So, something opened up and I need to address this point by taking a break from my Marriage Walk.
The point of Money.
We are probably not aware about How deep the Money Rabitt Hole goes, we don't want to be aware because if we did we would have to turn back a few steps and swallow some of the words we have spoken about others and this system regarding the unimportant role Money plays in everyone's, everyday life and our own corruption and corruptibility.
So, within 48 hours I have been offered Money twice, once from a guy I don't know and once from my ex husband to start a project for which he would take a share if I accepted.
What I have noticed in both instances has been the anticipation when the words 'I can give you Money' were spoken in two different contest, something similar to the Pavlov effect and the salivation, I went into salivation. Not only, I had a shift, I actually saw myself morph into the 'Corruptible' Character, which is a canny persona that comes with a calculator and a whole truckload of well rehearsed excuses on how from there onward, it is imperative to weight my words on the Money scale before expressing myself and How I am going to present whatever it is that could bring me money in the best possible light, it's just 'Normal', it's the way we do things, what's wrong with that? I became 'nicer' after both offered/promised me money, but wouldn't that too be normal, I mean they were so nice, kind, considerate (wink wink), I am going to return the favor and be nice, agreeing with what they say, turn down the 'standing firm' a notch, will make them feel good about themselves, I KNOW how to play this game, TRUST ME.
The result was that I then felt shame and guilt, at first I thought it was because I had a secret desire in both cases that you never know, something was there for me to grab, but this is not the point of shame and guilt, that was because I morphed and left the building, leaving the stage to my Corruptible Character and so I experienced myself as having given up on me for Money, for the rush and that moment of projections and fantasies in which I saw myself all settled and buckled up, having my nest to feel safe and not have to live in constant worry which I have to say, it's just another habit because at the moment I do have enough to survive, I don't yet have enough to repay my debts or start a business, yes if I had that money it would be better, but I can build up to earning again, I just have to shake off this loser suite and get moving. So the shame for shifting and leaving myself behind, the guilt because this would be the easy route out, the Money route, the Energy route, when I get that positive 'all is well' feeling that can only be determined by Money, or so I accepted and allowed myself to believe, because I had it, lived it and there is nothing so far that has kept me safe and warm like a Money blanket that guarantees that I have enough for my future.
Interesting that when I had the Money I would preach that Money is NOT necessary, you need LOVE (pfff) and good thoughts and then the Money comes to you, the Universe is always looking after us, in total denial that without Money I would not have been able to lead the life I led, not even close, and that preaching that Money is NOT important and we can do without it in THIS World, is just our attempt to disengage from Money and Materialism but guess what, here we are, smack in the Middle of it, As it.
So, basically, what I want to say to myself is 'fuck off' for all the beliefs I held in disconnection from reality regarding Money, but I want to extend the same 'fuck off' to all the others, who insist on denying that whatever they are living is Thanks to Money, if they have a roof over their head, food on the table, access to internet (some claim to not pay that, they must own the communication company or have bought a satellite or whatever they did originally to Not pay it, and it involved Money), access to a computer, to an education, to healthcare, to transport and to the privately owned world resources, this unfortunately in many countries includes water, YOU NEED MONEY and that denying this is just a way to separate ourselves into 'I'm above it all, I left it all behind' and yet we leave the whole world behind with that, it's not that unplugging from the system makes the system deflate or shows the way to others, NO, because the unplugged ones have the resources to unplug from the system -yes that are bought with Money- and so while preaching that Life with No Money is possible and denying the point of Money in the world because we can convince people that 'they don't need it', 'come on, it's just a tool for evaluation, what? They won't give you food and water? Tell them, money is NOT important, it's not REAL, you can live without, try harder, you haven't put your all into it, it's clear, look at me I live without, don't I? yes of course I own my house, my land, my well, my solar panels, my satellite, my computer, but so what? YOU don't Need these things!!!!!!!!! '
'Don't be swayed by the Money delusion, the point is that we were born in a world where resources are owned, this is the truth. Money is not the problem, beLIEve me, what? You say they don't give you access to the water system, there is the SEA it's free for ALL, get one of these desalinating implants, you just have to invest once, oh don't tell me this Money story again, keep Gd in your heart, this life it's a test, we are just moving through, we are insignificant, Heaven is waiting, and for the money, if you insist, a bank will lend it to you, try the microcredit, they lend to anyone, or loan sharks, they too don't need your credit rate, after that you will see, you have access to water, OK you live far from the SEA, what about the sewage system, now there are chemicals you can put in ANY water and it's drinkable again, yes they cost money but not too much, come on, don't focus on the money all the time, there is plenty of bridges offering FREE accommodation from harsh weather, you can knit for yourself some jumpers and blankets with grass, it's free, knitting classes are free, or get down to some charity, rich people change their clothes at every season, even more, every MONTH, some will only wear something once, you get virtually NEW stuff if you go to the Salvation Army places, you'll find something that fits, if you live in the city get a list of the shelters, I mean there is SO MUCH you can do without Money, BE CRE-A-TIVE, this is my tip'
