Day 292: The Dignity of Suicide vs The Shame of Poverty?

A few more senseless suicides in the Land of "La Dolce Vita' - heard about them? 

Certainly not, suicides are not the kind of News we want to broadcast, they spoil the images we want to project about Dream countries and Dream lives that just a bunch have access to - Suicides put the Bitter in the Sweetness of 'La Dolce Vita' and we want to prevent that, bad for the economy, bad for our image, there is nothing to gain from it, basically it's just bad - without a Profit.

A couple of pensioners have hanged themselves in their garage in the region of Marche in Italy, the news said they decided to take their life in their garage because that's where their most prized possession was, their Fiat Panda, somehow, it made sense to them.

The grief stricken brother of the woman, unable to overcome the loss, threw himself into the sea and drowned.

The News are highlighting the "dignity" of this couple, they never asked for money to anyone or for help, because they had "too much dignity" - to let everyone know about their Poverty.

He was unemployed,  at 62 unable to find a job in construction -the only thing he was good at, and she was on a 500 euro a month pension, it was not enough to pay the rent and feed themselves, so they just saw as their only solution to end their lives. With 'Dignity'.

One aspect of all this story left me wondering, if it's true that Money doesn't equal Life, why would people with no Money perceive themselves as worthless and their life as meaningless - and if Money is what gives Dignity to Life due to all the crap we bought into, wouldn't it be the most normal thing to allow access to this Vital "Dignifying" Resource to everybody until we can sort ourselves out - because there is something very wrong with believing that Life has value only in the measure that it can be valued through a Money tag, why isn't Life price-less?

And what is all this congratulatory wave about people who commit suicide vs asking for help, do we in fact prefer that the ones that can't make it just leave the stage, with "dignity", so we won't be forced to confront the shame of poverty and how we are deliberately not wanting to face the issue of Poverty as our collective responsibility?

Has "Dignity" become the reward, the medal we give to those who don't make any trouble, who accept the rule of this system all the way to their death vs stealing to eat or robbing a bank - thanks for not bothering anybody, if you die quietly we'll give you the "Dignity' we denied to you in Life, just don't make a big deal out of your 'grand finale' - and they did not, they were found in the morning hanged (cool way to go, clean, no mess, no noise) next to a note 'Please Forgive Us' - amazing.

Despair is everywhere, people in Bulgaria are having prayers to end the rise in suicides and the widespread despair - that will surely help...

Hasn't anyone noticed that Poverty has not ended ever no matter how many people prayed -and preyed, for it? Do we have a deadline after which we give up on God and start doing something and if we do have such a deadline, can we make it known so everyone who suffers can become aware of how long they have to wait  for the delusion to end and can set up their own Advent calendar, like for Christmas, with little paper windows behind which every day an image of hope tells them a solution is coming, and on day 24, at midnight, we can birth to life Jesus words and give to each other what we would like to receive. That would be nice.

Equal Money is a solution that doesn't require Faith nor prayers, it is in fact the end of the preying on those that did not have the stomach or the opportunity to do what is required to do to make it in this system,  it is the understanding that as the problem we can become the solution, that we can stand together and redefine what Money is, as a tool at the service of Life and then get on with using it that way, serving All Life Equally, redistributing access to the world resources to all, because Life is on sale, we know we have put a price tag on life, we know as well that we don't value each Life the same way, I read an article about 'Condolence Payments', it is even ridiculous to write it, those are the payments made to the 'victims of wars' -see what we do- we call people murdered in wars that we wage for resources 'victims', this way we elicit the image of people who 'happened to get killed' in a worthy cause as collateral damage, accidents on a path we seem to be unwilling to leave - and instead of redesigning the world, we redesign the words we use to create a buffer between what we do and our responsibility, our accountability, shit happens (by itself ), our language has adapted to explain this, we use grammar 'impersonally', so 'one' never has to feel the Shame of the world we have created.

Vietnam, Afghanistan, Yemen, Somalia, there isn't 'One' taking these countries on, there is US, criminals  waging war against humanity and many other living beings standing in the way of Money and Profit.

