Sunday, May 13, 2012

Day 30: Rooting for Women vs Men

There you go. This would be one of the sentences that would have set me off and delivered me straight into  the kick ass personality of "actually, we are way smarter, you dickhead".
I had a lot of this personality play with my ex husband and I am still plenty reactive to situations where the intelligence or capabilities of women are compared to men's, I HAVE TO MAKE THAT POINT and wrestle it to the ground, it's a possession.
For sure it stems from my culture, a macho idiotic culture in which men prevail, even the stupidest ones seem to believe that "I am the man', should be a statement clear enough about the women having to hold a specific place, which is clearly BELOW them or as they say, barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen, in a sentence summing up our purpose for existence.
Last night I watched the movie 'Jackie Brown', it's about a kick ass woman, she ends up having the best over All of the men in the movie, I loved these movies, last night I saw that I still rooted for Jackie, BIG TIME, I was PROUD of her, the Long kiss Goodbye was another one of my favourite, where it displayed that actually, get it, we do everything better, from thinking to executing, from emotional intelligence to multitasking, family, children,  kneel down men, your time is over !!!!
It may seem like an innocent play out of the Women vs Men eternal conflict, I call it innocent because it started in my childhood, Mary Poppins was the blatant example of Women vs Men and Women on Top, never mind that she was the Nanny, she could fly, move inside Cartoons and win a horse race against all men through seduction and pushing them into gallantry, she was the ultimate kick ass woman, with a Flair.
I liked that, a lot, I hated my place in the world as a nymphet, whose purpose was to seduce and be the grey intelligence behind it all, while men held front row positions of power that were obviously undeserved and misused, if we could have got our hands on 'their power' we would have changed the world, nobody fucked the world up like God, and He was a Man, as George Carlin said, a woman would have never fucked up so badly, even over eons of time.
So what is it that pushed me to desire to back stab men, and even front stab them ?
It was their power, in a man's world we were left with the seduction game, I found it unfair, limiting, and basically stupid, since seduction happened best when at least one of the two parties was unaware, but yet to be unaware of seduction means to be naive, for lack of a better defining word, and since women were well aware of every seductive move and word they spoke and lived, who were the unaware ones, Men? Were they really believing that a 20 years old was attracted to their fat ugly belly and their melting 60+ body, in a world where everything that happens is based on 'Attraction and Sex" ? And that it was real Love ? Come ooooonnn! And if they were indeed not aware, proving to be stupid fools, why was the world in the hands of these silly fuckers ?

I hated to be a Woman in a Men's world. I could have done so much if I were born a man !
I had a reading with a guy once and he told me I had 'Penis envy', obviously it was metaphorical, who would envy a Penis in today's technology world, where Penises seem to have become obsolete to say the least? The methapore explained how I perceived my place in the world, simply Unfair, I had worked out how to treat men as they treated women, it was a success, pity I did it to the 'nice ones' and ended up leaving behind a lot of casualties in a world where the War is On, but usually the casualties left on the battlefield are those of women.
So I lived by my excuse that I could in fact do anything, I could not Stand as The Change, as I was Not an Equal with Equal chances and Opportunities in a Men's World,  I was in no position to make any change, so in my lack of self responsibility I ended up Hating Men, projecting on them the Blame of why I was not able to Stand Up and not accept a world of Inequalities, the Blame of me being a Woman in a Men's World, I felt lots of Hate and Resentment..... maybe I still do ?

to be continued

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