Day 104: Cheap/Worthy Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Divide the world in Cheap and Worthy based on Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give more value to the Worthy than to the Cheap, according to my own perception and judgement of what is worthy and what is cheap, and to not see that my own self judgement of myself as both worthy as the rich granddaughter and cheap as the poor daughter were The filters through which I saw and divided the world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the label 'cheap' since when I used it it was to diminish the other to my own diminishment of myself as my own perception of Cheap as the Poor Daughter, due to where we lived and the lives we led that to me were poor and cheap in comparison to my grandparents who in my perception lived rich and fulfilling lives

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate money/rich with 'fulfilling life' failing to see that through this association I defined my life fulfilling ONLY when money was present, and unfulfilling when Money was not present, reducing myself to a Money Slave for my own fulfilment in separation from myself here as Breath as Life where nothing is needed for Self Expression as Self Worth 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that my own embodiment of two Characters in polarity ensured maximum friction within me that I perceived as aliveness as much energy was generated through my own Characterization within polarities of opposing Characters, which is what Bipolarism is when we take this point to its max

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my mum as bipolar, failing to see that I was the bipolar one living within polarity personalities as Characters for which I did not want to take responsibility and instead suppressed, trying to play just One Character at the time to keep myself from going mad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going mad as I felt the friction of existing within polarities that I did not know how to address and let go through self forgiveness and self corrective application

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be Worthy in fear of being Cheap, without seeing and realizing I was fearing my own self judgement as Cheap in relation to my acceptance and allowance of the World System of Money as the ultimate Value/Worth assessment tool

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that unless I let go of Money as the Worth and Value Tool of existence I not only keep/kept myself enslaved but all others as well, while I insisted on seeking my own worth/value outside of myself to confirm I am worthy and valuable through the Money System, in separation from myself as Self Worth and Self Value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that when I moved onto Spirituality I did so within the belief that I did not have the access I wanted into the Money System and so an alternative point of Value and Worth had to be sought to replace the Money System, so I could grow inside the Spirituality/Consciousness Movement and make myself More than others having failed at making myself MORE through the Money System and within this I forgive myself for desiring to make myself MORE than other while seeking for value through Comparison Games

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow Money to judge myself and others as Worthy/Cheap, through giving up my own self responsibility of myself as self directive principle that decides that All have the same Worth and Value as Life and that Money MUST become a Tool to support the Equal Life we All Share

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that since Money is too big a topic, I cannot take the Money system on but I have to lie down and accept that the only way to get my Value/Worth is through Money as the Ultimate Judge of Us All, failing to see I gave up my self responsibility so I would not have to stand up in and as The Money System and face my own self judgements and judgements of Money as the bestower of Value but I could blame Money for having taken this role while I just obeyed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Creation to the point that I am still unable to see how it is that I have originally manifested Money as the Tool that decides over and above Life and that I now see that I will have to walk myself backward into my own acceptances and allowances of Money as the Worth/Cheapening Tool of existence to undo what was done through first equalizing myself to Money and no longer have Money be more than me/others, One and Equal, and then walk as Money as the Correction to Equality for All, where Life returns to be the Only real Value and Capital of this World

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the points that came up in my life to show me how deep the Money entanglement went within me, moving through all my relationships within one form or another, deciding which jobs I should do or go for, and who I should be to get those jobs who were designed for specific Characters, and not seeing or realizing that each Character Impersonation was a trade off on the Money Stock Exchange, where the stock is live stock as Us as the Flesh we all Share Equally and have given up to the Money System for Survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Money is the ultimate goal that we must all shoot for to prove who we are and who we have been and what we have done with our lives of Value/Worth, failing to see that believing that Worth and Value lies in the Money we have piled up is one of the silent acceptances of this Money System as the Worth/Value bestower on Life that has ended up putting Money above Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if one has Money, then everything is fine, accepting and allowing myself to believe that Money can buy my way out of trouble, out of my responsibilities, out of my humanity that I sell out so I can build the fake safety net of Money, that anyway lets me down at death since Money or No Money we all DIE the same

