Day 327: I think, therefore I am Not Here yet.

Today I listened to the interview about 'Thought and thinking - a deliberate creation of Control', which I highly recommend because it spells out the details of how and why the mechanism of Thinking was invented and how it is just a distraction, a way to make sure we'll never Self Realize that We Are Here.

As far as devious system go, we are the Masterpiece of this Existence, imagine all the books we wrote glorifying out thinking and the Mind as Superior to the physical, discovering the Truth of ourselves is quite a Fall from the magnificence we liked to think of ourselves as The Mind, when in fact the Mind is nothing else but a constant streams of suggestions on how I can win in any given situation -against another.

Science, which is now testing 'Intelligence' in animals, interestingly enough evaluates it based on how deceptive they can be, incidentally they display these traits after spending time with humans or around them, there is nothing glorious about either The Mind or ourselves as The Mind, we just used it to always make sure we would have the best chances at surviving in this Game of Life, pity we haven't even realized that we did not design it but just submitted to it, no wonder the world is full of cowards that don't even want to consider what it would entail to stand up to the World Systems and make a change that works for All.

In a strange twist of idiocy we keep ourselves at a distance from The Only Solution that would in a swoop correct most of our relationships, for sure we wouldn't be able to leave the mind behind, nope, as our Creation -to which we gave Life and No responsibility, now we have to reign back the power invested in it so we may redirect it to What is Best for All.

Unfortunately we are still walking -and some not even yet- a process of establishing what is self responsibility for ourselves, we could not create what we did not understand, and as we come to see realize and understand our role in the absolute interconnectedness of all things, we can't walk away from it, because I am a piece of the flawed relationships of this world and that piece is a thread in the Tapestry of Existence and as such, I am Equally responsible as everyone else for the canvas we have manifested as this world and the world systems.

So, what will it take for me to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All?

For sure I have to walk back what I have done, I won't be able to change the past, nor the consequences that I have designed through my participation for myself or all the parts involved but I can stand as Change, will myself to stop my participation in and as The Mind, focus on my breathing and do not accept and allow myself to believe that I am that weasel that my mind says I am, because weasels don't change the world or themselves, nor wizards - and I have been both, it will require for me to instead land back Here, use my breath to stabilize myself because, man, what a fuck up we created, and one Breath at the time stop my existence as what I believed I am, walk away from my limitations because to change this world we have to be Alive, pretending to be Alive won't do it, engaging in emotions and feeling for the sheer 'joy' of the ride in the face of a suffering world is not becoming and won't change one iota, we are the problem and as such, we are the Solution too.

Let's live a Mindless existence so we may become Life instead.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am because I think instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am Not because I think and that thinking is a losing game

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that if Consciousness is a Casino, then thinking is the chips we play with to generate the energy required to participate and that I fear giving up thinking for life because I fear losing at this game, where I believe everyone else will hold on to 'the advantage of thinking everything ahead' while I won't instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I don't have the luxury to wait for others todrop their thinking before I drop mine

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is value in thinking everything ahead as a way to work out all possible outcomes and then accordingly adjust myself to make sure I would win - or to make sure I would increase my chances of winning instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I lose every single time I think and that the idea of winning is just an illusion, no one can win in a losing game - ever

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the nothingness and the aloneness of the absence of thought because I defined thought as my company, my space, my retreat, a place where I can go when I am overwhelmed by the experience of myself instead of seeing and realizing that is like retreating in a cave of snakes that I bred and then abandoned instead of taking responsibility for everything that I have created as my Mind to realign all the relationships I have created to what is best for all 

I commit myself to learn how to be effective with Breath and Breathing to stop my participation in and as The Mind, for myself and all of Existence Equal and One

Join Us because This Journey Takes you to Life and it’ll Cost you Everything that you have Valued which has All Just Been Thought, which has all been the Mechanism and the Reason Why you are Not in a World that is Best for All, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures The Best for Every Child Born, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures the Effective Living of All Creatures, Why you’re in a World where Daily Animals are Going Extinct: it is the Result of Your Thinking. You’re Not the Only One Losing: Every Living Thing on Earth is Losing because You are a Loser, because You Think. - Bernard Poolman

