A Director's Journey to Life: Day 348: Bernard Poolman Died so that All May Live

I am currently staying at the Desteni farm.

Yesterday morning at 8 am we had an extraordinary meeting, it was extra-ordinary because we don't gather on Sunday mornings usually and then it was extraordinary because once we met we were told by Cerise that her Dad, The Devil, had died overnight.

I experienced a state of shock so vast that I could not contain my tears and just cried and cried while listening to how this happened. There was no WHY though, no one had a why for this death, yes, his body was under a lot of stress due to the position he had taken upon himself in service of Life, but then again, how can Life Die, what does it mean when Life Dies while there is no other Life yet that can take over?

The people who have been hit the worse of course are his closest family and the people who had the privilege to share the space and time during which he lived and walked at the farm as a Living Example of what it means to exist and breathe a principled Life beyond personal interest.

I have been with Desteni for almost 3 years now and have been on the farm for over a month, 40 days to the Death of Bernard, that is for sure a milestone and a day that will be hard to forget as everyone came together in grieving, telling stories, holding together a group that has to walk the same principle but that may have -although unwillingly or unawarily- piggybacked on Life itself one way or another, safe and sound about the fact that the Ultimate Point of reference as Bernard lived among us, that he would be there to sort out our petty life commitment that seem to need constant direction because we are unable to even walk the simplest things we have committed to walk, always looking for ways out, for shortcuts, to engage solely in tasks that will expose us as valuable members of a community where we have invested time and therefore value.

What distinguishes the people who are walking process in awareness from those who are not it's either that those who are not do not know about the process and the tools of Desteni or they have just found ways to justify WHY they are not required to change, while within our group we have taken the first step, we have admitted that we need to change, we are aware that we need to change which means that we are even the more responsible for walking this process consistently, to make sure that those that didn't find the tools yet, can find us.

I have met Bernard in person and spent time with him for over a month, too little, wish I had more time with him so he could tell me again and again that he was just 'Normal' and that it was 'I' who was abnormal, convinced that there was any value to the commentary that runs in my head oftentimes, he told me 'get rid of the good commentary as well, it's just a waste of time', and it's easy to see how we have gladly embraced the tools to get rid of what was not working for us, but not to get rid of what is apparently working, because, obviously, it's working, isn't it?

At the beginning of my walk with Desteni, the language that was repeated again and again, scared me, never when it came from Bernard though, because his words 'Lived', they were 'lived', when he would talk about 'what is best for all' he meant it, he had moved beyond preferences and likes and dislikes, I never once heard anything he said as either empty or as preaching, his words were who he was, this is why I was soo many times hit by the substance of his words to the points of tears, the words of one who has put himself as Life into them are powerful, they are Alive and they will live as a substantial legacy of what has to be done.

The other day Bernard was explaining a bit of Homeopathy and he said 'Likes cures Likes, simple, isn't it - so Like what you DisLike' - a bit like the post he wrote a few days ago when he stated that we are our own Weather station where our weather systems are managed by external inputs such as 'whether is this or that' and can cause internal storms or sunny days, which brings back the point of a computer program, the famous code line 'if this than that' and how simple equations have become the starting point of every one of our moves, we are whether systems and we are ruled by the if this than that equations we ourselves set up a long time ago or that we accepted others to set up long time ago For Us.

Bernard was a Big Man, his presence was hard to match, it didn't matter how many times he told us he was our Equal, I am sure most of us didn't feel Equal at all and so Bernard died, removed himself from the equation, deliberately, specifically, as everything he did, to create the vacuum that nature abhors so much, because every vacuum must be filled, and he trained people to stand up and fill the Space he left.

What does it mean to Stand Up, for real? Here we could have the 'police manual' version of the answer 'to protect and serve' and we have plenty words to define this imaginary 'standing up' in a Four Musketeer fashion 'one for all and all for one' sort of way - and we should refrain from doing so, specifically in the wake of Bernard's passing, where many who may have been walking silently or that kept to themselves may be looking for directions and to join as a way to find the stability they found when they knew Bernard was around.

