Day 446: The Various Dimensions of Name Calling

Do assholes exist? Asshole has been one of my favourite curse words, what I realized yesterday is that name calling of any kind, and that includes any name we use to justify WHY we react to someone so it can be stupid, ignorant, selfish, arrogant, self centered etc, is in fact Hidden Blame.

So I will walk my self forgiveness to bring up on paper how I established this pattern, specifically with my mother and how to release myself from it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are people deserving of a label that absolves me from my responsibility of looking at why and how I reacted in a specific moment, placing the blame on them for 'who and how they are' which I make into a fact within my mind, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is just a perception that I use/used to justify why I was right in reacting to them because they 'were wrong' and I was right

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this habit of coming to the desire to call my mother names stems from childhood, when I felt impotent and a victim to her behavior that I perceived as abusive, because when she used specific words and tones I would react and hence made her the source of my experience of myself instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I was the only one creating the experience of myself through my own participation in backchat, thoughts and the resulting emotions and she was just the one on which I projected the blame for it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always dream of a time when I would not live close to my mother and within this dream, not see realize and understand that I blamed her for my own experience of myself believing that if I did not have to be subjected to her presence and her unstoppable need to provide opinions as facts about me and my life then I would be free and within this for jailing myself into whatever experience arose in me when in the company of my mother instead of applying myself to free myself from this idea/belief so it would not matter where I lived and what she said about me and my life at any given time

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take what my mother says personally instead of seeing it as just her own experience of me and her own judgements as a Mind and using what she says as a guideline to my own suppressions and reactive points if and when I see myself react in any way

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not look in specificity at moments in which I either wanted to call my mother an asshole or did call her an asshole because it was easier to blame her for my reaction than looking at the core point behind it and correcting myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive people that want to lay their experience and projections on me and come up with all sorts of assumptions about me and my life and the people within it, as assholes instead of looking at what exactly made me react within what they said and in this case for blaming my mother for saying out loud what I had thought about my ex boyfriend anyway that I made OK in my thoughts because 'I am entitled to my own opinion' and then blaming her for her belief that 'she is entitled to her opinion' just because her opinion is about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that she is really an asshole for saying 'I will drive how the fuck I want' when I told her to drive carefully when she decided suddenly to leave, instead of spending the night together as we planned and that I was therefore justified in just saying 'what I thought about her/give her a piece of my mind', instead of looking at the point in self honesty that I had already started accumulating reactions while she was expressing what I deemed as an uncalled-for opinion and that I was just waiting for a point when I could act out my reactions within an excuse that made it ok

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to resent my mother for always expressing opinions I did not ask for instead of seeing, realizing and understanding I have expressed opinions in my life that I have not been asked for because I held on to my 'right to have my own opinion' about something or somebody and to express it even when I saw that it was escalating into friction and conflict and that I would not be able to direct the outcome if I allowed it to blow out of proportion -just so I could stick to my right to have my own opinion about something or someone while valuing  myself as the mind more than stopping friction and conflict with someone on the spot

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that my ex boyfriend was a free loader and did not contribute as much as he could have to our household but did not take the time to defuse that 'opinion' about him which was just an assumption with no undeniable foundation in physical reality, leaving a sore point open for when someone would express their opinion about it and then believing my reaction was about it and not about my own opinion of what went on that I had not taken the time to walk through, forgive and let go

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid and taken advantage of when my mother said what I had thought out loud and for wanting to give her my opinion about the fact that she was maybe projecting her own relationships on me, so that she would stop being so high and mighty and righteous instead of considering that if I shared a similar experience with my mother or a similar perception of an experience with men as the one of my mother, maybe it was worth looking into it because as we know, we repeat patterns, not necessarily in the physical but for sure patterns of interpretation and assumptions about situations and people we come in contact with in our lives

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think 'she will get down from her high horse and next time if she doesn't want to be called an asshole she can think twice about expressing her unrequested opinion', making myself right and her wrong and holding on to spite as a way to not have to do anything to walk through the consequences of my stance, no matter what she did or said prior to me saying what I did in an attempt to blame my reactions on her

