Sunday, July 21, 2013

Day 331: I am Not No-Thing, yet.

As a group we are walking a Journey to Nothingness that will last 7 years, that would be about the time it took to create ourselves in the first 7 years of our existence.

It is quite scary to realize that we are basically living out all our choices, ideas and beliefs starting as a misaligned system, we have been mis-in-formed about Life and now everything we do is  robotic, having automated the choices, beliefs and opinions of all those that came before us, no wonder this world is the kindergarden of idiocy, we repeat ad nauseam the same choices of our ancestors, history proves it, if only we could see between the lines -the 'head'lines- we are in fact successful regurgitators of lives lived before our own, at most we find new ways to fuck up, we have been quite consistent in that, as it shows from the world that resulted.

Today during a conversation with B. I realized Why we are walking to Nothingness; in a way I have been wondering why we were not in fact walking to Awareness as that would be my assumption of who and what we are, 'we are 'something', right?, but are we? What and who creates this Reality?

We do, not with our Minds though, if we could manifest instantaneously the world would probably be an even scarier place, the Mind instead uses the body, which is The Creator, to establish itself as Ego, and then it provides thoughts, they are not our thoughts until we engage them, until we feed them, until they become Us, we live out the thoughts of our memory banks, we have stored Memories in the body passed on by the generations that came before, either through DNA or direct imprinting, Science has proven that our Memories, our Ill-In-Formed lives, and those of the ones that came before, are stored in the body and those are the generators of thoughts as characters and personalities. That's the only awareness that exists within us so far, the one of our memories and they are set out to survive - no matter what.

What I had  not realized is that I do create my reality, just not as I thought I did, Faith doesn't create Reality, nor the thoughts I believe I can pick and choose from what I have designed myself as, I am the programmer, the writer of the whole story, of course this story is based on my memories, I am just not aware of the details of how I do it all, yet, because as I em-body the memories that become thoughts that mine the physical for energy (you did not think that thoughts could run without energy since everything in the macro world does, so what generates that energy - the physical, we are in fact everyday busy mining our bodies for energy to keep up all the crap with which we entertain ourselves in our Minds, talk about Abusers and we don't have to look very far), I BeCome them and I am not Here but up in and as The Mind, creating alternate realities between which I switch as Characters and Personalities, anything will do as long as I don't have to be Here where I may stop searching for Me -and then what?, quite a conundrum.

There is nothing original about us as systems, we better get that into our little heads, we are so predictable that they could create a GPS software that can tell you where you will be in 4 years time - that should blow your mind, but unfortunately it won't, you will have to dissect your mind by yourself, check out how you designed yourself and fix the broken system that we are living out in and as the World.

On the other hand, Here is everything that ever existed that exists and will ever exist, the only ones missing Here so far is Us, because we don't exist yet, there is a tragic and comic point to this Self Realization, which is that the Ego, which exists solely in Self Interest -check out your thoughts for confirmation and see if they don't just come up to suggest which moves to make, which words to speak, which attitude to show so we can win, be the best, have an advantage-, the Ego believes to be SomeThing, usually something Inflated that has no connection with Physical reality - we may believe in our Minds that we are innumerable things and then when Real Physical Life happens we fail to deliver into the Physical the SomeThing that we BeLieve we are, simply because we are not any of that, we are just  unsubstantiated claims about Ourselves, the Substance of Life which was the Gift we were born with was squandered, we wasted it to fuel our addiction to our imaginary life-styles and imaginary characters and personas.

Any 'awareness' we have at the moment is an outflow of the delusions of ourselves as our own creation, at the best at this stage I can only be aware of what I Think I am or BeLieve I am or Remember I am, and not even that in full, we see only the tip of the iceberg and everything that we think or believe to be was created within a faulty starting point, the point that we had to go and look for ourselves, which took us away from Here, and as I spent my resources, as the seed of Life, seeking and aggrandizing the idea of myself and did not grow into a Tree of Life -yet- but into a Tree of Good and Evil, living Duality as Me, always in conflict with myself, Life as Me as substance  was being con-sumed. 
I am the very Creator of Consumerism by default.

So far I am just a system, I must accept this and stop the fight to try and be SomeThing else, there is nothing wrong or bad about being a system, I am a system simply because I exist in relation to everything else I ever created a relationship with, this is why my existence after so many years on earth has become robotic -did anyone else notice this about themselves, how we keep repeating the same patterns, how we keep destroying ourselves one way or another -look at how we age, it's really nothing to be proud of, many have seen parents or grandparents age and die, didn't you notice how old people shrink and look like dry raisins...mmhh, why would that be?- as we try and prove that there is something more than Here that I must look for, that there must be something more than Me, because I am just, simply, not enough.

And how do I know I am not Enough? Well, I said so, sometime, somewhere, by saying that there should be more than Here and there should be More than Me - and Now, there it is.
What now? I have created it, I have to undo it, we start by stopping to return to No-Thing, it's best that way, there isn't much to save Here, if we return to a blank slate we can treasure what we have learnt, that in Separation without consideration for everything that exists as MySelf nothing works and we'll end up into Abuse. Of a heavy duty kind.

So we first have to walk back to Nothingness, No-Thing-ness and when we stop believing or desiring to be Somethingness or HighNess or Worthlessness or anything that we have used to justify why I was in fact incapable to stand up and embrace existence as me and change me as existence, at that point we'll have done 1 leg of the journey and from there, from No-Thing-ness we can rewrite who we are going to be, better get our Information right this time, so that we can all fly in the same direction, In-formation as Life, for Life, because any SomeThing that stands between ourselves and the Whole as Oneness in Equality, must go and in No-Thingness we may see that we were always Here, that there was  No-thing to look for, because only NoThing can move out of the confinements and definitions we cast on it as an evil spell, that resulted in our separation from each other and our abdication of Life for Energy/Money inward and outward.

So, let's make peace with it, we are not something, or somebody, there isn't anything waiting at the end of our Journey, Life is not there waiting for us, because we are Nothing and always were and unless we create ourselves as Life, we can never be Life or be Alive, we are the Author of this Journey, it will be quite a trip to return to the Nothingness that we were as we remove the shackles of our own The-finitions, our Endings, can we write Life, can we be Life, can we for-Give Life to ourselves and to All Existence as One? Because we can't have what we aren't willing to give to All, as Equals, to have/be Life for me All must have it, all relationships will have to be rewritten within the understanding of what Life is, Life is For-Giving everything to ourselves and All the Rest of Existence, Equally, starting from No-Thing-Ness.

There is a Journey to No-Thing-ness, anyone can join, unless you want to be Some-Thing, make Something out of yourself, prove that you are Some-Thing more than others, then you will never be No-Thing, you will be Some-thing else, just never Life, because Life is No-Thing, its Every-Thing -that is Best for All, got it?

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