Day 126: Giving Up Hope requires Self Commitment

When and as I see myself desiring to move, or moving into the Hope-full Character, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that this Character is My Creation born Out of Fear and that indulging in Hopes means I am not capable of taking care of myself and standing as The Correction/Solution of/as Me, instead I no longer accept to see myself as 'in need of Hope' as Hope is just a fabrication of the Mind and thus Not Real unless I accept it as real and as something I need as I Believe I am not able capable of directing myself as What is West for All

I commit myself to drop the Hope Act when I see myself about to approach or having approached the Hope-Fool Character as I see realize and Understand that Hope is Not What is Best for All, as Hoping has kept us just Hoping that something would Change, that I would Change, instead the Change of Me Inward and Outward requires My Self Direction and my being Here in and as Breath and not lost in and as The Mind, as Thoughts Feelings and Emotions

I commit myself to investigate where and how I have invested myself in HOPE as The Solution for Change, and to remove my investments as they bore no fruits but the separation of Me into Hope-Fool pieces that I need to bring back to Self so I can Earth myself and the Energies I have stolen from the Physical while entertaining myself with Hopes, Hoping that I would Not Have to Change

I commit myself to stop charging Hope as something positive according to my past definition of Hope, as "Good", As having smething to Hope for, because 'at least' we have Hope as I see realize and Understand that this System is extensively manipulating and promoting 'Hope as The Solution' to make sure no one in fact stands to say, Fuck Hope, We need to be this Change that we Want to See in the World and keeping on Hoping is not and will not accomplish that

I commit myself to show others One and Equal to me that Hope is a Trap, and as all System approved Traps, it's insidious and while we believe we are Not Doing Any Harm by Hoping, we are in fact crippling Ourselves and Existence waiting for something or someone to Change and Change Us, instead of embracing Ourselves as the Change as The Solution for This World

I commit myself to show others One and equal to Me, how Hope Promoted by The System under Fancy Titles such as 'the Audacity of Hope' are misleading with a purpose, as Hope is born out of Fear, and there is so no-thing Audacious about Hope that is scary that we have actually believed that, unless we stop and look at WHY we bought into the blatant Lie that was sold as the cover up for the Fear that those that sell Hope are first creating and promoting while they sell Hope as the Anti-Dote that is no where as effective as The Fear that was sold and bought By Us in the first place

I commit myself to share with others One and Equal to me, what I have come to realize about this System and everything that seems "Good" about it, such as Hope, so that others may see how we have been taken for a ride through our own desire to Not Ever Have to Be Responsible for ourselves and Our World and How Only through ourselves disengaging from the Energetic Blackmails that we have signed up for, we can start to see with Clarity What is really Going On so we can abandon Hope Forever More and Stand as Self Directive principle to Change Ourselves Inward and Outward

I commit myself to share with Others why Hope was created in the first Place as our desire to Not take responsibility due to the extensive Fears we Exist and Live As, that were born from our separation from each other and everything that exists, Hoping that we could in fact leave to someone else the tiding up of this Mess that has resulted from Not Having Started Our Creation on the Right Foot, so we may make a Turn into Self Correction to realign ourselves to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All.

I commit myself to share with Others what I realized about the Lie of Hope, as Hope has robbed us of our Time as we waited for something to Change just because we Hoped it would and yet Nothing has Changed, which is a self evidence point showing The Utter Failure of Hope as a Solution, and that unless we stand and say NO MORE to Hope, we'll end up the Hope-Fools that this System has set out to turn us into, and yet if we give up Hope as the Solution to our Fears and then we apply Ourselves to give up Our fears, we could stand United as One, Moving as One toward the Solution that is Best for Life and Best for All such as what is proposed with an Equal Money System

Related articles

• Day 116: Don't Let Go and Let God, Let God Go
• Day 119: What Imprisons You?
• Day 124: TRUE ACTIVIST TEAMLIFE
• Day 63: Anxiety Character Self Commitment Statements
• Day 124: Giving Up The Hope-Fool Character
• Day 112: The Last Hope Character
• Character Energy Resonance Dimensions - Part 2: DAY 130

Day 83: The Value (De-Value) of Memory and Feelings

I am a memory card reader.

This is how I have created myself as the Characters that I exist in and as.

What I do is, I take a picture, charge it with emotions and feelings that require for me to separate myself from me as the physical and file it as me, as a moment of my Life that defines Me.

