Day 156: Stopping the Good and Bad News of Who I am

When and as I see myself reacting to something I am reading, I stop, breathe, realize that everything that exists is in fact coming from the same substance and what I react to is just a point from which I have separated myself from or wish to separate myself from, instead I see realize and understand that my participation in feelings and emotions is just a point I use to experience myself as energy and so I stop through breathing until I no longer have reactions within me as me

When and as I see myself not wanting to read a news because 'it's just too much', I stop, breathe, see and realize that I am not reading news to participate in negative emotions that prove that I am Good because 'I feel bad' about it, I am reading the news to expand myself to include everything that exists as me, beyond labels of good or bad, beautiful or ugly, right or wrong, and that whatever I see outward that is not in fact supporting Life as what is best for All, I can seek it inside of myself to self correct to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

When and as I see myself discounting 'breathing' because I'm too busy holding my breath to get through some of the horror news of our times, I stop, breathe, breathe, breathe, remind myself that I am moving into an energetic experience that I use to justify why I am breathless, I can instead stop myself and breathe as a self willed act of self support, until I no longer feel friction or separation regarding what I am reading, which is but a consequence of how we created this reality from fear and self interest and why we are standing to correct ourselves

When and as I see myself wanting to 'take a step away from an event' to underline how I could have never done that', about what I am reading and the person who did it to which I feel superior, better then, I stop, breathe, realize that as The Mind I was just luckier to not have the same life experiences and genes that would take on such extremes, but I have gone to extremes in my mind and the fact that I didn't get to play them out doesn't make me better than anyone who did as the pressure valves of existence, just Equal in the Mind fuckupedness that we are standing to self correct, take self responsibility for and leave behind for good

When and as I see myself wanting to judge myself as 'bringer of bad news' meaning something that may make someone sad vs a news that may make someone happy, I see realize and understand that what I am doing is supporting their mind as feelings and emotions, as positivity vs negativity, so I too can get to feel rewarded with a positive experience of myself as being good vs being bad for being the supporter of 'good experiences/feelings' and not the party pooper depressing 'in touch with reality' one

I commit myself to finding the points within me where I have separated reality through morality of good and bad, right and wrong, leading to judgements of what is in separation from myself and to correct myself by deleting my 'stances' as opinions and judgements so that I can walk this creation as one in and as breath and not as a reactive tool of The Mind

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself reaching or about to reach the 'enough already' point, o stand up, breathe, bring myself back to the physical, realize I have gone lost into the Mind or I could not be approaching the 'enough already' point in any give moment and keep breathing until I am back here in and as breath, no longer reacting

I commit myself to stop dividing news into good/positive news and bad/negative news, as this is an energetic classification of how I experience myself when I do read or engage in something and is based on the stored information I live as me which are charged and divided by my own definitions in 'what is good and what is bad which will give me an experience of either positive or negative, both of which are not real and not representing what is in fact here in the Physical as a point that simply needs my self correction about my judgements/opinion/idea/charge, that I need to investigate to equalize myself to

I commit myself to stop judging myself for speaking the common sense of what is best for all, which is not something just grandiose such as feed everyone, but each situation, point, moment as an expression of myself has a 'Best for All' moment, and I commit myself to find it and simply express it as me within the simplicity of Breath as me as self expression.

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Day 70: I Deserve a Star, Why Won't You Give it to Me?

When we start to look at ourselves and the world it's amazing how we could have missed out on so many clues that were showing us Who we Have accepted and Allowed Ourselves to be and become.

We believe things originate from the outside like the Customer Feedback System, and we miss out that in fact we are playing outward everything that started inward.

When I was working, Customer Feedback was very important, it is what guarantees that a Customer is Happy and will be coming back for more, whole Polling Systems have been created to quantify the 'satisfaction' level of the Customer Base of a Company.

Last night I had a dream, this dream is a repeat dream, I just change my clothes and the environment, the essence is always the same.

It's about my ex husband giving me a Negative Feedback.

Last night I brought him into a New Environment, I upped my chances for the desired Positive Feedback and brought him into the Desteni environment, we were gathering for a Self Forgiveness assignment that looked more like an exam, I do not remember the details just how disappointed I felt yet again for his negative feedback which was not specifically verbal yet the clear display of disinterest for me, and anything I did, played out while he played with his phone without giving ME attention and on how he missed out to be at the place he said he would be to pick up and deliver a group of us to the established Venue, in the dream I felt like crying in frustration and wanting to scream, why are you not giving me the positive feedback and recognition that I crave so much ? Not even now, that I am standing up to Change Myself to Change the World, what else am I supposed to do before I get 'this thing' I so much want?

