Day 27 : The 'I must have done something wrong" Pattern

Yesterday I tried to pin something on one of my Pinterest Board and for the first time the log in page opened, so I tried to log in and got a message that said "Your account has been suspended, please contact support".

This was a very minor thing, yet I saw myself first moving into anxiety thinking that if it was as they said on the Support pages that my account could take a few days to restore, I would have a backlog of things I missed out on posting to catch up with, plus a pattern of thought emerged as in "I must have done something wrong".

I am very familiar with this pattern, when my mum suffered from instability often she would be angry at me for something I could not pinpoint specifically as the source of her anger and she used to tell me 'think about it', in this habit of thinking about it I became used to precede people and make assumptions about what 'did I do wrong' to cause a change in their mood or a personality switch, I started to assume that when people around me change, it's something I have done, I must have upset them, I must have done something 'wrong'. This became quite a trait in my Relationships fuck ups.

It was interesting for me yesterday to watch myself play out a list of possible 'wrong' things I may have done on Pinterest

maybe I have posted something 'objectable'

possibly, you cannot post the same Pin on 2 boards

maybe I cannot post on other's boards even when invited, because I put a post there that was already posted and I did not notice

It was a long list, as long as the list they posted on Pinterest to say what you are not authorized to do, in fact it was longer, I out thought them on a list of forbidden things to do, until I forbade myself from going on as I realized I was ranting on assumptions and since I have never been banned before (here goes another assumption, that I was in fact banned) I may just as well, wait and follow the required steps for reactivation and take it from there.

It is by now obvious to me that I lack some of Anu's traits, patience is not me yet, I see myself more as an Atlantean as make up and design, a loser that has been conned into this reality, which could be one of the reasons why I resisted listening to their story as I was sure I would end up having to face the Inconvenient Truth about who are the winners and the losers, just to find out, yet again, we are all losers in this Polarity Game of which we better get a grasp on to move into an inversion of direction, from Self Destruction into realigning ourselves to Oneness and Equality as Life, because really, is this what we call a life ? Lost in the Mind of assumptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, where is the Space to live our Lives as Life ?

Today Pinterest contacted me to let me know my account was reactivated, I was in fact never banned, it was a glitch, so I have wasted time and Breaths lost in my mind, assuming things that were not True and not even Real. 

So applying Self Forgiveness now to delete this particular Energetic Pattern

 

I  forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when someone's mood or behaviour changes around me 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that other people's moods and behaviors, thoughts and words are my responsibility and that when something goes awry with them 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when B. and S. asked to have a chat with me, I must have done something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mum's bad moods were my fault as it was obvious to her and just not to me 'that I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear doing something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy this blame pattern for what went on inside of me to make other's responsible for my own reactions generated by My thoughts, emotions and feelings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when my ex husband or my partners were in a bad mood 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when my friends don't reply to me or contact me, I must have done something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that  when a stranger approaches me aggressively or replies to me harshly, I must have done something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the sentence 'we need to talk' with the thought 'I must have done something wrong' and with the emotion of fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to scare myself with the thought "I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing something wrong and diminishing myself by making a mistake or doing something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself and others one and equal through the idea of 'doing something wrong' or making a mistake

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be diminished by making a mistake or by doing something 'wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace the rights and wrongs of others instead of trusting myself as Self Honesty to know what is best for All and thus Best for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy this blame pattern for what went on inside of me to make other's responsible for my own reactions generated by My thoughts, emotions and feelings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others could be responsible for me through doing 'something wrong' that upset me, instead of realizing I am the only one that can upset myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to upset myself with assumptions and ideas of what I might have done wrong in situations I know nothing about just because I play out in automatic the pattern of 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the thought of 'I must have done something wrong' and for using it with others as in 'you must have done something wrong to upset me/someone', spreading this dis-ease I had not taken the time to address and let go instead of inflicting it on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate wrongdoing, mistakes and guilt and for using my projected self judgement on others to manipulate them into guilt to my own selfish benefit

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move into and as guilt when I think "I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal to me as the Mind of Self Abuse and Abuse of others instead of breathing myself back Here, One and Equal to Life and everything that exists

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the assumption of 'I must have done something wrong', I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of guilt of 'I must have done something wrong', I stop, breathe, see if I have missed an opportunity to self correct into Oneness and Equality from which the guilt arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the guilt and self correct, if not I stop, self forgive my participation in guilt as an automated response to a pattern of self Abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about wrongdoing and from judging myself and others as 'having done something wrong', through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of Illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every Living Being.