And for the other side that has intellectualized why they have a right to their Money because they worked hard for it, I just want to say NO YOU DIDNT, 'WE DIDN'T', the people I talk to are/were all white collars, we spent at best long hours at well light up air-conditioned/heated offices for which we were royally rewarded, we had an expense account, paid accommodation and transport, so just to be particular, working hard is what they do in China a menial, killer job that repeats into infinity, standing for hours until the veins in the legs pop and your feet swell to elephant size, being timed for how fast and how many pieces you can do in 1 hour, or, hard working is in a mine, in the dark with little air for most of your life for a tuppence, or nothing at all as in the case of slaves and /or children that just get food and a place to sleep, and when you go on strike they shoot your friends and then incriminate you for disturbance of public order as it just happened in South Africa, or prostitution with men you would never want to have sex with, that beat you up, pay you extra money for a condom free fuck, that you can't refuse because you have the rent to pay, your children school, you can't read or write and will never have access to the Money system unless you allow it to fuck you, literally, so, the jobs that should be paid the most are the ones WE wouldn't want to do, instead this world is upside down, it rewards the ability to learn skills to fuck with each other, to move imaginary assets called MONEY around the world on the Money grapevine, to falsify accountancy books to pay less taxes, -that will be paid by the ones at the bottom of the pyramid, that's WHY they are there at all-, have what we call in Italy 'Creative Accountancy' -which is LEGAL- to show less profit to the workers to reduce their meagre wages, open off shore companies to make Money disappear like Houdini, and yet we justify WHY some have a right to a better life than others and why 'Making Money is our Duty' embracing the ideal of the trickle down effect that doesn't trickle anywhere because as one goes up, everything does too, desires, costs of living, costs of maintaining an expensive Persona to show off that we made it, we have arrived. And when all else fails, there is God, thanks GOD for God, because unless we gave him the responsibility and the 'carte blanche' to manage the resources on Earth within such Inequality Models, what would we do, should we take responsibility for what is Here, how would we ever manage to see in common sense how to create a world that works for everybody, to no longer allow ourselves to dismiss the fact that 30000 kids dying of starvation/malnutrition a day is NOT normal even if they are Not Our Kids, and that 2.5 billion people that have no access to sanitation is 1/3 of the Planet and not a random anomaly and that violence, wars and everything else that is out-flowing from a system of Inequality and injustice could be stopped, corrected, if we stopped believing to be entitled to a better life than others, because Money buys us choices and those with No Money have No Choices, we took all the best Choices for ourselves and left them out in the cold.
So, whatever is your No Money or Pro Money (for yourself alone) Stance -because God gave it to You, because you worked hard for it, because you deserve it, because you have to think for yourself first-, because Equal Money is not scientifically proven to work and because we are Not Equals and some are really Worth more than Others -like me-, will you please just FUCK OFF?
Tomorrow I will walk my SF on my Corruptible Character to delete it once and for all so that, when next time someone offers me money to shut me up, the same way I have used Money in my life to shut someone up, knowing that Money does that to People as the Money/Pavlov effect is automatically activated, because Money has become Who We Are, and there is nothing we would not say or do to access a slice for ourselves, until we STOP, and that the system is designed in such a way to reward the most the jobs in which one should have the most to say about this system and its injustice and immorality (as one becomes privy to the deepest ugliness of the underbelly of this world, and his stand as a point of self correction would be even more demanded), to ensure that the desire for Equality and Justice doesn't arise, as it is suppressed with Money, loads of it, as a guarantee of the upholding of the lies of the Money System, next time I will notice myself attempting to move and shift into the Corruptible Character, I will, STOP, breathe and will not hide myself, desert myself, deny myself the right to speak in common sense what I can see clearly, and as my canny Character takes out the calculator and looks for support within other Characters/Players to prove and justify that I am doing the Right Thing, 'I will share the Money this time, listen to meeee', and yet I myself alone can see in self honesty that I am moving through an energetic experience and I can never be self honest when I am allowing myself to be ruled by Energy as Self Interest and will swiftly move into the 'what's in it for me' Character, the partner in crime of the Canny One, Instead I will breathe myself back here and reply when I am no longer energetically moved so I will be able to see clearly what I am wanting to do and WHY, address the point, release myself, break this shackles to keep walking my correction as one piece of the puzzle of the One that returns in alignment with Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All.