Given our intentions it was fitting that we should price humans as cheaply as possible, we use humans  like transports, to go places, we have first class, business and coach, which is not set by the value of what we envision we'll be able to steal from them but the value they would be able to claim for themselves, in a world where there is no Justice settling the record straight, or media making their stories known, but a faceless corporate world that like us, exists unaccountably, "One" could say that "One" believes a murder can be set with a condolence or Solatia payment and "One" could claim that Life has officially been set at the market price of anything from 1000 USD to 5000 (but Life is even cheaper when the payment for it doesn't have to come under the scrutiny of the public) but as Gordon-Bray said:

“It’s hard to digest that the value of a human life is a few thousand dollars,” said Gordon-Bray, the general in Iraq. “But you know that in their economic situation, it is the equivalent of much more, and you feel better.”

So, we are not in fact admitting to any wrong doing and trying to restore justice (money vs life - one of our perverted ideas of justice), nope, we buy the peace of mind of the soldiers, a small price to pay for wars that cost in the region of billion of dollars, let's face it, we invest in Death, not in Life.

This is what we could do with the money we spent for one of the last wars - from Wikipedia

Based on National Priorities Project Cost of War concept, American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) launched an exhibit title titled "Cost of War" in May 2007, at the close of the National Eyes Wide Open Exhibit. 

It features ten budget trade-offs displayed on 3x7 foot full-color vinyl banners. AFSC uses to cost of the Iraq War estimated by economists Linda Bilmes and Joseph Stiglitz in the article "Economic Costs Of The Iraq War:

An Appraisal Three Years After The Beginning Of The Conflict", written in January 2006 that estimates the total daily cost of the Iraq War at $720 million.  

AFSC uses The National Priorities Project's per unit costs for human needs such as health care and education to make budget comparisons between the U.S. budget for human needs to "One Day of the Iraq War". The ten banners read: One Day of the Iraq War = 720 Million Dollars, How Would You Spend it?

 

One Day of the Iraq War = 84 New Elementary Schools

One Day of the Iraq War = 12,478 Elementary School Teachers

One Day of the Iraq War = 95,364 Head Start Places for Children

One Day of the Iraq War = 1,153,846 Children with Free School Lunches

One Day of the Iraq War = 34,904 Four-Year Scholarships for University Students

One Day of the Iraq War = 163,525 People with Health Care

One Day of the Iraq War = 423,529 Children with Health Care

One Day of the Iraq War = 6,482 Families with Homes

One Day of the Iraq War = 1,274,336 Homes with Renewable Energy

It is sad to have to  point out the obvious to an 'Eyes Wide Shut' Humanity, until there is a war in the world, we are investing in Death, if you want to turn the table and invest in Life, a whole system change will be required, we have a proposal, have a look at it, consider the benefits, the kind of world we could have if we stopped our "Human Race" for Profit and turned ourselves into a Humane HumanKind, we can put Life back at the centre of every equation and stop the Shame we live as, the Shame is not Poverty, it is the allowance of Poverty, we have shifted the blame on the poor for their condition so they would take the Shame of it too - but we know it was a clever miss-placement, that Shame belongs to us ALL, Equally, and should be distributed as unequally as the resources of the planet, those who have more, more Shame, just because we have more means to do more and are so far still doing nothing.

Stand up for Life, a new world is possible, we just have to decide we want it and make it happen.

Cast your vote for Life @ #EqualMoney,  Now.

Related articles

• Bulgaria prays to end suicides
• Bulgaria Holds Prayers to End Suicides and Despair
• "on living with dignity in china"
• Day 286: 'Le Havre' - The Poetry in Poverty?
• Bulgarian President Moves to Curb Suicide Wave with Prayer
• Three days of public prayers in Bulgaria
• Suicides in Italy linked to economic woes
• La Dolce Vita 2012
• Triple suicide triggered by economic struggle shocks Italy
• What Is The True Cost Of The Iraq And Afghan Wars?

