Day 424: Self Judgement as Elitist Self Interest

Post 423 walked privately

Yesterday I listened to an interview of the Series 'The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination', it was no. 12 called 'Where does Self judgement come from?' and it was a great Knock on the Head for me because it framed one of my relationship problems which I will uravel just now and made Self Judgement look and sound very unglamorous and totally phony.

I had already seen by myself the point in the past of 'not forgiving myself for something -because at least I don't forgive myself' which shows the extent of theMentia the Mind is willing to go to to protect self interest as energetic sources, but I had missed out on this one completely, of how Self Judgement seems to be fair game for the same reasons as in 'I am not forgiving myself -at least I was wrong but I am righteous', duh, so 'At least I criticize myself first, I don't have to wait for others to do it for me, this shows I am aware of my mistakes, hence I am good'.

The interview mentioned as well how this creates problems in relationships because I end up 'too busy judging myself and I don't have time for a relationship', to which I could add that since one fills up quite fast with self judgement, then it gets shared with another, projected outside, and so the unhappy stance I had with myself becomes the unhappy stance I have with another until I lose interest overwhelmed by guilt and blame.

So, here goes my self forgiveness because I can snap out of it, it's just a matter of being more aware of when I automatically move into self judgement to stop the automation because this is a side I have opened up recently of self responsibility for myself as I tried to clear the words 'taking self responsibility' to explain it to another in Italian, it means to ready oneself to step out of a specific automated mode to be finally response-able for the same event taking place in the future as one commits to not let the automatic response move faster than one's awareness but to create a gap when one can step in, in self awareness, as self awareness, to make another choice instead, a new choice, never tried before choice that considers what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the righteousness I sought through 'judging myself' is just an energetic pay back to balance out what I believed I said, thought or did wrong, instead of stepping up to the task of correcting myself beyond any useless judgement

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I judge myself first, when others will judge me I won't have to feel the reaction to being judged instead of seeing realizing and understanding, there has always and only been me judging myself in ways that could have an impact on myself and my physical body

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself  to judge myself endlessly so I could believe I was a good person because at least I judged myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy and paste this behavior from my mother who was always judging herself and while I judged her for judging herself, I judged myself and within this for judging my mother for her patterns of behavior without seeing, realizing and understanding we are all copy and paste of someone who has walked before us and many don't yet have the tools to correct themselves

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed when seeing others who did not judge themselves thinking 'wow, you can't even see what you are doing' and wishing they judged themselves as harshly as I judged myself so I could share the burden of this pattern and keep believing that those that are righteous but wrong will at least 'judge themselves harshly' as if that could bring about any solution instead of stopping my desire to judge myself and the desire that others judge themselves equally, so we can move on beyond judgements to correct ourselves and realign to a world that works for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this pattern of self judgement was always in the way of me having a functional relationship because I would build up self judgement picking up on 'imaginary cues' coming from my partner, ending up blaming them for all the self judgement I was experiencing inside myself instead of taking self responsability as in deciding I was going to stop that pattern that I had automated in and as me and create a new behavior that was conducive to solutions vs flagellation

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my own self judgement weighted me down as I lined up all the good reasons I had accumulated historically to judge myself and kept them handy to dust up and use when I felt the need to punish myself for who I believed I had been in thoughts, words and deeds

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I stuck to some of my 'negative' energetic rides because I felt less guilty than if I had held on to the positive ones, so I could justify myself that I was not doing it on purpose because 'who wants to feel bad', when in fact it is to see that the addiction is to 'feeling' as in generating an energetic experience and it makes no difference which side of the polarity I ride and within this for accepting and allowing myself to harm myself by accumulating self judgement that inevitably ended up in desire for self punishment through overeating, lack of exercise and a general zombification of myself which I no longer accept to participate in and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that many of my self punishing behaviors stemmed from this practice of 'self judgement' and lack of self acceptance and that I would use self punishment to square the books instead of correcting myself so that I would no longer have to face the dis-appointment of myself as directive principle of my internal and external world