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that taking personally what someone expresses is a limitation of myself and my ability to hear what another may contribute to my process and that however they contribute it, be it spitefully or within a projection, according to my perception, I can still walk the point by using the clue they have given me if I don't make it personal but just a mind point, that I can identify through a reaction, to direct to a solution within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to listening to older people, elders, parents and relatives whose lives are clearly fucked up and hence I decided they have nothing of value to contribute to anyone if not the example of what not to do and what not to be and within this for limiting how and from where I can get clues about my mind and my inner workings as I stated that only those that I can see live an example of what they are trying to point out to me, and that would make just about 10 (or less) people in the world, can do so, instead of opening up to anything and anyone as a stairway to my own awareness by looking inside for my own reactions to what is offered, no matter by whom and how it is offered 

When and as I see myself wanting to speak words that are hiding the blame of how I feel and projecting it onto another, I stop, breathe, touch my hands to bring myself back into the physical and to not give in to the feeling that I am missing out/losing on a great opportunity to call someone an asshole or any other name but to see, realize and understand  that I am energetically possessed, even if it doesn't seem so as in a clear energetic reaction I have learnt to decode so far and that I must refrain from speaking while I am reacting at all costs - using any tool I have learnt to create a space to allow myself to investigate the moment and not give into it in automatic preprogrammed behavior - just because this is how I used to deal with such moments in the past

I commit myself to, when I see myself jumping to the thought 'so and so is an asshole, ignorant, arrogant, clueless, evil etc', to forgive my thoughts before I reach for excuses and justifications to why I am entitled to think such thoughts about someone and to then look for the trigger that activated in me the desire to call them names in abdication of my own self responsibility for how I experience myself in and as the mind

I commit myself to when and as I see the word coming up to be spoken automatically to stop, breathe, do not allow myself to speak it but remind myself that I am obviously possessed by the desire to blame another and by some personality systems that I have designed to justify the blame in the process and instead I make the time to go writing down what has been going on within me to defuse my reactions and seek how to redirect my thoughts and emotions in self support to a solution

I commit myself to remind myself that there is no way that giving in to name calling, inside or outside of myself, can support another one and equal as me and to not give in to this habit, no matter how enticing the trigger seems but to use the moment as a clue that something is happening inside of me and must be addressed before I participate further with another in a reactive unsupportive way

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• Day 104: Reaction To Particular Tonality
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Day 430: The MEANing in ConSequence

(Missing blog  429 walked privately for now.)

I have already attempted this redefinition, recently though I found myself in a position where I saw clearly that I still have definitions attached to this word that do not mean what the word itself means and I act them out, which is unacceptable and not who I want to be.

Here is the dictionary definition of this word

1. a result or effect of some previous occurrence

2. an unpleasant result (esp in the phrase take the consequences)

3. (Logic) significance or importance: it's of no consequence; a man of consequence.

4. (Logic) logic

 a. a conclusion reached by reasoning

b. the conclusion of an argument

c. the relations between the conclusion and the premises of a valid argument

5. the relation between an effect and its cause

6. in consequence as a result

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

---

con•se•quence (ˈkɒn sɪˌkwɛns, -kwəns)

n.

1. the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier.

2. the conclusion reached by a line of reasoning; inference.

3. importance or significance: a matter of no consequence.

4. importance in rank or position; distinction: a man of consequence.

_______________________

When I looked this word up on the dictionary I was very surprised to not find its 'negative meaning' and wondered where did I get that, how did I place a negative charge on this word, so I looked it up in Italian and I found it has additional meanings where it is explicitly said 'effects, direct or indirect, usually of a negative nature' as in repercussions or negative result of something.

'Effetto diretto o indiretto, spesso negativo, di una situazione, vista come causa sicura o possibile: questo guaio è la c. della tua leggerezza; se la sono cavata senza gravi conseguenze'

I found out as well that we lack the last meaning of this word, we cannot say 'a man of consequence' because that wouldn't mean anything in Italian and that if I clean this word out of all the rubbish, it just means effect as in cause and effect, meaning what comes after a cause in a logical sequence of events.

My relatives always used the word Consequence to mean 'something negative will follow if you do this, you can't even imagine what's in store for you if you do this - meaning, what we will do to you', they used it as a threat, a warning, on occasion, when playing nice, a veiled way to say that something would be coming out of my actions and would not be good and mainly it would be coming FROM them.