Standing up means to stop the Mind, to stop believing whatever your mind throws at you, to slow down, find the origin of everything that created 'me' so that 'we' may correct our existences at the very origin, re- parent ourselves into self honest human beings, check every point we face, self correct, see where I am, I am Here and point by point integrate our self into a grid of integridy, a grid we have self created, self designed, where each point we rewrote is standing considering all points of the equation, where my 'I' is used to see and check as the 'Eye' of the Needle, the Eye that sees the Needs of All and is not deaf or dumb or uncaring but Stands instead as a Point of Self Correction, as a point of Self Creation of a World that Works for All.

So, as a group, we no longer have the luxury of engaging the Mind because Bernard will not be around to help to sort ourselves out, this is the vacuum we fill, the vacuum of what we have not yet created, the grid of integridy, no longer a faulty operating system, but a net-work of support for us and the World that interacts with us beyond the Mind and we don't have the luxury to mourn him beyond what our physical has the need to process and as well we don't have the luxury to not mourn him because we have made up some funny ideas about what process is because then we didn't get it, process is to self honest live the moment in breath, anything else is dishonest, is an opinion, an idea about, such as in this case would be about Destonian mourning, it's not reality based, it's not Real.

And on a last note, we remind ourselves that we are working to stop the existence of a polarity based world, where many lose so that few can win, where Rights and Wrongs are dictated and reflected by how much Money One Has, to either write the Laws, to uphold them or to evade them and within this we redefine our ideas about Morality as well, as a word that was specifically designed to keep the sheeples within the lines of accepted nonthreatening behavior, Morality is dishonest in a world where not everyone has Equal access to it, Morality is a luxury and as such unacceptable in an immoral world, we have work to do, a lot of work, up there those lost in the Mind don't have the tools and maybe the will to self correct, we owe it to Existence to Stand beyond anything that would prevent this message to spread, many of us will soon be involved with the Educational side of our Project, How Far are We willing to go to get this done?

Because the Mind will not stop in front of anything, we as The Mind won't stop our self interested existence because that is The Nature of Ourselves as The Mind, we have to re-parent our Minds into an existence of Harmony, into Equality and Oneness with the Physical and take on those who are too lost to even consider the common sense of a Solution that would work for all.

We have the tools, we have our points to walk, we have each other, do we have what it takes to bring about this change?

Bernard did, he took the Miss-Fits of society and created a group to stand beyond all Whethers and he would not stop, he would not be stopped by anything, he was willing to go the whole way, he gave up his Life so that All May be Life.

Now each one has got to ask themselves the question, can I stand, can I Self Honestly say I can stand or should I remove myself from this group, from the Time I am taking away from others that may make it because they will be more disciplined than what I am willing to be - and what does it mean to stand?

It's not the Destonian logo that shows anyone's stand, or the 'LIKE' on Facebook or sharing Bernard's words, nor the many years of involvement or the many blogs- if anything this should be a measure of ineffectiveness if after So many years one has not managed to change oneself?- but what are we willing to give up for Life.

Can we give up the Porn, the abuse, the self abuse, our self judgement, the judgement of others, our wavering walk, our desires to walk away from our commitments, our excuses to why we don't have time to participate, to self correct, to do our assignments, can we give up our preferences, likes and dislikes, can we stop the bullshit, our pettiness, so that nothing stands in the way of us making a clear decision that is always best for all, can we give up this Life for the life of All, what are WE willing to give up for Life?

Here stood and lived a man who gave it All up for Life, our Life, every Living Being's Life, we better match such a commitment with our own, Bernard did not die in Vain, he won't even have a funeral, or a gravestone to be reminded by, his ashes will be scattered back to the Earth, let's not allow ourselves to make him die invain.

Let's make ourselves Matter as we Stand up for Life - because if we don't, if we can't give up the Illusion for Life, really, we don't matter at all.