When and as I see myself about to judge myself, desiring to judge myself, looking for ammos I can use to blackmail myself into self judgement, I stop, breathe, bring up to mind the interview I heard deeply and tell myself that I am aware of what I'm trying to do and that I have committed to no longer allow myself to exist as self judgement, breathe, stabilize myself and keep walking

I commit myself to apply myself until this pattern is completely resolved within me and to refuse to engage self judgement as a way to generate energy and feel 'alive'

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that self judgement is self abuse and that I cannot participate in self abuse while wanting the abuse of this world to end and within this I commit myself to keep correcting myself from self judgement to self forgiveness in the moment and the application of self correction to become part of the solution and stop existing as part of the problem

Related articles

• Day 356 & 357 Self-Change through SELF-JUDGEMENT or through a simply DECISION?
• Day 148: Stopping Self Judgement by Comparison
• 196. The Elitist Evil behind Relationships
• Day 391: Me as the World Systems - The Judicial System
• Reactions as a window of Opportunity for self Intimacy - Day 310

Day 421: Virtual Relationships

I have just finished watching the movie 'HER', which I highly recommend.

I found it both sad and enlightening about how I have lived my own relationships and still tend to do - in my head and not applied in the physical world.

What's worse is that I did not improve with time, yet, I got worse, more distracted, more withdrawn, always resenting having to give up my 'me' time to put it into creating something real.

So sad memories about my marriage and my last relationship popped up and I am now writing to release them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold on to sad memories of my marriage as a way to punish myself and within this for making my memories instrumental to support specific emotions of sadness I want to feel entitled to

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel unbalanced by the potential 'return' of A. because I believe I cannot contextualize this specific relationship in this moment in my life and within this for feeling already burdened, weighed down, heavy at the idea of having to walk a real relationship in the physical world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to attempt to brush my emotions under the carpet and not look at them because they seem to have roots everywhere in my life and within this for feeling overwhelmed by the task of having to address the point of relationships to a solution within myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing better than suppression because I still hold on to the memory of the alternative I witnessed while growing up, which was to go crazy and be all over the place like my mother did, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am already unstable and all over the place and that my suppression leads to the exact behavior I did not want to repeat which is to blow up when I can't contain it all anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time thinking about what will I say to A. if he calls, what will I reply, what will I do, instead of stopping, breathing and go on with my life trusting that I can address anything in self honesty in the moment when a point comes up and I need to direct it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to worry at the idea that I might cave in to have a relationship or deny myself a relationship in fear and within this for seeking good reason as in faulty points in another as a deterrent to not do that instead of assessing the situation when the time will come and direct it to a solution that is best for all - which I don't yet know what it will be and if it will be and so it is useless spending my time this way instead of keep on walking my life and my process

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not prepare all my speeches, all my possible replies to every possible input I may be taken by surprise and end up acting out automatically one of my relationship's pattern and within this for believing that I am unable to change and overcome my weaknesses and limitation even though I proved to myself that I was able to do that in other aspects of my life and relationships are nothing different, just another point of patterning that I can release and rewrite to a solution that works for all, even if it may require a longer, more specific application

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel anxiety and to store anxiety in my solar plexus regarding my process and its incompatibility with relationships and within this for fearing that I may call him just because I want some company creating further unnecessary confusion for both

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to live out virtual relationships vs real ones because I don't want to be bothered by having to face all the triggers/reactions/annoyances that I perceive exist within a real relationship without seeing, realizing and understanding that if I stick to my commitment to be a self responsible human being I can take responsibility for everything that happens inside of myself and not project it outside on another or onto something like a relationship and I can instead seize the opportunity to correct myself to create myself as a being that can live anywhere with anyone within the principle of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason why I would rather have virtual relationships than real ones is because I do not like what I see of myself when I am in a relationship and within this for fearing to face myself in the mirror of a real relationship instead of stopping all self judgement which is the cause of the fear I have to face myself and the self judgement that will follow and just work to change what I can't live with into what I can live with and be proud of