When I was in SA and one day Leila read out loud an article on parenting about how parents were abusing this word to 'train their children through punishments they had replaced consequences with and how this screwed up in the child the whole concept of what a 'consequence' is' - I had a blip moment and could not compute.

I asked her to please give me an example and she did, she read the article that said 'you can tell your children that if they write on the wall there will not be chocolate cake', and I went, yes, wouldn't that be a consequence, like if you do this - that will happen?' and she said NO, the consequence is that the wall will be dirty and you will either have to live with it or clean it.

At the time this was a revelation in logic for me, a revolution in fact which left me quite pissed off as I pondered how many times I had been punished with the whimsical fantasies of my educators rather than shown what consequences really are, supported to see what I would have to face if I took a specific action and asked if I was willing to live out the 'obvious outsome', the con-sequence (which taking con as the Latin prefix meaning 'together with' it would mean the 'string of events' leading up to a specific result) and how I had attached a truckload of negative value to this word.

So, in a discussion with my buddy, what I saw is that I still live out this definition, that I believe that consequences are la -re -mise-en-place of someone who has gone off line, who has wandered out of a construct without permission and needs to be put back where they are supposed to be, put back in 'their place', obviously this treatment includes myself.

The way I have played out my consequences so far is by subjecting myself to self judgement as I have already written or to negative emotions, such as guilt, shame, self blame, something to remind myself that I was wrong, that I SHOULDN'T have done a specific thing and of course, as I do it to myself, I do it to others as well, when I reach a specific point of reaction something snaps into 'that's it, they should have seen it coming' meaning it's 'Their consequence, they created it for themselves' when in fact it is not, it is my punishment, consequence doesn't mean that if I am called names I have carte blanche to retaliate as a consequence, no, it means the other person will have to face their own self created consequences, their Dis-h-Onesty, where at a fork (H) they chose the Mind over Life and in the process they disempowered themselves a little further - and isn't that 'enough'- and should not be anything coming through a vigilante stance on my side as a punishment, where did I get this from, what kind of support would that be?

So, in my next blog I will redefine this word to something that works for myself and others because this way it's not working, this is how I have justified all the self abuse and the abuse of others as a consequence, which was a sequence yes, of my own participation in and as the mind and the living out of this word I have myself accepted and allowed to come to life in very specific ways, but it was a con as well, the con in the idea that as I have had to take con-sequences from others who themselves miss-understood this word, I could now apply to others the same punishing principle in the same way, when in fact this is not how and what this process is all about, acceptance of things as they have always been, nono, this process is about changing what I have been and done that was not aligned to the kind of world I would like to live in, even when I realize I don't yet know how to walk out of this word and my perception and embodiment of it but I will work it out as I go, as I rewrite it to break it down and turn it into a functional self supportive/supportive word for myself and all, Equal and One.

more to come  

 

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Day 396: Developing a Spiteful Character - The Beginning

This is a follow up to my post
The Normalization of Spite and Malice

So, as I listened to the Eqafe interviews about Spite that advised to look for the time when we actually kick started this construct and how this was related to a moment in time with our parents, who might have opposed us for our greater good, while we perceived ourselves attacked as 'a personality system' and instead of pushing to move beyond our preprogrammed path, we moved into Spite as the revenge mechanism for a perceived attack one of the fail safe mechanism to safeguard ourselves as the Mind and its preprogramming.

I have very clear memories of how I dealt with my mum in Spite as I was growing up, precisely within this dynamic, which is why the Eqafe interviews are awesome, to say the least.

As I wrote before in previous posts, I lived a schizophrenic economic reality, with my wealthy grandparents -by comparison to where I lived everyday - and life in what we would call 'the projects' if we were in the USA, or council estate in the UK, where crime and violence was rife and chances for people to get out of there were pretty slim.

My mother was an educated woman, she wanted for me a better life than the one she was building for us working like a dog and bringing home extra work to do even in the evenings to make sure we would have more than enough to live comfortably, so she naturally pushed for the best education she could give me.

