Day 114: The Loving Character Self Corrective and Self Commitment Statements

When and as I see myself moving or desiring to move into the Loving Character as a way to get my advantage toward another by speaking the FEAR-FULL word 'Love", I stop, Breathe, investigate what I fear to lose that makes me desire to up my chances to Not Lose and do not speak this word as a tool for manipulation

When and as I see myself wanting or desiring to reply to someone that speaks the words 'I love You' I care for You with 'Me Too', I stop, Breathe, realize that I am just wanting and desiring to square the books that I perceive the word 'Love' creates when it is spoken and I do not speak this word as a Tool for squaring books of imaginary debts and credits

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into fear when I anticipate that anothr is about to speak the word 'Love' as I fear being manipulated by it, I stop, breathe, remind myself that I am the only one that can manipulate myself through reactions such as emotions and feelings and breathe to stop my participation within and as Emotions and Feelings

When I find myself within a situation where I see another speaking the word 'Love' out of Fear, I stop, Breathe, see if I can support the other out of that moment of Fear by asking to the other what is it that they fear, if the opportunity is Not there for the unconditional support of another I Breathe myself back  Here to stand as an unconditional point of support for another One and Equal as myself as they move through and out of their Fear

When and as I see myself longing for the time when I was a 'loving person' as to suggest that when I was a Loving person I was Better and More than now that I am no longer willing to play the Loving Character, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that I was always just a Loving 'Character', and that every 'loving' I have done or spoke about in my life I did in Self Interest and was therefore not real, and that Real Love is finding a solution for a dignified Life for All, Love is abandoning the play within Characters that only seek to win over others who must lose and that Love is not a feeling and the feeling is what I am really after to prove to myself that I as the Loving Character identified by the Loving feeling Am still alive and that there is no Real Loss but a make belief Loss of Who I have embodied out of Fear, trying to up my chances to Survive within a very unloving, abusive world as all the others using the Love word and feeling are busy doing too

When and as I see myself engaging or about to engage in the desire for Love as either a memory or a future play out, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that Love is just FEAR and that what I am seeking is to 'feel Alive' as how I have so far defined being Alive as within an energetic charge, a surge of a movement within me to define my aliveness, my being Alive and I remind myself that being Alive is NOT in fact what I have believed Aliveness to Be, and that when I do feel a surge of Energy I am engaging myself as a system and consuming my substance for an imaginary Experience instead of being Here in and as Breath as Life

When and as I see myself desiring a loving experience such as being hugged, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that I am desiring what I am not giving to myself, my unconditional acceptance and loving presence Here in and as Breath and I bring myself back Here to be for myself what I seek out of myself

When and as I see myself moved by a story or a movie that depicts 'a loving relationship, people growing old together, friends laughing and hugging each other' as things I will never again experience because I am still only able to conceive life within polarities and so if I associated love with hugging and support, I discard love AND hugging and support by moving in the Loveless experience of my self definition of Love, instead of seeing and realizing those were NOT my definitions of Love, those were system definitions of Love meant to sell me a desire as an experience of myself and that Love is physical which means I can still hug a friend or support someone and be supported, just no longer within the confinements and restrictions of an energetic mind drawn and designed experience

I commit myself to let go of Love and of myself as a Loving Character, as I see realize and understand that nothing I have ever done as a Loving Character or as Loving has even been Real, because I was NOT ever yet Real and because I was not One and Equal to Another Here in Breath to offer the unconditional support that I could not give because I have yet to find it for myself

I commit myself to support myself unconditionally to walk myself out of the Mind, so that for the first time I may experience Love as Me, no longer as a separate projected word and experience of my psychotic Mind, but One and Equal as Physical Support of myself and another Equal and One

I commit myself to stop the existence of me as the mourning of the Loss of Love, as I see realize and understand that I am mourning something I never had or experienced and thus this mourning experience is a creation of my mind to tempt me back into Character, into an energetic experience of myself vs the physical Experience of Myself here in and as Breath walking my self correction and my realignment to Oneness and Equality

I commit myself to show others that the LOVE we exalt and mourn is Not real and that what we always sought was our Self Acceptance beyond the Criminal activity of Our Sick Minds that turned ourselves into Fear Mongers and existence into a Fearful/Love-fool place where Life is abused for Energy while we waste away on the wings of Hope for a Life we never had.

