Day 136: Committing to Stop my Desire to Own and Control Others

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to controlling character where I would secretly revel within the power of having the power to control another being and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that to accept and allow myself to become the controller I am accepting and allowing the polarity design of ‘control’ to exist within and as myself thus I am perpetuating the creating and experience of being controlled which I can now see, realise and understand is not a pleasant experience for anyone and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that ‘wanting’ to control another person means that I feel powerless within and as myself which I then try and remedy by controlling / trying to control another person, which when successful, I feel better about who I am within and as myself and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise and understand that when I become the controller I am in fact accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for who I am within and as each breath as I am relying on ‘control’ to direct the situation without me actually standing up and directing the situation within and as an expression of who I am. Esteni De Wet

When and as I see myself desiring to control another, planning and plotting how to best enslave them to me, I stop, Breathe, see, realize and understand that if such desires arise in and as me I have given in to the feeling of being Powerless and the Fear that I need to own and control another so that I can manipulate the outcome of a situation toward my hidden wishes and desires, in fear of Not getting what I expect out of a situation, instead I address my hidden wishes and desires to see where and how they originated and what I fear to lose if I stop my existence as the Good Master of Others



I commit myself to no longer step into the Good Master Character as a way to feel more and more worthy than another but to address my feelings of insecurity as they come up together with my fear of inferiority so as to STOP once and for all my desire to own others and have power over their Lives



I commit myself to investigate where, how and why, I have designed myself into this fake benevolent Character for the purpose of manipulation and control of another , as I see realize and understand that there is nothing benevolent about trying to create debts in the Life of another that will have to be repaid when I decide to call them back, as this is the very behaviour of a Mafia Boss or of the Banking System that I no longer want to see manifested in the World as a reflection of myself and my own Secret Mind

 

I commit myself to release everyone I have tied to me through a system of 'favors' as I see , realize and understand that I have never given anything for free but as an 'investment' and that 'investing' in the Life of others for the purpose of Profiting is what this Money System is doing to All of us as a reflection of our own participation as 'Investors for profit ' in the lives of others, instead I make sure that what I give has no strings attached, because the system we are redesigning as ourselves as an Equal Money System has no strings attached as everyone will be cared for Equally without Profiting or Retaliation for missed 'Imaginary Due Paybacks' and it won't manifest until we let go of our own Profiting and Retaliation in the name of Imaginary Due Paybacks


I commit myself to no longer abuse those who find themselves in a position of having less than me, which is the easiest place for abuse if their livelihood depends on me as in the employer/employee relationship as I see realize and understand that it is just because I am part of a system of Abuse that I get to have employees as I Capitalize on Their Need to Make Money to buy themselves Their Right to Live, because when everyone will have Equally, noone will be any longer in the position to Abuse for the livelihood of another and until then to treat everyone as I would like to be treated, giving as I would like to receive and standing One and Equal with everyone I share 'Time' with on this planet, until we are all released as Each one walks to release themselves from Slavery into a System of Support for and as Life as What is Best for All in Oneness and Equality






I commit myself to stop myself when I see that I automatically move into the 'how can I profit, how can I benefit, what's in it for me?' Character which works in association with the Good Master Cover Up as a Team of Thugs whenever I am interacting with someone and to no longer suppress this backchat of mine because I dislike seeing me as having turned into a profiteer of Life, but instead look at the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed to be automated as me so I can release them through self Forgiveness and self Corrective application to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All



I commit myself to no longer be ashamed of digging into the dark corners of my Mind so I can become accountable for what goes on inside of me, as Change for myself and All of Existence Equal and One can come only through my absolute accountability and Self responsibility to Correct myself to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

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Day 46: Fami-Lies and the Debt System

For 2 days I have been disturbed by the Creation's Journey to Life Blogs, the first one is titled

Parenting Patterning Fear and Control

from which this sentence is the one with the highest 'off-ending' value to me' as in off-sending me into some Mind trips and Blame Constructs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every emotion, action, word, pattern produces in the child a chemical response that is associated with a feeling-experience - and that the parent will seek the patterns that the child responds to in a way where the parent feel is in control, and then the parent will call this the personality development of the child, while it is in fact the creation of a chemical dependency in the child’s body that produces a feeling, which as a feeling will play the major decisive role in regards to what the child will become as the New Adult will make decisions and create the world based on the feelings they are addicted to, and even create more chemical responses of greater feelings by training the body to produce chemicals that eventually will lead some adults to become gurus, masters, lightworkers, successful people all based on feelings created by an addicted body - though the mind will get all the honor, while the mind is not the real Creator of the feelings.