Here 2 events stick out in my mind of how my internal revolt against her started, one was when she screamed at me for the first time out of school and I got shit scared and felt a wave of pure hatred for her as a result of how I experienced myself in fear and humiliation, which of course called for revenge, another time that pops up is my teachers saying that I could have done more at school, praising my intelligence and condemning my lack of motivation - which was not a lack of motivation but my own way of getting back to my mother for what I perceived as her own wrongdoings, because at the time I did not have the tools to understand that those experiences within me were created by myself and no one else.

So I will start with these 2 points and see where we go from here

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect a specific moment of fear that I felt as a kid, due to my mum raising her voice for the first time about some school assignments and to blame her for how vulnerable and shit scared I felt and within this for having made her the source and reason of my fear, the culprit of all that I experienced in that one moment which I was unable to define but in which I felt threatened, only to end up igniting the desire to seek revenge and make her pay for what I perceived she did to me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that things could have never been the same 'after what she had done to me' meaning my experience of myself as threatened through which I concluded this was a woman I could never trust because look what she was capable of doing to me  and within that to desire to pay her back with the same currency, making her feel bad, scared, hopeless just like she had done to me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek the one point my mum was always pushing me about, which was education, to use it against her, convincing myself that I could upset her if I did not do well  in school, creating for myself a non achiever personality where I would make sure to do just enough to pass but never more, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that we had colluded on a point that was pushing me beyond my preprogramming, which was for me to never achieve anything, because this world was designed not for everyone to have the same choices and opportunities but for some to be left behind - or to be moved to leave themselves behind so they could form the base of the pyramid for others to step on all the way to the top

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my experience of myself in HK in a position of leadership caused me so much stress because I has stretched myself way beyond my preprogramming without letting go of the personality of underachiever which gave me the experience of always be thorn in two and never be safe and sound within the job I had built for myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make Asia a special place in my mind due to how I felt myself expanding there, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I expanded because I removed myself from the place where I wanted to be less than I could be to spite my mother, making sure to create for her an endless loop of guilt for how I turned out way below her expectations based on my undeniable potential

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing that, when I was spiteful in my mind toward my mother, I was in fact justified because of what she did that made me what I was, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that no one could ever make me but myself through my choices, acceptances and allowances

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to make my mum wrong so I could invalidate her and her stance of always preaching education and within this for developing a rebellious personality in spite, just to annoy her and to prove to her that I would never bend to her wishes for me to have a better life than the one she managed for herself, proving to myself that I have always and only spited myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason why I expanded myself and my education when I moved to Asia was because I was away from the nefarious influence of my mother, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that it was due to me having made her into a nefarious character so I could hold on to my preprograming as intended, that I experienced her as limiting and as a pain in the ass, failing to see that it was never about what she stood for but what I stood against that defined our relationship

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my mum for how I experienced myself the first time she raised her voice and for having held on tenaciously to the memory of that moment as a moment that defined me and my life, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that memories are the blocks through which consciousness creates itself and that it is not optional to let them go but mandatory, to be able to change a pattern for good

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of my mother's perceived wrongdoings because then I could justify why I was spiteful to her and within this for feeling regret yesterday when she said that she experienced a rush of memories of things gone bad between her and myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that her memories are her responsibility and I cannot sort them out for her or redefine her relationship to them in her place but I can stand as a point of support to help her let them go within what she understands that is required of her to be able to bury the past

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wish that I had a different history with my mum, making my history with my mum a moment that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me and our relationship, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I am the one that can redefine our relationship, no matter what happened in the past in recurring loops before I became aware of how I could walk a point into correction for myself and all of existence equal and one

When and as I see myself going into my mind or about to go into my mind in spite about my mum, I stop, breathe, remind myself that I have walked this point in writing and look for the script that I am about to lay out on what to do should this moments come up again, until I can stand stable through them and no longer participate within this design of Spite

When and as I see myself wanting to blame my mum for how I experience myself or reacting at how I am experiencing myself after an interaction with my mum, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that if I accept to not sort out this point immediately reactions will turn into anger and then anger into blame until I will be into a full fledged possession from which I will be unable to stop and assess what is really going on with me, instead I take responsibility immediately for how I feel or what I have accepted myself to participate in within thought, release it through self forgiveness either within or our loud if the situation allows it and breathe myself back to stability

When and as I see myself thinking that I am entitled to a little spite in comparison to 'what she did, said or what I believe she thought', I stop, breathe, do not allow myself to walk that pattern anymore, see, realize and understand that I may have to practice my non participation because so far I have only practiced my participation in and as spite and keep applying myself until not participating in Spite becomes one and equal to who I am

I commit myself to stop the existence of myself as the mind within spite within the relationship with my mum, for myself and all of existence, Equal and One

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Day 342: Justifications and Excuses - Mind, The Gap.

