Day 320: Spoilt Words - Spoil Worth

We live in a polarity construct where everything exists in opposition to another point, we know this from all walks of life, we explained it through Bhuddism, philosophy, religion even language teaching as we oppose words when we teach, fat/thin, young/old, beuatiful/ugly and in words oposition we can already see the negative and positive charge of each word that exist, good to be thin, bad to be fat, good to be beautiful, bad to be ugly etc.

Words have lost their original meaning as descriptive tools and have become defining tools, taking on new MEANings that we overimposed on them through memories and emotional experiences of ourselves and those that lived before us.

Everyone is familiar with the experience of reacting to specific words, we always say 'and then she/he said that - and I went beserk', making the 'other' responsible for our own reactions, missing the point that those words exist within us, as us and they are just crapped up and no longer able to flow to deliver just a meaning that gives context to a moment in time, a relationship, a situation so that we can understand each other and coexist in peace and harmony.

Today I had a realization about words that connects to religion and religious beliefs (which I always saw as one of the origins of our troubles) and our apparent desire and ultimately the need to imprint a child with the knowledge of good and bad - for their own good you know, so they may navigate this Earth knowing what to do-, yet, by the time we attempt to download the religious crap into children we have already divided their Minds into polarities by downloading the exact MEANing of each word we offer to them as a tool to self express as a clone of the way WE perceive/perceived the word/the world, just as we lived it, filled with emotions and feelings that gave birth to an energetic experience first inside of us and then within the child that will then never be able to take a word/the world for what it is, but will live the word and the world in separation within the duality of experiences lived by others, loaded and contained into words/wards as the gift we give them to walk this earth with tools, no matter how distorted the tools are or how evil filled the words we passed on have become, we believe we are in fact passing on something valuable to the new generations, when in fact we are just imprinting the past into the future to make sure no one ever gets out of here, out of the delusion of the multiple characters we have come to embody and believe to be real.

Imagine if children could learn words for what they are and not for what they have been and become for us: experiences with labels attached that define them and us into loopholes from where there is no escape and so the point of religion in the face of what we do with words way before moving on to the religious belief system download is in fact irrelevant, because the problem of good and bad starts way before that, the key to the problems we live is in our words, religious belief are nothing but an outflow of our duality within words that are no longer alive but just energy that lives off the memories that we keep passing on to one another, because see, anything else we teach children has to come through the words we use to give the in-formation, to form them into what we have already been and proved to not be effective and what a gift of LOVE that is, hei.

Now look at this, when you read the word LOVE how many things moved within you? Those things that moved are preprogrammed patterned reactions, LOVE for example is a GOOD word, HATE is a BAD word, the emotional feeling content of each word exists within each one of us together with the word, so words become lifeless, just titles on a filing cabinet and we become the ultimate filing system as we exist to capture and file information, we keep ourselves informed, keep loading up crap through words that are themselves prisoners of energetic charges and that we are unwilling to set free, enslaving them with the result of becoming enslaved, a point some understood well and use to sell us things we don't need or care for but that we MUST HAVE the minute we are activated into the desire for an imaginary experience that we have attached to a word.

So now to get us to buy products, advertisers will connect a product to the word 'LOVE' and there we go, little robots prompted to want the experience we have attached to the word, seeking the energetic value of the experience for the chance to relate to something within a contest established by 1 WORD and then we live the illusion of Freedom, we tell ourselves that we have the Free Choice to buy into something or not, when in fact we have no choice but to follow the yellow brick road to what we desire and have secretly, and sometimes even unknowingly, suppressed.

Ultimately it's all fair, we get what we give, as we gave to the children of this world no choice but to be imprinted with the Spoilt Words of ourselves as ourselves, we spoiled Their Worth that existed prior to our faulty downloads and caged them into a jail of past experiences from which they can't find their way out if not by acting out and trying to release some of the energies we passed on to them as they search desperately for some stability within themselves, the one we denied to them when we took it away and exchanged it for the MEAN-ing-FULL words we defined them and their lives to be as ourselves.

So, how do we start to  raise children that can become effective humans?

We have to purify ourselves, we have to purify the words we speak and live as ourselves, so that our vocabulary stands beyond and above energetic experiences as who we are, so that we mean what we say and understand words as one as ourselves vs their limited energy loaded version that we came to believe to be who we really are.

