Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day 40: "Lucky" By Comparison

I have often defined myself as Lucky, it seemed Good to be Lucky.
I have had many Lucky Charms in my Life, crystals, pendants, coins, bracelets, I could turn pretty much anything into a Lucky Charm, plus I turned myself into a living Lucky Charm, buying into the idea that because I was born a Dragon, according to the Chinese Horoscope, I was Lucky, plus I am a Scorpio, which is the equivalent of a Dragon in Chinese Horoscope which made me Double Lucky or 'A Golden Dragon' (there goes another Money/value way of our language to define Luck=Gold=Money).

I accepted that some people as the saying goes 'Had All the Luck', meaning that someone had none, and I was OK with it, as long as I was among the Ones who had it all.
It's only recently that I have seen how Luck, as an idea, can ONLY exist in and within comparison, so the ones who don't have Any Luck are in fact part of the Luck equation, if we All Had the Same Amount of Luck, how could we define Luck?
Because Luck exists Only in a World of Unequals, in a world that we accept and allow to exist NOT giving to All the same opportunities and access to The Life Resource of the Moment: Money.
In many cultures luck is equated to Money, it should come as no surprise, since we are All aware of the Role Money plays in our existence, yet we insist in denying it, we don't want to sound Cheap, Gross, Vulgar, in coming out and facing the fact that the Luck we desire is in fact Money, because with Money we can Buy All the Luck we need, we can Buy ourselves an access into the world, Food, Shelter, Water, Electricity, an Education, our choices are limited to the amount of Money in our pockets, and so is Luck.

Yet if we did live in a world of Equals, where everyone had the same access to the resources of the world through Money, which at the moment is the KEY to existence, we would not need any Luck, nor we could compare ourselves to the Ones who would have less, and so we would no longer be able to define Luck nor to desire it, we would know that The EMS System we Designed that accounts for All Life Equally, would always support us and we would no longer need to Fear or to have Luck to survive another day.
Luck is born out of the Fear of crossing the line and moving into the territory of the Unlucky Ones, we know they exist, and no matter how much bullshit we come up with to explain and justify their existence we have from day 1, willingly accepted and allowed the brainwashing that there are 'less fortunate ones' in this world, admitting that we have been born in a Casino and we were just Lucky to get the World Placement that we got, not deserving it, not earning it, no matter what we tell ourselves, we landed on it and others landed on the unlucky side of the divide, good on us, bad on them, it all works out as long as it is them and not us.

What if it was Us and not Them ? What if it was Us starving, homeless, thirsty, how would we look at this divide and at the fairness of the World ? How can we live thanking an Imaginary God for our Luck, accepting the Status Quo and the unluckiness of Half of the World ? What does that say about us and the God we pray to, if not that we are Equal and One to our Creator of this Unfair world and we are OK with it as long as it's working for Us ?

A few days ago there was an earthquake in Italy, I watched a lady on TV saying that she has been blessed because her daughter was saved by a Miracle due to her devotion to Jesus and Mother Mary, I felt angry, what about the 4000 that found themselves homeless and the 7 that died, didn't they deserve the Miracle ? 
Was Jesus and Mother Mary busy with saving her daughter, are they not multitasking ? Are Miracles just a pay back for Devotion and prayers, are we devoted and praying to the Heavenly Bank that guarantees our safety and fuck the rest of the world ? Really, who are we ?
Who needs the Devil when the world is filled with Demons dressed up as Humans ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be Lucky in fear of having to face the Truth of this world where half of it is filled with Unluck and I may just have to experience the 'Not being lucky' side of it, which means being penniless in a world where Money is God

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and accept that there are 'the less fortunate ones' to whom we have to give the crumbles that fall off our table so we may live guilt free in a world of suffering and abuses

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that for me to be lucky someone has to be unlucky because if we were Equals I would have to stop feeling special under a special protection by God, while half of the world doesn't have enough to eat

I forgive myself for feeling angry at the lady that said 'she ws lucky and blessed because her daughter was saved', projecting on her the anger I feel for myself for having lived out the same 'lucky' attitude throughout my life and having justified with my specialness  why I enjoyed the 'special protection' of the Money God while others had to do without

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am lucky because I am a Dragon and a Scorpio which makes me a Golden Dragon, instead of facing the point that I was lucky because I was born into a placement that gave me access to enough Money to survive without having to starve or be homeless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to brag about being Lucky in a world of suffering because I got to feel special and MORE than those who didn't have enough to live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear demons instead of realizing I feared the Demon in me that couldn't give a shit about the obvious Inequality of this world as long as the world worked for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some people 'are just born lucky' implying that they deserved it which makes me undeserving of everything I have had and enjoyed while I was not willing to even consider that everyone should have the same right and access to what the Earth offers for free for everybody

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that Luck can only exist within the comparison of the less fortunate with the more fortunate and that I should have questioned this design and not accept the justifications and beliefs of this world that 'this is the way things are'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe Abraham Hicks when he said that we come to this world to experience it all, the lucky side and the unlucky side of it by choice, when it was obvious with a bit of common sense that I would have never chosen to be born into violence or poverty or to be raped as a kid as some sort of 'fun experience' but decided to believe it because it justified my existence of and as abuse as just having chosen this side of the divide, while others 'chose' the other side

