This has been brewing for sometime, there are a few reasons that I can see I have used to build myself into this accumulation of frustration, mainly the point of invisibility, all the way through to 'do I even exist, which I projected on others in the question 'do they even exist?'.
In my past communication I almost never failed to drive home a point, it's in my upbringing, so now that I have a 'good point' to drive home, I want results, I want others to go 'oh, I see, there is The Equal Money System, GREAT, how come we didn't see it before. Thanks for sharing!'.
Instead at best I get no reply and at worse a barrel of raving reviews, as I said to my buddy, where people gather up to let me know 'I'm raving mad and basically - to fuck off'.
It's amazing how we fight against a system that would alleviate the suffering for all, it just doesn't make sense to us to even consider the possibility of Equality and I can see how because I have been on the favorable side of Inequality and I have used those excuses to justify why what I had and other didn't was right, made sense, was 'the way things are - the world it's an unfair place -thanks god I was born on the right side of it', when in fact to get to the right side of this system we have to accept that someone lives on the wrong side of it, it can't be any other way in a system designed for just some winners, how could we feel like winners otherwise if everyone else won too, and this is the point that bothers us and it's hard to let go.
So, yesterday when I read the replies on the Hong Kong Maid Forum where I posted a question about 'Maid-hood not Slavery?', I saw my own justifications, what I used to say or I would have said had I been approached about that subject 7-8 years ago, no surprise either since I could foresee all those replies and this can only be if I existed and as such still exist as those justifications, adversely I would have been surprised and unable to relate at all.
When I was a kid I used to watch a cartoon about the dog of the red Baron, he was always after a Medal, that was his late motif 'Medal-Medal' and this is another aspect of my interactions, the expectation of a reward in the form of a positive feedback, or someone getting the point, just because I superimpose on what I write now my previous life and what I did/do, either when I teach or when I managed, and both ways it was My Job to drive a point home until everyone got it, but this is not the same, the expectation is not required because I am not doing a job for which I have to pile up medals, no, I have to share what I have realized as I am waking up and the feedback is irrelevant and building an expectation is just a desire for a positive energetic experience, be it a medal, a raise, or the satisfaction that I carried out my task to completion - having identified completion with others receiving the message and not just the point of sharing at the best of my current abilities, which is the end of the task as just a point of self expression that stands alone without needing any validation in any shape or form
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I could take advantage of this system and the lives of others to be served and revered, to do so and justify my doing with the point that the world is not a fair place and I was a good employer and given their odds, the Filipinos could not wish for anything more
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the point that Filipino women and other women in the world are forced to leave their family to go abroad to make a living, is not a Filipino Government problem but a Global problem, for which we all have responsibility because the poverty of the Philippines, like all the Third world countries in the world, is man made and not an accident of nature, and since We are the humans living here on this shared planet, it's our common responsibility to stand for a change that will put an end to abuses for all everywhere in the world
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that paying immigrant workers below the minimum wage just because there is a special Law that says it's legal, is in fact right, just because I could excuse the point by joining the mainstream thinking that 'in their country it's a lot of money' deliberately skipping the point that they do not live 'in their country' but in a country where the living standard and the basic minimum requirement have been set and everyone should have access to at least this minimum wage once they enter a foreign country for work, until a new system of Equality and Equal retribution as Equal Value/Worth of each Life is in place
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not question the point of minimum wage as a blatant human right abuse, because it worked for me to pay below minimum wage adhering to the legal guidelines for minimum wages -according to jobs-, instead of seeing and realizing that the Laws are written for the rich by the rich and are just guidelines to cover the backs of the rich through their legalized exploitation and abuse of those who have no choice but to take what is offered, which is better than what they have access to in their own pillaged and looted country -by First world Empires- that has nothing left to offer them
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel angry a the replies on the forum, when I knew in advance what I would have got - to the point that I advised a friend to NOT post blogs on maids that didn't cover the point of reward in a way that people would be able to hear, and for thinking that I had the ability to be heard just because I made that my business in life and hence experience a loss of energy when the replies flocked about how I made no sense at all and how everything was just fine and I was out of touch with reality, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a result of experiencing this loss of energy, seek for a boost and contact my ex helper to explain Equal Money, believing that she will hear because while the rich have no interest in changing the system, she must have it, they must have it, they are the abused maids and when she replied she only wants a good employer, to accept and allow myself to dig myself deeper into the hopelessness hole as I backchatted this moment with 'what the fuck do you mean -why don't you want to be Equal, have equal rights, stay home to raise your children, so are these people right - do you deserve a lesser life if you yourself don't want a better, equal life', without seeing realizing and understanding that both sides of the system are brainwashed and it could not be otherwise if the poor did not believe they had to take this hand of card and do the best with it but stood up, and this just shows how deeply our brainwashing has succeeded into convincing us all, the rich and the poor, that THIS is the way things are and there can't be, won't be, ever, any change possible
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look for recruits to validate this change that is necessary to be embraced by more of us, as a result of spending my time in my mind approaching this as any other project, seeking for strategies and then invariably, facing the disappointment of no results, because any strategy or plan must have an outcome, which is why I experience a loss of energy when an outcome is NOT coming simply because I am coming from an energetic starting point as a personality that delivers vs being Here in and as Breath and just sharing without any expectation on the outcome
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the dog seeking for rewards as medals was cute because I could identify with him and what drove him in life, without seeing realizing and understanding that believing that looking for rewards is excusable and a human trait I accepted and allowed myself to live one and equal to a reward system, moving myself only for rewards or potential rewards and that when I fail to get one I experience myself as less, as diminished, and for this, I forgive myself
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that no one will hear Equal Money as The Solution to the problems we are facing and that will get worse and for not seeing realizing and understanding that it is in the moments when I focus on where we are heading that the urge to deliver a point home becomes greater as an urgency, failing to see realize and understand that I cannot speed up this process for others just by my wanting and that beliefs in 'intention' and 'will' lie behind this idea that I have that if I want it hard enough, it will happen, instead of accepting that it is a process and we'll have to walk the timeline of the consequences we have already designed through our lives of separation and that the only thing that will speed this up is me aligning to being Here more, to breathe more, to not allow myself to participate in fears and pans and plots on how to make this go faster because those are just points I am imagining to bring to a solution and not physically walking to a solution as myself, and for accepting and allowing myself to lose myself in my imagination about the outcome of things as I wish them to be vs walking reality as it is beyond judgement, I forgive myself
When and as I see myself plotting and scheming for new ways to reach out, seeking the unbeaten path and the unbeaten ways, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that I am just seeking for a reason to move instead of moving as the directive principle of me and bring myself back here in and as breath
When and as I see myself becoming frustrated or on the road to becoming frustrated during one of my quarterly assessment of 'where we are', I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that it is not my job to deliver, that I am no longer managing a company, that I no longer have to meet a quota of 'subscribers' to a new world system so I can feel I have completed a task and I can take my energetic reward, instead I keep walking to correct myself as one of the bricks of this world that won't be able to not change as we insist on self change as a group, moving as One, for Self and all of Existence, Equal and One