Today during a chat a point of how we are responsible for the poor development of children came up. 

Oftentimes when those points come up I go first through a moment of overwhelment as I see that if I look at the problem for real I will feel  disheartened because there are so many kids and so few of us becoming aware that a change is required -from the roots up.

My automatic response to 'potential overwhelment' is to look for a reason why we are not so responsible after all, this one is quite an easy one for me, I don't even have children or plan to have them, so I can take a step back and not participate in the responsibility because, really, responsible I am not.

And yet, this point shows where our problems as the world and world system lies, it's within our missed response-ability, partly because we have loaded this word with so much negativity and connected it to blame, possibly to make sure we would not want to get close to it, who likes to be blamed?

So here goes the response-ability off the window, in a few simple step

I am responsible - guilt - shame- blame

Fuck - I am not - perception of release from the grips of the feelings which are self contained in the word that we never cared to redefine.

Actively looking for why I am not responsible - world is bigger than me - in the specific too many children, too little time, I have not participated, it wasn't me, I was a child too that got screwed up, I wasn't even there forgodssake!

And this is how we miss The Change to in fact empower ourselves with Response-Ability, with the simple basic common sense point of Developing The Ability to see what's wrong, get over the feelings which exist as an energy accumulation of excuses and justification, which we THOUGHT could save us from the big burden of self responsibility acting like the hot stove, interestingly we are the ones that accepted and allowed this word to exist in such confinement,  and when the feelings are activated moving away from a point that needs to be addressed seems like the most rational thing - it feels bad, isn't that ENOUGH?

So today I saw how we in fact abdicated our Ability to Respond, our Ability to assess the World for what it has become, stopping to blame others, whoever they are, religious leaders, political leaders, family, whateverwecanfind and return to ourselves this Authority to overcome our perceived limitations.

There is nothing BAD about having fucked up this world to this point, nothing BAD as we have intended so far, it is though quite a display of consequential outflows that we are living, as we moved through existence like demented zombies believing in the Free Choice of Free Markets and Capitalism, BeLieving just because if we could push the Beliefs far enough we would not have to be responsible, it's the world systems doing something to us, look, it's those on top, what am I supposed to do? 

And yet this is how by our own admission we become powerless, we rather find excuses and justifications about why it was not 'me' part of this mess -and yet here I am- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can't have my cake and eat it, that is only the Capitalist promise, in Real Physical Life I either become Response-Able or I am Not and there will never be a middle way, we can't be partially response-able, or minorly response-able, because for each one point for which we are not willing to be Response-Able, we are stating that we can't, we won't, we'll never manage and then we have to live out our own script, we created through the Mind, as The Mind, the Gap that stands between problems and Solutions, we authorized ourselves to give up our Response-Ability in exchange for the freedom from negative feelings - what a trade off...

What about clearing up our words, so we won't trigger ourselves into our 'automatic giving up response', and keep standing, until we learn that Each Problem has a solution, because I am the problem, I was the problem and as I Self Correct and take My Self Response-Ability so does the World in and as Me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint the word responsibility with a negative charge, accepting and allowing myself to bring up a string of emotions to confirm that responsibility is a thing to avoid, to refrain from, so that I may not have to experience guilt/shame/blame instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I am the Creator of the Content of the Words I live and that I can purify the Words I live until I stand One and Equal to them so that I may live Self Response -Ability in and as Me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fail to notice that guilt/shame and blame where my Mind Fail Safe, so that I would not tamper with Self Responsibility and embody a point of Response Ability within the world where I stand and no longer accept Inequality and Abuse as The WayTthings Are

