So it's been 100 days of writing myself out consistently, with 3 days interruption when my computer broke down, 3 days during which I could not wait to get my computer back.
For me it has been extraordinary, it has given me much more stability, less noise in my head, solutions for my life that I could not see before, because the cluttering chatter was deafening, have started to emerge, as I walk to become the Solution as mySelf inward and outward.
Today I had a moment of relapse into the downs (cause the ups are only up to delivery time, in the expectation and anticipation of the 'reward') of the reward system, since a few days ago we said 'let's write something about our day 100' I went into 'thinking' that day 100 would 'feel 'special', like an achievement' like something would ding and dong this morning to signal this mark, like I would feel rewarded.
None of these things happened, it's just another day of writing to get to know myself better, to tell myself that I did write for 100 days even though I doubted myself and I had backchat telling me I wouldn't because I could always step into the Failure Character and remind myself of all the times I took on something I did not see to the end.
So, for those considering to write themselves out, do give yourself this gift, this opportunity to spend time with yourself, look a the nitty-gritty of your behavior, at what goes on inside of you as The Mind, why we became what we became, how, what judgements, fears, ideas and opinions do we hold about ourselves and others that keep us separate, that stand in the way of us seeing our Equality and Oneness, in the way of us standing together for a project of Change that starts inward to manifest outward, for ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One.
To sum it up, writing is not rewarding, that is a concept of the Capitalistic system we have grown used to, where we believe that everything we do has a 'reward', a prize, a price, instead writing is an act of self commitment, it's the commitment to do something without a reward, without being given anything, not even a star for good behaviour, it's the consistent application of a new behaviour so that we may step out of our re-ward-ing, in which we keep ourselves caged to the Idea of 'what can we get out of this', 'what's in it for me'. And isn't this what is going on in this World ? Isn't the problem just this, that each one of us is 'in it' just for the 'what's in it for me' point? And The world doesn't have enough for the self interest and greed of All of Us, this should be clear by now.
Out of writing there is nothing in it for me, there is ME, all of ME that goes on paper, for me to see what I have made mine of this world and then believed to be me, what have I possessed that ended up possessing me, what have I not wanted to see of me that I have projected onto the world around me to turn this world into a giant mirror of myself in which, for a long time, I have been refusing to see ME, because really, how could this world be Me, with all it's flaws and shortcoming, was I not perfect as I was ?
Actually, NO, I was not and I am not, so we walk as a group with this intent, Self Perfection, to root out of ourselves what we see and realize is Not the World we would like to have and live, to make an inward correction to realign the mirror first to what is best for All, for Self, as Self is Me and You, and to return to nothingness as the point in which we can rewrite ourselves as what we were always supposed to be, caring Human beings, who see in another Ourselves and no longer the plaguing despair of our separation that has led to all sorts of atrocities that we can see outside of us, as Us.
SO, do consider to start walking for yourself as yourself, no reward, no prize, no price, it's free, it's what you freely give to yourself to build yourself into for-giveness, because let's face it, a lot of forgiveness will be required for the world to let go what we have done to each other in our demented pursuit of Happiness, a Happiness that we came to believe was to be bought and sold and ultimately stolen from each other as we turned Money into the weapon we used to be 'happier' than the ones who would have to go with nothing, just to guarantee that we could have more and be more and maybe ultimately be happier than anyone else.
Instead we see, realize and understand, how all this search has been a delusion, the idea we bought into that something 'out there' could complete us and resolve us and finally bestow on us that elusive 'happiness' for which we have gone to war, starved and killed each other, it's just Not Real.
It is really time for a Reality Check, time to stop the wars we live inside to stop the wars outside, time to stop playing Characters and become Real, Pinocchio could become flesh, will We ?
Journey to Life Blogs
2012: Nothingness -- the 7 Year Process to Birthing Self as Life
Changing the Character of the World
2012 - Finding your purpose in the Journey to Life