Day 112: 'I love you This Much' Character, SF and SCS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel FEAR every time someone asked me 'how much do you love XXXX(Me), Dear?', and for feeling bad because I was not yet able to generate the 'Love' feeling as in something that felt good and safe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the Love questions in relation to Quantity, as when I was asked to specify How Much and show it in a visual manner, as clearly I could not show the World or the Universe with my hands and arms outstretched, I feared that the Quantity I was about to display would Not Be Enough to secure my livelihood and a 'loving environment' which translated in a place where I was allowed to stay, sleep, be clothed and be fed

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as disloyal when I told the same things to 2 different grandparents, as it was clear that I was supposed to prefer one/love one above the other, and so my display of love should be This Much for One and a Little Less for the Other and Not The Same, because if I made them the Same within the Love Visual display of my affection I was for sure disloyal and a liar to both, where instead of standing and saying I love the other grandma more, first because she is a blood relative and you are not and blood is thicker than water, second because I get more stuff off of her than off of you, yet I pretended to love them all Equally because it would have been unbecoming to come out and speak such truth in relation to LOVE as a Reward System as the first layout of Capitalism (with Love as Value/Worth being the Capital) within the Family

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Blood is thicker than water, as that is the Foundation of our Con-cept of Inequality, where the Family guarantees its specialness with the children and that the System won't Change because there is Us vs Them, Us meaning the FamiLie and then The Rest of the World, instead of realizing we are All Equals and that Blood is just another way to justify why we are not and why we have to Stick to this Bloody System as It IS

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the moments of intimacy and Aloneness with my blood grandmother as I knew she could use those moments to ask me the Love questions that would make me feel disloyal to my mother as well, because I related loving to stuff I got and the permission to do everything I wanted, which I did not have from my mother, and then I would say I love you more than I love mum, because THAT was for sure ENOUGH to secure I could have access to her 'unconditional' support which was conditional ONLY to How Much I told her that I loved her

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as disloyal to my mother instead of seeing and realizing I felt disloyal because I embraced some as more important than others and started to divide myself from my family which is LIFE for my FamiLie which was just where I was born

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear this Love business within the FamiLie, as the word Love became more and more layered within me with conditions and so I could not understand the Unconditional Love my family was always talking about when I had been imprinted clearly with all the conditions that would make me really lovable vs dutifully loved as a job that they overtook for themselves and that had nothing to do with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed about the way I learnt to use the word Love as a word in separation from myself meant to generate good feelings around me, so I could live in peace while everyone got what they wanted as in the declaration of Love vs The declaration of War that we all Fear within the FamiLie structure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated as soon as someone would start a sentence with 'you see, what I am about to tell you is just because I love You' as I knew from experience that there was never anything 'good ' following the 'I love you sentence', and that it was the most vile way to communicate to each other in fact because not only a blow was coming but I was asked to lay down my defences as I braced myself for whatever was to come that for sure would not be pleasant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word Love within experiences and memories of perceived unpleasatness that was just FEAR that I was unable to decode and name because the Love Word stood in the way of me seeing clearly what we were really taking about

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word Love to a desire to be approved and to get away with anything I could say or do, as I grew up brandishing this word against others, as a passe-partout that could open every door, subjecting others as me to the same routine of asking them to put down their weapons and accept the blow that I was about to strike, all in the name of Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that LOVE that is expressed in 2 different ways in Italian as in TI AMO, to a lover, or Ti Voglio bene, to a family member, is fishy, since everyone wrote and spoke abut the Universal Concept of Love as a Feeling, yet within my own language we made a difference even between the feeling for the ones you Love to Fuck and the Ones you Fuck for Love, yet the Fucking part was always involved with Love but kept hidden from any conversation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be loved by my family and to love my family, not because the loving felt good, but because in loving I could for a moment Not Fear them, I could pretend that everything was FINE and we were COOL and that no surprises were around the corner to confuse me into 'why the fuck did she/they say/do that for?' as after the Loving Play Out there would be a Break and for some time the hateful spitefulness that was running as the invisible force behind all games was suspended and we could breathe, even briefly and feel some peace

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word Love to Peace, as in something I aspired to within my family where I perceived WAR all the time, failing to see I was at WAR with myself, with all the parts of me that I had already learnt to suppress to participate in the 'Loving Game' where I could beLieve that it was in fact Normal to interact within the Guidelines that were set stricter and stricter as I grew up, that it was normal to lie to each other's face and gossip behind each other's back and that was what a family was and that in fact we were the lucky ones that were not tied to the legs of a table or had the face smashed against a wall to leave the sacred Sindone on the wall paint, because we were the loved kids and the other kids were the not loved ones, and so I made myself connect Love with the lesser violence displayed in my family in comparison to the families of some of my friends, who funnily enough, believed themselves to be loved to, and connected the word Love to Violence just to go on and move into abusive relationships seeking for the definition of Love they imprinted themselves with as Love=brutality=Passion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the Violence of the families around me that said that they Loved their Children so much and whatever they did was for their own good, and for living in HOPE that my family would never Love me THAT Much