We must get this right, we either live our fore bearers past and bring it back to life through 'their words' that became 'our words' or we clean up our act, redefine what living and existence is in alignment to what is best for all, remove the experiences and memories of ourselves and others from our vocabulary so we stand a chance to create a life for ourselves that is not the carbon copy, the clone of all the lives lived before, we let go of the memory bank where words exist within a dual accountancy system and set them free and as we give back to words as ourselves the freedom to exist beyond energy and energetic memories and experiences, so we grant to ourselves the same right, in oneness and equality, to start new, to start the blank slate on which we will write ourselves as words and a new future for Humanity and the Earth that won't be compromised by what has been, but will be able to embrace what should have been, as we forgive what we have accepted and allowed within this existence to move ourselves, this World and all of existence beyond the limitations we cast on them and ourselves and set all Life Free.

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Day 113: 'Give me the Love Saber and I will Change the World' Character

I had NOT consciously connected Love to Fear until recently through the investigation in Self Honesty of what emotions/feelings are and how they are connected within me as the experience of the word Love, at least not in/as awareness.

How I moved from Love as Fear to the 'Idea and BeLief' that Love could Change the World, is pretty unfathomable since fear cannot Change the World, this seems clear NOW, but at the time I only saw, or wanted to see the Power of Love, it was indeed a power to reckon with, It was Clear, if you spoke the 'L' word others would freeze, it was the Ace of Hearts, the Axe of Hearts, no one dared to look at it in Self Honesty and so the LOVE word would connect all of us to Fear and in Fear we would bow and submit, to each other and this 'Loving System'.

Saying to my friends 'I love You' became easy, I prided myself at how easy I could display my feelings, lying to myself about the fact that speaking the Love words made me vulnerable, because when the other knows about my Love, they can harm me, take advantage of me.

The amazing twist to this story is that the speaking the Love word was already the Harm, The Abuse, as I armed myself to not be confronted any more, hei come on, I spoke the Love word, anything you say after that that doesn't respond in Kind makes You Evil, can't you see, I'm All Loving Here, why are you hurting Me/intending to Hurt Me/Thinking about hurting Me ? What's wrong with YOU ?

So, the best place to take my Love practices would be the Love and Light playground, the disadvantage was that we played with even weapons as we were All brandishing the Love and Light Saber, yet the common playground allowed a sense of superiority, the having married a Higher Cause, BeCause Now I am gonna hit you right in the chest with the Light (and Love) and My Brothers in Arms will back me Up.

All for One and One for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the word Love as a weapon to instigate and pass on my Fears to Other beings and myself, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the dis-ease of the word 'Love- that my body manifested every time I heard it or spoke it, as a bunch of Fears would be summoned up and then suppressed as I pushed them down with Love and blinded myself with Light

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to scheme the whens and hows to throw the Love word, as I unconsciously perceived the Power of it and would not waste it by throwing it around but would deliberately wait for the best time to use it for maximum effect and impact as I preyed on the Ones I wanted to Hook to me or have credits toward to ensure my Survival and Safeness within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word Love with a positive Charge so that I could get the positive experience of myself within the word 'Love' as I spoke it or thought about it, regardless of the hints of dis-comfort that my body gave me with regard to this word that I was not able to identify as Fear or that I was not willing to identify as Fear, because it seemed the Last Word left that could possibly/potentially dispel All Fears and I did not want to give it up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished when I spoke the Love word to someone and they did not return the favor so I would not be able to feel 'loved back' and I perceived myself as left in a waiting state to be validated as lovable and therefore valuable, instead of realizing I was waiting for myself to embrace myself unconditionally and Love in Waiting was my diversion to busy myself and not give myself what I sought outside of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being told 'I love you' because as I used this word to enslave and bend others to my desires and self interest, I feared what They had in mind that I may not have seen coming before they spoke the word Love, but that was now declared and out in the open as the point that they had an agenda too (and how disappointing that was) and that I had overlooked that point and was forced to see that I was just as much used as I wanted to use another with the Love Manipulation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if a woman spoke the Love word before than a Man within a relationship she exposed herself to being ridiculed and to showing her weakness as in the 'need to be loved for worth/value/validation', instead of realizing that men feared/fear this word just as much as we do, as the word Love is a declaration of both ownership and a credit that is now set on the table to be repaid that I myself hated for its unspoken load and then projected the hate for this word in separation from myself as the 'I saw You and what you were about to do' onto others' perceived manipulation/attempted manipulation of me, which was just the projection of my hidden intentions within the use of the word Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to join the Love and Light brigade in a hope that if it were a bunch of us fuckers who were overtly/covertly manipulating people with the word Love, then it would be OK to do so, because together we could pretend better and when called out we could just stand and shout 'One for All, All for One' and call on our Brothers in Arms to stand up for the Case of Love as Goodness against the Forces of Evil as the Truth of what Love Really Is as FEAR

