so I will stand as the same principle that the feeding of another is not an act of debt creation, nor a title of ownership, but the Giving of What I would Like to Receive and it must be unconditional, so I may walk with Animals like an Equal, Equal in Breath and Equal in and as Life

I commit myself to stop Animal Abuses as my own acceptances and allowances of their existence as Lesser beings and to be thankful for what the Animals are doing for us while they give up their lives so that we may realize how our very own existence is consuming Life and not supporting it, while they wait for us to catch up to the Evil Truth of Ourselves so we may stand and Self Correct to become The Solution and The Change of this world and manifest a World that is Best for All

Day 44: For-Giving The Seductress in/as Me

I realized that within me be-lieving to be a 'Seductress' there is a point of value and a belief that men are indeed stupid and not Equal, that women can seduce them while they are foolishly following the lead, the hook, instead of recognizing the Equality of the games we play where I enjoy thinking I seduce them as a point of power/worth while they enjoy thinking that they seduced me as a point of power/worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it was all my doing what happened between me and men instead of seeing they are equally participating in the seduction game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to carry the fault/blame for myself as a point of value because within that blame/fault I make myself more powerful than men and turn them into fools at my mercy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for the personality play of the seductress because within that blame there was 'my power to seduce', making myself more than men within the seduction game and finding value/worth for myself within being more

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to see the Equality of the Games we play because then I would have to feel as duped as the super duper I like to believe I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and judge myself as the sole participant of the seduction game, in which I found my power and value, being 'more evil' than men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men and the games they play as much as I feared myself and the games I played

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if a man plays his game well I will be duped and won't be able to say NO, because within the games men play there is the game of giving me value and 'making me feel special' since I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm worthless, I fear I cannot resist the value game 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when someone 'makes me feel special' I can't resist their attention as I have accepted and allowed to build myself into a value/worth seeking machine while I separated myself from Self as Self Worth and Self Value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men instead of seeing I was fearing myself and what I was willing to do in my search for worth and value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my fear of men, which was the fear of myself,  into a desire to belittle them so I can feel in charge and in control and less vulnerable to the value/worth game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that since my worth lies into being attractive for men I have to fear my not being attractive to them and it's better to fatten myself up and put myself aside of the game instead of seeing I am facing the fear of aging and not having the same pulling power and feedback from men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear aging as a point in which I will lose my ability to pull and manipulate men to me, instead of seeing I was never the one who pulled men but I was a loser in the moment I stepped into the worth/value games as seduction, we both play equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe 'I could have any man I wanted' without realizing that within the current system pretty much any woman can, as SEX is the name of the Game and it's not personal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be special, because within that specialness I found my worth and value given that if I am special I am above and beyond other women and I have won the game of comparison and competition for the prize which is sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make SEX into the Price/prize I have to pay for playing the seduction game as a way to give myself worth/value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that SEX is something I have to give in return for the 'devotion' men show to me which is nothing more than their desire to have sex, because Sex was The Design and The Price/prize we were both after

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed for the sex I have had as a way to payback and lever the expectations I built in men through my seduction games because I turned seduction into a promise that would have to be paid back when the games I participated in were creating 'too much credits'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for the seduction games in which I participated instead of seeing I have designed myself to be seductive as a way to survive within this world in fear that if I couldn't 'promise' sex as a way of life as who I am, my life would not be safe, and I would not have access to the world system in which the name of the game is Sex/Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use 'the promise of sex' as a compensation for the money I lacked, because since I did not have enough money/debts to consider myself 'safe' in the world I could accumulate sex/debts, without seeing that both money and sex debts are called to be paid back and I ended up feeling and seeing myself as the eternal debtor inside the world system of money/sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in and as the Debt System of this world, hoping to create Credits through my seduction and promises for Sex, instead of seeing I was accumulating debts, through my own Self Judgements and Fears, supporting and allowing the existence of a system of Debts One and Equal to Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live and exist as Debt/Debts, I now For-Give my debts and the debts of the Ones around me regarding Sex and the Seduction games I/We played, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support the existence of the current Money System of Debts because I myself existed in and as Debt, instead of giving what I would like to receive to myself and others, The For-Giveness of All Debts for a world that is What is Best for me and What is Best for All