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with the beliefs of this Consumerist/Capitalistic system, that teaches that we are just NOT born all the same and that some are more valuable by Birth and their lives are MORE precious, which we should be able to see by the fact that we allow almost 1 bil people to starve every day, accepting and allowing the opinion that their lives are LESS important than ours or we would be taking to the streets screaming murder, while instead we make sure to toe the line because the starvers stand as the example of what could happen to us if we were in fact cut out of the Money making world and it would then be our turn to become the invisible worthless lives that the rest won't mind to waste

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pacify myself with the point that 'The poor have always existed and always will', failing to see that this reply is not in any way common sensical, because if they have always existed for sure, we would at one point in time addressed the issue of WHY they always existed and what and where was the problem of this system of Inequality, and not just pass on the knowledge and information about their existence as 'the way things are' and that failing to look for a solution for the common good of humanity spells out clearly WHO WE ARE, and what we have always been as the de-humanized humanity that went Spiritual because going Physical in addressing the Physical points that need resolution always seemed harder than flying off in our heads, where we could pretend to be busy building solutions based on Love to cover up our FEAR of this existence and what we accepted and allowed ourselves to become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that if I felt diminished by the word 'CHEAP' without living a cheap life in the sense that I always had a roof over my head and food in my plate, what would others who in fact are living the CHEAP life as in homeless and starving be going through, and still make my experience of a word and what I charged it with, in terms of energy and fears, be more important than looking for a solution to erase the cheapness of this world as in suffering and starvation returning to each Life the dignity of Equality as in Equal Worth and Equal Value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my own self hatred for 'turning the other cheek', for looking for ways to justify why it is OK to accept such a world just because everyone is and no one seems bothered about solutions but just about studying and measuring the problem, such as Economists, while people die and live in suffering in and as The Physical and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I hated myself for not standing up for Life as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word cheap with a negative charge and the word worthy/valuable/value with a positive charge, borrowing this imaginary charge from the Money System, that defines worth and value as good and unworthy and cheap as BAD, so we will keep striving to get MORE to finally access our value as positive, as GOOD, and keep participating in this senseless game called Capitalism, failing to see we have fucked each other Royally just so we could believe to be more as some were kept in and as 'the less' within an Imaginary Value/Worth system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own judgement day, which is everyday, as I hold myself hostage of beliefs, ideas and Opinions about Money and the Money System, so as to not have to Change as I see Change implies some parts of me will have to die, infact all of me has to go, as my perception of 'ME' in separation from everything and everyone in my search for 'Happiness'/Money as value/worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this Money point has to change externally before Humanity can change, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I am One of the Money Points Holder and that when I let go the Hold there is One point less holding the Money system in place and that the More of us let go of Money as the Money Holders the less points Money as the entity it has become will have to suck energy from us as Life for its own sustainance as a system with a life of its own, because it never in fact had a life of its own, it had OUR lives tied in and entangled around its fingers through our own choice that we have not been aware of how we made, having taken it on from knowledge and information passed on from generation to generation as the ONLY choice without seeing and realizing it was NOT the only choice, but the accepted and allowed choice to keep this system running as it is and never challenge it's soundness or common sense

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what will happen if we all let go of the Money point as clearly that means we will have to become self responsible for this world and that we will no longer be able to give up our self responsibility to Money for what goes on, which is one of the reasons WHY we let Money take the driving seat in the first place as our excuse to abdicate our self responsibility to each other and The World as Us in the first place

I commit myself to stop my existence as one of the Money Holder as in One that Keeps the Money system in place, by investigating ALL my Money related reactions, fears and attachments until no words that are Money related as Value/Valuable Cheap/Cheapened Worth/Worthy Price/Prize have holds on me through my own assigned energetic charges within a polarity system