Support yourself to walk out of your Mind with Desteni

Support a system to Love Yourself and your neighbor for/as Life Equal and One with

Equal Money System

Day 99: Gossip and Back Chat Self Commitment

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the commentary in my head relative to someone I have seen, spoken to, thought about, imagined, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that a commentary in my head is not supportive to others or myself, it's not aligned to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All and it is in fact an act of self abuse and abuse, as I participate within judgement, ideas and Opinions that stand in the way of me seeing another as myself, and of stopping the separation of myself from others as an idea I have grown used to, that is not Real

When and as I see myself desiring to comment out loud., wanting to express what is going on in my Secret Mind as a way to prove that I am honest and not hiding stuff, I stop, breathe, remind myself that there is no way to be honest if my starting point is what has been going on in me as the Mind, that I am just desiring to move into the Gossip Character to offload my backchat and that I do not need to do so in fact, I can instead breathe until the commentary stops, apply SF in my mind if I am in no position to speak it out loud until the energetic desire to participate in gossip, under whatever name I am attempting to give it, has subsided and when I speak I make sure I am clear and only share what concerns me

When and as I see myself desiring to bond, to get close to someone, I remind myself that this is the situation in which I will move into gossiping and 'sharing secrets' and that the desire to get close to someone 'out there' is just a sign that I am not yet close to myself that in fact I desire the self honest relationship with myself that I have denied myself while I busied myself with others and their 'businesses' as a distraction in fear of what I would find if I did take the time to look into myself in self honesty and that I can reassure myself that it is only FEAR and not Real and in fact standing in the way between me and finally getting to know me, getting close to me and stopping the desire to get close to someone else 'out there' 

When and as I see myself getting lost or about to engage the commentary in my head regarding another being, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that there is no honesty in my commentary as it has been built by Characters I have been interpreting that are not Real and have nothing of value to contribute but words to make myself as a Character more than others in fear of feeling less/diminished, instead I look at my desire to engage in this behavior, look for the cause and apply self forgiveness for having accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to another, which resulted in my desire to participate in the commentary that I was about to use to prove my superiority and the inferiority of another

When and as I see myself about to compare myself or inside the comparison game already, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that comparison and competition can only happen among Characters that live in Me as The Mind, as a database of experiences, ideas, beliefs and judgements is needed to be able to compare myself, instead I stop my comparison so I won't go into competition and then engage myself as the Gossip Backchat Character in the Hope to level the imaginary field I myself am creating and participating within

I commit myself to stop my existence as The Arrogant Character, to stop my participation in backchat and gossip, inward an outward, as I see realize and understand that every judgement is Self judgement and I no longer want to judge myself or others

I commit myself to consistently stop my backchats about others and when a thought arises that seems innocent, I stop, breathe, forgive my participation in such thought, keep breathing and walking until I accumulate breaths of Self correction to stop the existence of me as the Character of Arrogance, that fears diminishment while it seeks comparison just to win, fearing that the comparison is anyway going on in the minds of others, not seeing realizing and understanding that I only fear Myself as the creator of comparison and that I can stop and within this I commit myself to stop

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that comparison is useless and that it only leads to feelings of inadequacy and diminishment and to abuse as self abuse, and that a habit won't go away just because I wish it away, and so I commit myself to be diligent about keeping up the stopping, not feeding energy to this Character of Arrogance, so I may stand as the Self Directive principle of me as self correction to change myself inward and outward Equal and One

I commit myself to be patient with myself, to not judge myself to avoid denial of my Mind activities in fear of my own self judgement, instead I take myself by hand and commit to just keeping up the stopping, until the backchat and internal gossip about others stops, so I can stand clear and be an example of self honesty for myself, Oneness and Equality and What is best for All

Day 28: Hosting Friends and Hang Ups

This is actually a real picture of me and a friend I had in Hong Kong, a good friend.

I mean good friend still in the sense of the ones 'that make you feel good', I was a 'feel good friend ' too, most of the time, I treasured the idea that having a Relationship, being friends with someone, is All about "Feeling Good" with Them, I have spent a Life investing in Good/Bad Thoughts, Feelings and Emotions, which means I have actually wasted my Life up to now and invested in what was not Real.

Feelings and Emotions are not Real, hence I was not Real, nor was anyone else involved with me in the same Investment Plan.

In this picture of myself I see the sadness of my eyes, it was a usual Sunday Brunch in HK, lots of drinking and lots of feeling good, meaning, lots of Self abuse through and through , to the Physical through alchol and to the Physical through the Mind as Feelings and Emotions.

Since I came back to Italy I have had some friends visiting, it was clear that they id not come to visit me but just because it was a place to stay, I happened to be here.

Tomorrow another friend is coming, she is coming specifically to visit me, she is not happening here nor will I, it's meant as a visit, which is the first novelty in my hosting, the first two were males, she will be the first girlfriend I host.

It's been a different to host males and females friends in my mind, when I had males as guests, I worried less, I feared less their judgements about how I keep the house, how I cook and how I organize things.

Tomorrow my first female friend comes, I have been anxious about getting organized, looking around for things to do with her, wanting to give her the 'perfect experience' of Italy, which is quite hard since I'm not even having it myself.

I have changed, and I fear I may not be able to relate or that I will fall back into patterns of behavior and personalities to be able to relate.