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the Seductress Personality, I stop, Breathe, look at why I am fearing that moment as a moment that needs my leverage as 'Seduction', Breathe, remind myself that I am Worth as Self Worth Here in Breath and that there is nothing I can gain from playing Energy/power/value games but Debts, because the Energy system is designed in and as a Debt System, and I can only STOP playing or accumulate Debts as there is no way to Win within a system of Debts, so I stop my participation in and as Debt to stop the creation of and as Debts of this world, One and Equal to Me

I commit myself to bring myself back Here with consistency, through Breath, leading myself out of my Mind consistently with patience as my Mind has been my only abode for my whole Life and I see that I fear leaving me as the Mind behind, yet I see that Fear is Not Real and just the way my Mind is resisting to be left behind, so I commit myself to become familiar with Life not in and as The Mind but Here in and as The Physical, where No debts are Created, but Breaths of and as Life are accumulated for myself and all of existence Equal and One

Day 43: Resistance to Losing Weight and 'Being Attractive'

I have been engrossed in Process for the past few months, which is one of my excuses for not caring or taking care of my body, even though Process is all about being One with the Physical, I have deliberately avoided that, telling myself that when I clear some of the Fog in which I have been lost for a lifetime, everything 'will sort itself out'.

Everything includes the fact that I have putting on weight as a result of what I can clearly see is lack of care for myself, overeating and no exercise.

It is like I wanted to use the weight as some Destonian Women have shaved their hair, missing the point completely due to my judgement of shaving head and being bold as Ugly and therefore not willing to shave my hair in fear that I don't live in a supportive place for such bold actions and I will be marginalized from the system, I have put on weight to 'uglify' myself and make myself not attractive, the same way I see and judge bold women as NOT attractive, One and Equal ah ah, in my own self accepted judgements and beliefs.

Here is another point that emerged clearly through chats with a friend, I FEAR being attractive, as I believe I have always attracted men doing just about nothing, while not wanting to see how my very existence was all about attracting men and being seductive as a value point.

Everything I do, from how I walk to how I move my hands is about seduction, so fearing that I won't be able to change myself on that specific point and that I may in fact NOT want to change myself on that point because I fed off my capacity to attract most of my life, I put on weight, as the safety lever on the generator, I have switched myself off and out the attraction game, subjecting my physical body to abuse first physical through overeating and eating food I was well aware it was not supportive, and then through mental abuse, by being disgusted with myself for being fat.

I am fat, it's not like a mind projection of anorexic people, I have put on easily 2 stones which translates in over 3 dress sizes and confined myself to track suits and pajamas wanting to ignore this physical point of me, overlooking the whys I have come to this decision and why not instead face the point of 'being attractive' as a new fear point I have developed since I am walking process.

Which is not a new fear point, it's just the polarity of the fear point of not being attractive that all my life led me to jump through fire loops to MAKE myself attractive in fear that if I were not able to attract men, I was in fact not valuable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge bold women as ugly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I may be required to shave to show my commitment to Life when in fact this point has been discussed several times with regard to do what you can, practically, in terms of walking in and as the system and was never forced or asked to by anybody

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed to judge bold women as ugly and for suppressing this judgement in and as myself in fear of having to face my own shame and guilt for making such judgements about a group of women who is standing in and as an example of a world that is best for All, where they gave up their perceived beauty and ability to seduce to stand for Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for having thought that 'bold women' are ugly and for suppressing this guilt in and as me for not having to face my own judgements of others as myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being 'ugly' according to my own judgements and perception of what beauty is within a system that I have accepted and allowed to teach me about Beauty that translates in things to do that cost money and things to buy that cost money, to keep up with the Beauty requirements of the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body because I am not willing to tackle this point within and as me as the Mind to release myself from my ideas of attractiveness and value so I may start to lose the weight I have put on as a safety belt and a chastity belt to keep myself 'on track' because I don't trust myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going for job interviews within a country that values Beauty and attractiveness as Value points and for accepting and allowing myself to accept the trickling down of the beauty and value system of attractiveness on me and for having lived it as me , one and equal, believing I was this  'need and desire' to attract and that without my attractiveness feedback I could never and would never be able to establish my value on the money/sex/value market of this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system in which women are valued for their ability to attract because Sex was an integral part of the design and I failed to see that there was something not working in the way we were pulled and repulsed by each other within the physical appearance point and I refused to see that I was just living out programs of my own creation, in and through which I accepted myself as an object, to which men had to be attracted to