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I did not display enough Lovability, I would be dumped because as my mother told me, a dog was better than me because the dog wagged his tail, and so somewhere in my mind I connected Love to wagging my tail and to showing lovability as a trait that would guarantee my family and then my partners would keep me and not just give me up for adoption like any bastard that is not lovable enough ends up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this memory of when my mum said that a dog was better than me, so I could blackmail her every time she would trump the Love/Fear card as I now had a 'get out of Jail Free Card' that I filed away against her, to show her that I may not always meet the lovability standard but you don't too Bitch, and so we are even and my place within the support system  is safe and secured

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself with thoughts and beliefs that I was not lovable for this one sentence that my mum said one evening when she was tired and I was throwing some tantrum and for not letting this moment go as something that was NOT personal, instead I personalized it on purpose as I feared my family and I believed I would have to start weaponizing myself against them, because they would always fuck me with the Love card and I would have to have a 'come back' line for when the fucking with my head would just cross the line, instead of seeing and realizing that I was in fact in charge of how I experienced myself and that I did not need to fear them and that I had no real reasons to fear them but that I was taking on  their Fear through their 'LOVE' and THEN looking for reasons to explain to myself why the fuck did I fear them and so I looked for reasons to make sense of my fears within their actions and words, not realizing that this was NOT how they were passing on the load to me and that 'looking for reasons' was just an additional fuck up that I was inflicting on myself as I layered myself with both Their fears and My Reasons to justify them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, that the fears were piling up through the LOVE they were giving me and that the reason why I Feared the word Love was because the word LOVE was for themselves FEAR as well, and that I was reading the History of the Word within them as a child and not hearing the word from which they themselves had separated themselves from, and so no matter how many 'good words' they would speak after the word Love, I would hear FEAR FEAR FEAR, while both would have never been able to explain what the fuck was going on as no one of us was aware of the Truth of Ourselves as The Mind and as The Fear of Ourselves and Existence, Equal and One

I commit myself to let go of my memories of the Fear of Love that I felt as a Child and to let go of the memories that I have filed as an explanation of my fears in connection to Love, as I commit myself to purify my words to stop my separation from myself as Words to return HERE to Life in and as Breath, in and as The Physical for What is best for All, for myself and all of Existence Equal and One.

Day 39: The Courage to Live

Yesterday Creation's Journey to Life Blog was about 'The Courage to Live'.

As it has happened to me in the past weeks, some of  'Creation's Blogs' build up like Opera inside of me, to an escalating point, and like the Opera, they always lead to tears.

Mostly they show me where and how I have not been on this planet at all, how I have managed to 'walk like an Egyptian' through existence, turning both cheeks whenever necessary because I lacked 'the Courage to Live'.

I am not faulting myself or others for this, we had no examples of what 'living' meant for real and how we could work toward that, yet, the simple realization that I have lacked the courage to Live and that I have used the word Courage in separation from me to express ludicrous Acts of Evil, like Courageous Acts of Wars or martyrdom or being eaten by lions as Courage, brought me to tears.

Yet with a bit of common sense I could have seen that the Courage to do as you are told, like going to war or being eaten by lions for an ideal that was never ours but implanted is not Courage but submission, martyrdom is just another act of submission to the religious system, self flagellation is an act of submission and fear, mostly all the acts of Courage I have valued and connected to the word 'Courage' were in facts acts of Fear, as martyrs saw their sacrifice as a chance to get good grades and into Heaven in Fear of the Afterlife, and acts like self flagellation were the self punishment to get ahead of the game in fear of Hell, being eaten by lions, well, this was in fact not a choice since it seems that after the Romans we have not kept up the practice to show our Courage, so going into an Arena to be eaten by lions was like war, something we were told we had to do, it was that or death, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Yet, the biggest Courage I have had to summon in my life was to stand up in and as self correction in and as the Mind, when I realized I was in fact a living example of Self Abuse, and as I had already worked out that We are the Creator of Our Own reality, I had to wonder, where was my Self Abuse going if not into the manifestations of the Abuses of the World ?