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel guilt/shame and blame in connection with the word responsibility because I feared being responsible for the way this world is and for failing to see realize and understand that when I resist a point of Self Responsibility, I am actually abdicating my Self Response Ability to the whole as me -and this is not acceptable

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I feared taking responsibility for the world as me, when in fact I wished to not take responsibility because living an automated life is easier and it doesn't challenge me and there is always an excuse I can find to prove that I am NoT responsible instead of seeing realizing and understanding that Any excuse or justification means I cannot be Response-Able about anything, because Self Response-Ability is an accumulation of stepping through my limitations about things I believed I could not change, starting with myself, until I prove to myself that I can Change and that as I can change myself I can change the World in and as Me, as part of a Group that stands United, unmovable, no longer accepting anything less than what we could be as Self Response Able Humans creating a Self Response Able World for Ourselves and All of Existence Equal and One

I commit myself to stand as a Point of Self Response Ability and to refuse to engage any excuse that I offer myself as The Mind to why I can cut myself some slack, because there is plenty of slacking in the world and it is by embracing our slacking that we ended up where we are and so I commit myself to flag for myself points where I do seek for a 'feeling better' interpretation of reality that lets me off the hook of my Self response- ability, to correct myself, bring that Response Ability back to myself and write about any System that is misaligned to offer a prospective on how an Alignment Can Be Made, to serve What is Best for All and Create a World where All Life is Honoured and we can live in Harmony forever more.

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Day 303: Death Becomes Me

Last night I listened to Sunette's interview called 'Death and Life'.

There were so many good points to look at about Death and how we have created a world full of it, funny, as a consequence of our fear of the responsibility of Living for real we embraced Death more willingly than we embraced Life.

As I looked back at the past week and my interactions, there were so many talks about death, almost none about Life, we have given Life up to Money without and the Mind within and Death ended up being so much more entertaining, so much more something to look forward to than living or at least, as we are clueless about how to go about living, we transit the Planet in a Haze waiting for our AfterLife, no longer making big plans like the Pharaohs for the trip and the goodies we wish to take with us, possibly due to Austerity, but still hoping to be able to plan for a peaceful Death, as if, one like the one a lady told me I would have, meant as a gift I guess, good karma to wish a peaceful death on someone, she said that being a sensitive she could see both me and my mum will 'go' in our sleep, no diseases and no traumatic Deaths to be scared about, surely something she wishes for herself but believes won't be able to get, she has by now accepted herself as already dis-eased and with a foot in the grave.

My mum one week ago said that she went to visit my grandparents for a small chat and to change the flowers on display, she meant at the cemetery, those are by far the least controversial visits she had with them, finally she is the only one talking with no rebuttals or things said in return that could trigger some wild automated response. 

We ended up having our best relationships with the Dead ones while we forgo our responsibility to fix the ones we have with those who are alive, how amazing of us.

Today on the news the story of a woman condemned to 12 months community service for unlawfully preventing the burial of a child that was born still born for having been kicked in the belly by her partner while she was expecting, we condemn the disrespect for Death, what about the disrespect of Life, how did THAT become Normal? Are we aware that we have created a world where Death has more value than life? Are we aware that there is something disturbing in making Laws to protect the right of the Dead and not the ones of the Living? Given that we only operate in Self Interest at the moment, are we Dead or Alive?

Solving the Death point, our fear of Death -and our fear of life-, changing our Investment Plans from Death to Life would be one of the ways we can reestablish a chance to live, not being so worried about something we cannot plan or orchestrate or, for once, manipulate, would not only bring us back Here but would allow us to have a chance at working out how to live and self express, because honestly I am just realizing how I don't have a clue about it and how much I will have to dig still to start to see a sliver of Life in me as I write out the kind of Life I want to be in consideration of the whole, something I have realized I am alien to, and  I work at how to build good relationship with people while they are still alive and how to change while I can do so for sure, because honestly no one knows what is waiting on the other side, Heaven above and Hell below seems a bit far fetched, living the Hope that magically by leaving behind the body we'll rid ourselves of all the crap we have participated in/with would mean that we are innocent and the body is guilty, the body is the carrier of the crappy life and experiences while we are all spiritual beings just momentarily trapped within it.