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be objectified and to objectify myself and for selling myself out in looking/feeding on positive feedback from men, that I lured and engaged with any possible mean from Stares/Looks to walking, to the way I move my hands, to provoke a reaction in them on which I could feed to give myself a sense of value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot be trusted and for accepting and allowing that 'the seductress' is who I am and have become, and therefore I punish myself and bring myself down into a space where I can do no harm because I fear what I will go back to do in engaging men in every possible way if I go back to being "attractive"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was/be attractive, instead of facing the point that I played the seduction game to attract to the point of having it become me as who I am and that I was not Naturally Attractive, pretending that seducing was just natural to me as being a real Woman/Female, instead of seeing there was nothing natural in everything that I have built up myself to be but extensive manipulation of myself and others to believe that I was natural a real Woman/Female and not acting sluttish, because that would have taken value from me instead of giving it to me as a real Woman/Female able to seduce and attract

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a seductress in fear that I was ugly and not up to par with the beautiful women of the world and so I used seduction as a way to affirm my power over men, because this is what beauty is for, so as I was not among the most beautiful I had to make up in ability to seduce and attract, which is a skill I lived one and equal as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal to my ability to seduce and attract and for believing this is who I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define real Women/Females those that could give a hard on to a man when walking by, because such is the power of the feminine world, that we play out in looking for value, looking for a man who goes into his mind and into the desire to fuck us/me so that I can feed off the energy of having made him a slave in his mind to me for the desire that he now has and that I can play upon, leaving to him the belief that it is own doing the trying to seduce me, when in fact I lived to seduce as this was what I have accepted and allowed myself to become in the search of the value and worth of me in separation from Self as Self Worth and Self Value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel defeated and diminished if a man did not respond with interest that I could identify as desire when he met me, while I pretended I did not care about being attractive while being able to attract was all I groomed myself to be able to do, in the subtlest of ways, manipulating my way into men's minds until I was the winner in the game of seduction having already made them mine, making sure I could fuck anyone I wanted, just because I was special and more than other women, failing to see that both sexes are playing the exact same game of value and that men have exactly the same thoughts and are exactly in the same way trying to affirm inside their mind if our meeting could in fact turn into sex and their own satisfaction, like I played the game for my own satisfaction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the seductress game even with men I would have never gone to bed with, because it was just an Energy Fix and I did not care about how they lived the moment of being hyped and then dumped because I was always subtle enough in the way I moved that I could deny having participated in any energy game and blame on them that it was all in their mind and their own imagination and how could they ever think they could have a woman like me, really - was the unspoken point between us- 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use men for my own energy games and for feeding on and off them in search for value for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face this point of attractiveness and seduction as a way of life  because until I keep the weight on I feel safe, that I won't have to ask myself and see myself why do I behave, say and do the things I do and so I won't have to face myself with who I have become within this point of wanting to attract men as a value system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly compare all women I meet to our ability to pull men to establish if I am the winner or the loser in my own mind competition, where if there is another woman that is more attractive than me I will play the intelligent one, trying to make them lose stupid because I have build a vast arsenal of seduction tools and I can move at ease between my seductive personalities, adapting myself to the task at hand until I find a point in which I can break through and have my victory over other women and get the value I seek for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my world and the world outside of me into a competition for attractiveness in which I desire to come out the winner because when I lose I allow and accept myself to feel and believe I am diminished, instead of seeing we are all diminished into the competition game because there will always be a loser and until I/We stop there is no way to build a world of Equals because competition breeds Inequality and feeds on Inequality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a world of Inequality as long as I could be the winner inside my secret mind games and have someone else be the loser