How is it possible to BeLieve that we create the good only, just because We Want It ? Then WHO is creating the ugliness of the world ? This is a point worth investigating, because it's not What We Do that determines who we are, it's Who We Are that determines What We Do.

"I commit myself to be Courageous in challenging with Common Sense every point where abuse of Life has become the justified way of Life of the human race.

I commit myself to the Courage to Live.'

These were the sentences that yesterday drove me to tears, the first one because I realized how little common sense I have applied in my Life regarding the point of questioning the Abuses of this world and how much I did to not want to look at what was going on, and the second for it's simplicity, a commitment to the Courage to Live, that is no small feat since I realized that I am not Alive Yet and I never was.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it takes courage to die, when in fact it takes courage to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Living and for hiding in and as The Mind throughout my life without ever giving myself a chance to experience Life in the Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Courage is shown in the face of Fear, which disqualifies me from having ever been courageous having always Feared living and not having stood up for and as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Brave Ones are the ones that dare to do what I don't dare to do, like dying, because I feared dying and no longer existing and yet I feared living and having to make the Decision of Who I Am and Who I Want to Be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave back doors for myself from which I believe I may one day escape Process instead of seeing I have stood up for Life and there is no going back and leaving backdoors only shows my half assed commitment because I have never committed full heartedly to anything because I lacked the Courage to do so

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that going to the Army and to War, dying for God and What You Believe in, and displaying a carelessness for Life vs ideas, opinions and beliefs was an act of Courage instead of seeing, it takes Courage to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that sleeping my afternoons away or not engaging fully in Life is a treat, instead of seeing this is my way of showing that I rather not be Here and face myself full time until I can stand up and Live but fade away into spaces of oblivion that I use to re-ward myself for having done something that I am supposed to do like writing my daily Blog

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress judgements about myself that led me to laziness instead of looking for the starting point of my judgements so I may release them and become more effective at my daily participation of myself in and self correction to stand up as Life for Life, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Life as who I am and what I have become, because it looks like such a monumental task to deconstruct myself as the busy bee that I have been into building up all my honey cells in which I could imprison myself so I would not have to stand up and commit myself to the Courage to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for how I have lived and what I have become in relation to my carelessness for a world of suffering, a world that is me as All There Is and my Creation as the suppression of everything of me I have separated myself from, instead of for-giving myself step by step to release myself and others from my participation in and as The Mind which is a monstrosity of backchats and polarities that I have allowed myself to accumulate to the point that I believe I lack the courage to face it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Living is a burden and that I wished to not be alive because I never understood what was the purpose of this mockery of life we call existence until I met Desteni and then it took me months to build up the courage to create enough capacity inside of me to be able to grasp how it is that we exist as we exist and what is required from each one of us to be done to change ourselves and the World, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I don't have the courage to read Heaven's Blogs because I feel so disheartened by both the amount of information and the implications of what this existence really means and what we have done through eons of time to build up this shithole called existence in which we now find ourselves as the Manifested Consequence of our separation from Life, Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may lack the Courage to look at reality and what we have created without wanting to just kill myself and be done with it all because it's too big and convoluted and how are we gonna get out of this is still unknown to me, instead of seeing I have had other points I lacked the capacity to take on board at the beginning, like Veno's Structural Resonance explanation, but now that I am on lesson 10 of my DIP and I went back to the Resonance Information, I am not as scared and I have in fact created capacity inside of me through Self Forgiveness to be able to see and take on more responsibility for Creation and my part in it, so I have to accept it's a process, and processes don't have quantum leaps, unless they are delusions of the Mind, as this process has to be walked backward in time, until I will see how I have created myself into this point of extensive all encompassing separation and one point of separation at the time I am able to Self Correct through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application while I keep walking to Birth myself as Life into the Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Life to the point that  created fake personalities to pretend to live and never be bothered by the question 'is this Life' because my personalities were created around the ideas and beliefs I made up about what living is and my acceptance and allowance that I better accept things as they are and make the most of it or I would just destroy myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, that when I feared destroying myself I feared the end of the existence of me as the Mind Consciousness System to which I gave up my power to be the Self Directive Principle of my Life because I embraced the idea that I had a path laid out for me, which was nothing else than my preprogrammed life in which I walked into without asking questions, given that my preprogrammed life was not as bad as the life of some others on the planet and I could 'live' with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel victimized by this Creation when I saw the extent to which this Mind enslavement has taken us and theTraps we have walked into that I have accepted and allowed to define WHO I AM, instead of seeing I was always the only one brutalizing myself through my own participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions, the trinity of Creation of the delusions of my Mind that I then walked into physical reality, desiring to blame my life and what I accepted and allowed myself to become on others so I would not have to take self responsibility and stand up to as Life to start to Live and not to think and imagine I was living