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I make a change within a relationship immediately doubt myself, immediately tell myself 'you are fake, you are faking' so that I make sure I never develop self trust and trust myself that my change may feel awkward because it's just a new behavior and I do not yet stand as it completely and within this for accepting and allowing myself as the mind to tell me I am fake and I cannot be trusted as a way to create further friction within myself that leads to my desire to give it all up

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that 'giving up, is just another design, it's a fail safe system to make sure I do not stray from my preprogrammed reality and within this for not seeing realizing and understanding that I could instead use the rising desire to give up as a flag for a point of transcendence that I can walk through by applying myself in writing and self corrective application

I commit myself to stop entertaining relationships in my mind, to instead breathe, walk, live and when a relationship of any kind presents itself in my physical reality to be fully present in the moment to honor, respect and consider another as would like to be considered myself.

Related articles

• Day 419: Relationships - Bread and Butter of My Existence
• Day 65 - The Truth Behind Wanting a Relationship
• Day 137: Trusting Myself To Deal With It
• day 507: self-judgement
• Day 407: The Downside of Be-living the 'Nobody Wants Me' Character
• Day 417: Relationship Break Up - Get Up Neo!

Day 419: Relationships - Bread and Butter of My Existence

I am still looking at the point of relationships, what they meant in my life and how I ended up building up very (ineffective) protection walls and pre-eventive resentment towards men who enter my life.

When I looked at this point in my life, my grandfather popped up, how his focus for me was on 'getting a good man' and most advises of him revolved around this point, yes studying was important, the job was important but the real juicy part of my life would be 'a man', so on one side I had grandfather who was all 'go for it' and my grandmother who was all 'check what you can get out of it' which could sum up my stance with men in a quite schizophrenic one, the wanting and then the resentment because it seems there is never 'enough for me' in a relationship.

In time of course as these 2 urges added up what was left of my relationship with men was a desire to dominate to make sure I don't get sucked into the first part of the equation making them all important and then the desire to get rid of them when the first part failed and I blame them for 'having tampered with my life AGAIN with little or nothing in return'.

My ex boyfriend came around a couple of nights ago and as he talked, calmly, centered about relationships in general I realized that I lived all my relationships as doomed from the start and in the process worked hard to accelerate the ending so I can get over the pull and push I feel within myself and return to 'my life'.

The point of living for 'the ending' is very strong within myself and manifests in different ways, even living is something I do for the ending, I yearned for the ending as a teenager, married my mind into beliefs that 'you pay death with life' and made anything that doesn't end properly a problem, even movies, nothing could be more disappointing that a movie that ends with 'we'll deal with it tomorrow', because that's not an ending, that's an half ass ending.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to carry within me my grandfather and grandmother as a model of living because I associated their being 'succesful' with money and having a nice house and comfortable living as knowledge about 'how to live' and imprinted myself with all sorts of beliefs that revolved around relationships and how to have a successful one, up-holding teachings coming from people who didn't have a successful relationship themselves but one made of make beliefs, lies and suppression

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that for a relationship to work which I measure in 'time' units I have to work on make beliefs, lies and suppression and within this process for going the opposite way, bringing out in the open what was going on in my mind without first taking responsibility for it and not working to blame another for how 'I felt' or how 'I perceived myself' and within this for blaming another for how I experienced myself instead of stopping, breathing, taking time to assess what was happening within me and commit to not speak until I was clear of any reaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having a relationship is not  'the cherry on a cake' but the cake itself, accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is nothing else of value in life but a good relationship and within this for not seeing, realizing and understanding that, if there is nothing else of value, that includes me and it is not possible to have a good relationship unless the two parties value themselves and the relationship equally and not one or the other more

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when a man comes into my life, resent him already at the thought of how this will screw with my life, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was never a man screwing with my life but myself by going into my mind in all sorts of memories, projections, emotions and feelings until I felt overwhelmed and made the man the cause and object of my frustration because 'I did not feel that way' or 'was not that way' before he came around so it must be his fault