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put a sticker on my wall declaring and defining myself as a LightWorker, meaning that I was a Loving person, not to be feared as I worked for the Light and not the darkness of the Planet, failing to see how I supported both constructs as the Light and the Dark of existence, the Good I wished for and the Evil within myself that I feared and hoped to delete with Light and Love and that if I could con-vince others of my LightHood and LoveHood status maybe I could believe it myself and STOP fearing myself and others as a reflection of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear The Darkness of Me, wherein I defined as Darkness everything that was NOT of Love and Light, which was everything that was fearful and scary, which would have been most of my thoughts and the manipulative Characters that I played and that I did not want to own up to, as I wished to en-Light-en myself to move away, get over my Darkness so I could take a Breath and stop fearing myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself and to fear myself as Darkness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fail to See that what I feared and was running from was myself, as I could not, did not want to face the Darkness of what I planned and schemed to always be on top AND looking good within the lies of Love and Light, and that I was willing to give up the whole of Me as the Darkness of Me to keep up the Happy Lie of Love and Light and the absence of myself as Self Responsibility for myself and existence Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be told 'I Love You' even when I feared the Love Word for the manipulative implications of it, just to believe that the other was Good too, or seeking to be Good, or denying his/her own Darkness at least as much as I was, so together we could walk The Lie, pretending to be Good, denying to be Bad, being none the Good and the Bad but having to live with the damnation of the confinements of the Words we spoke and charged with positivity/negativity about ourselves and others, based on imprinting, morality, environmental definitions that we then went out and lived out and believed to be Who We Really Are, until we became them through and through and within this I forgive myself for forsaking The Truth of me for the LIE/Light of Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy and paste the use of Love from my family into the world, spreading the Fear that lives within and as the word Love by our own design, becoming the accomplished accomplish of this Crime against Life that Fear has been and become, being the Fear Monger of myself and existence Equal and One, and for this never ending Fear Mongering  Past I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live The Fear of Myself as the Fear of the World, projecting outside of me the Fear of Me, participating into turning this world into a fearful scary place in which everyone is out for themselves too busy with Survival to come back o the Equal Physical reality that we share to address the world and what needs to be changed within and without, to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word Darkness to Bad and to Fear and through my own De-finition and the acceptance and allowance of others' definition of the word 'Darkness' I ended up fearing Darkness itself, not wanting to get close to the Darkness of Me as something that is unknown and possibly not nice, without realizing and understanding that as Darkness is my Greatest Fear, it came before me, as the Add-vice, to Never Switch Off the Light, or we may incidentally see and realize the Darkness of ourselves as ourselves, that Home was always HERE and WE had been the wanderer of the Light Show and the Ones that decided before to wander off ,and we can decide NOW to Stop the Show and return all the Light as Energy back to the Earth, and Ourselves back to Darkness, Darkness as the Equality and Oneness of ourselves as Life in and as Breath, to put an end to the Separation and the Damn-Nation of Ourselves as The Puzzle of Existence we believe we have become and FEAR.

Where are the Cookies ? :)

Self commitment statements to STOP the existence of Me as a "Loving Person - Character" to Follow

Day 73: I Know What YOU Mean

I have listened to Anu's 'Existence in a Word', and it really spoke to Me.

In this interview the point of 'We Never Hear Another' was raised into very specific points and I saw my life flashing by while I listened to it as One Who Actually BeLieved I did in fact HEAR and SAW other people's words and not just that, I did it better than THEM.

In my family there was the Cult of Words, my grandmother was the Diplomat, meaning by her own definition the One that could call you Stupid and have you Happy about it, which is NOT really true because my mum took some time to work it out and was NEVER happy about it, she dwelt a lot on the 'words' my grandmother had used against her, and so did I after her with her words ‘against’ me.

So I saw it as a point of value to 'wisen up with Words', meaning to always TRY and see what people really MEANT behind what they said.