This is another point between hosting my male friends to whom I felt no need to relate, how could we ? I have never 'related' to a man even when I had male friends, understanding that they are just 'different', I have a belief that men are 'less demanding' based on assumptions in my mind, ideas and memories of having almost never heard men complain and criticize others as much as women, but since I joined Desteni I have realized there is no difference in fact, we all share a Secret Mind, they are just less outspoken about it, maybe they even fear the judgement of their own criticising and complaining, while women got over that as the pressure cooker that is the Mind became simply uncontainable. It was actually a relief to find out men were not better or worse than women are, we are just all equally fucked in and as the Mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire friends like I used to have to share feelings and emotions as a way to feel Alive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having friends from the past visiting because I don't know if I will be tempted to walk backward or if I will be able to stand in and as the Change I have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that without feelings and emotions I won't be able to enjoy myself even though I have seen that emotions and feelings as reactions were never real enjoyment but an energy game we all play and participate in

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that men are easier than women, better than women until they are worse than women, instead of seeing we are Equals as Life and temporarily just in 2 different physical expressions of gender

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot nor I need to relate to a man, because they are different, instead of seeing we are Equals and possibly share the same issues from two different sides, which doesn't make them different at all, but equally fucked up in and as the Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be anxious about hosting a friend in fear of her judgement that I don't do everything perfectly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to do everything perfectly as a way to give value and worth to myself because I have separated myself from My Self as Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can and must acquire Worth for myself because I am not good enough without Externally Granted Worthiness and within this I forgive myself for believing I am not good enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to prove something to somebody in my life to uphold an image of myself of the past that I no longer fit

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that we may have little to say to each other just because I relate my emotional participation in and as life to communicating instead of seeing that real communication can only happen when thoughts, emotions and feelings are not involved so that the moment can truly be a moment of Self Expression here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent my past participation with friends as a reactive machine, in it for my fixes of energy and not to really be and share myself with another human being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my past participation with friends as BAD, due to the extende of energy maniuplation that was involved as I lived in and as the Mind and not Here in and as the Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I no longer know who I am because I am shedding personalities and I lack the scripts to behave in my 'usual ways' instead of seeing that today for example a friend came to visit and we had the best chat we had in many years because I was self honest and that led her to be self honest as well and we both benefited equally from the exchange, beyond energy games

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that without emotions and feelings my life is empty and not Real, when I can see clearly from the picture I posted that my life was empty and not real before, because I was never real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my expression to a roller coaster of emotions and feelings that run me and my words and my life, instead of standing up for myself in Self Expression to stop the bullshit called friendship limited to energy plays to uphold ideas and beliefs about our treasured personalities as Ego

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I miss interactions with friends as the ones I had, when it is clear to me now that I have never in fact had a real interaction with anyone because to have real interactions I should have been real, and I was not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to despise myself for all the fakeness and bullshit I have participated in as personalities of myself as the Mind preventing myself from living and experiencing myself beyond the limiting world of emotions and feelings as energy fixes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the dis-honesty of friendship allowing myself to live a world of gossips in my secret mind about them, proving to myself and then believing that I could not be trusted which led me to not trust anyone else

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself and for believing I was not trustworthy, while I see that when I am out of the Mind I can actually move effectively to learn to trust myself Breath by Breath to build myself into a real Human Being, stopping my Pinocchio Puppet Life, where the strings that moved me were self disegned thoughts, feelings and emotions that I have embedded into my body and that ended up creating and manifesting network of systems that Moved Me instead of Me Moving Myself as the Self Directive principle of Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself and others as friends, by making them special to guarantee that I could have easier access to the energy fixes I craved and needed, as me, as the Mind, as Ego, instead of making the whole world my friend and a friendly place for myself and the generations to come so we may All experience Life on Earth in Oneness and Equality and stop our existence of separation in and as the Mind

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into making someone 'special', I stop, breathe, remind myself that 'special' is a way of separating the special ones from the non special, while everyone in this world is Self and worthy of Life as me in Oneness and Equality

When and as I see myself move or about to move into any kind of reaction and about to speak to a friend from such reactive place, I stop, Breathe, bring myself back Here, check that I am not reacting before I express myself and only then I allow myself to speak

When and as I see myself move into Anxiety or about to move into anxiety because I have a friend visiting, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that is the anxiety of my fear of my own judgements of me as a Hostess, as I would like to be seen as perfect and faultless, I stop, remind myself that I open my home asking and expecting nothing in return, as this is what I would like to receive and I have made the decision to give as I would like to receive and so in no expectations or desires to be fulfilled, there can be no points of conflict within or without.

I commit myself to learn effective and self honest communication by breathing always before I speak, abandoning all scripts, beliefs and ideas and memories of what a friendship should be or look like, so I may see all as equals to me and deserving of what I would like to receive, self honest relationships that are not Mind and Energy based but based on the foundation of Life as Breath and What is best for All that I myself start by giving unconditionally to others.