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in comparison and competition with other women instead of stopping myself and my own separation in and as The Mind, which breeds all sort of sicknesses and jealousies and the world we live in within and without

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support all comparison and competitions in which I was sure to win and for not supporting comparisons and competitions in which I feared to lose, proving to myself that I supported comparison and competition only for the purpose to win and take something from others that I forced into a competition in my mind because I saw already from the start all their point of weaknesses I could go for so I could come out the winner and make them the losers

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear competition with other women when I was in a Relationship, in fear my partners may be more attracted to another woman than me and that within this I would lose ground and value for myself and I would resort to all sort of nastiness to put them back into a place of losers so I could secure for myself my position in my relationship as the winner, in fear I would lose my men to a 'better woman' than me

When and as I see myself eating or about to eat not because I am hungry, but because I am putting a lid on all the feelings and emotions I have not yet dealt with effectively, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that food is a source of nourishment for my physical body and that I must use it in support of myself and not in and as punishment and for the purpose of fattening up to remove myself from the competition game, because that game must stop within me in and as the Mind and not by using my body to separate myself from the 'potential game' and cut me out of the competition/ comparison/ attractiveness game

When and as I see myself judging myself as disgusting for being fat and at the same time feeling pleased that I don't have to look at the point of 'being attractive/seducing' I stop, breathe, remind myself that this is a point I have to face and that allowing my body to revert to its comfortable weight is an act of sanity and that I owe my body my respect and not subject it to my fears and make it the scapegoat for what I am not willing to face as a point I need to change about myself

When and as I see myself fearing to go out because I am not attractive, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that self acceptance is about accepting myself as I am now, and that only in the unconditional self acceptance of me I can stand as the consequence of my behaviour and walk the consequences back to feeling comfortable and healthy within my body, stopping the abuses of me in and as the mind regarding what I will have to face, as I can see I am building self trust through self honesty and when I will be 'system attractive' again that is the place where I will be able to self correct, seeing the layers of my own deception and how I have designed myself to interact with men and seduction, so I can stop myself and stand in and as self correction

When and as I see myself not accepting myself because I have lost much of my source value as in being able to seduce and attract, I stop, breathe, remind myself I am not the value of how many men I can pull or of what feedback do I get when I go out from men staring at me, I remind myself that I have become a seductress because I mistook my value as Self as Self Worth and Self Value with the System Value and I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could only live in and as separation always seeking for the Value I abdicated in my acceptance and allowed separation from myself as Life as Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop my seduction games and to face my point of seduction/seductress in the physical, so I may stop my participation in and as an Energy system that feeds off men and the competition between women for the ability to seduce, I commit myself to show myself that I exist as Breath, as Life, One and Equal and not as an Energy Generator/ Consumer that lives in and self interest from one fix to the next

Day 42: The Lone Ranger - Support vs Harassment

I have started to doubt that when I do reply to people or contact them to 'make a point', I am in fact harassing them vs supporting them.

This is because when I do not see 'the benefits' meaning 'an outcome', meaning suddenly hundreds of people joining the Forums or a river of people getting excited about Equal Money I believe I have failed and therefore I have not effectively supported them or 'they would have gotten the message'.

This proves that I doubt myself being effective in the 'deliverance' of the message, instead of seeing that it is nothing personal but it is controversial message, in comparison to all the 'feel good/angelic/love and light' ones, and that as one of my friend told me here in Italy, there is nothing wrong with the message or how we are trying to spread it, in the sense of effectiveness, it is about people Not Wanting to Hear It, which is not the same thing as taking this point personally and making a big deal out of it.

When I see how I heard the MessAge I cannot pin point the exact moment when everything seemed to finally make sense, because I remember the extensive resistance I first felt for not wanting to give up my idea of benevolence regardless to the evidence of the world staring me in the face, yet I kept exposing myself to it, dragging myself to it because even what I did not get, something in me got it, it was Brutal and Honest, it was about 'take off the blindfolds of Love and Light' and just look around to face Yourself.