When I was 5 to 6 my mum had a new partner that lived with us for 9 years, he too loved words and always told my mum she lacked 'all the shades', this was meant to be off-ending to her, as what he meant was that she lacked the 'finesse' to see what he really meant when he was talking, he knew that my mum was NOT getting all the context and layers when She was NOT getting angry as she should have.

I do not remember My origin with words, I just remember 2 episodes in which I was told to 'not tell it like it is'.  One was when the nuns gave us an assignment titled 'What does Mummy do when I go to sleep ?' which was meant to highlight the sacrificial Life of a Mother, as she sowed my socks, prepared my lunch for the day after, ironed, and all this bullshit, but since I did not know what she did when I went to bed I asked and she was in a bad mood and not having the context about my assignment she replied "I scratch My Pear', which I duly reported in my assignment for the nuns.

That did not come out too well, my mum was called and asked for explanation, I lacked the context for that sentence so I had no judgment for good or bad or about 'pears' that could be meaning 'something else'.
Another time was when we went to the laundry to pick up clothes and the lady asked me 'and how ARE YOU?" and something about my mum, and I just told it like it was, which was that my mum was sad and something else that was considered 'personal'.

When we came out of the laundry my mum told me that when people ask you 'How Are you ?' they don't really mean to know how are YOU, it's just a social convention to ask each other to which we reply 'Well' for politeness, meaning we do not bother others with our crap.

Later while I was growing up I saw words become hidden weapons, it is explained well in the Documentary The Trap, when they talk about Mental Illnesses and the hidden energy games that go on inside a family, there were plenty of those in my family that made me physically sick, when I was around 10 I suffered from colitis so severe that I spent much of my time bent in two for almost 2 years and always had to have Buscopan with me, just in case my guts would start turning and churning without notice, I feared the family gatherings and what would come out of them in terms of the stress I would feel for being asked to side and support one side of the family against the other. All this of course had great 'finesse' embedded all over it.

When I was a teenager my mum made a special arrangement at work to spend more time with me, we would go to see an off the circuit movie every week, one of the “family ones”, like ‘Ordinary people’ or one that would have you THINK about the meaning of them and then coming out we would have to share, what was the hidden meaning of the movie, what was it trying to convey ? And have discussions about it and see who came up with the most 'hidden and clever' meaning of the movie, there was not much competition, more of a training to absorb the programming of the point that everything is basically hidden, no one is self honest and this is just the way things are.

By the age of 17 I was quite proficient with words, yet I saw myself take a Quantum leap when I learned English and words expanded into other meanings in my mind, I started to see the multidimensionality of words through another language, and my believed capacity 'to see beyond words' increased exponentially.
I got to the point when I was so arrogant that I believed I knew what was behind the words of another better than them, always failing to see that all the crap I saw in their words was my own crap.

And I kept failing at this, because in looking for what another is really MEAN-ing, what I am actually after is to prove to myself that others are at least as MEAN as I am, and that they hide as much as I do, so I get a moment of relief and I get the Company for my Misery of having sold out and separated myself from my own words so much that I have to relearn again from scratch to say WHAT I MEAN,  so that when another will speak I may learn to Hear/HERE, what they Mean and not just make it up to feel wise and accomplished in at least one things, the management of words for deceit that I believed gave me that extra chance to Survive in and as This System of Abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we don't have to say what we mean because if we do others may get up-set and within this belief accepting and allowing that I am responsible for how other people feel and manage themselves as they are responsible for me and how I manage myself and my own words

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there are words that can be spoken and others that are best kept inside The Mind as Thoughts, without realizing that this is one of my own points of Separation and Inequality, where I am not yet even Equal to my own words within and without

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself as a kid through the mis-use of words as tools of separation and for feeling guilty and shame-full for not standing as my words, having accepted and allowed that this is what everyone does and how the World works.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my own words, placing a charge of negative or positive on every word I know so I can assess when to play words as cards, to win into a        s-wording match where the point has become who can place the best feeling words in a string, deliver the positive feelings and get the desired positive feedback from another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed for having exposed my family with what was The Truth that I either saw or had been told to me, believing that words as exposure are shame-full and must be kept hidden in my secret Mind, never exposed or shared so nobody will never really get to know what I MEAN