I commit myself to stop investing value as positive charges in words that are resonantly positively Money related and to stop investing of a negative charge words that are negatively Money related, within the polarity of lack, as I see realize and understand it was always me deciding and assigning charges to words and that words carry the burdens of my investments until I stop and take all investments back to myself ,stopping the separation from myself and words and from myself as words

I commit myself to stop dividing the world in Money/Not Money whatever name I give to define these 2 polarity points, as it is in the giving the Have MONEY polarity more value then the Have NOT  MONEY polarity that I give and cast my vote to have some Lives be more important than others Within the Characters that we play, and this is how we end up with some Characters living the MORE life, through our own individual votes within the Mind Consciousness System as More and Worthier than Other Lives, that become LESS, in relation to Money and the voted in place Money-God

I commit myself to stop my fears of lack of Money as this is at the root of any Money desire, the fear of worth-less-ness within an internally accepted and allowed Money System of Worth and Value and to disengage myself consistently from Money as Worth/Value until I no longer stand as the self surrendered captive to the Money World but I can stand as what is best for me a What is Best for All for myself and all of Existence Equal and One.

Day 44: For-Giving The Seductress in/as Me

I realized that within me be-lieving to be a 'Seductress' there is a point of value and a belief that men are indeed stupid and not Equal, that women can seduce them while they are foolishly following the lead, the hook, instead of recognizing the Equality of the games we play where I enjoy thinking I seduce them as a point of power/worth while they enjoy thinking that they seduced me as a point of power/worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it was all my doing what happened between me and men instead of seeing they are equally participating in the seduction game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to carry the fault/blame for myself as a point of value because within that blame/fault I make myself more powerful than men and turn them into fools at my mercy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for the personality play of the seductress because within that blame there was 'my power to seduce', making myself more than men within the seduction game and finding value/worth for myself within being more

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to see the Equality of the Games we play because then I would have to feel as duped as the super duper I like to believe I am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and judge myself as the sole participant of the seduction game, in which I found my power and value, being 'more evil' than men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men and the games they play as much as I feared myself and the games I played

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if a man plays his game well I will be duped and won't be able to say NO, because within the games men play there is the game of giving me value and 'making me feel special' since I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm worthless, I fear I cannot resist the value game 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when someone 'makes me feel special' I can't resist their attention as I have accepted and allowed to build myself into a value/worth seeking machine while I separated myself from Self as Self Worth and Self Value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men instead of seeing I was fearing myself and what I was willing to do in my search for worth and value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my fear of men, which was the fear of myself,  into a desire to belittle them so I can feel in charge and in control and less vulnerable to the value/worth game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that since my worth lies into being attractive for men I have to fear my not being attractive to them and it's better to fatten myself up and put myself aside of the game instead of seeing I am facing the fear of aging and not having the same pulling power and feedback from men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear aging as a point in which I will lose my ability to pull and manipulate men to me, instead of seeing I was never the one who pulled men but I was a loser in the moment I stepped into the worth/value games as seduction, we both play equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe 'I could have any man I wanted' without realizing that within the current system pretty much any woman can, as SEX is the name of the Game and it's not personal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be special, because within that specialness I found my worth and value given that if I am special I am above and beyond other women and I have won the game of comparison and competition for the prize which is sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make SEX into the Price/prize I have to pay for playing the seduction game as a way to give myself worth/value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that SEX is something I have to give in return for the 'devotion' men show to me which is nothing more than their desire to have sex, because Sex was The Design and The Price/prize we were both after