Yet what Breathes and is in fact alive is The Body, The Physical, when we'll move onto the Afterife what we'll leave behind is Life, an oxymoron to even have to say it, but as we became used to living words with other mean-ings, the original meaning of words just went lost, we guesstimated afterlife to mean 'afterthislife' where another, better one is waiting for us for the moment we'll finally will be saying our farewells to our shriveled up raisins like empty 'evil' bodies.

Do we bellieve our bodies are just our place of residence? Our flesh is who we are, if the house, The Temple where we live has become all dirty and mouldy why not consider cleaning it up, why not clean up our acts, redefine the starting points that move us to action or inaction, why not redefine this hellish existence of Death into one of Life, where we can all thrive, expand and share a dignified worthwhile existence.

Life is not what we manage to own or put our hands on, it's not our possessions, Life is Self Expression within self Responsibility, we can't have the Life cake and eat it by not taking responsibility for ourselves and everything we are connected to, we don't live on an island alone unless we live in our minds, so it is time to learn what Self Expression as Life means, and this will happen only by deleting what self Expression is NOT until we come to a blank slate and from there redesign who we decide ourselves to be vs what we were designed to be.

A process to undo what we have done so far that hasn't worked for ourselves or the Whole as One is available at Desteni.org, Death became us, we have the choice to stick to it or work to get our lives back and learn to live for the very first time as Self honest, self responsible Human beings that consider themselves as part of an organic Whole that can thrive with each one's ego-less participation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to glorify Death as a teenager by saying and writing that 'Death is paid with Life'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated with death and the AfterLife vs participating in Life Here as an intrinsec piece of the puzzle that must stand in and as self responsibility for myself and all of existence as One

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear Death and dying in a violent death when I have no direct information about how the death experience is and therefore everything I think about it is just an assumption with no foundation in reality and I will have to live to see it through when the time comes, which is something I have no control over in any way and is therefore time to let go all and every worry about it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the AfterLife was more important than Life, because within this belief I accepted and allowed a World of Death to exist as I glorified what may come vs what is Here where I can infact learn to live and experience mySelf through this opportunity to do so and within this for accepting and allowing myself  to waste my Life in the pursuit of a worthy ticket into the AfterLife, disregarding what is Here that is not yet living in Oneness and Equality the dignity that we could grant to each other by standing as One beyond our Egos for what is Best for All and All of existence as One.

Related articles

• Day 288 - Religion and Death
• Day 291 - I Really Am Going to Die
• Day 292 - Specific Fears of Death/Dying
• Death Research - Day 350
• Day 339: Why Do You Not Question the Authority of God? (Part 3)
• Who (or What) determines/defines Life? - Part Two: DAY 358

Day 278: Pope Benedict XVI, flying off like a True Pilgrim

28th February 2013.

Pope Benedict XVI leaves the Vatican for Castel Gandolfo, the no less palatial Papal residence which is situated about 30 km from Rome and is part of the Vatican State -although not adjacent-, another one of the many Vatican owned properties that will host him as a scholar and a "pilgrim" in his post-papal times. 

This is a temporary choice, once the refurbishment of the 4 storey nunnery behind St Peters will be finished, he will move there, it wasn't difficult to choose a place for him to stay being the Vatican is the 1st property owner in The World.

Given the enormous distance to cover, the Pope, understandably, used an helicopter to reach Castel Gandolfo, which is provided by the Italian State -free of charge- for him and the head of State for official missions, those carried out on behalf of the People, such as retiring from Papal duty to become a Pilgrim (?).

A Pilgrim??

The Pope will NOT be your usual retiree, "he will get 2,500 euros a month as pocket money even though the Vatican official spokesman, Father Federico Lombardi, said last week that the Pope would want for nothing.

"We will ensure he can live a dignified existence," he said.

It is unclear what Benedict might need to spend the money on. The former nunnery is a grace-and-favour residence inside the Vatican, and he will not have to pay rent.

His meals and daily living expenses will also be paid for by Vatican state finances, and cooking and cleaning will be done by a group of four women from a Catholic organization called "Memores Domini."