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason why I connected men and problems in my life was not because they brought the problems in my life but because when a man came around I activated everything that already existed in me in relationship to men which is distrust, a sense of oppression and a desire to move swiftly to the end so we can spare each other some of the most unpleasant passages to get there

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to value 'the ending' more than the journey, making my life unnecessarily hard by devaluing walking through it, the process of building myself and within this for believing that Life is hard and unfulfilling which is why we have to pay death with Life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe Death/The ending of something must be payed for with some token like struggle, identifying in death, the end of something a moment of relief instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was my perception that endings were bringing 'relief' to myself as my mind because I removed myself from the active triggering of things that were existent within me and within this for not seeing, realizing and understanding that I was the problem and the solution to my instability and perceived struggles

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the sense of oppression I felt every time a man was around was determined by how my mind would become activated with personalities, past experiences and memories that I then projected on the man at hand to make him the cause and within this for making myself unable to see that a man would come and bring an opportunity for self awareness to me about what I need to correct, let go and rewrite about myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my ex boyfriend came around and he gave such a great -full of common sense speech to immediately feel a sense of loss and think 'I cannot reverse this, I have already told my mum it's over' which then skyrocketed inside of me in a sense of wanting to blame my mother for how much I still care about what she thinks and if she approves about my life or not and within this for feeling appalled at myself that I would even have such a thought at my age

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that taking my mother as the point of blame for me wanting her approval is the same as taking the men in my life and wanting to blame them for how I feel about myself when I am in a relationship and within this for wanting to resist my own responsibility to myself about my choices, words, thoughts, feelings and emotions because it just seems too much to deal with and within this for giving up my power to change and release myself from my past once and for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have used my mother and the men in my life to project on them the cause of my internal experiences instead of seeing where I was with clarity and make the necessary corrections as I go 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being self honest with myself about my relationships and for having put myself through the 'I don't care, I didn't care' frame of mind to show myself that I didn't lose anything of importance, that there was no damage done for real because I didn't care in the first place, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I do care, I did care and that I have done damage with my words, thoughts and deeds and within this I forgive myself for acting in an inconsiderate way toward another in a relationship, be it intimate or otherwise

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when a man comes along in my life, to allow myself to be fully absorbed by thoughts, ideas and plans of what we could do together, how much fun we could have and within this for accepting and allowing myself to push myself off my point of balance, my hard worked for stability just to follow a dream, an idea, my imagination, until I lose myself into the 'what it could be' vs working for what it can be as am consistent application of myself in the physical

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the underlying resentment I feel for men that I would potentially enjoy spending time with is the hidden blame of what I am preparing to blame them (and then resent them for 'putting me in the situation of having to blame them'!) for in the future while I think, speak and act irresponsibly following ideas, memories and past programming about relationships with men and their outcome and within this for blaming others in advance for what I will think, say and do in relationship to them as time goes by instead of stopping supporting myself with breathing and correcting myself as things come up

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is only two ways to have a relationship, either full on or full off and for not seeing realizing and understanding that the only reason why I have never considered what is best for all is because this point is not present in my programming and I will have to create it as myself using the tools of self forgiveness to let the past go and self corrective application to rewrite who I want to be in a relationship/agreement next time around

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when one of my buddies said 'You must dominate the relationship not let the man do that' to have a reaction and think 'I have always done that' without seeing, realizing and understanding that this was not what that sentence implied nor what I have done so far as so far I have tried to dominate men for my self interest and not to dominate as in its original meaning 'to master' the relationship for myself and what is best for all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the point of relationships is one of my transcendence point and one that I have used as the mind to keep throwing myself off balance and that investing time in building myself up into the strong independent woman I can be is not required only if I have a relationship but on the contrary it is required because relationships have showed me that I can be thrown off by a man or a relationship easily, an indicator that my stance is not yet absolute and this is where I need to work on