Which at the same time made me feel pathetic, I lived a life as the desire for positive feedback in my own Mental Corporation, selling out, making sure the customers were satisfied and would come back for more, guaranteeing my survival as an energy system that feeds others to be fed back, so I can live my illusion and delusion of a Life that is worth living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself as a kid with the fear of negative feedback which could possible build up all the way to shouting and violence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire positive feedback as a way to feel appreciated and thus safe within my environment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live a life of stress searching for this elusive 'positive feedback' fearing the 'negative feedback' and never in between being Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother because of this 'disease to please' that she passed on to me instead of seeing and realizing she could only pass on who she was and why it is paramount that we stand for a change at the level of Parenting before a Child is brought into the World to avoid passing on patterns and constructs that do not serve Life or What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to please as a way to have a positive feedback that made me feel good about myself vs making me feel bad in the case of the negative feedback, validating my existence as an energy system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that this belief into the value of Positive Feedback is imprinted into us at all levels of society, starting from school where they grade us and rate us, to prepare us to become the perfect slave consumers, where products represent the positive feedback of the consumerist system that we believe will make us feel good as in the positive feedback we received in school and that everything that we value has the same original symbols of our original imprinting as STARS, where the highest the number of stars of a product or a venue the highest the positive emotional feedback  reward we are going to give to ourselves, which shows how the Elite is just as enslaved as we are to the positive feedback of the STAR system and the only thing that divides us is the Money we have access to, to get the feedback we need to validate our existence as Consumers of Energy/Substance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lead myself as a blind through a maze of experiences, believing that experiences=Life, approving or disapproving of myself according to how many stars I could give to my experiences=Life and for resenting when others would not give me my Star for a 'job well done/ a good behaviour' to show me how pleased they were with my performance, transforming myself into a circus number performing for that moment of applause and gratification that I would get for my job well done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I hated myself when I did not get a positive feedback because it showed me that I was BAD, failing to see I am the one who has accepted and allowed all this value system to exist in place of Life as the Only Value and so I believed I hated myself for Never being Here, in Self Expression in and as Breath, where the Value is no longer sought because the value of Life is Life and one and Equal to me when I am Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I receive negative feedback according to my own judgements and charges of what negative is, it is something personal that I have to take as a point of diminishment because I was not able to get the positive feedback that would validate me as an effective energy system gearing for that high that I believe meant 'I was alive and doing 'good''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself and others within the game of positive and negative feedback as a way to hold others hostage to my same disease, holding grudges as a negative feedback or making nasty remarks to underline how much they did not please ME as I believed they would get the negative feedback and would experience 'feeling bad and diminished' about themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn myself into a Corporation seeking for Clients that would give me a positive feedback as in the assurance they would come back for more energetic exchanges from which I could draw the meaning and purpose of my existence as a positive feedback energy collector

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the Corporations of the World for doing exactly what I have done all my Life, seeking the positive feedback of customers so they would come back for more assuring my existence through the continuation of positive energy feedback that for the Corporations translated into Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify the source of one of my most displeased customer in my ex husband and for not being willing to let it go because I had to find ways to 'right' that 'wrong' impression and negative feedback/indifference he kept showing me so I could get back my value that I had misplaced in the desire for his positive feedback as a confirmation of my value and worth, in separation from myself as Self Value/Self Worth Here in every moment of Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to my perceived and believed negative feedback and indifference from my ex husband as if it was real, and not something I made up to show myself that I would have to let go this point or I would torture myself, instead I held on to it as a point of diminishment that I could use against myself as self sabotage to show myself how unworthy and useless I really felt behind my confident personality presentation of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am useless and worthless when I do no get a positive feedback or when I get a negative feedback, instead of seeing I am just seeking outside the Value of Me from which I have separated myself accepting and allowing that Life is about Energy and Good Energy feeds, instead of seeing and realizing that Life is here in the physical in every moment of Breath

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the desire for energetic experiences of Positive Feedback in fear of negative feedback, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that Life doesn't need a feedback, only an energy system does and I am walking to STOP my existence as an energy system to birth myself as Life in the Physical, One and Equal with everything that exists

When and as I see myself looking for memories of my ex husband negative feedback as a way to abuse myself and remind myself how I failed in my Life so much so I have stored all the negative feedback as a point of diminishment til I believed there was nothing left of me, I stop, Breathe, assess the memory to see if it still holds energetic charges, if not I delete it and let it go through Self Forgiveness until I have cleared myself from all my perceived positive and negative feedback as a way to value myself as Life, reminding myself that Life is Here in Breath and not within energetic swings generated by me as the Mind and keep walking myself as Self Correction for what is best for Me and What is Best for All, One and Equal.

