Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Day 54: For the Love of Money

The point of Money exists in and as each one of us. Money is not something 'happening out there', Money is happening in here, it's What and Who We have Become.
When I was growing up I slowly bought into the ideas and beliefs that everything has a price, if you keep going on that slippery slope of thoughts soon or later you'll reach the Terminal, the place where all Money and Price Tags converge = Life and from there Life too goes on Sale.
My Family was Money schizophrenic, half of it, my grandparents, had it and pretended to not care about it, which is quite easy to do when you Have It, the other half, my mother, never had enough and did not make a mystery of fearing lacking Money.
Funny to see now that I appreciated more my grandparents because they Seemed not attached to Money, something that is vulgar and preached against, only now I can see that all those that preach against Money attachments and talking about it as a "vulgar thing", have it and pile it up in truckloads.
Yet the reason why I preferred my grandparents fake approach to The Money Truth was because I did not like The Fear of Lack of Money, which is something that my mum had and that I have absorbed in absolution, absolving myself for having imprinted myself with the fear of Lack of Money of my Mother and the poorly disguised Love of Money of my grandparents.
Yet, fear of the Lack of Money will manifest lack of Money as all fears do manifest soon or later, which is why and how we busy ourselves into The Money Making machine, as The System, so as to never be overcome by this fear, because no matter how much we like to deny it, WE ALL KNOW THAT WITHOUT MONEY WE DIE, so Money is no longer a treat, it is a threat to our very own survival.
Since I have built up an elegant personality for myself in the footsteps of my grandmother, wishing to inherit her fake disinterest about Money and everything related to it, while spending her life accumulating and judging others who were doing just that, not for doing it, but for not having the decency to Hide it, I have embodied the Money carelessness that allowed me to throw away quite a substantial amount in my sabbatical 4 years during which I believed I would have been able to just manifest it, if I had followed through with Abrahams Hicks teaching on the Law Of Attraction, which I can say from having lived the positive thinker polarity to a T, it's just pure Crap.
First because the teachings are addressed to people who are more or less already positioned within the world system in places where they can in fact Make Money, and not manifest it out of thin air, second because if the teachings were true, they would not need to charge for seminars but would instead just have money pile up in the drawer as a result of their positive focus and desire, yet they charge, because like the Catholics, They Teach Us that Money is Not Important and it will ultimately flow and to just accept where we are, while they do everything they can to actively pile it up, through property ownership and investments that exclude nothing, even the porn business because let's face it, it's lucrative, and the more sinful and hidden sex is made through their teachings the more distorted and perverted forms of sexuality will be born out of it that they can capitalize on, the perfect investment in fact being in charge of the creation of the need and of the satisfaction of the same, under one big corporation.
So, Money, who am I within Money ?
I am a pawn, moved around by Money in fear for my Life, fearing that if I do not have enough I won't make it, always scheming and seeing where and how I can charge for my own survival, is this world the place we want to see, or don't we want to see the extent of the ugliness we have reached in and as the Money System of this world, where "Mors Tua Vita Mea", as the Romans said, "Your Death is My Life", and how can we be surprised if we take this inward reality and project it into our world, where the Death of Whole Nations signify the Life of some and we can't even look in Self Honesty at the length we would be willing to go to make our survival sure and safe, no Matter how many Have to Die for One to Live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be imprinted with ideas and beliefs about Money and the worth of everything on the Planet in Monetary/Currency terms

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the copy of my mother's fear of Lack of Money and My Grandmother's hidden Love of Money, just into a combination of the best of the two world to turn myself into The Hidden Fear of Lack of Money and the Hidden Love of Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, for many years, not want to face the Money point of this world and the fact that if Money was everything to everyone in my world, Money was everything to me as well, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Death due to lack of Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being Homeless and Hungry due to Lack of Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sickness and accidents within a frame of Lacking the Money to take care of myself and for hiding this to the point that I refused to have a health insurance that would force me to look at the point that even Health and Living is subject to Money or I would have had to stand and no longer accept such a world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and say that what I had was mine and the ones that did not have they must have deserved it through some debts that they were paying from another Life or their own unwillingness of becoming slaves to the system like myself and for believing They should not be supported or we would be breeding laziness, spewing out judgements and sentences that I have taken on from this system that educated me into the perfect proud slave that pulled her weight through working and paying taxes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more valuable when I had Money than when I had none proving to myself that my real Worth was measured by and through the Money System in separation from Self as self value and Self worth, that I would have to recognize to everyone Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to the highs that I felt when I held Money or Credit Cards in my hands, under-standing the Power of Money as something Greater than Myself in separation from myself as Life as everything that exists, Money included