So Join Us because This Journey Takes you to Life and it’ll Cost you Everything that you have Valued which has All Just Been Thought, which has all been the Mechanism and the Reason Why you are Not in a World that is Best for All, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures The Best for Every Child Born, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures the Effective Living of All Creatures, Why you’re in a World where Daily Animals are Going Extinct: it is the Result of Your Thinking. You’re Not the Only One Losing: Every Living Thing on Earth is Losing because You are a Loser, because You Think. - See more at: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-401-thinking-is-for-losers.html#sthash.xlXQfezd.dpuf

So Join Us because This Journey Takes you to Life and it’ll Cost you Everything that you have Valued which has All Just Been Thought, which has all been the Mechanism and the Reason Why you are Not in a World that is Best for All, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures The Best for Every Child Born, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures the Effective Living of All Creatures, Why you’re in a World where Daily Animals are Going Extinct: it is the Result of Your Thinking. You’re Not the Only One Losing: Every Living Thing on Earth is Losing because You are a Loser, because You Think. - See more at: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-401-thinking-is-for-losers.html#sthash.xlXQfezd.dpuf

So Join Us because This Journey Takes you to Life and it’ll Cost you Everything that you have Valued which has All Just Been Thought, which has all been the Mechanism and the Reason Why you are Not in a World that is Best for All, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures The Best for Every Child Born, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures the Effective Living of All Creatures, Why you’re in a World where Daily Animals are Going Extinct: it is the Result of Your Thinking. You’re Not the Only One Losing: Every Living Thing on Earth is Losing because You are a Loser, because You Think. - See more at: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-401-thinking-is-for-losers.html#sthash.xlXQfezd.dpuf

So Join Us because This Journey Takes you to Life and it’ll Cost you Everything that you have Valued which has All Just Been Thought, which has all been the Mechanism and the Reason Why you are Not in a World that is Best for All, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures The Best for Every Child Born, Why you’re Not in a World that Ensures the Effective Living of All Creatures, Why you’re in a World where Daily Animals are Going Extinct: it is the Result of Your Thinking. You’re Not the Only One Losing: Every Living Thing on Earth is Losing because You are a Loser, because You Think. - See more at: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-401-thinking-is-for-losers.html#sthash.xlXQfezd.dpuf

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Day 156: Stopping the Good and Bad News of Who I am

When and as I see myself reacting to something I am reading, I stop, breathe, realize that everything that exists is in fact coming from the same substance and what I react to is just a point from which I have separated myself from or wish to separate myself from, instead I see realize and understand that my participation in feelings and emotions is just a point I use to experience myself as energy and so I stop through breathing until I no longer have reactions within me as me

When and as I see myself not wanting to read a news because 'it's just too much', I stop, breathe, see and realize that I am not reading news to participate in negative emotions that prove that I am Good because 'I feel bad' about it, I am reading the news to expand myself to include everything that exists as me, beyond labels of good or bad, beautiful or ugly, right or wrong, and that whatever I see outward that is not in fact supporting Life as what is best for All, I can seek it inside of myself to self correct to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

When and as I see myself discounting 'breathing' because I'm too busy holding my breath to get through some of the horror news of our times, I stop, breathe, breathe, breathe, remind myself that I am moving into an energetic experience that I use to justify why I am breathless, I can instead stop myself and breathe as a self willed act of self support, until I no longer feel friction or separation regarding what I am reading, which is but a consequence of how we created this reality from fear and self interest and why we are standing to correct ourselves

When and as I see myself wanting to 'take a step away from an event' to underline how I could have never done that', about what I am reading and the person who did it to which I feel superior, better then, I stop, breathe, realize that as The Mind I was just luckier to not have the same life experiences and genes that would take on such extremes, but I have gone to extremes in my mind and the fact that I didn't get to play them out doesn't make me better than anyone who did as the pressure valves of existence, just Equal in the Mind fuckupedness that we are standing to self correct, take self responsibility for and leave behind for good