I commit myself to stop my existence as a positive energy feedback seeker and as fear of negative feedback, as I realize see and understand that Life needs no feedback for Value as the Value of Life IS Life itself.

Day 64: Possessed by the Desire for Positivity

Until I was in my late 20 I had quite a negative outlook on the World and existence as it basically made no sense, until one day a friend gave me a book by Louise hay called 'You Can Heal your Life'.

This book was about Positive Thinking, I tried it out and it worked, it made ME feel better, it did nothing to the World around me but I just Thought about it differently.

The book was clear about that as well, it will just change Your World, but anyway, that is The Only World You Have Power Over, so give up the Fight, embrace the world as it is and make It Work for You.

This came as quite a revelation, not because by that age I still believed I mattered in any way as far as changing the world, a point I had already given up about because I saw that Money ruled and I did not have enough to make any difference, but because I felt finally authorized to not give a fuck, which is basically what Positive Thinking and Law of Attraction are Teaching, just Think about Yourself and you will be fine.

From then on, my Life was spent looking for the Positive Thoughts that would give me a Positive Feeling, I believed Abraham Hicks when they said that Feelings are our guidance system, until one day I found a crack in the Teachings of Abraham, when he said that our lives are 99% already designed (by us and the accumulation of our desires), there is just 1% missing. Are Feelings than the Reward for following the Predesigned Path ? And who has designed it, it cannot be MY desires because a lot of people are desiring Food everyday in this world and They are Just Not Getting It.

Then I found Desteni, it was like an ice cold shower from Hell, it DID NOT make me feel good, not even close, yet it made sense, more than anything that I had blindly embraced on my search to fulfill my own energetic experiences.

How did I walk out from my Possession to Positive Feelings ? One step at the time, overcoming one horrific news after another as I got back in touch with the world and reality, which is One, Here on the Planet we all Share, and with each piece I put together I left positivity behind...just to swing into the Negative Polarity, because Energy is All I have known so far and so I am still walking out of me as Energy, one step at the time, one Breath at the time, supporting myself with writing and applying Self Forgiveness to severe my ties to all the energetic constructs I have subscribed to and created, because this world Must Change, and if our Egos of Delusions and Separation, that gave birth to self interest, spite and fear of survival, are fueled and kept alive by Energy, it is necessary to leave it all behind so I can realign myself to Oneness and Equality to manifest a World That is Best for All, as Life, Equal and One.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disgusted at this world and this existence and for wishing that I was never born

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from this creation to the point that I cannot see or remember how all this came about, and I am now walking backward to understand this construct with the support of the Desteni Material

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not have to face the Consequences of what we have set in motion by our abdication of Life in Oneness and Equality to Energy and Energetic relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by the task of taking on the Mind instead of reminding myself that it is a commitment to no longer engage my thoughts, feelings and emotions to define who I am and that it is a Time based process that will require Patience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace the belief in positive thinking as quick way out of the mess of energy I have accepted and allowed myself to become, because feeling 'good' is better than 'feeling bad'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'feeling good' is better then 'feeling bad' failing to see that feeling good means is more acceptable as one is just less prone to disturb others energetically and has accepted its own placement in the world and the world as it is being less of a nuisance to society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that positive thinking is just the acceptance that everything is fine 'as it is' and nothing requires to be done, while everything in the physical is showing the exact contrary

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel relieved when I finally found someone that said it was Ok to not give a shit about the world, instead of seeing I felt relieved because somewhere inside of me I knew it was not, since the world is Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the physical to such a point that I no longer perceive the World as me, as One and Equal,, and within this separation I have made it harder for myself to see how everything I think and say and do has consequences I have never taken into consideration before and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider anyone but myself and for seeing myself as a separate individuality disconnected from everyone else

