Monday, May 14, 2012

Day 31: Rooting for Women vs Men - Part 2

This is another picture that sums up why I hate and resent men.

They just have to be Men, women have to do a shitload of other things to be a "Woman', and from this sign is missing a long list of requirements, be a Chef in the kitchen, a whore in bed and be extensively good looking on all occasions, wearing the right outfits and the right attitude at all times, especially the attitude, that counts a lot.

With this in Mind, I set out in the world to 'think like a man', an easy joke pops into my mind, 'that's easyyy, since they don't think most of the time' but after meeting Desteni that could be in fact a point in their favour, they Think less, they seem to be less Mind troubled than women, have less hang ups, oh right, another reason to hate them for.
Interesting to see that whatever I think about men is divided in 'in my favour, as a woman' or 'in their favour as men', the comparison system of winner losers in Full Display. 

This point is quite extensive in my Life, as much as I would like to be an Equal and realize this is what I am walking for, I can see I am not even close yet, especially with Men, there are so many things that Proudly separate me from Men, there are so many things I love to Hate about Them, I have spent my Life making them Less than Women, in fear that they would in fact always Be More, in a world designed by Men for Men, what chances do we stand if not the crawling into our roles until we fit the perfect image of a Woman.
But who has designed this Woman Image for me if not Myself, are Men really the ones to Blame or was it always Me, accepting and allowing myself to believe both my inferiority as a species and desiring the superiority of my Gender just to stop the Inferiority feelings, just to equalize myself into this world of Men in a way where I felt I could in fact survive, guaranteeing for myself a chance in the Men's World, willing to do anything I could identify as valuable to square the books, to settle the records straight, to Prove to Them and to Myself that I was not worthless just because I was born a woman, that I was valuable, but valuable was not enough for such an uneven playfield, I had to be More, this is why as women we accept to work more and be paid less, we are lost into proving our Value on the Imaginary Value market of this world, on which we ourselves have placed us as Less, and the strain of keeping up with our own Self Defined Woman's Roles is what we Blame on them, this is where the Hate comes from, the Hate for myself not being enough is projected outward, on Men, the Imaginary cause of what goes on inside of Me when I participate in comparisons and I fear losing the comparison Game, and feeding off that Fear I look at them as the Minions who caused my turmoil, if they did not exist, the world would be a better place, a bit like what the Muslim do, they cover up their women so they won't have to face their desires and thoughts that they have already judged as 'bad, wrong and inappropriate", I am the Muslim Taliban with Men, I want them to cover up, hide, disappear, so I won't have to face what I think, Feel and Perceive about myself in my own Self Judgement of Me as Not The Perfect Woman, I blame them for my beliefs that I am less and less worthy and then My Life with Men turns into a constant continuous suppressed unspoken competition, in which I just live to show them that I am More so I can stop feeling Less.

to be continued

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