I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that only the things I don't enjoy doing should be paid, because if I am enjoying myself I am not Really working and I should not be paid for what I do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that working must be a nuisance that we pretend to do as I have associate my grandma taking naps when she was working at home in the afternoon and asking me to 'lie about it' if her boss should call during nap time, with 'working' and what working is as something we should default and rather take a nap, on the preference list of things to do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I had negative judgements about napping because I was always forced in kindergarten and elementary school to take a nap, and even when I said "I don't want to", "I am not tired", I would be asked to lie down close my eyes and 'rest' and therefore turned napping into the ultimate waste of time and life, to then when I associated napping to being better than working, perceive work as something that I must dislike MORE than napping and therefore every time I enjoyed what did I could not call it working and I should in fact, not be paid for it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it was awkward that my mum would want to pay me for doing things I would have done for free, like swapping winter and summer closets at the end of the seasons because I had a neat and organized mind to carry out such works and enjoyed doing it, while she was attempting to teach me that what we do must be paid for, because this is how we sustain ourselves in this Money based world and yet every time I enjoyed what I was doing, I felt awkward to be paid for it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am strange because I actually enjoy everything I do once I start doing it, even caring for a home or cleaning but because I always had to justify why people paid me to do what I did, I started to pretend that working was hard and all consuming like it seemed for everyone else around me who talked and nagged about it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I enjoy something I am doing and I am paid for, because I believe that 'to be honest' I should not enjoy what I am doing since this is the reason why people are paying me and others for, to do what we don't enjoy doing, and that it is dishonest to in fact enjoy myself when I am paid to NOT enjoy myself because this is what work is
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I am asked to 'Name my Price' I have to be careful to not ask too much because I could end up not doing what I enjoy doing, which is more or less everything and I have to be careful to not ask too much in case people resent my request and don't allow me to do what I enjoy doing for money
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate 'name your price' to prostitution, because this was the first mention on "women selling themselves" that I heard, which I have associated to everything I do for money that I would happily do for free but I can't because I need the money to live now, and so I have to reconcile with this work/money point because is a limitation that I am imposing on myself just because of a few oddities I have picked up along the way that I can let go to realign myself to be an effective human being within the system to do what is best for me as best for All as in overcoming my self imposed limitations
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I associated women on sale to being a bad thing as in prostitution, to not want and resist 'selling myself' for a job, instead of seeing and realizing that it was me judging and defining working as 'selling myself' and not as putting my labor in the system for money for now and then I will do the same for What is Best for All when the New System will allow it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge prostitution as 'bad' because I picked up on the raised eyebrows, judgements and resistance of people around me talking about it, instead of seeing that prostitution is in fact a very honest job, since it's the only job in which someone sells what they really own that has not been manufactured through slave/children labour or other abusive means and that the only thing that makes it unfortunate is that it is not a choice job as it is not chosen but is the last resort of women who have been left at the fringe of society without entry to the Money system that sell their body, because honestly, who would like to sell their body if one would have enough to live and provide for their family?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist "selling myself" in an attempt to not prostitute myself to this system of abuse, failing to see that at the moment we are all prostituting ourselves to live, because we have made this planet into a living Hell where Life is for Sale and no Life is for Free at the moment, not even the Elite's because they are enslaved to this system of Fear just as much as we are, as We Fear for our own survival and they Fear to lose what they have and have to Fear for their own survival
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not have to 'name my price' but instead to have my price named for me, even though, due to my desire to NOT take responsibility for myself I had to face many times the point that no one can put my interest before theirs in a system of survival and that I myself do not put their interest before mine when I refuse to Name my price, I am just hoping that they will name a price High Enough for Me to be happy with so I won't have to face the point of 'naming my price' and how I experience myself within this point
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed when people 'named my price' and the price was too low and I felt devalued by their low offer for the price of me, because I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my worth to the amount of Money I can make/ earn as a 'living' in separation from myself as Self Worth, instead of seeing the simple point of giving a service/work I get paid for that has nothing to do with my worth or my value
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'living' means making money, because if I have to 'earn a living' than my living is equal and one to the amount of money I earn, instead of seeing and realizing no one can make a 'living' because we are already Alive, we are just going out to get the money we need to function within this system because it's practical and it's part of the self support we owe to ourselves in this Money based system that we now have to walk as the consequences of all the other stupid decision we made through eons of time that led us here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with all the 'make a living' bullshit that my family passed on to me, as a point of value I should seek for myself, instead of seeing and realizing that they were just passing on their fears that if I were not to become effective within the system I would not be able to live because we have turned this world into a Live or Let Die place, where Life is for Sale but we never want to just spell that point out right, because we fear to have to face what we created of this world so much, that we pass on the 7th generations fears to the children to teach them to fear the system and not being able to live without 'making a living', as none of these Fears have been resolved and transcended by the children caretakers themselves but just passed on through words of 'parental add-vice'