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Desire to feel positive in fear of feeling negative and in fear of judging myself as a negative person, because I perceive the positive people to be more liked and accepted than the negative ones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop positivity as a personality that is more likable and appreciated and has more value than a negative personality that makes everyone feel bad and is NOT pleasant to be around, instead of seeing and understanding that whatever movement another has within has nothing to do with me, as everything that happens inside of me is only my responsibility and no one else's

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a positive personality as a way to inspire and manipulate good feelings in the ones around me in fear of not being accepted having believed that what others feel and experience is my doing as I have blamed others for what I experienced, as their doing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself into seeing the positive when only the negative was there, failing to see that both positive and negative are born out of my own definitions and judgements and that reality is what is, unless I define it within a polarity system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define, categorize and label everything within my life as negative or positive according to how 'it made me feel' instead of seeing that how I feel has nothing to do with what is happening outside of me, but is ruled by my own memories, thoughts, ideas and definitions of everything that exists within a polarity frame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ruled by memories, thoughts, ideas and definitions within a polarity framework of my own creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I don't 'feel anything' I am dead, a zombie, a robot, instead of seeing and realizing that I am dead and a robot when I accept and allow myself to live a life that is in fact ruled by my own self created Polarities, in which I swing from positive to negative until I consume myself and the world around me as the consumer of Life I have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist letting go of Energy as Who I am, and for pacifying myself with negative energy as a way to not feel guilty for feeling positive now that I have landed into reality and had to face the World as My Own reflection as what it has become, instead of stopping all polarities and my own existence as an Energy Creator to stand for Life as One, as Equal, for What is Best for All.

I commit myself to stop my participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions, both positive and negative and to be aware of when I am quietly moving back into participation as a habit, as my own definition of what being alive is, so I can experience what being alive and being Here is all about, Breath by Breath, until I accumulate Self Here in and as Breath, in consistency and Self Trust for What is Best for All.

Day 62: Reacting to the System in Separation from Self

My computer crashed, it has been painful to face having to reconnect to everything because I had to reinstall the operating system, so had to crawl up from the point of I can't face starting from scratch, because in fact I can, that was just another idea/opinion and the fear of myself projected into everything that I have to do to become as efficient as I was.

Last week I had lunch with a girlfriend and the point of me finding difficulty in finding a job came up, she is retired, during our walk she stated all the reasons why finding a job is just impossible at the moment, which clashed with my desire to 'keep a positive outlook on the situation', plus the point that I started to feel angry, because if this is the world you SEE, why aren't YOU standing up for a system change ?

Is it just because you are retired and so have nothing to worry about, until the pension money will be there, or because you think you have earned your right to be supported because you did enslave yourself to the system and so you deserve having 'peace of mind' now ?

And then the obvious Desteni question came up, which can be reduced to ' WHAT ARE YOU DOING' for a system change ?

Yes, good point, what am I doing ?

And so I felt the need to justify what I am doing with what I am doing practically, meaning I am involved on social networks and exposing reality and connecting to like willed people for a system change. To which she replied so what are We supposed to do, take to the streets, start a revolution, set the Parliament on Fire? Which are all system questions, as in our separation from We The System and We The People we see everything as something that is happening outward and not an inward change that is required and that will ultimately manifest outward.

I could not bring myself to explain that I am changing myself from a system of abuse to a system that is Best for All as simply I just lack the vocabulary to deliver process in Italian to someone else, especially someone that I have already defined within my mind as a socialist that has always been busy with social causes, so I see her as someone who in fact has done way more than me in practical application, yet the point is that she did everything she did in support of this system believing that the system cannot change, just like me, while in my belief that the system cannot change I embraced Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking and basically said to the world "Fuck You", as long as I am Fine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when I perceived my friend just accepting the system as it is, because now that I woke up I assume everyone should and if they don't, I have a right to blame them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel defeated by this system because I cannot yet see how change will come in a country that is going more and more down the drain while people don't care

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not having cared before about the World as Me, and for not having cared about myself as The World

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed when someone asks me 'and WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' because I feel I have nothing to show in the physical, like having an Army or  planning a revolution, all things I have accepted and allowed myself to associate with 'system change' while I projected the system needing to change outward and failed to see the system is inward as me as existence, One and Equal and that is the one required to be changed by each one of us individually