And when I could no longer deny that something was and is in fact terribly wrong with this world it was a Self Realization, nobody stands out as having convinced me of anything nor was I drawn to Desteni, nope, I was NOT drawn to Desteni at all, it did not resonate with who I was and what I wanted to believe, yet the message was consistent and clear, did I want a change in this world ? Then I had to change myself, period.

So for someone like me flying on the Love and Light cloud the descent on planet Earth was not only not appealing but something I resisted, when I go back to seeing my initial approach to Desteni I can see through my own experience what many others are probably going through the same points as me with this MessAge, it is not about me not being effective, as in finding ways to string words together efficiently, but it is the Message itself that is being resisted.

Which brings me to the other point, that since B, told me my words may have an impact, I took that message to mean I have a DUTY AND a license to kill, I have placed a Double 00  in front of my name, I gave myself a Desteni Badge and I am now the (Self) Elected Sheriff, Patrolling the Internet, so I have had and still doing quite some equalizing on this point, even more than before, because before when I had no acknowledgement or had not been given the double 00, according to my mind, I was more sure of myself or had not set 'targets' for myself, I would see a point where Common Sense was lacking and try to post Common Sense about it, simple easy peasy, expecting nothing from it, not the conversion of people nor the positive feedback from Desteni because I was walking the process but not yet in acknowledgement.

Since that chat I have been fucking with myself quite consistently, in the sense that I tried to no longer speak just for myself but for 'The Group' which is in fact a mindfuck, because I can only speak for myself and for what is Best for All, and I cannot ever hope to speak for The Group, because we are a Group as Life, yet we exist individually and I cannot cover the points others among us may have seen and Self Realized but just what 'I" have seen and Self Realized and are walking into existence.

So time to stop the mindfuck and the harassment of myself and others, I am not the Lone Ranger here, just a common person that is standing up in Self Support and support of others when I see a chance, yet I will no longer hold expectations on the outcome because this leads to me feeling and judging myself as ineffective and that can only happen if I have set an effectiveness target in my mind as 'turnover' or  'recruiting' which is not Real, I am nor recruiting, nobody can be recruited into Desteni and Desteni is not recruiting or having 'turnover' head counts, Desteni is an Open Space that stands for Equality and Oneness, everyone is welcome but no one is dragged into it because unless One Self Realizes that a Change is needed and it must start with Each One of Us, they would not be having a Self realization but would have been scared there or pulled there, whichever way they would not have had a chance to exercise their 'Free Will' and self directive principle into Standing in and as Life to change themselves and the world to What is Best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear posting comments and therefore for posting anyway forcing myself when in Fear, because I believed I am on a mission on behalf of God, like the Blues Brothers, instead of looking at the point of why I fear moving into some territories that I have judged more and beyond me so I can equalize myself before seeing clearly if my posting is supportive or if it's just me on the attack trying to prove that I'm in fact not scared to post and not inferior to the territory/people I am wanting to approach, instead of clearing my fears before and then eventually post.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my self righteousness because in my self righteousness I would try to make the other person less than me or to prove they are fucking with themselves when in fact I am still fucking with myself and I could spend the time working out my own points into equality and oneness and then stand as an example of what Equality and Onenessmeans as Support of Others as self Support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and desiring to be self righteous as a way og gaining value over another because I am right and they are wrong, or trying to make them wrong so I can be right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to check everyday the Forum to see if we have new people coming as a point I use to measure my effectiveness in writing, instead of seeing my effectiveness in writing is determined by me and by how I walk my process in writing to Change myself into Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may not know what to say or to fear that the comments I leave may be coming from my Ego, instead of applying the tool of checking with myself if I am coming from a reactive place, Breathe and if no reaction exists in and as me just post without judging my posts but trusting that I have posted what would have supported me in the same situation of blindness and stop 'thinking' that I am trying to bring the person down or mock them, just because I used to do this, when I see that to not be true by the point of having checked with myself and having cleared myself before I wrote, I am not my Past