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I committed to stand in process with one back door - relationships and that I have been using others as relationships to sway and prove to myself that I can go back to old patterns in one moment instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can delete this back door inside me, not to not allow myself to live a relationship/agreement but to not allow myself to be changed/defined by a man/relationship/agreement because I have worked diligently to define myself first and to walk the definitions of myself for myself and all of existence, equal and one

I commit myself to keep investigating this point within the realization that 'relationships with men' is one of my weaknesses I have not yet fully addressed

I commit myself to walking this process and keep recommitting myself no matter how hard I believe I have fallen out of it or what my mind tells me when I fall, about how much easier it would be to not stand up anymore

I commit myself to realize that this process is the most important thing I have ever done and I am doing for myself and all of existence Equal and One and to not let anything interfere with what I know I have to do to change myself -and the world as my reflection with me

• Desteni
• Desteni Articles
• Destonians
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• Desteni I Process
• Agreement/Redefining Relationship Course
• Desteni Forum
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• Creation’s Journey to Life
• Heaven’s Journey To Life
• 7 Year Journey To Life Process

Related articles

• Day 65 - The Truth Behind Wanting a Relationship
• Day 407: The Downside of Be-living the 'Nobody Wants Me' Character
• Day 417: Relationship Break Up - Get Up Neo!

Day 417: Relationship Break Up - Get Up Neo!

I want to share my experience with my latest relationship break up.

There shouldn't be much to report because I am quite seasoned at relationship break ups, I had more of those than your average woman for sure but this is my first relationship break up within process and now I have tools to investigate myself and to stand up to my mind.

It did not seem so for a few weeks, I was aware that I felt relief when he left, I was aware that I never saw us grow old together no matter how hard I tried, I was aware that I had indulged in thoughts that I had not released and that were memory based on my previous experiences and not a good foundation for a sound relationship/agreement.

So as far as a few things I did not have to look too deep, the abnormal thing was why then I was sulking, oh yes, I found two points to beat myself on the head with about what 'he did' but even that should not have been enough for that 'feeling of lack of sense' like he went and took all the sense of my life with him.

My buddy tried everything to get me to stand up but I found many excuses about why I was not required to, I had the excuse of 'mourning' in my mind, a hard to believe one because how can one mourn a man that she felt relief watching leaving? Odd.

I allowed myself to go to the bottom of this, not as in 'investigating it to the core' no, to the bottom, sinking down and down into a black hole that I compounded with the mess outside, looking for more mess, more cruelty, more absurdity out there so I could justify why I didn't have the time to look inside, bigger things than me required my undivided attention, I even considered giving up process - 'what the fuck am I doing?' was a double edged sentence, it applied both to process and to leaving it for good,

My buddy said -push, look, write - but it seemed I did not know where to start.

I started from a dream, in which half of my face was battered black and blue, my right side, I saw it in a mirror while my best friend was there with me - my long lost best friend, someone I have allowed myself to believe that if she were in my life everything would be different - and that is true, I would have her unconditional support to not change, to remain the way I am and allow her to remain the way she is, this is how we bless each other in our 'systemic relationships' as we grant one another the right to fuck up our lives with each other's, unconditional, approval.

Anyway as I started to write again from that dream, at first my writing was convoluted, of course, words were coming out in compounded flows as I worked to free myself, strings that made not as much sense as they seemed to make in my mind took life on paper and then one writing led to another.

The point that came up for me was the point of self hatred, my relationship was the lid I had put on it, I wrote two long blogs about it and kept them between myself and my buddy, again it was sad for me to see how much of myself is still projected outside, to another, to the world systems, to the pedophiles, the elite, those bastards that hold creation in their hand and won't let it go - just like me.