The second One is called  

In the name of Love 

This one fared better in the Off(s)ending that I felt, and I took out 3 sentences that did the trick for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that the parent would force the child to learn patterns of behaviour and speech as early as possible, patterned on the patterns that have been proven by history to not be in the best interest of Humanity or Earth - and yet no effort is made at any level to stop this abuse, and in fact the right of the parent to visit the sins of the fathers on the children is seen as a right that may not be challenged, as God apparently gave the parent the right to ownership over the child to do whatever the parent sees fit for the child – regardless of the fact that the result of patterns taught can be measured and thus much of the outcomes of a human Life can be patterned to greatness and equality, yet the pattern used is fear that is programmed into the body to a level of physical addiction that repeats itself as personality that gives the parent great joy to see themselves MIRRORED in their children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that any form of religious indoctrination that the parent impose on the child is conveniently protected under freedom of speech, allowing the freedom to abuse not only the New Children but also the planet – regardless of the fact that the consequences are known, just because it fits unscrupulous business, political and religious leaders and allows them free reign to feed off the terror and fear programmed into the human generation after generation, so that no possibility exists to bring a world that is best for all Life that will expose abusive leadership and stop the intentional spreading of rumours and lies purely to protect power and profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the damage done to a child to become an insufficient, irrational adult is not done to the mind, but through the MIND into the physical as a permanent, chemically induced, infused bodily response pattern hidden behind thought and words visible as behaviour, beliefs, fears, mannerisms, thoughts, secret thought, desires, all exactly in similar patterns to what exists in the parent – that is why the metaphor says: like father like son. The Desteni Portal allowed for the total reinvestigation of all things to see direct with cross-reference how reality actually functions and those with some regard for Life left in them should pay very close attention.

The reason why I had reactions that I tried to suppress are various, one is that I dislike to 'attack' my family as the source of my fuck ups, yet I see in this script the possibility served on a golden platter, to just walk away from my response-Ability to embrace Blame, second is that in truth I always wanted to Blame my family and tried hard for most of my life but then I pretended to give up and went  for therapies because at some level I understood that it was a passing on of patterns, like if we were imprinting each other with each other traumas and bullshit that did not end with the FamiLies, it goes on into infinity, until We Stop.

Then there was the point of 'I don't want to discuss this in an open Blog', that my mum can read (mum, remember what I explained to you, it's nothing personal, it's just systems releasing systems :)), in which I will expose what I felt for my family and what probably many of us felt for our families and could not explain and then suppressed and then felt ashamed about and then guilty and by the teen age all this compounding comes out in disgust and rage, but I was never angry at my family, I was always angry at myself, how could I accept and allow myself to turn into a Circus Clown, to imprint myself with my family history, traditions, beliefs, ideas and when i did not, with the polarity of all of the above.

Yesterday as well I saw how the Debt and Credit system starts, the Ledger starts in the FamiLie, where everyone pretends to be someone else, where everyone lies and doesn't own up to their real emotions and feelings and where we are asked to do and say things 'to make others feel good' and so we start to perpetrate the madness of The Mind as ourselves into endless loops of Blame for which we write on the Credit columns, and Shame and Guilt for which we write on the Debts column, then we grow up and take the fucking Ledger into the world, we live squaring books, accounts, building Credits in a world of Debts, while Fear eats us up, that the Debts may one day swallow us and remove us from existence once and for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I hated my family because I couldn't work out how to stop this imprinting that I could see myself participate in and as, becoming the undesired clone of patterns of abuse and excesses that I ended up beLieving to be Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity of Love/Hate within the family system and for feeling and judging myself as good when I beLieved I Loved them and bad when I beLieved I hated them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and shameful when I believed I hated my family instead of seeing I was just participating in an Energetic Polarity Construct of negative/Positive for the purpose of generating energy for myself as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by and throgh the emotions and feelings I lived One and equal to me and for believing these Emotions and Feelings to be me as Who I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on to other Children, the wisdom of Imprinting them with patterns of Energetic rewarding/punishment as a way to make them be/have and tame them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that manipulating others into patterns of emotions/feelings as punishment/reward systems, building credits/debts along the way was acceptable just because someone did it to me and so I had to pass it on instead of seeing I always had a choice to do what was best for me as an Energy system or to do What is best for All as Life and I picked the choice to do what was best for me as a collector of Energy/Credit units for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear posting about my family in case my mum reads this thread and she feels off-ended about it, meaning that I would be the cause of a loss of Energy/Credit Unit and I would then be resented