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost in my backchat while my friend was still talking trying to assess if I was the most angry and suppressed or if she was, distracting myself with the point that I no longer get angry as I used to and wondered where did all that energy go that I could not summon up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for a point within my friend in which I could belittle her, as in "she is angrier than me", so I could see myself as being more than her and get out of the feeling of being less due to my own self judgement of me as having done fuck all for the world in the past, like social causes and standing up for the needy ones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself  for not having participated actively in social endeavours like setting up shelters for battered women, or working for the Foreign Missionaries like my friend did, instead of seeing that it's just another point of acceptance of the system as it is and that such endeavours were always meant to make US feel better about ourselves in a world of atrocities and inequality and not tackling The Root Problem which is the system and myself as the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'the Poor have always existed and they will exist even after I die' and within this belief accepting that there is nothing I can do about it but accept that the system is too big to be taken on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Life is about Joy when it was clear that some people who were born in extreme conditions would never have access to the joy the LOA talked about because they were striving to survive another day

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of myself for not paying attention to the world because when I did I felt bad and I wanted to feel good and have a good life experience for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my friend, projecting on her the blame that I feel for myself for not having stood up before for a system change inward and outward

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my friend because 'she does that because she has no money problem', because I have not yet forgiven myself for having done that when I did not have money problems and within this I forgive myself for not standing up anyway when my life was 'working' and for believing that 'I am just doing this because my life is NOT working' or I would not care at all, just like before

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for something that I don't know, as in who I would have been if my life did work out and I had not met Desteni as I hold myself accountable for something that did not happen as my life did not work out and I met Desteni and saw the common sense of the message of Oneness and Equality, which was way easier to see from bottom up than top down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear this system and what it is willing to do in the search for the ultimate gain and profit, instead of seeing I fear myself and what I am willing to do in search for my own energy and profit gains

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself as the system and for using this anger to not focus on what I need to do which is to get a job so I can re enter the system as an Equal, stopping all judgements about it and how far we took it and be the process of change within the system as the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the re entering the system will compromise me and my stance for Life, instead of seeing I can only be compromised when I exist in and as the Mind, where everything I do is just for myself and not considering What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop all judgements about this system and what has now manifested as the outflow of our participation in an existence of competition, in which only the most clever and strongest survive, instead of creating a system that supports What is Best for All as Life One and Equal

I commit myself to see where I exist in separation with the system through judgements and opinions of blame that I project outside to correct myself as the system into What is best for All as Life One and Equal

Day 40: "Lucky" By Comparison

I have often defined myself as Lucky, it seemed Good to be Lucky.

I have had many Lucky Charms in my Life, crystals, pendants, coins, bracelets, I could turn pretty much anything into a Lucky Charm, plus I turned myself into a living Lucky Charm, buying into the idea that because I was born a Dragon, according to the Chinese Horoscope, I was Lucky, plus I am a Scorpio, which is the equivalent of a Dragon in Chinese Horoscope which made me Double Lucky or 'A Golden Dragon' (there goes another Money/value way of our language to define Luck=Gold=Money).

I accepted that some people as the saying goes 'Had All the Luck', meaning that someone had none, and I was OK with it, as long as I was among the Ones who had it all.

It's only recently that I have seen how Luck, as an idea, can ONLY exist in and within comparison, so the ones who don't have Any Luck are in fact part of the Luck equation, if we All Had the Same Amount of Luck, how could we define Luck?

Because Luck exists Only in a World of Unequals, in a world that we accept and allow to exist NOT giving to All the same opportunities and access to The Life Resource of the Moment: Money.

In many cultures luck is equated to Money, it should come as no surprise, since we are All aware of the Role Money plays in our existence, yet we insist in denying it, we don't want to sound Cheap, Gross, Vulgar, in coming out and facing the fact that the Luck we desire is in fact Money, because with Money we can Buy All the Luck we need, we can Buy ourselves an access into the world, Food, Shelter, Water, Electricity, an Education, our choices are limited to the amount of Money in our pockets, and so is Luck.

Yet if we did live in a world of Equals, where everyone had the same access to the resources of the world through Money, which at the moment is the KEY to existence, we would not need any Luck, nor we could compare ourselves to the Ones who would have less, and so we would no longer be able to define Luck nor to desire it, we would know that The EMS System we Designed that accounts for All Life Equally, would always support us and we would no longer need to Fear or to have Luck to survive another day.