When and as I see myself wanting to judge myself as 'bringer of bad news' meaning something that may make someone sad vs a news that may make someone happy, I see realize and understand that what I am doing is supporting their mind as feelings and emotions, as positivity vs negativity, so I too can get to feel rewarded with a positive experience of myself as being good vs being bad for being the supporter of 'good experiences/feelings' and not the party pooper depressing 'in touch with reality' one

I commit myself to finding the points within me where I have separated reality through morality of good and bad, right and wrong, leading to judgements of what is in separation from myself and to correct myself by deleting my 'stances' as opinions and judgements so that I can walk this creation as one in and as breath and not as a reactive tool of The Mind

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself reaching or about to reach the 'enough already' point, o stand up, breathe, bring myself back to the physical, realize I have gone lost into the Mind or I could not be approaching the 'enough already' point in any give moment and keep breathing until I am back here in and as breath, no longer reacting

I commit myself to stop dividing news into good/positive news and bad/negative news, as this is an energetic classification of how I experience myself when I do read or engage in something and is based on the stored information I live as me which are charged and divided by my own definitions in 'what is good and what is bad which will give me an experience of either positive or negative, both of which are not real and not representing what is in fact here in the Physical as a point that simply needs my self correction about my judgements/opinion/idea/charge, that I need to investigate to equalize myself to

I commit myself to stop judging myself for speaking the common sense of what is best for all, which is not something just grandiose such as feed everyone, but each situation, point, moment as an expression of myself has a 'Best for All' moment, and I commit myself to find it and simply express it as me within the simplicity of Breath as me as self expression.

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Day 155: Can we be done with the 'Bad News' already? Character

I'm experiencing resistance to reading the news, I'm tired of bad news and I can't seem to find the Good news anymore, where did they go?

Since I started to walk with Desteni and my world took a 360 degree turn I went from the happy go lucky stoned positive thinker to reading daily the World News with a grave heart.

I don't enjoy it one bit.

Some days, like these days, I experience myself as just wanting to say 'Enough already, I had enough, get me some cute stories about mommy bears and teddy bears because 'everyone needs a break now and then', how are we supposed to function within all 'this negativity' ?

This is my backchat, the one I want to suppress because really, is the world stopping the 'bad news' just because we stop reading them?

And Why do I experience myself this way if not because I have just moved polarity, from the carefree 'devilmaycare' attitude to the Character " I have to become Responsible = which I equate with boring and depressed, deep people are like that, never a dull moment or a moment of breath"

Funny because what we ALWAYS talk about within Desteni is Breath, Breathe, Breathing, but I'm too busy being responsible and deep for that, I have to raise my eyebrow and tut tut at the World and what is happening everywhere, this is what responsible people do, they struggle, they realize Life is a Bitch and then you Die.

So, how do I redefine this word 'responsible' so as to not be a Character that I drag around and drags me around until I get to the 'Enough Already' and desire to go on a binge of some kind to 'take a break'?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define being 'responsible' as being boring, a drag, a party pooper, someone in touch with the 'negative' part of he world and someone whose company is Not desirable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be responsible as a Duty, as a Character I embody through all the definitions I gave to responsibility, as being dull, annoying, and ultimately just a drag nobody can live with consistently, because then I should 'shoot myself'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I would rather shoot myself than live as a responsible being forever, within my own definition of responsibility as always looking at the 'negative, dull, boring, experiencing only the 'sad' side of existence just to make a point with others, to show them how deep I truly am that I can take on me such a Character and embody it for What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when reading some blogs always hammering this fucking responsibility point as something sublime we should aspire to as the ultimate purpose for living, when I in fact experience this responsibility as a drag, obnoxious, dull and essentially negative experience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that Change can take place only within responsibility and that responsibility is not a Character but me as a response-able being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a negative charge on the word 'responsibility' so I would make sure never to be 'attracted' by it but to flee it at any possible given chance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is my responsibility to feel the negativity of the world as my own experience because this proves that I am not shallow and disconnected from reality but I am into it as deep as I could be, drowning in it until I perceive everything around me as my own experience of existence being shitty and negative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a timer that goes off when I tell myself 'enough already' as I experience myself within uncomfortability, blaming my experience of uncomfortability on Life and what is going on out there since I never get to read some 'good news' about this world or Reality, instead of seeing and realizing my experience of myself is not determined by what is happening outward but what is happening inward