This is how I have reduced myself to just a bunch of memories, emotions and feelings.

I have had a lot of disturbing experience with memory.

The one that kept repeating is that I do not share memories of anything with anyone else, this always carried a question as well, do we even see the same stuff when we look at something with someone else ?

I tried to reason that we must, because we can take a picture of it, yet the picture that is 'objective' doesn't prove that we are in fact seeing the same thing.

If a woman is in the picture, we will both see a woman, yet the corollary information that come up with it about it are subjective, are the sum of our existences as Characters that become activated through thoughts, feelings and emotions.

When I met Desteni, I was going through a Memory overload, I realized I felt like a computer with a full hard disk wherein everything that I saw was associated to something else, it could be minor or major as in pictures of moments or places, but I had come to full load memory association, NOTHING seemed just what it was anymore, not even the toothpaste.

I have had 'bad' memory experiences with friends and partners as well, where I discovered that each one of us had filed a moment according to who we perceived ourselves to be while filing.

Many of the memories they treasured I can't remember, when I hear 'do you remember when..' I usually get a chill down my spine, because probably, possibly, I won't. A good part of my Life I have been hovering over my own experience by being stoned most of the time, my memories of those times are crammed and jammed, like if the memory sticks were not in alignment when the filing happened, and things and people and events have been filed randomly under the most non logical/sequential triggers.

I have better memory recollection of words and what I heard than the pictorial reality, I used to pride myself that I could repeat whole speeches from the movies I loved (Character), yet in time I discovered that apart from movies, even my auditory Memory is Selective, I pick and choose what I hear and what I file according to the Character I embody and support at the moment of filing.

I am both, the Character and the supporting Crew.

Some of my partners have better memories of me/us than I have of me/us, some have them worse (not many, I tended to outdo anyone in filing the worse part of any event, just in case).

When I came back to Italy I met with one of my ex partners of over 25 years ago, he told me the great things we did togeher and how much he learned from our relationship and how wonderful it was.

I was puzzled to say the least. We used to fight all the time and our relationship ended tragically after I left him telling him I was pregnant with someone else's child (my ex husband to be).

So, there were objective points that he could have filed to just delete me and just remember me as a bitch, but he did not, as he was 25 years older and I was possibly his last chance at his 'being in Love' Character, so he did not file a better story for me, he wanted to preserve a better story for himself, something that he could use to define himself as I file according to what I need to define myself.

Is there ever anything objective in reality when the people apparently 'living reality' are lost within Character plays and keep switching from One personality to the next, never being accountable for any of them because We Just Forget who we were when we committed to something or someone, it just takes a thought and, when not enough, a string of others, to lead us to the personality/Character that we need to embody next, to just have the upper hand, we have trained ourselves to move so smoothly between Characters that we ourselves would have never noticed, unless one day, we did .

So, Memories as the source of Characters that hold and generate specific feelings and emotions, generated by the Characters and belonging to the Characters we embody who are themselves based on memories that we have filed as Real, as WHO we really are.

And so when I/We say 'respect my beliefs/opinions, feelings and emotions', what I am/we are really saying is respect my Character, I have not attempted to take your Character down, WHY ARE YOU ? 

WHY ARE DOING THIS TO ME ?

Which is something I have actually said, blaming another for NOT giving credit to My Character, Look, BeLieve ME, I know what I said or did in the past, but it's different now (I am in  another Character), if you BeLieve me this time everything will be different, I know, I have changed (Character), this time I won't fuck up, I am wearing my Reliable Character, can't you SEE ?

Respect my feelings, let me be, let me pretend I am the Character that has these set of feelings and emotions, don't knock it down, I am not ready, I don't have another Character lined up yet, I'm too much in Character at the moment, so, this is the only thing I ask of You, support, support my Character so that if we really try, we may both BeLieve I  am real and You are Real Too, while the reel keeps running to capture the next moments that we can add as support to our Characters, feelings and emotions, to make it All More Solid and Real.

Or we can STOP and become Self Honest through a Journey, walking ourselves back to Nothingness, stopping All and Every Character we Play to come back Here, as Life, for ourselves and What is best for All as All as Existence, Equal and One. Join us.

Day 27 : The 'I must have done something wrong" Pattern

Yesterday I tried to pin something on one of my Pinterest Board and for the first time the log in page opened, so I tried to log in and got a message that said "Your account has been suspended, please contact support".