Luck is born out of the Fear of crossing the line and moving into the territory of the Unlucky Ones, we know they exist, and no matter how much bullshit we come up with to explain and justify their existence we have from day 1, willingly accepted and allowed the brainwashing that there are 'less fortunate ones' in this world, admitting that we have been born in a Casino and we were just Lucky to get the World Placement that we got, not deserving it, not earning it, no matter what we tell ourselves, we landed on it and others landed on the unlucky side of the divide, good on us, bad on them, it all works out as long as it is them and not us.

What if it was Us and not Them ? What if it was Us starving, homeless, thirsty, how would we look at this divide and at the fairness of the World ? How can we live thanking an Imaginary God for our Luck, accepting the Status Quo and the unluckiness of Half of the World ? What does that say about us and the God we pray to, if not that we are Equal and One to our Creator of this Unfair world and we are OK with it as long as it's working for Us ?

A few days ago there was an earthquake in Italy, I watched a lady on TV saying that she has been blessed because her daughter was saved by a Miracle due to her devotion to Jesus and Mother Mary, I felt angry, what about the 4000 that found themselves homeless and the 7 that died, didn't they deserve the Miracle ? 

Was Jesus and Mother Mary busy with saving her daughter, are they not multitasking ? Are Miracles just a pay back for Devotion and prayers, are we devoted and praying to the Heavenly Bank that guarantees our safety and fuck the rest of the world ? Really, who are we ?

Who needs the Devil when the world is filled with Demons dressed up as Humans ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be Lucky in fear of having to face the Truth of this world where half of it is filled with Unluck and I may just have to experience the 'Not being lucky' side of it, which means being penniless in a world where Money is God

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and accept that there are 'the less fortunate ones' to whom we have to give the crumbles that fall off our table so we may live guilt free in a world of suffering and abuses

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that for me to be lucky someone has to be unlucky because if we were Equals I would have to stop feeling special under a special protection by God, while half of the world doesn't have enough to eat

I forgive myself for feeling angry at the lady that said 'she ws lucky and blessed because her daughter was saved', projecting on her the anger I feel for myself for having lived out the same 'lucky' attitude throughout my life and having justified with my specialness  why I enjoyed the 'special protection' of the Money God while others had to do without

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am lucky because I am a Dragon and a Scorpio which makes me a Golden Dragon, instead of facing the point that I was lucky because I was born into a placement that gave me access to enough Money to survive without having to starve or be homeless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to brag about being Lucky in a world of suffering because I got to feel special and MORE than those who didn't have enough to live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear demons instead of realizing I feared the Demon in me that couldn't give a shit about the obvious Inequality of this world as long as the world worked for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some people 'are just born lucky' implying that they deserved it which makes me undeserving of everything I have had and enjoyed while I was not willing to even consider that everyone should have the same right and access to what the Earth offers for free for everybody

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that Luck can only exist within the comparison of the less fortunate with the more fortunate and that I should have questioned this design and not accept the justifications and beliefs of this world that 'this is the way things are'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe Abraham Hicks when he said that we come to this world to experience it all, the lucky side and the unlucky side of it by choice, when it was obvious with a bit of common sense that I would have never chosen to be born into violence or poverty or to be raped as a kid as some sort of 'fun experience' but decided to believe it because it justified my existence of and as abuse as just having chosen this side of the divide, while others 'chose' the other side

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Karma existed as a way to justify my position of specialness and the position of others getting what they deserved, which was suffering and abuse, believing in some Cosmic Justice, so I would not have to face that Justice is not existing in a world of Unequals and that I excused the damnation of the suffering ones making it 'Right and Just' due to their 'imaginary' past lives that we use to explain, and get away with, the current suffering in this world, placing the Blame for their existence of Misery on them in support of the System of Abuse that works for Us

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my position of 'more fortunate' to enjoy myself and have fun while half of the world struggled, because I believed it was my right while I negated the same right to half of the world about which I did not care and wanted to know nothing about

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to collect lucky charms within a desire to have more than I already had for myself and never even considered that I had enough luck by comparison to the ones starving and that I was just displaying my greed to have more and more to uplift myself out of my fear of existence and out of this shithole to which I would have gladly condemned half of the world as long as I was fine and had 'more than enough and way more than the less fortunate'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear existence and to fear the idea that one day I may in fact become one of the less fortunate and lose my position of privilege within the equation 'more fortunate and less fortunate' because I believed that if I crossed the line no one would want to help and support me, equal and one to me not wanting to help or support the other half of the world by standing up for a system change that would put an end to the 'less fortunate and the more fortunate' inequality equation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and support the Status Quo of this existence because the existence of the less fortunate allowed me to feel more fortunate and as long as I was MORE than someone else, everything was fine

