Saturday, May 12, 2012

Day 29: Desteni Process, What the FAQ !



Today I have experienced discomfort and resistance about talking about Desteni and process, it was a cool point because it came up recently with my mum discovering my blog and me feeling I have to 'explain myself' and to give justifications and 'my side of the story'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to justify myself about what I a doing with Desteni

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to choose my words to express myself so people won't be or feel challenged within and as their belief system, as if the uncomfortable feelings of others were my problem or if what I assume about the uncomfortable feelings of others was real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others don't get the Desteni message because it's to convenient for them not to, instead of stopping my judgements about why they don't get it as any point of judgement is a point of self judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not being able to get everything Desteni talks about because I enjoyed the delusion of myself as 'intelligent and clever above average' and now that some things fly over my head I feel inadequate

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inadequate because I don't get all of the Desteni message, like Heaven's Blogs, because I do not allow myself to get it, in fear that I may not be able to handle the responsibility of Creation in and such detail

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am inadequate

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel mocked and for feeling resentment when my friends and my mother repeat 'I forgive myself' as if it was a moment of brainwashing of myself repeating Monkey statement, because I have been unable to explain the nature of Self forgiveness as a moment of self honesty and self responsibility where the blame on others for what I feel and think is projected outside of me, in and as separation from and as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate this 'self forgiveness' statement, due to the attachments I have placed on forgiveness as atonement that is still there and still reeks of humiliation and kneeling down, no matter what I have done until now to reconcile myself with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ridicule self forgiveness as that is like ridiculing the act of giving myself back to myself which is in fact the least ridiculous thing I have done in my life if I consider what I have been involved in, from Energy to LOA to Matrix Energetics and anything I could find to not stand up as a self responsible human being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ridiculous and for fearing being ridiculous

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as ridiculous instead of seeing I was projecting outside of me in separation from me my own fear of being ridiculous

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into tension regarding sharing Desteni and having to face my own reactions about my Fears on this topic, I stop, Breathe, remind myself of Marduks' chat about process, I see that each is walking process from wherever they are and only people who resonate with my words will come around to my words, but everyone will ultimately see the point/need for self change in self honesty and will work towards this self change each one at the best of their understanding

When and as I see myself about to judge myself as ineffective in speaking what I understood about Desteni, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that it is not my job to explain Desteni to others  because when I was looking for answers I recognised the answer and some may and some may not and each one will move at their own pace into self correction toward Oneness and Equality

I commit myself to walk my path of self correction and stand as an example of what Real Benevolence and What is Best for All really is, to give as I would like to receive, so that I will no longer need to explain process but me as process will become the living words that speak what this process is all about, and the difference between what is Consciousness and What is Life, One and Equal with everything that exists.

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