As I go about the process to sort out the miss-filing of everything that I lived in my Mind, while making assumptions through beliefs and opinions in separation from everything that exists vs being Here in Real Time, a process I am walking to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and what is Best for All, I can see how when I hit points where I see how I can change my priorities to realign from self interest to what is best for all I have resistances and I express these resistances with what I have learnt from others as a way to justify why I am not in fact required to change, why I can keep going at it, keep filing away my perspectives, beliefs and ammunition for when I won't feel safe and I will have to defend myself/protect myself and this is what we do and exist as, little self interested units more concerned about how I can have it my way, from coercing others into specific behaviors, to just have it my way in my mind, where I created everything that exists for which I struggle to take responsibility for because I have grown way more familiar to blaming others for who I have become than to taking responsibility for myself and accept that I have to patiently re-parent myself to re-birth myself to Life.
So, one point that hit me hard yesterday was the point of Failure, which of course can exist only in comparison to what I 'was supposed to be' according to the desires that I expressed as a kid, in my case a veterinarian, plus as I walked my life, to the lives of others that I perceived as more successful, more stable, always believing that I was the only loose screw in the world, or the loosest one, but here again see how the Mind seeks specialness and it doesn't even matter in which direction, can't be the best? Can shoot for the worse, I will still be special because no one is as BAD as me.
Of course for everything we elicit to embrace in our search for moreness (aka madness) within a polarity delusion, there is a con-sequence, in my case since I did not manage to be the baddest because the world outdid me several times in what I was willing to do to get the prize of specialness, I was left with Failure, not good enough, not bad enough, an underachiever for my potential, I embraced failure as who I am.
Interestingly enough Failure is just another Mind Game, it's the game that says that since I have already tried something, including changing myself and have not succeeded at the first go, I should give up, it's more in fact, it's my tacit permission to give up, the one I gave myself when I realized it would require work to change because many things I ended up doing and living as, were just too automated and I did not have the tools at that stage to face how to change, what to do and so I accepted failure, because it felt better than keep up the trying without results which would result in compounded energetic experiences of FAILURE which I did not like, see, this is how the Mind keeps Safe, it will record the falls and then every time we try that one point again, it will broadcast for us ALL the previous times in which we did not succeed, seeking for that certificate, that permission, the authorization to justify rolling over and do nothing about what is going on inward and outward in this existence.
The problem is that when we do accept Failure as a way to stop feeling bad about our perceived inability to change, the Game is Over, that is when we draw the line that says that everything we'll do after that point shall fail again, we'll fail again and this goes on for lifetimes until we stop even trying because we have forgotten that we could have redefined 'failure' and no longer take it as the emotion loaded word that expresses our nothingness, worthlessness but on the contrary Real Failure is the moment we accept to roll over and just wait to die, its the moment when we accept that our lives have been wasted and so since the waste has already happened, we can now enjoy our wasted lives and give up our point of self responsibility for good -thanksgodforthat, what a Relief. Weird hei?
Sadly it all began as an excuse to why I ultimately did not manage to be better than others when in fact this is the whole point, we keep Failing because we hold this desire, to be MORE, when if we embraced our Equality as One, there would be nothing to compare to or aspire to, because the Whole as One in support of each other, has got it all, we are missing 'peace's only in separation and yet we insist on wanting to hold on to the Specialness of Individuality in separation vs the Safety of Individuality within Equality, where we get to be All of It because You and Me are One and Equal and what you have I also have in Oneness and Equality beyond separation.
Next time I will hit the Failure point I will tell myself that I have just stumbled again on my program, that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could Fail vs redefining Failure as a Miss-Take from which I can get up and self correct, because Realigning to Oneness and Equality and what is best for All will have to come in Real Time, crossing the points that we kept as Fail Safe - Feel Safe of the Mind, to make sure we would not make it out of this A-maze-ing place that is the Virtual Reality we created in our heads, but we can, if we accept to embrace the uncertainty of walking the steps required to be Equal to All Life Expressions beyond our reactive words/world so we can finally bring Heaven on Earth for everyone and stop excusing ourselves through Failure for Failing to do so.
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