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel value when spending Money because I accepted and allowed myself to be imprinted with desires against which I could measure my worth/value within the Money System, believing and accepting that my value and worth were measured in and as me as the consumer of this consumeristic system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad because in my deprogramming I no longer feel the high of purchasing as my value of and as a consumer and I fear no longer having points of value outside of myself I can reach for, instead of seeing it was due to my original mis-placement of value and worth of myself that I sought value outside of me within the belief I was worthless unless I could buy my worth and Life through and within the Monetary/Currency System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the perfect consumer of myself and Life, One and Equal, in my search for Value and Worth outside of myself, having abdicated my self to the Money System so absolutely that my life was lived as a Money Seeker within the need and addiction of accumulating value and worth for myself from which I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from believing that Money is the value and Worth of Life and not that Life doesn't need any Value because Life Is The Value/Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify this Monetary system that is consuming Life and the World, just because it worked for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to face how much Money has become a part of who I am and what I have lived for, in fear that I will never be able to disentangle myself absolutely from my 'Money Investments' in which I exchanged myself as Life, as substance, for the illusory Power of Money as Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a Price Tag/Money Tag on everything in this existence and according to the Price/Value Tag give it more or less value, instead of seeing that it was my own existence in and as separation from Life and everything that exists and my acceptances and allowances of the belief that Money/Price Tags can define the value of things that led me to believe that Life is Worthless and that Money has more Value and Worth than Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a world in which Life is on Sale and can be bought in One Piece or in pieces as body parts that People are now selling to but themselves the Right to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from people who were obviously attached to Money as I feared being associated with them and having to face my own Fear of Survival that was the underlining current/currency that kept the Money System alive in and as Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that one must make 'a living' accepting a system in which Life is not the only and absolute Worth and Value and The capital of existence, but where One's Right to Life must be bought, because I have not stood up to state that this is simply unacceptable until it worked for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am the Shame that I felt and lived One and Equal to when I saw that if this system was still supporting me I would possibly continue to abuse, uncaring about the conditions of others as long as it worked for me and that I had to lose everything before I would consider that nothing infact has value but Life and that I could only see this from my position of no longer fearing losing something of who I have been and what I believed I had, because I was too self centered to consider others and what living as Equals would mean until the system worked for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to live in an alternate reality of the Mind in which I could pretend that I was not part of the problem because I was never one of the Elite, instead of seeing that this world system is built on each one of us as bricks that keep it in place and that it is essential that each brick plays its part in no longer supporting a system of abuse and inequalities that commits atrocities and crimes against Life in the Consumerist Ride we have taken with no fail safes to show us when enough was enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my friends may say 'you are taking this position just because the system is no longer working for you', instead of seeing I feared myself saying this about myself because I had not yet for-given myself my previous stance as a Slave and a system cog so I could stand up shame-less for and as this Change inward and outward

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into one of my Money personalities, through which I have always believed I could assure my survival in Life, I stop, Breathe, bring myself back Here, remind myself I am disengaging from the Money System as a Slave to reengage the Money System as Me, One and Equal, so I may change the Money System to Oneness and Equality as and while I realign myself to Oneness and Equality

When and as I see myself backchatting myself or about to backchat myself regarding what I did and who I have been in the past regarding Money, I Stop, Breathe, remind myself that I cannot be defined by my Past unless I accept it and allow it and that I am in fact redefining myself Here, in every moment of Breath to realign and walk my Self as self correction into Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop my self judgements about Money and how I have related to it in the past and instead redefine myself and my relationship in and as Money to align myself and the Money System, Equal and One, to What is Best for All as Life as One and Equal to everything that exists.

I commit myself to stop my judgements of others about Money and how they relate to it because that is both a cause of separation and a lack of self responsibility in accepting that I would be no different in a position of privilege as I have been no different in a position of privilege, instead I stand in and as The Solution for a World that is Best for All, as Life as One and Equal

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