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be too busy with negative/bad news to make myself responsible to breathe, because who has time to breathe and get lost in such a menial task such as breathing when I am so busy getting involved with world event and categorizing them as negative, negative, negative, until I can't take it anymore

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define world events as negative and placing a negative charge on them according to how I feel when I read the news and when I feel bad/negative I justify myself that 'how else could I feel reading such news' because I still value how I feel as a way to define myself as alive and on what side of the divide I stand, with the positive thinkers or the negative readers of negative news?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with a knot in my stomach when I read about violence, abuses, war, poverty, rape, because I believe that unless I feel bad and knot up I am No Good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being responsible means accepting to feel bad in opposition to my suppressed desire to feel good that I have honed and cultivated for most of my life and I have not yet completely released

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a 'good life' as 'feeling good and having good experiences' instead of defining life as what is best for all at all times

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that unless I feel bad I am not responsible, instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that my responsibility toward life is to stop my existence as the Mind as that's where I live out my separation and self interest toward everything that exists

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect responsibility ad blame and since I am no longer blaming others for this world I am left with blaming myself which leads to my experience of the negative emotion of blame, which is still a Mind Job that I am doing because I have not yet accepted that Life is not defined by feeling ad emotions but by my being Here in and as Breath and not lost in my Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad because I am consulting a company where someone is possibly stealing and I am battling with my desire to be good and not give the advice to get rid of them because this is bad news and I would like to not contribute to the bad news of this world so I can be good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie in bed obsessed with what is the best advice to give to this company, where I can see myself coming out clean out of the unpleasant deed of having to speak what I see that is not what is best for all, because someone who is abusing their partners out of their good faith should be banned from the company so he may have some time to rethink if abuse is how he wants to live by

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike banning, unfriending and firing people even when the abuse is clear, because I hate being the bringer of bad news because I desire to be good and I equate bad news and me as the bringer of bad news as not being good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that unless I lie in bed in total stress playing out all the possible scenarios I won't be able to address a business decision responsibly in the moment because I don't trust myself to be able to speak what is best for all without first 'thinking about it'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am responsible for the consequences of another, instead of seeing and realizing I am responsible for how I participate within this reality and if I stand to speak out the consequences one has woven out for themselves I am not being irresponsible because I did not consider his family and how he will support himself but he has been irresponsible by not thinking about his family and how he will support himself when he stole and did what he did within his mandate of responsibilities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accumulate the stress relative to what is going on with me that I perceive as negative, because I believe that if I experience something negative, I am negative as in bad, because this is what I believed when I was a positive thinkers about the responsible party poopers such as I see myself in this moment, and I don't want to write about my 'negativity'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to blame how I feel on the news, on this business consultation that I am giving that may have a 'negative' outcome as the source of how I experience myself instead of correcting all my self definitions of what it is that I believe is making me experience myself in this way until I go back to being stable in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to write about this point because I told myself I would write about it when I am resolved about it, instead of seeing and realizing I cannot resolve anything until I am reacting and I am obviously reacting to having to give a business advice because I have started to judge business advices that may lead to someone losing their job as negative and bad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel negative about this business advice because, since I am not paid for it, I don't see it as my responsibility to give the best advice but I see it as what is best for me to do, considering nobody is rewarding me for taking on such a shitty position as the one that speaks the truth about a simple business operation such as this one is, such as 'people who steal from their partners and screw up all papers to cover their tracks and have not considered that what they stole they stole it from other 3 people who have families too to support and go tight every month so the stealing partner can splurge and live above his wage, should be fired' - period

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to polarize my existence into good and bad, into feeling and emotions, accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is 'normal' to feel a certain way when something that is objectively negative takes place, instead of seeing and realizing that within this existence there is nothing objective taking place but just myself experiencing the polarity of my mind which I am stopping and self correcting through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, to realign with Oneness and Equality and What is best for All.

Self commitments to follow tomorrow

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