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed for the sex I have had as a way to payback and lever the expectations I built in men through my seduction games because I turned seduction into a promise that would have to be paid back when the games I participated in were creating 'too much credits'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for the seduction games in which I participated instead of seeing I have designed myself to be seductive as a way to survive within this world in fear that if I couldn't 'promise' sex as a way of life as who I am, my life would not be safe, and I would not have access to the world system in which the name of the game is Sex/Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use 'the promise of sex' as a compensation for the money I lacked, because since I did not have enough money/debts to consider myself 'safe' in the world I could accumulate sex/debts, without seeing that both money and sex debts are called to be paid back and I ended up feeling and seeing myself as the eternal debtor inside the world system of money/sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in and as the Debt System of this world, hoping to create Credits through my seduction and promises for Sex, instead of seeing I was accumulating debts, through my own Self Judgements and Fears, supporting and allowing the existence of a system of Debts One and Equal to Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live and exist as Debt/Debts, I now For-Give my debts and the debts of the Ones around me regarding Sex and the Seduction games I/We played, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support the existence of the current Money System of Debts because I myself existed in and as Debt, instead of giving what I would like to receive to myself and others, The For-Giveness of All Debts for a world that is What is Best for me and What is Best for All

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the Seductress Personality, I stop, Breathe, look at why I am fearing that moment as a moment that needs my leverage as 'Seduction', Breathe, remind myself that I am Worth as Self Worth Here in Breath and that there is nothing I can gain from playing Energy/power/value games but Debts, because the Energy system is designed in and as a Debt System, and I can only STOP playing or accumulate Debts as there is no way to Win within a system of Debts, so I stop my participation in and as Debt to stop the creation of and as Debts of this world, One and Equal to Me

I commit myself to bring myself back Here with consistency, through Breath, leading myself out of my Mind consistently with patience as my Mind has been my only abode for my whole Life and I see that I fear leaving me as the Mind behind, yet I see that Fear is Not Real and just the way my Mind is resisting to be left behind, so I commit myself to become familiar with Life not in and as The Mind but Here in and as The Physical, where No debts are Created, but Breaths of and as Life are accumulated for myself and all of existence Equal and One

Day 37: Do Not EVER Trust Men

When I was growing up my grandmother had been very clear talking to me about Men and what they are All About.

She told me that no matter what they said, they just wanted Sex, so it was a pretty easy Game to play, we would have to sit through all the bullshit, the compliments and later, when they did not score immediately, the promises, the stories, until they told us 'what they were willing to do for us'.

This was a theme of Fairy Tales as well, Men had to prove their Worth to a Woman, so Princes would walk for years, slay the Dragons, bring back the witch broom, they had to prove their interest for a woman with impossible tasks that were not taken on by just 'any man', only the special ones would do such things and most of all, They Would Wait.

If they wanted sex immediately they did not care, they would have to build up to sex, get there on their string of lies and the lies had to be backed up by presents, presents showed that a man cared, the more costly the presents the more he cared, because let's face it, they would put the Money where their Mouth was, the Money was The key to assess their Real Interest (funny, another Money word 'Interest-ing).

I have met many players in my life, I preferred the more honest types, the ones that in fact showed you they wanted sex right away, but this came later in life, I was tired of the bullshit, soothsayers were never convincing, except a guy I met, the second last, who built up such a convoluted story that I had to believe it, because I never met anyone like him who would go THAT far just for a fuck, he even told me he wanted a child and to get married and that he was a virgin.

It took me some time to wisen up, mainly because I was lost in my Pot smoking world and because I lacked references to why a man would say he is a virgin when he is not, being virginity something shameful to talk about for an Italian or a Latin man in general, as virginity meant 'nobody wanted you' until the, which brought down someone's value, because women want to have sex with the ones that other women's want, as a cross  checking of value/worth they were about to engage with.

When I think about my relationships with men I see I have been pathetic to say the least, I have never valued a man for who he was as a human being, but just for the value I could get from him, value expressed in either His Value on the Seduction Market Place or His value as Money, Men with Money represented security, a life that was secured and not one that one had to fend for, plus it was the role of a Man to take care of a Woman, Gallantry basically meant Inequality all over but it was an Inequality that worked for me, I got to be the Woman, they would open doors, light my cigarette, move my chair for me to sit down and in all these little gestures I would accumulate value and worth, plus if they had Money that meant I was more worthy, because Men with Money had More Choices than Men without Money, and when they chose Me, by the simple comparison with the Offer they Had Available, I gained worth.