He will take his piano, his pets and personal belongings, he won't have access to the Fancy Closet he once cherished that gave him the title of 'Prada pope', but we can say his future is guaranteed, he will have nothing to worry about, unlike 1/3 of the world and growing who struggle to make ends meet and whose choices are limited by the amount of Money they have access to.

So, why does The Pope get to 'want for nothing' and the rest of the World is left wanting for the essential?

The fate of Benedict, once dubbed the "Prada Pope" for his taste in fine red loafers and haute-couture vestments, will be very different, although Church officials seem still themselves to be working out just what his new life in cloisters will be.

His initial departure from the grand papal apartments in the 16th-century Apostolic Palace, where he has spent eight years with a staff of clerical secretaries, including priests and nuns, a butler and other domestic staff, will be for the no less palatial surroundings of the historic summer residence of popes at Castel Gandolfo, on a lake in the hills south of Rome.

Strange timing about the Pope leaving and the documentary about Vatican Pedophiles cover up coming out in March, Mea Culpa, in the documentary they affirm that no one like the Pope knew better of the abuses of the church since he was in charge of the Child Abuse investigations prior to becoming Pope. 

Strange as well that after all the secular cover ups of Child Molestations, he should have taken a stand against Cardinal Keith O'Brien to step down and NOT participate in the Conclave for the election of the next Pope, what was his fault after all, had he not followed the Church indications to deny, deny, deny?

And then for denying the anonymous allegation against him for sexual misconduct, because they were anonymous, not because they were not true, he was asked to step down, SHAME.

For the exit of the Pope in true Pilgrim style, the Vatican Inc. set up an elaborate display of power and pompousness, 

"How do you invent a ritual for the pope leaving the Vatican and the pope leaving office? That's new for us. But it had to happen," said Rev. Jeremy Driscoll, a theologian at the Pontifical Athenaeum Sant'Anselmo in Rome.

the Swiss Army was lined up, everyone was wearing their Sunday attires and we made sure to imprint the new generations to come with this Idea, that the Vatican is the Holy See, the Holy Seat as we say in Italian, the seat of the power of God on Earth, A Special Place run by Special Men.

It's important to stick to the story, if we let it go, we would have to ask ourselves how did we accept and allow Famine and Poverty in the face of a Wealth and Abundance that could have fed the world.

Isn't it a big price to pay just to give up self responsibility? 

Making the Vatican responsible for our Life and AfterLife and one of our excuses to not stand up for the Whole as One, a responsibility that they happily took together with the World's Wealth and Privileges that come to those who -apparently- are more important, more Value-able than others.

If we had not looked for excuses to our Creation, the Vatican wouldn't even exist, it stands and will stand as The Powerful Reminder that we can't have our cake and eat it, if we are the sinner we accept to be, just so we can continue sinning and don't have to change, we give up all our power to others to use it as they see fit, and look, they didn't see fit to take care of the world, yes, just like us, what a wake up call, isn't it?

The Vatican has been closed for 3 days, sealed, there was no Angelus this Sunday, everyone still alive? YES, it made no difference whatsoever if not to the Vatican shops that have not been able to sell their souvenirs, nothing of value is coming from the Vatican or it has ever come from there, look around, the world's devolution is Here for everyone to see.

The words of Jesus don't live in the Vatican, they must be lived.

To give to another what we would like to receive  would mean to make sure everyone has enough for a dignified life, dressing people in 'Alice in Wonderland's' clothes, doesn't make the World a Wonder-land, it should be clear by now, it does  make it the Land of WONDER Why, we haven't taken care of each others and instead opted to keep in place a system that works just for few to the detriment of the many in fear of our Self responsibility and of facing our Creation for what it is, a place of Inequality and Disconnection that needs correction, Our Own Correction to realign to What is Best for All vs What is best for Me.

Many liked Jesus and saw that what he said was cool, we can make his Words live, As Us, standing for a system change that will benefit All Equally, giving as we would like to receive.

Stand for the Life of All @ EqualMoney,  we don't need funny dressed Characters to remind us what we have to do, we know what we have to do, we need to 'Just Do It', making the "Here" Heaven on Earth for All instead of following promises of a happier AfterHere by those who live the happiest Here as Heaven on Earth just for themselves.

Join us, cast your vote for Life @ Equal Money.

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