Day 219: The Human Race - Who is Winning ?

I have an English student who is very proficient and willing to learn.

During his last class he told me he failed again his math test, as usual he had 'overprepared' himself and when he was faced with really simple problems his mind just blanked out.

Math is his source of frustration, because while he can learn everything else by heart, math requires logic and a specific approach to the problems presented, this he has not yet learnt how to do, as he has grown wary of his mind and he doesn't trust himself that when he will be faced with a problem he can find a solution, no, he looks for similar problems he has already met and solved within his Mind to find the solution there, and if the problems have not been presented before within a certain triggering wording that resonates with the problems at hands, he blanks out.

I have talked to him about the point of why his teachers penalize him for the way he studies, he is a walking encyclopedia, no one can doubt he has put a lot of time in his work, but the frustration of the teachers is that they have to sit through a book speaking and not a person presenting what he himself got out of the book, he told me 'I can't trust my words, but I can trust the book's words, they are the BEST words to explain what I am learning. I told him, 'we don't know that, we haven't heard your words yet'. 

In this line I gave him an assignment, to watch and review with 'his own words' the documentary 'War on Democracy', which we watched together partially and which took him to a place of realizing that much of this world is unknown and as such current knowledge is as valid as someone poking you in the eye with their finger, it's painful, mainly useless and at worse damaging.

My assignment was meant to show him that teachers are not Gods, that we live in a flawed system and that there is nothing extraordinary about the education he is receiving that teaches him an elitist language the school of 'Classical' studies aims  for, even though he believes that knowledge and the language of separation he is learning, that allows him to only talk to people in his school, have value as they might put him on top.

Inside of him there is a constant nagging doubt, that he is not been rated for his studies, but for his Race, it's his Race that doesn't meet the marks he is working for. My Student is an Arab in a racist country, in a racist World.

This is why he is thinking to go back to Egypt for his University, where he may get a fair chance at life and not be graded/de-graded by the 'sound' of his surname.

This is the world we have created, where some Races hold more value than others, we don't even know how we got to this point of discrimination but it exists inside all of us. When I walk next to groups of Arab men, I am more uncomfortable than when I walk next to a group of Italians, I have the preposterous idea that what I 'Know' in their dynamics and mind games, is less dangerous than what I don't know. Plus I read stories about Arabs, that exist within me, I formed opinions and beliefs, I dislike women in a Chador, felt offended by the metal beak that they wear under the burka to breathe in extremist countries, by how they hop behind their men in subservience. 

Arab culture in my Mind exists as an offensive plot against women, and so within all my judgements and ideas and opinions, I myself stand as a point of separation, I myself contribute to my student not having Equal chances in life, because I believe, due to the 'faults' of his CULTure that he comes from a lesser definition of Humanity as I took on board the generational information of separation, of worth based on imaginary parameters, putting all the Arabs in the same pot and myself as the Woman that will have none of it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from other races and in the specific within the Arabic people, in ways that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe to be right, because what goes on in the Arab world against women is not acceptable in me as the Mind

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I know is better than what I don't know, instead of seeing and realizing the origin of such stance as FEAR that makes me desire to hold on to knowledge and information as I seek relief from my own fear that I have not faced yet.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame the Arabs for their treatment of women as if the demeaning of women was only happening within the Arabic world, when in fact every day women in Italy are raped, beaten and killed by their partners/strangers, and they do not wear a Chador or a Burka

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when seeing a woman wearing a chador or a burka, feel irritated, angry, offended as if that was personal, as if just because I am a woman in my physical expression I have to stand in anger to show my stance of NOT accepting the demeaning of women in such way, instead of seeing and realizing that many women in the Arabic world seek protection from their own fears, when they are not forced into it, by men seeking protection from their own fears

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when seeing an Arabic woman wearing the metal beak under the Burka to be able to breathe, to feel angry at Arab men, blaming them for what these women go through and subject themselves to, when in fact I am angry at all men because I blame them for this meat market that relationships between sexes have turned into, instead of seeing myself equally responsible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame men for what happens to women around the world because I believe they were the ones meant to protect us and within this belief, accepting that we do need a protection and hence, our own inherent inferiority to men

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when approaching Arab men, move into physical defensiveness just based on thoughts, ideas and beliefs that I have accumulated in my mind based on news I have read, programs I have watched and stories I have been told about the demeaning of women in the Arab world, when in fact this is just a generalization that I have never tested for myself in the physical reality

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make demeaning comments about Arab men based on News I read, heard or watched, when in fact I know nothing can be trusted as every news is tainted by the world we live in, that fosters fear and separation

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at his teachers when my student mentioned that he can't get good grades because he is an "Arab', when in fact this is what I participate in as well within my mind when I don't give 'good grades' as a chance to Arab men, just because they are Arabs

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see Races and Nationality as having different value just because this is what our Economic System says, that not all are born with the same value and that some are worth more than others just because of where they were born and the 'group' they belong to, when in fact we belong to one Group, The Human Race as Life and Life has the same value and worth within us all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to the teachers of my student, because I want to help him out and they do not, instead of seeing and realizing, my desire to 'help' stems from my own guilt and shame for my participation in separation, judgement and blame and I know nothing about the reasons why his teachers are giving him a hard time

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad/negative/evil when I realized how much I was holding on to preconceived ideas toward the Arabic world and for then as a consequence blame myself for how my student feels, instead of seeing and realizing what he experiences is his own creation through having accepted and allowed himself to believe in his worth-less-ness and less-ness and that what I can do is stand stable as an equal as I walk with him through his assignments to offer my support to overcome this limitation he has accepted and allowed for himself as a result of what we, the adults, have accepted and allowed as ourselves

I commit myself to, when and as I walk next to Arab people, see a woman in a chador or a burka, to stop and breathe and not allow myself to participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings or backchat about Arabs and to make sure I am stable within breathe to no longer stand as a point of separation between myself and other races

I commit myself to, when and as I walk next to Arab men and I see the first signs of fear and the desire to change route, to stop and breathe and not allow myself to go into my mind or to react to the fact that I exist in the world with other races, none of which is less valuable or less worthy as Life.

I commit myself to support and explain about an Equal Money System, because changing the system of Value of our World will bring us Equality and peace and a change that can never be undone.