It's weird how I have held such judgement against men all my life and used it to justify my own behaviour of manipulation and games, I mistook relationships for a game, in which someone would win and someone would lose, grandma had told me as well that in a relationship one must be the one running and the other will be the one running after, I was mostly the one running, being run after gave me Value, plus men themselves had told me they liked 'difficult prizes', not the easy ones, grandma had told me that too, she said 'the one you really like will have to wait, for your sexual needs get someone else just as a lover', so a couple of times in my life I had multiple stories going at the same time, but this advice did not work for me, it made me lose value in my own eyes due to my own self judgement of being a two timer and that was not cool.

I have not had many rich men, nor I have profited from rich men, I just didn't get a chance to do so without being able to notice myself doing that, it would have been too much of a sell out for my own judgements of myself and my relationship with Men, but I extensively profited in the Value Game, where I used their interest to give myself Value and I used them extensively, never ever opening up and always ready to move on, because you never know, as anyway I never trusted them for a second about their hidden reasons and motives, grandma had been clear, they ONLY want sex, and I never forgot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I was more clever than men because whatever they said I translated it with 'I want to fuck you' and I felt I was ahead of the game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that relationships between men and women are just about 'who is ahead of the game' and who is winning or losing the Value Game instead of seeing it as a chance to come to know someone else for real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished the times I run and a man did not run after me because 'the running after me' was part of my value system and when they did not I accepted and allowed myself to feel devalued and not worthy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I had to win in this game with Men because than I could prove to myself I was more clever than them and that they couldn't 'fuck around with me'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my grandmother teachings of  value and manipulation because she was old and therefore wise, instead of seeing that she was just old and passing on her crippling programs to me so I would become a carbon copy of herself and her manipulation techniques and validate her as an effective player in the Man vs Woman game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that relating to others was a game that I had to win to give value to myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support and create a system in which both men and women are devalued by their own participation in Games of the Mind, while I was never here to Self Express myself in Self Honesty stopping all games starting with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilt and shameful for my behaviour with men and for how I would automatically move into the seducer hard to get personality as a way to validate myself and my existence as a woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of virginity as a sign that nobody had yet wanted me enough 'to take me' and therefore I had less value than the women who had already 'been taken'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe lies about someone's virginity because I judged virginity as shameful and so I decided that no one could or would pretend to be 'a virgin' because the loss of value would be too extensive to advertise it and by holding on to this belief and assumption I prevented my self from seeing reality for what it was, that I was simply being lied to and that there may be an ulterior motive that had nothing to do with me or my value that I feared I would lose if I looked at reality for what it was and I admitted to being scammed by a man half my age because he needed a way out of his shitty life due to his birth in a country with no choices or opportunities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put up a strong 'you don't fuck with me' front while I suppressed my vulnerability in fear of being hurt or harmed by Men and their games

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women were 'better than men' because at least we were looking for 'love' as a feeling good energy movement' while they were looking for sex 'as a feeling good energy movement' making us not different at all, but equal in our slavery to energy as energy beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hurt men with words of love and feelings I did not feel because I wanted to keep up the facade of being a romantic and passionate woman, while I too, many times, was only looking for sex

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I saw myself moving into manipulation of men through feelings and emotions, and for not stopping because what I got out of it was more important to me than the point that I was harming them deliberately as long as I got my energy fixes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have hurt men not realizing I have only and always hurt and harmed only myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a heartless bitch because I believed I could see what I was doing but they could not, making myself more clever than them in the Value, Winner and Losers Game of Relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always engage with men that were less than what would have been best for me, because the ones that would have been best for me I feared to lose and become dependent on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have manipulated my ex husband all the way into our marriage and for them building on this guilt of my perceived manipulation a rocky marriage that could never work because I did not trust myself for my own self judgement of me as the manipulator and I ended up believing he did not want me and made our life together hell because he had to prove to me in so many ways he did, to stop my fears deriving by my own self judgement of me as having fooled him into our marriage