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when asked to name my price, feel a tightening in my solar plexus, stop breathing as my mind jumps into all directions while I try to compare myself to what is available on the market, to who is asking, how much they can pay and how I should ask for it, instead of breathing and just stating my price that I believe to be fair for the excellent work that I know I can do, stopping seeking justifications through comparison to why I should be paid so much, because when I do I start the fault finding game to prove to myself that I am better/superior/more than others and that is why I deserve MORE than them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to justify how much I think is a fair price and the price I want for the work/service I give instead of seeing and realizing that if I have to justify myself is because I have doubts about deserving that amount for what I do, and that I always then FEAR that, since I cannot even justify to myself why I should earn more than another, because I went into the comparison game looking for reasons as to why the price I want to ask is right, and within that discovered many are paid much less and so somehow instead of seeing and realizing that is because we are all playing this game to the bottom trying to secure a job for ourselves out of fear of survival, that we have reduced the market place to a place where we are happy to take on slave jobs for nothing as we believe we have 'outsmarted' the competition by asking less, instead of all of us being Value Worth conscious as Self Value and Self Worth and holding our ground for what we are worth, which would have given birth to a complete different working game and not the slavery game we are now facing as the consequence of outsmarting each other in a race to the bottom
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot 'name my price', and that I must be ashamed of the price I want to ask and who do I think I am wanting to be paid more than another, and yet if I did not compare myself to another and just asked what I saw as fair for what I do as a work or a service, I would not go through shame or guilt as I would be doing my own thing as what is best for All, because is certainly NOT best for All to race each other to the bottom, but would be best for All to see that we are worthy of good wages and a job we enjoy doing, otherwise we are becoming by our own doing the slave force of this capitalistic System, without even realizing we got where we got through our own fears and our own doing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I am asked to 'name my price', move into fear, that godonlyknows, what if I name the 'wrongprice' as if there is such a thing as a wrong price and not just a price I have set, which is not wrong or right, and it doesn't become wrong even when someone refuses my request, it's just not a match to the budget they had for the position they wished to cover
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent men who were paid more than me, double than me and for secretly backchatting them to diminish them in my eyes, so I would not have to feel the experience of diminishment and of being worthless by comparison, instead of seeing and realizing that I never resented others but just myself for having 'named my price' so cheap just because I had hang ups about naming a Fair Price for what I do as work or services
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I don't get the price I want, I am worthless because, since I associated my worth and value with the money I can generate as a 'living' when my price is not met it means I do not have that worth and value any longer and now I have to go and seek value for myself somewhere else, which is one of the reasons why I dislike naming my price, instead of seeing and realizing that meeting my price has many factors attached to it that have nothing to do with me or my self worth and value, unless I give it up and invest my worth and value into an 'idea of Worth and value that is translated into a money number' that when is not met leaves me feeling worthless
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my work is priceless, which is in fact what happens when I am asked to name my price 'I am Price-less' as I believe my work is superior in every possible way due to the way my mind processes information and the work flow of operations in sequences of priorities that are unmatched by the people I have worked with so far, and yet wanting to be Price-less leaves me without a price to name when I am asked to name a price, which then leaves me feeling Worth-less as I tumble down from the Priceless Podium on which I had built myself within comparison and competition to the worthlessness of being Price-Less as Worth-Less
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that in a World where everything has a Price, being Price-Less is associated in my Mind with being Worth-Less, as I lack the Price tag to define me and place me where the system believes and insists I belong according to my Price Tag, which I am the Only One to name, and so as I accepted and allowed myself to believe it was the system allocating me, this was not true, it was me through my acceptance and allowance of my Worth as Price, which is why I resisted to 'name My price' in Fear that once I named it I was fucked into some system layers from which I would never be able to escape, failing to see I was the one doing the whole Role Playing as I sought for my worth and value outside of myself in separation from myself as the Price tag I did not want to name just out of FEAR
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to FEAR naming my Price, in Fear of my own definition of Myself and what I believed and though 'I was really Worth', instead of seeing and realizing I feared naming my price because I feared seeing that I had misplaced my Value and Worth onto a price Tag that I did not want to Name to Not see what is the worth and Value of me, according to ME
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that unless I am Price-Less, I am Worth-Less and yet the conundrum is quite clear, do I have a price for my work and services or not? Because if I am Price-Less then I Have to Work for Free, and yet I see realize and understand that this is NOT possible within this physical reality at the moment in the way things are set up, so I better pull myself together, stop being Price-Less so I can 'Name My Price' and be content with it when I engage in a new job or in giving a service/work for which I have clearly within myself set a Price for
When and as I see myself being asked to Name My Price and I feel the tightening in the solar plexus, I stop, breathe, remind myself that if I had not anticipated being asked and if I don't know what is offered and required of me it is acceptable to ask what would my services/work entail and then decide what price I am content with that I see as fair for myself, stopping to worry about If They will see it as fair as they will have their own responsibility to see what they can afford for what they are asking for and I have to see what I am willing to do for what price and without comparison to anything else, state My price
When and as I see myself trying to move into the Mind to find reasons why what I ask is fair, which is the step before I move into Comparison and Competition and attempt to bring everyone down to justify my higher worth and value, I stop, breathe, remind myself I no longer want to participate in comparison and competition and that My Price is not dependent on Comparison and Competition but on what I am willing to do for what price, without on the spot or later go comparing myself to other wages just to feel diminished if I discover someone earns more than me as in 'they are more valuable than me'
When and as I see myself desiring to compare 'values and worth' with others in the same business or in the same company, hoping to come out the winner, I stop, breathe, remind myself what a losing game comparison and competition is and I keep walking my self directive decision in self responsibility for the choices I made and the Price I myself named for my work and services
I commit myself to stop the comparison and competition game regarding the point of 'naming my price' as it is ME naming My price and so there is none else responsible for what I name as my Price once I am offered a job or required a service
I commit myself to assess what a job or a service entails before I Name my Price, so that a clear communication is exchanged about my potential role and the Money I ask for it, to avoid further misunderstanding or tensions down the line once I make a decision
I commit myself to walk my decision in self honesty and self responsibility, stopping the blame of others for having what I did not have the guts to ask for, and instead ask for what I want to have that I see as the fair price for the services and job I have been requested or offered
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