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent those that took Energy/Credit Units from me, believing that it was their doing, instead of seeing my own acceptance and allowance in the participation of me in and as the Credits/Debt System of Energy as a way for me to exist as the Ego of and as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear interacting with others, because in every interaction due to my comparison/competition I would subject myself to the potential of losing Energy/Credit Units to someone that i would define More than me, instead of seeing that I could stop All Games by renouncing the Ledger of the Debt/Credit system that I have lived in and as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to accept that the sins of the father could be passed on from generation to generation, in fear that I was doomed to become/be like my family, failing to see that by accepting and allowing myself to be born into and as separation within a system of abuse I had already given my permission for the cloning of me as a unit of Self Interest that generates power through friction and that I have lived a life of friction for the purpose of creating more and more Energy for myself so I could beLieve I was more than others who had a lower Energy/excitement/friction existence as I defined myself according to my Ledger of accumulated Energy/Credit Units toward the World in separation from myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to Blame my family for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and within this I abdicated my response-ability, projecting my guilt and shame on them for my participation in and as a system of self interest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the Blame for my family when I understood that Blame was not a desirable emotion, while I kept blaming them inside of me, in the depth of me, because I rathered be the victim that the one that would have to stand and stop what I had accepted and created myself into

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate memories and to store my life in convenient patterns of abuse, so I could remain 'the victim' and justify why I was not  standing up in and as the Solution of myself as Life, One and equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I was fucked beyond repair and for fearing turning out like my mother, who was not mentally stable because she fought herself as The Mind all Her Life without having the tools that are now offered to me by Desteni, to get out of my own Self Created Hell, in which I dwelled for most of my Life and in which I dragged others with me while I tried to make sense of why I felt so sickened by Life and myself and I did not want to live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to die because I didn't want to live and face the manifested consequences of my existence in and as The Mind, and everything that I have accepted and allowed to imprint into me, that became me as The Mind in The Physical, from which I now have to delete the energetic polarities I have embedded into my body that create and drive me automatically into friction for the purpose of manufacturing energy for my existence in and as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask myself the question 'if I deserved to live', having seen and judged myself as the source of my and others' suffering, a destruction machine that I could not stop, did not know how to stop, instead of seeing that if I Breathe I am Alive and every Breath is a chance to start new, and I could see the Mercy of Life standing in and as the example of Self Forgiveness, so I keep walking myself into the Self Correction of Me, until I stand One and Equal to the Physical in and as Self Forgiveness, to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All, for myself as Life, and all of existence, One and Equal

I commit myself to stop my patterns of 'Victimhood' that I kept alive in the desire to blame who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become onto my Family, instead I stand in and as self responsibility, accepting that I am the result, the outflow and the manifested consequence of my own separation from Oneness and Equality and that I am walking myself in and as Self Correction to realign with Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop my existence in and as a Debt/Credit collector/ generator, supporting my existence as a Unit of Energy in and as The Mind, stopping my desire and search for friction to feel 'alive' realizing that a-live means without live, without Life, and that Life is not defined or limited by thoughts, emotions and feelings, but exists Here stable in every moment of Breath 

I commit myself to walk myself patiently out of the Mind and out of my existence of and as an Energy Unit Debt Creator and Credit accumulator, to stop all the Ledgers of the World, to stop the Debt System that is now manifested in and as The Money/Debt System within me as The World, so we may manifest a World that is Debt Free, as me, as Life and existence Equal and One