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being wanted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible for my ex husband's choices, because I liked to think I was more clever than him in this game of manipulation just to give myself value even though it was the value of a better manipulator over a worse manipulator

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust my ex husband that he wanted to be with me, because I didn't trust any man to want a specific woman but just a hole and a little quiet company and that was about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base a life of relationships with men on the teachings of an old woman, because when I was growing up and feared men I believed I needed guidance to understand how to handle them and how they operate, having separated myself from my own guidance and my own self honesty and self responsibility for myself to be able to walk this life in self expression as self worth as Life One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear Men because I gave them the power to give or take value from me in separation from me as Self Value and Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stupid when I worked out that the Nigerian guy told me he was a virgin because he just wanted to have sex without a condom to make me pregnant, marry me and get a European passport, because I felt used, duped and devalued

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stupid when my friends in HK asked me how could I believe that a Nigerian man of that age was a virgin when everyone seems to know that Nigerians are into scams and abuse of any sorts due to the poverty and lack of opportunities in their country of birth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be informed about what is going on in the world because for a long time I embraced the belief that I only had to follow what made me feel good, and disheartening news and information about the world we live in did not fit my idea of the benevolent world we live in and so I had to create for myself some meetings to face the reality and the truth of this world as a place where many are forced to make all sorts of choices to survive and guarantee their survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devalued when I discovered a man 'wanting something from me' that was beyond what I was willing to give, which was sex and the pretense of a relationship, because I felt I sucked at everything including the manipulation game in which I had been heavily outdone by a boy half my age with a story that if I had heard from the Pied Piper I would not have believed it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is more innocence in the younger ones, when I could always see that as Slaves of/as the Mind we are all equally fucked and both gender or age don't make any difference

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I did not give in to Sex to men after I engaged them for some time, because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that that was the only point they ever started a relationship with me and soon or later I would have to fulfill the sex promise and the longer time passed the more urgent this fulfilment became as a point of pressure I would put on myself declaring myself as a 'teaser' if I would not deliver sex having accepted and allowed that sex was always the unspoken promise of any relationship between a man and a woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live a life of manipulation and value seeking with Men as the opponents and potential Value Givers, instead of seeing Life One and Equal in everyone and stopping myself from doing to others what I did not want done unto me, releasing myself and others Equal and One from the teachings I received about relationship that led me to live out a life of dishonesty in seeking the Value of Me from which I have accepted to separate from as Self as Self Worth/Value as Life, as One and Equal to everything that exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never trust men because I never trusted myself to be self honest and self responsible for my thoughts , words and deeds and so I keep walking this self correction as Self Honesty and self corrective application to build myself as Self trust so that I may trust others One and Equal o the Self trust I build for and as myself to always be able to face anything Here in and as Self Expression in every moment of Breath

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into manipulative value seeking Games with Men, I stop, Breathe, remind myself I no longer want to participate as part of the problem but want to be and become part of the solution of a world of Equals, in which all games of abuse stop so we may come together as One and live a dignified Life as Self as Life, One and Equal

When and as I see myself desiring to have the upper hand with men as a way to validate my existence as the personality of a woman who wins at the game of Seduction and Manipulation, I stop, Breathe, remind myself I am in and as the Mind or I would not be seeking value and Worth outside of myself as Self as Life One and Equal and Breathe myself back Here  where all games stop by me being the Directive principle of My Self  for what is best for me and What is Best for All

When and As I see myself looking at men to assess their value on the Value Game, based on Money or how much other women find them attractive to establish how much value I can get for myself if I engage with them, I stop, Breathe, remind myself I no longer want to participate in assessing people's Value based on beliefs and ideas of separation but I want to learn to see others as me, as Self One and Equal and Give as I would like to Receive in every aspect of my Life

I commit myself to stop my distrust for men based on what I have learnt and used in the Games we play while seeking for Self Value and Self Worth to stand as an Equal in and as Self Trust as Life One and Equal