This was a very minor thing, yet I saw myself first moving into anxiety thinking that if it was as they said on the Support pages that my account could take a few days to restore, I would have a backlog of things I missed out on posting to catch up with, plus a pattern of thought emerged as in "I must have done something wrong".

I am very familiar with this pattern, when my mum suffered from instability often she would be angry at me for something I could not pinpoint specifically as the source of her anger and she used to tell me 'think about it', in this habit of thinking about it I became used to precede people and make assumptions about what 'did I do wrong' to cause a change in their mood or a personality switch, I started to assume that when people around me change, it's something I have done, I must have upset them, I must have done something 'wrong'. This became quite a trait in my Relationships fuck ups.

It was interesting for me yesterday to watch myself play out a list of possible 'wrong' things I may have done on Pinterest

maybe I have posted something 'objectable'

possibly, you cannot post the same Pin on 2 boards

maybe I cannot post on other's boards even when invited, because I put a post there that was already posted and I did not notice

It was a long list, as long as the list they posted on Pinterest to say what you are not authorized to do, in fact it was longer, I out thought them on a list of forbidden things to do, until I forbade myself from going on as I realized I was ranting on assumptions and since I have never been banned before (here goes another assumption, that I was in fact banned) I may just as well, wait and follow the required steps for reactivation and take it from there.

It is by now obvious to me that I lack some of Anu's traits, patience is not me yet, I see myself more as an Atlantean as make up and design, a loser that has been conned into this reality, which could be one of the reasons why I resisted listening to their story as I was sure I would end up having to face the Inconvenient Truth about who are the winners and the losers, just to find out, yet again, we are all losers in this Polarity Game of which we better get a grasp on to move into an inversion of direction, from Self Destruction into realigning ourselves to Oneness and Equality as Life, because really, is this what we call a life ? Lost in the Mind of assumptions, ideas, beliefs, memories, where is the Space to live our Lives as Life ?

Today Pinterest contacted me to let me know my account was reactivated, I was in fact never banned, it was a glitch, so I have wasted time and Breaths lost in my mind, assuming things that were not True and not even Real. 

So applying Self Forgiveness now to delete this particular Energetic Pattern

 

I  forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when someone's mood or behaviour changes around me 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that other people's moods and behaviors, thoughts and words are my responsibility and that when something goes awry with them 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when B. and S. asked to have a chat with me, I must have done something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my mum's bad moods were my fault as it was obvious to her and just not to me 'that I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear doing something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy this blame pattern for what went on inside of me to make other's responsible for my own reactions generated by My thoughts, emotions and feelings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when my ex husband or my partners were in a bad mood 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when my friends don't reply to me or contact me, I must have done something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that  when a stranger approaches me aggressively or replies to me harshly, I must have done something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate the sentence 'we need to talk' with the thought 'I must have done something wrong' and with the emotion of fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to scare myself with the thought "I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing something wrong and diminishing myself by making a mistake or doing something wrong

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to diminish myself and others one and equal through the idea of 'doing something wrong' or making a mistake

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be diminished by making a mistake or by doing something 'wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace the rights and wrongs of others instead of trusting myself as Self Honesty to know what is best for All and thus Best for me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy this blame pattern for what went on inside of me to make other's responsible for my own reactions generated by My thoughts, emotions and feelings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others could be responsible for me through doing 'something wrong' that upset me, instead of realizing I am the only one that can upset myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to upset myself with assumptions and ideas of what I might have done wrong in situations I know nothing about just because I play out in automatic the pattern of 'I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the thought of 'I must have done something wrong' and for using it with others as in 'you must have done something wrong to upset me/someone', spreading this dis-ease I had not taken the time to address and let go instead of inflicting it on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate wrongdoing, mistakes and guilt and for using my projected self judgement on others to manipulate them into guilt to my own selfish benefit

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move into and as guilt when I think "I must have done something wrong'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live One and Equal to me as the Mind of Self Abuse and Abuse of others instead of breathing myself back Here, One and Equal to Life and everything that exists

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the assumption of 'I must have done something wrong', I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of guilt of 'I must have done something wrong', I stop, breathe, see if I have missed an opportunity to self correct into Oneness and Equality from which the guilt arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the guilt and self correct, if not I stop, self forgive my participation in guilt as an automated response to a pattern of self Abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about wrongdoing and from judging myself and others as 'having done something wrong', through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of Illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every Living Being.