Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Day 47: Giving up "Fighting the Good Fight"

In my mind exists a difference between the Bad Fight and the Good Fight.
The Bad Fights are the Evil Ones, the Good Fights are the Good Ones, done for good, for Love, for Peace, for Justice and lately I have added a new one, for Equality.
Given that the first two are imaginary, as Love is just a feeling, thus not real, and Peace exists only within Conflict, I am left with the 'Good Fight for Equality'.
Because I am a fighter and I don't yet grasp that the point of Fighting is a point of Conflict, and there are no Bad or Good Conflicts but in my Mind.
It would be interesting to see why I have replaced the Fight for Equality with the other ones, but the point is self evident, as I became aware through Desteni of the Reality of Creation, I had to let some things go.
I have been more pissed off to have to let go of Love, it suited me to define myself as a Loving Person with a Good Heart, letting go of Peace and Unjustice was easier as I realized that they were both products of Inequality but I have not healed the need to fight, because I have not let go of the Fighter in me.
So I occasionally still find myself chasing or wanting to chase people around the Internet to get on with 'the Good Fight' to show them that they are wrong and I am Right, so I can find some value for myself in this moment where all things I have placed value on and defined myself as are exposed for what they are, Mind Bubbles of Personalities and Beliefs I have breathed into life, and I fear not existing and lacking points to define myself by.
So I have embodied this new point, the Fighter for Good, as if this was not just another oxymoron that doesn't even need to be explained, it stands there in its absurdity of my acceptance of the Game of Good and Evil, instead of me realizing that a Fighter for Good or Evil, is ultimately just that, a Fighter, and that I am in no way contributing to stopping the Conflict and friction I exist in and as, to bring about a World that is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop and design  myself into a friction seeker for the purpose of generating energy for my existence in and as the Mind, instead of realizing that I was existing as an Unit of Energy in separation from Self and everything that exists, seeking my own charging as satisfaction and the reason for my existence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the fights I can win, because in winning I get a charge and units of energy/value for myself, instead of realizing I was seeking value in separation from myself as Self Worth/Self Value Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek conflict as a way of life and for switching from the negative conflict that became too obvious as being Ego/Delusion based, to the more subtle conflicts that I defined as Good conflicts/good fights, instead of realizing I had just switched polarity to be able to maintain my existence in separation and self interest, accumulating energy units/value units for myself to survive as/in The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be imprinted and to imprint myself with the desire for conflicts that I could win because as a kid I was subject to conflicts that I would lose with my parents and my family in which I perceived myself as diminishing, not realizing I was diminishing in an energetic sense, as and in the Mind, that needs Energy to exist and sustain itself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel defeated when I lost my conflicts/fights as a child to my family because I lacked the proper vocabulary to come back at them and so I lived the frustration of not being able to win what was obviously a contest they were playing, as well, with me, at me, looking for their own energetic fixes, passing on to me the disease of conflict for the purpose of getting my energetic fixes, that I then went on and played out without ever stopping and questioning myself about the point if that was really who and what I was or who I wanted to be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for fights that I can win so I get to experience myself as Right /Righteous and make someone else Wrong, making myself more valuable than another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that now the good fight is against the Ones that are against Equality, instead of seeing that within the Oneness and Equality of existence I am always and only fighting and conflicting with myself and that Equality won't be brought about by and through Conflicts but by stopping all and every conflict I have allowed myself to exist in and as, as an uncaring energy vampire, sucking the substance of myself as Life out of my own physical body from which I have lived in and as separation, instead than Here in and as Breath, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divide fights into bad fights and good fights within me as The Mind, so when I would be forced to let go of the bad fights I could always pick the good fights and keep the energy game going, instead of willing myself to stop all fights and conflicts starting with myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fight myself and to be in conflict with myself due to my own judgements of myself in comparison to what I was supposed to be, should be, should have become on my way to becoming a valuable/acceptable part of society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as conflict, in and as the desire for peace, and within this desire condemning myself to war, accepting that I could only exist desiring balance, seeking balance, seeking the peace of mind that cannot exist and always eluded me, because the Mind exists in and as Polarity and it needs the friction to exist in fear of ceasing to exist, even though I will have to face this point of fear in my walk to leave me as the Mind behind to realign to Self Here as Breath in Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear giving up all conflicts, in fear of no longer existing as the personalities, ideas and beliefs of myself I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate and believe to be me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may give up on myself when I saw to which extent I exist in and as conflict, instead of seeing it is me as the Mind playing out this fear so I will give up and continue to exist as a Mind Consciousness System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my own Fear and for fearing my own Fears

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself To fear myself and everything that I will have to face of me as Me while I walk out of the Mind into Self here in and as Breath as Life in Oneness and Equality

When and as I see myself moving into a reaction that tells me I could be moving soon into a conflicting position outside of me, having reached the conflicting point inside of me, I stop, Breathe, refuse to give in to the external conflict whichever name I have given to it, the Good Fight or the Bad Fight, instead 

I commit myself to investigate all points of conflict I exist in and as and to release them and myself, to clear myself from my past existence in and as conflict and to stop projecting my inner reality into the outer world, seeking for energy as a reward and validation of my existence in and as the Mind

I commit myself to no longer engage in conflicts outside for the Good Fight for Equality as I realize that Equality will come about through each of us releasing their internal conflicts and judgements, ideas and beliefs that keep us separate from Self as Life as One and Equal.

No comments:

Post a Comment