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Karma existed as a way to justify my position of specialness and the position of others getting what they deserved, which was suffering and abuse, believing in some Cosmic Justice, so I would not have to face that Justice is not existing in a world of Unequals and that I excused the damnation of the suffering ones making it 'Right and Just' due to their 'imaginary' past lives that we use to explain, and get away with, the current suffering in this world, placing the Blame for their existence of Misery on them in support of the System of Abuse that works for Us

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my position of 'more fortunate' to enjoy myself and have fun while half of the world struggled, because I believed it was my right while I negated the same right to half of the world about which I did not care and wanted to know nothing about

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to collect lucky charms within a desire to have more than I already had for myself and never even considered that I had enough luck by comparison to the ones starving and that I was just displaying my greed to have more and more to uplift myself out of my fear of existence and out of this shithole to which I would have gladly condemned half of the world as long as I was fine and had 'more than enough and way more than the less fortunate'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear existence and to fear the idea that one day I may in fact become one of the less fortunate and lose my position of privilege within the equation 'more fortunate and less fortunate' because I believed that if I crossed the line no one would want to help and support me, equal and one to me not wanting to help or support the other half of the world by standing up for a system change that would put an end to the 'less fortunate and the more fortunate' inequality equation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and support the Status Quo of this existence because the existence of the less fortunate allowed me to feel more fortunate and as long as I was MORE than someone else, everything was fine

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for how I have lived in oblivion of the obvious abuses in this world because I did not understand how I was participating in the creation of this world nor what I could do about it because I was just one insignificant piece of the equation while the world around me insisted that this is the way things are and I better make peace with it or I would break into one million little pieces

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it was best for all if I just minded myself and my little world and that if I did become rich I may look out for others when I did and for getting angry at my ex husband when he gave me the speech that 'it is our duty to become rich' , because in his speech I saw my own justifications of the search for reasons about why it was ok for me to desire and want more for myself and the stories I told myself, yet when I had a little money, the last thing in my mind was to help others or stand up for a system change, but was to look for preachers and prophets and channelers that would tell me it was fine to just look after 'My Pie' and never mind anyone else's pie because all of us had a right to put into our Pies what we desired, even though it was obvious that some had no fucking ingredients to make a Pie of any kind to start with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for my selfishness and disregard for Life and for not wanting to face the abuses of this world because I felt 'bad' and guilty and shameful about it and that would prevent me from enjoying my privileged position and my convoluted justifications about why the world was Ok the way it was, and I just had to change the WAY I Looked at it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, guilty and shameful about the abuses of this world because I did not stand up in Self responsibility for the world as me, Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear of this existence, One and Equal to me, because I feared existence may one day show me and give me what I was not willing to give to others, which is Equality and a Dignified Life for All, Equal and One to what I would have liked for myself, and I would have to face the manifested consequences of an existence that I lived mercilessly uncaring of others lost in my Mind trips which were of no substance and made no difference to the World as a Whole

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the punishment for my life of carelessness, not realizing that I am already living thepunishment, in a life that is the manifested hell as the consequence of what we have been unwilling to give to each other and as a result the Hell we gave is the Hell we live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry at the Venus people, because I would like to board the Venus Train and dream this better world with them but they lack the HOW TO file and in this I am left to face that there is no way out but the process we are walking, through which we are self correcting ourselves as the system of abuse, to delete our acceptances and allowances, ideas and opinions of why the world is OK the way it is, on a journey to nothingness, and it will be only on the nothingness that space and capacity will be created to rewrite a world that is best for all and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold dreams for shortcuts that may take me out of process because I have judged process as something difficult that will require my absolute dedication and I fear the Absolution of me because I believe I deserved the punishment for what I have accepted and allowed to manifest as this reality which is Hell minus the flames

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to grant myself the Absolution of For-Giveness because I still hold judgements about myself and what I have participated in and as that lead this world to manifest into such a dis-Grace that I would rather die and be deleted out of existence that having to stand and face my own participation to self correct and allow the world as the reflection of me to correct from Hell into Heaven on Earth for everyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold judgements about myself and others in self righteousness that leads to my desire to not forgive myself Absolutely and to not forgive others Absolutely because in the Absolution we may all Be Free and I believe I or others do not deserve or can be trusted to be set free or to set others free, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not deserve my Absolution, which only I can grant to myself, condemning myself and others to Hell on Earth so I can stand Self Righteous about 'at least not having forgiven myself' not realizing this is my Ego, because only Egos are below or above Self Forgiveness while Life stands in the Living Forgiveness of each Breath waiting for us to catch up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal to thoughts, ideas and beliefs of Not deserving, because when a friend told me that Equal Money 'we'll have to see if we believe we deserve it' in that moment I failed to see, that it was me talking to me about my stubbornness of not wanting to accept that we do in fact deserve everything that we give to others, and that in our willingness to stand and Give equally We Do Deserve Equal Money and to be Set Free, Equal and One to our willingness to Free everyone from the slavery of a System that is For-Getting and Not For-Giving

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into Self Righteousness about a point relative to myself or others Equal and One, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that Self Forgiveness is an Absolute, it's the Absolution of myself and Human Kind for what we have done, it is the bricks on which the Equal Money System will be built and I will not withhold the needed brick of and as me out of my desire to be self righteous, but I will Give as I would like to receive my For-Giveness to myself and others, Equal and One

I commit myself to Absolute Self Forgiveness of myself and others until Self Forgiveness is who I am as the living word and others may see what this process is truly about as a movement of a group willing to become nothingness to rewrite on the nothingness how a world that is Best for All should be, for myself as Life and All of Existence, Equal and One

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