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as the Mind as EVIL, because I turned my Mind into My Crap Warehouse, where I stored all the crappy words that should never see the light of the day or I would be labeled MEAN and people would know what I MEANt for real, instead of seeing and realizing I feared my own judgment of me as Evil as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I could support another Being through words I have not yet equalized myself to, reading into what they write or speak my own crap and charges as in positive and negative and making judgments that are just about Me and My Own Mind and have nothing to do with another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritation when my Buddies at Desteni want to dig into my words as I Perceive it as prying and for fearing having to expose what is really going on within me that I don't want to talk about

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the support of my Buddies because I perceive it as an 'invasion of privacy' into my own Mind, where they want to come in and take a look to support me to see what it is that I myself am still judging as un-exposable so I can make peace with it through Self Forgiveness, instead I stubbornly hold on to myself as if there was something I may lose within the crappy-ness of Me as The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that while I must read into other people what they really MEAN and expose THEM, I am entitled to hold on to my Crap, like a hoarder, because mine is no ordinary Crap, it's special Crap and it took me years to pile it up there and by God I will resist what I perceive as “the takeover” with all my strength

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that when I move into resistance in fear that my hoarded crap may get exposed and I will have to get rid of it, I am just NOT supporting myself effectively and in fact justifying why it is that I have a right to hold on to my being special while I seek to expose others that I believe are NOT doing the work to expose themselves so I get something on the plate, someone will be exposed and that's OK as long as it's not ME

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to project myself as wise and knowledgeable which is HOW I get to see other people's crap in between the lines, instead of realizing I have never in fact heard or seen anything of another Being because myself as The Mind and my own filtering of everything through the crap I resist to let go, has in fact prevented me from being Here to Hear what is really going on with another and to humble myself enough to say 'I don't Know', instead of taking guesses and making up convoluted stories of why they say and write what they do, because I MEAN, I KNOW what YOU MEAN !

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not Trust myself that I do not in fact need this demented system of communication that I have set in place, where every word is weighted through its charges to see how it will be received and if it is acceptable, instead of realizing it was never about the words, but about Me and what I have loaded each word with in terms of judgment, charges, memories, emotions and feelings and that it is now up to Me to undo what I did to words in separation from myself so I can equalize myself and return each word to innocence out of the Mind and back into the Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing about this topic, because you never know, what if all the people that thought I was wise should read it and then I fall off the Wise Pedestal and lose points for myself, instead of seeing the value of each piece we write as an exposure of how and why we designed ourselves the way we did, so we may STOP and start again from scratch, basing everything that we do on the Principle of Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about how I have used words in my Life, as S-words uncaring of the damages of what I spoke or thought and entertained myself with, failing to see that entertain-ment at the expense of another doesn't exist, because another is Me in another Life and whatever I did with and through the Abuse of Words is left for me to fix and take responsibility for, so I stop my existence of Words as a MEAN tool for Abuse and return Life to them and myself in Oneness and Equality and What is best for All.

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into my well rehearsed sentence 'I know what you Mean' I stop, Breathe, check with myself if I in fact have walked that point myself or if I am coming from knowledge, information beliefs and ideas about what I THINK the other person means and if I am NOT Clear, I use the point they are exposing as a point I can work on for myself to equalize myself with, and tell them 'I don't know, I am not able to support you yet on this point'

When and as I see myself trying to READ what another MEANS, by engaging my Mind and fishing into my extensive Pool of useless knowledge and information and my own previous experiences that I HAVE NOT addressed and cleared, I stop, breathe, look at my reasons behind what I want or desire to say, check that I am not looking to be wise or sound wise and not even the other polarity, where I state that I am bad in fact the worse so I am entitled to support the worst having been there myself, instead I offer to listen without judgment because as I have seen myself, in a judgment free space when I write, even when I delete and correct myself, I get a glimpse, a hint of the point I should be addressing and if I stand Self Honestly I get my own answer while asking my own question

When and as I see myself fearing to just write or speak what I have in Mind, after checking that there is no reaction inside of Me, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that I am walking to equalize myself and my words inside and out and if it is my Buddy, I push to write or say what it is that I really MEAN, because that is How I can be supported and support myself in an effective way

I commit myself to STOP using words to mean something that is not what I have in Mind, turning words into MEAN tools instead of Life Tools, so I may start to trust that what another says or write is what they MEAN and not what I MEAN to find into their words as a support to my own wise/all seeing and all understanding personality

I commit myself to STOP looking for the MEANing of others in their words and look for my own MEANing in my own and in theirs, Equal and One, so I can stand in and as Self Honesty as Self Correction as Life and What is Best for All, for myself and All of Existence Equal and One