So today I will write out the tail, what is left of this work that I have done to release myself and my ex partner from any blame so that I can stop feeling weird when he comes around and stop justifying why I have a right to feel weird because of what I perceived he did instead of realizing I feel weird about who I am, who I believe he thinks I am and about believing that he left as a way to reject me and say I am no good, when in fact it has been me rejecting myself and wanting to give up on myself,

The white rabbit of the Matrix is the delusion that down the road there is something better, that we can get out of this matrix through someone else leading us out when the truth of the Matter is, The Only Way Out - Is Within.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to project on my ex partner blame for my experience of myself and for making him responsible for how I felt used and abused instead of seeing and realizing that I have used and abused this relationship as a lid to put on a pot of boiling self hatred hoping to get a ride on his 'love' out of the self hatred I felt for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward when my ex partner comes around because I fear that his presence will trigger the point of self hatred inside of me that I have compounded with thoughts like 'see, he left me, he didn't want to be with me, he used me and abused me' thoughts that I now forgive and let go instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I have just used him to access this little treasure of negative energy I held on to within myself and that he is in no way responsible for how I experience myself nor he ever was

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see, realize and understand that it's hard to live with someone who lives self hatred as herself no matter what she projects outside and that it was a good decision he made to leave even though he could not put into words why he wanted to remove himself from this situation because he saw himself as part of the problem, as part of my self hatred which was always and only my creation that he had nothing to do with

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when he left he gave me a point of support by stating that he would not accept to live with someone who lives self hatred as herself and that I can be grateful that he allowed me the space and time to go to the bottom of this point and release myself from it without using him as an excuse to why I had a right to keep hating myself no matter what

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear what he may have thought about me, wondering if he could see all that self hatred, assuming he may have been disgusted with me, not seeing realizing and understanding those were outside projections of what was going on inside of me and of what I thought about me and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as self judgement in disgust for myself and what I accepted and allowed myself to become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think 'what's the sense in all of this?' about process because I wanted a way out and not have to look at those feelings and the experience of myself as self hatred because it did not seem there was 'a good reason' to hate myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these were old patterns that I have always suppressed throughout my relationships and they just surfaced now again because nothing we participate with ever goes away and I now have the tools to deal with my mind and my suppression one experience of myself at the time

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in denial of the fact that I held feelings of self hatred within and as me because it seemed logical that I would have worked on these feelings at the very beginning of my process since one would want to give up feelings such as 'self hatred' as fast as possible due to their 'negative' charge, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that every source of energy within oneself that has been charged and fed over time will be harder to release because it's the switching off of a potential power plant one realizes will never have the chance to tap into again and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to my self hatred justifying it with thinking that 'at least I hate myself' for this creation

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this world is not created through our intention, or prayers or commitments if these do  not become 'who I am' because the world is created by the 1+1 of all the Who I ams of this world and that unless I let go of my self hatred I am contributing to the hatred of this world that gives birth to violence, wars, rape and murder in the futile attempt to resolve outside the self hatred we feel inside

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to subconsciously justify my 'self hatred' as righteous, as good as I embodied Christ on the cross and the suffering of humankind by hating myself which is no solution to solve the hatred of this world and which is not a way to live

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that some of my self destructive behaviors were nothing else but self hatred becoming physical and within this I commit myself to stop myself  from existing in and as self hatred for myself and all of existence equal and one

When and as I see myself about to entertain a thought that may trigger feelings of self hatred later down the line, I stop, breathe, remind myself I have walked my self forgiveness and I will no longer accept and allow myself to embody hatred as me

When and as I see myself bringing up past times in which I hated myself, I stop, breathe, see if there are points I have not released myself from and if there are, flag them and get to them in writing as soon as I can to let them go for good

When and as I see myself attempting to, moving to or about to try and use this relationship with this good man to hate myself, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that he gave me all the support I required by walking away and give myself the same support by walking away from the desire to engage this construct ever again

I commit myself to no longer live self hatred one and equal with me, for myself and all of existence equal and one

• Desteni
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• Destonians
• Desteni Lite Process
• Desteni I Process
• Agreement/Redefining Relationship Course
• Desteni Forum
• Desteni Wiki
• Desteni Español
• Creation’s Journey to Life
• Heaven’s Journey To Life
• 7 Year Journey To Life Process

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