Even before meeting Desteni I knew that something was not right within the Relationship system, as women we grow up with such losers as role models that Need a Man to Be Happy that it is clear that there is a Fantasy imprinting from society and Family that revolves around Relationships.
A few years ago I bought some Politically Correct Fairy Tales for the daughter of my Best friend, where Little Red Riding Hood actually killed the wolf and moved on to a 'successful life', Sleeping Beauty woke up by herself, and Cinderella run away from the Stepmother house.
Today I see that even when we try "to right the wrong" of the stories, we are still trapped inside a Polarity system within a fantasy world of the Mind.
We only have two polarities to play, we either win or lose, and we keep going even after the break ups, in the way we tell the story as a way to gain value and not lose it, Relationships as they are today are plainly pathetic and nothing to look forward to.
Today at the Gym, I chatted with a lady and we moved onto the usual questions : 'Are you married ? kids?', so I told my story and then she told her story. Since she just had kids, one was 3 and one was 4 years old, I 'assumed' she had a good relationship.
This is obviously an idiotic assumption, as it has been proved that relationships as were intended, based on the energy of attraction and sex, cannot last beyond 2 years, men stop producing the hormones that keep them interested and 'devoted', and women resent the change in interest, more or less all the stories seem to develop along the same lines, it's either Cheating to find again the excitement of the beginning with someone else, the Desire and the feeling of being Desired, which is nothing but a surge of Energy, or they just die out in suppression and unhappiness inside the perceived unfullfillment for both, until resentment sets in for good, this is in the 95% of cases, the other 5% were possibly preprogrammed to have good relationships and become points of comparison and competition, resulting in the widespread sense of being a failure and being inadequate of the remaining 95%.
The lady went on and told me her relationship in fact sucked, she went on to say that the best is when 'the man is much more 'in love' than the woman, much more involved than the woman, she should just care a little when he cares a lot, that is the best way'
'When she said this I remembered my grandmother having the same advice, she had plenty of advices about how 'to handle men', a string of passed on manipulations that went from pillow talk, trading sex for favours (recently an ex boyfriend told me that when we used to play cards I would bet a blow job -he thought it was endearing-..., but of course..., conveniently suppressed and removed, because the shame and guilt I have lived for who I have been within manipulation and self interest of my secret mind within my relationships was just too much to face, so stuff kept piling up and I kept feeling less and looking for lesser men to mirror myself and what I had allowed and accepted myself to become as the system embodiment of a 'perfect woman', exchanging Sex for 'love' and lying about both), to the plain keeping secrets or lying 'for his own good or because it was just the best thing to do'.
When I was in Hong Kong women were reading the new books about 'how to get a man, keep him, make him happy, successful relationships, 10 sex positions' as we admitted things were not working and we looked for ways to twist and turn even further into oblivion, it's clear that we need Relationship Training, we suck at relating to each other, our communication skills are lost within the Games of the Mind, while the Education System teaches us things as useless as Algebra - that I have not used once since I left school for any reason whatsoever - we are not taught how to create self responsible relationships that work, our Relationship failure rate is astounding and relationships are the Family foundation where children are born and then fucked up for Life, imprinted with the same failures of the parents and all the other couples who pretend to be fine while they entertain all sorts of nasty thoughts about each other in secret and how to move on at the earliest chance with the least financial damage possible.
Yes, relationships of today are just another trading place, we trade who we are for Money, our Life for a Dream, lost in the Illusions and Dreams of the Mind, running after one Energy fix after another to define ourselves and the lives we live into successful experiences.
The Love of the fairy Tales is a lie, there are only 2 places for that kind of Love, Disneyland and Holly-wood, through which we keep knocking each other on the head with pictures and images of what will never be that we may live to long for, until the end of time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to brainwash myself with fantasy stories about relationships and what to expect from relationships denying myself the chance to in fact experience a real relationship with someone in my life as I lost myself in my mind of dreams and expectations that were and cold never be fulfilled
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the creation and support of a system of manipulation of men because they are just dumb and led by their dicks, instead of seeing that I myself have been sex driven and made myself Stupid with Sex and Desire for sex
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge men as dumb for being led by their dicks, instead of realizing they existence like mine was preprogrammed and Sex played a particular role in existence and we have all been driven to Sex for the purpose of manufacturing Energy for Heaven
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dumb myself down following my own desires for Sex and my Sex drive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trade my physical body and an act of self expression on a card game just to spice it up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that physical expression of me as Self is not good enough and I need to spice it up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate men into relationships through sex, just because I could
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find value for myself in being desired and for manipulating desires out of men because I needed an energy fix and an Ego boost to keep me going as a system of Energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a fairy tale romance that sweeps me off my feet, instead of realizing every time I allow myself to be swept off my feet I will have to land again and at every landing I realize I have lost something of myself through the Energy games of me as the Mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be hugged by a man because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough to myself and that I need a man to be complete
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my desire to be hugged by a man, because I judge myself as weak for not standing alone and being enough to myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself o judge myself as weak for desiring a relationship and because I did not want to seem weak I suppressed tthis desire instead of facing it and reeasing it through Self Forgiveness and Self Correction
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject Love stories/movie in Fear that a longing will be activated in me about not having one and desiring one underneath my suppression
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my desire for a fairy tale romance because I have realized they are not real, yet I have not let go this point because, one never knows
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to engage the last man that wrote to me into a conversation when he has been clear about wanting a relationship and I am not wanting one for real and I would be only manipulating him to give me the energy fixes I crave
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use men to get my energy fixes because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough and tha I am in fact an Energy system
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not enough
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being approached by a man because I don't yet trust myself that I won't move automatically into personality games of seductions
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself to stand for what is best for me and What is Best for All, One and Equal, outside of Energy games of me as the Mind
When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the desire/delusion of a romance to live as an Energy fix, I stop, breathe, remind myself I am equalizing myself with men and everything that exists and that I will no longer do to others what I don't want done to me, as everything is me as Self in this Creation and I move to stand in and as Oneness and Equality as Life and What is Best for All for.
When and as I see myself longing or about to move myself into longing for the perfect Fairy Tale romance due to activation of my accepted and allowed preprogramming, I stop, breathe, remind myself that only if and when I let go of the delusion will I be able to experience Life as Myself and have a real supportive relationship with another Human being in which both of stand for Life in Oneness and Equality in Self Support for What is Best for All
I commit myself to no longer participate in Energy Games based on the use and abuse of Men and to expose to myself where I am still walking a program of Inequality to Self Correct so I can stand as Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All
I commit myself to no longer support or be part of the system of manipulation of each other of and as relationships until I can trust myself to be able to walk and stand as an Equal to a Man, in self support, for Life and what is Best for All.
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