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not Brave/Courageous, because I would have NEVER died for God, instead of seeing that one point as a moment of Sanity in my Life in which I saw through the deception of existence and I rathered Live than Die for an Imaginary Heaven Abiding Hateful Spiteful Merciless Creator

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to measure my courage by my willingness to die for some 'cause' meaning be-cause someone said it would be a good idea, going to war, being a martyr or being eaten by lions, instead of realizing that Courage is not in the willingness to die but in the Self Will to Live, to stand up and stop my own existence as a robotic preprogrammed unit of self destruction and destruction, accepting that I do have the power to change and that since I have just lived out programs, that I have written myself through my acceptances and allowances of my de-finitions of ME, about who I was, it will be a matter of deleting these programs through self-forgiveness and rewriting me, having the Courage to rewrite myself on the nothingness I am aiming for so that I can become Self Honesty and build myself as Self Trust and Self Worth and become the foundation in and as the new world that I wish to be and be a part of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what B. writes, because we started with a 7 year project, that became 14 and now we are at 28 years to change the world, and I fear if I keep reading we'll get to 56 and then 112 as it seems to go up exponentially and I fear I may not have the courage to participate in a project that is like planting a Date Tree for which who plants it will never see the bearing of the fruits, instead of seeing I don't need the courage to project myself to the end of this project, but just the Courage to stand up Daily, like they say at the AA meetings, because I am an energy junkie in recovery, one day at the time will do, one step at the time will do, One Breath at the time will build up Breaths that I have spent and invested in Life and Breaths count and if they won't count for me they will count for those that come after me, as me, One and Equal, to no longer have to live in and as a Debt System, but be liberated and have a chance to be born free in a world of support for All, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I may lack the Courage to Live, because I never lived and I am not even sure if I need Courage to Live or I need courage to stop pretending to be Alive according to my idea and beliefs and opinions of what being alive is, so I can Live

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into fear of living and desire to just sleep as a treat, in which I accept and allow myself to believe that sleeping is in fact better than living because I am NOT Here, and I don't have to face the truckload of shit I have accumulated and called my Human Experience because I fear the judgement of how much I have to clear due to my own self judgement of how much I have fucked up, so I stop myself from judging my fuck ups as more than others, in a slimy attempt to find worth and moreness in the negative side, having failed at the positive side, and accept that we are in fact All Equally fucked in and as the Mind, no one is special even in the fuckedupness, so I can see and realize that my walk is no different from the walk of others out of a Human Experience as a system of abuse and I no longer want to live in and as that, and that Courage is in Breathing, Here, and so I bring myself back  HERE consistently, I will myself back here as the Self Directive Principle of me and no longer as a Puppet of Energy and the Mind

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into autopilot of the mind as thoughts feelings and emotions, I stop,  Breathe, remind myself, autopilot is a design of Fear, and fear doesn't make good designs nor designs that are based on What is Best for All or what is Best for me and that I have decided to stop my abdication of Self Responsibility to Autopilot and get back at the helm of my life and that I have to accept that sometime I may catch myself already into autopilot but the Breathing will disengage me and bring me back Here to live as the Self Directive Principle of my Life, where I can embrace myself wherever I am and stand up in and as Courage to start living and standing in and as Life, Equal and One.

I commit myself to be Courageous in challenging with Common Sense every point where abuse of Life has become the justified way of Life of the human race.

I commit myself to the Courage to Live.'