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for how I have lived in oblivion of the obvious abuses in this world because I did not understand how I was participating in the creation of this world nor what I could do about it because I was just one insignificant piece of the equation while the world around me insisted that this is the way things are and I better make peace with it or I would break into one million little pieces

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it was best for all if I just minded myself and my little world and that if I did become rich I may look out for others when I did and for getting angry at my ex husband when he gave me the speech that 'it is our duty to become rich' , because in his speech I saw my own justifications of the search for reasons about why it was ok for me to desire and want more for myself and the stories I told myself, yet when I had a little money, the last thing in my mind was to help others or stand up for a system change, but was to look for preachers and prophets and channelers that would tell me it was fine to just look after 'My Pie' and never mind anyone else's pie because all of us had a right to put into our Pies what we desired, even though it was obvious that some had no fucking ingredients to make a Pie of any kind to start with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for my selfishness and disregard for Life and for not wanting to face the abuses of this world because I felt 'bad' and guilty and shameful about it and that would prevent me from enjoying my privileged position and my convoluted justifications about why the world was Ok the way it was, and I just had to change the WAY I Looked at it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, guilty and shameful about the abuses of this world because I did not stand up in Self responsibility for the world as me, Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear of this existence, One and Equal to me, because I feared existence may one day show me and give me what I was not willing to give to others, which is Equality and a Dignified Life for All, Equal and One to what I would have liked for myself, and I would have to face the manifested consequences of an existence that I lived mercilessly uncaring of others lost in my Mind trips which were of no substance and made no difference to the World as a Whole

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the punishment for my life of carelessness, not realizing that I am already living thepunishment, in a life that is the manifested hell as the consequence of what we have been unwilling to give to each other and as a result the Hell we gave is the Hell we live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry at the Venus people, because I would like to board the Venus Train and dream this better world with them but they lack the HOW TO file and in this I am left to face that there is no way out but the process we are walking, through which we are self correcting ourselves as the system of abuse, to delete our acceptances and allowances, ideas and opinions of why the world is OK the way it is, on a journey to nothingness, and it will be only on the nothingness that space and capacity will be created to rewrite a world that is best for all and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold dreams for shortcuts that may take me out of process because I have judged process as something difficult that will require my absolute dedication and I fear the Absolution of me because I believe I deserved the punishment for what I have accepted and allowed to manifest as this reality which is Hell minus the flames

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to grant myself the Absolution of For-Giveness because I still hold judgements about myself and what I have participated in and as that lead this world to manifest into such a dis-Grace that I would rather die and be deleted out of existence that having to stand and face my own participation to self correct and allow the world as the reflection of me to correct from Hell into Heaven on Earth for everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold judgements about myself and others in self righteousness that leads to my desire to not forgive myself Absolutely and to not forgive others Absolutely because in the Absolution we may all Be Free and I believe I or others do not deserve or can be trusted to be set free or to set others free, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve my Absolution, which only I can grant to myself, condemning myself and others to Hell on Earth so I can stand Self Righteous about 'at least not having forgiven myself' not realizing this is my Ego, because only Egos are below or above Self Forgiveness while Life stands in the Living Forgiveness of each Breath waiting for us to catch up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal to thoughts, ideas and beliefs of Not deserving, because when a friend told me that Equal Money 'we'll have to see if we believe we deserve it' in that moment I failed to see, that it was me talking to me about my stubbornness of not wanting to accept that we do in fact deserve everything that we give to others, and that in our willingness to stand and Give equally We Do Deserve Equal Money and to be Set Free, Equal and One to our willingness to Free everyone from the slavery of a System that is For-Getting and Not For-Giving

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into Self Righteousness about a point relative to myself or others Equal and One, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that Self Forgiveness is an Absolute, it's the Absolution of myself and Human Kind for what we have done, it is the bricks on which the Equal Money System will be built and I will not withhold the needed brick of and as me out of my desire to be self righteous, but I will Give as I would like to receive my For-Giveness to myself and others, Equal and One

I commit myself to Absolute Self Forgiveness of myself and others until Self Forgiveness is who I am as the living word and others may see what this process is truly about as a movement of a group willing to become nothingness to rewrite on the nothingness how a world that is Best for All should be, for myself as Life and All of Existence, Equal and One