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that now I must post for the Group bestowing on myself an impossible task that I could never accomplish because we are a Group in our stand for and as Life to manifest What is best for All, yet each one of us is walking an individual process of realignment and I couldn't through the biggest effort, cover all the angles of all of us within the Group, nor it is my task to do so, but to simply post my own common sense where I see an opportunity to engage someone in offering a perspective that may not have been considered

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an outcome from the comments I post, because when there is no outcome I judge myself as ineffective as I apply the Capitalistic Marketing Tools and Measuring Tools, to the spreading of a message of Equality and Oneness, that is not like a product people may want to buy of which they don't know the existence, this is a Message that we could have all worked out by ourselves, to Give as You would Like to Receive, yet we didn't because we did not want to, because our lives were working and so it is possible that some lives may have to come crashing down like many of our lives at Desteni, when nothing worked anymore and so we are not better or ahead of others, we were just accelerated by Life into our landing on the planet and we'll be Here to assist the other landings when they take place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am now the Lone Ranger, having been given license to kill, which I have interpreted and then used against myself, adding one extra layer of fuckedupness to my process in which I had to now watch that I wouldn't pull the guns out when it was not in fact required or supportive and added an extra fear to my participation, having mistaken the acknowledgement of my acquired ability to string words together effectively, with the idea that now it is MY DUTY to string the words together as marketing tools, bringing customers to the Desteni Enterprise, which exists only in My Mind, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I do is only important if it has a return and not just as a measure of who I am and what I stand for, without any string attached

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself under pressure about an imaginary duty that I now have to string together words to the maximum efficiency to recruit, which is an outflow of the point I have described above, because I am either selling or recruiting as I'm still walking the point of understanding what it means to do something just for myself, just to express common sense for those that are ready to hear and not as a mission to have something in return to confirm that I am doing good and well as a way to gain value for myself, instead of seeing the value of me is the value of me as Life to which nothing needs or is required to be added but by me as the Mind who lives in fear and isolation in the separation from Breath and Life and All there Is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my support may be read as harassment , because when I wanted to hold on to Love and Light, if someone came knocking on my Love and Light door I would have felt Harassed and I would have resented the awakening from my own delusion, instead of seeing I am projecting on others what I believe I would have felt in the same situation, which is just an assumption of my mind with no relation to reality, so I accept that it doesn't matter how others feel about what I post because what I think and feel is my responsibility and what others think and feel is their responsibility and a point for them to deal  with, not because I don't want to assist or I want to wash my hands about it, but because I can't and I never will be the source of the experiences of another within them as I don't have such power and so I cannot take their response-ability on their behalf but only on my behalf for what goes on and every reaction that moves within me

I forgive myself for not trusting myself because I am still new to walking Self Trust as me and I accept that I will have to build this Self Trust through Self Honesty and Self Corrective application, until my Without and my Within are Equal and One and I stand Equal and One to Life and existence for What is best for All

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into judgements or thoughts about what I am about to post on Facebook or Twitter, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that I must check that there is no reaction within me, if there is any, I Breathe until it stops or write it out and Self Forgive it and only when I am clear from ideas and judgements and Desires to achieve any outcome, I may post in and as support of another as me, to bring about a point of clarity and to share what I have self realized about existence and then in one Breath I let it go and trust that those aligned with the message and able to hear it will hear it and those that are not ready to hear it will not and it has nothing to do with me as in something personal as me Not being Effective

When and as I see myself holding the smoking gun, I delete my post before I post it, remind myself I am NOT the Lone Ranger and I am not out to harass people and I better stop and see why I have had the desire to attack, clear myself and if I cannot find a point of stability within a post, it means that I am not yet  Equal and One to that post, so I refrain from posting because this is not a race or a job I have to accomplish like the traffic warden by 'fining' a certain numbers of cars per day, I only post when and if I see something relevant and a point I can support for and as myself as self support

I commit myself to live Self trust as me and to build Self Trust through Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application to improve my communication skills supporting others One and Equal to me, as Self Support.