A couple of weeks ago a Romanian girl came to my home and made this comment about Italians - that we live to eat.
I had already noticed our cultural food pattern as a way to confirm our 'special identity', since I came back from abroad I have noticed that we have so many food programs on TV it's hard to keep up with them, Eating in Italy is not like putting fuel in a car, it's not a point of self support, it's a Religion.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy and paste my cultural programming about food and its relationships to a positive experience, satisfaction and feeling good
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not question the point that people eating when not hungry would be like trying to fill an engine tank when full, which is not common sensical but an obvious point of misunderstood/mistaken functions both of the body and of the food meant to nurture it
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect the word food with the word love so that when I seek to 'love myself' I feed myself just like my family did with me
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to obsess about food turning it into a religion to which I go and pray when I am down and feeling blue
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that as I define food as a positive experience I will create negative experiences in my life to grant myself permission to feed myself beyond my needs with the excuse that 'I need a little pick me up'
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and imagine that there is nothing left in my life once I understood that I had to let go of my energetic addictions without seeing, realizing and understanding that food is an energetic addiction all by itself and that I am having troubles to let it go, because I have defined my life as empty and hollow -apart from food, instead of correcting my perception of my life being empty and hollow if I don't participate in energetic experiences
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a country where the focus on food is higher than the focus on social issues, politics or what goes on in the world is in fact sick and not special, because we won't be able to change the world one slice of Parma ham at the time but we will have to redefine what is important for real and address what is at the core of our dissatisfaction that we learned to treat with food
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel proud and superior because I come from a country where the food is superior, best, incomparable, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I belong to a system where our slavery has been carried out through food as one of the means of keeping us entertained and dull to the reality that unfolds around us
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into discussions with people and create conflict over what food was best, insisting that there is no comparison to our food and all our traditions instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I am a product of an environment where food is used to increase our sense of nationalism and belonging and it is a divisive tool and not a uniting tool and hence nothing to be proud about but something to redefine into self support
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to file memories of happy moments related to sharing food with friends or family without seeing realizing and understanding that my memory were edited in support of a construct that already existed within me as 'food is a positive experience' where I edited out the fights, the nasty words and the energetic games that went on with the food to make sure that I could hold on to food as a positive experience that was not affected by anything else
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive letting go of food as an addiction as something sad, as something that is not auspicable or desirable, as something that goes against my very culture and one of my reasons to exist instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I am resiting the letting go of the positive experience of food in fear that I will have to experience the void I created by defining everything else that I perceived I am left with as negative, as not enjoyable, as not enough while I now see realize and understand that I can change those definitions until I remain stable beyond the need for positive experiences to balance out my self created negative experiences about my reality
When and as I see myself desiring to get up and go and get some food when I am obviously not hungry, I stop, breathe, push myself to face what has come up within me that I have defined as a negative experience so I can correct myself and move beyond the need and desire to reach out for food to give me the positive experience I am seeking to balance out my self created negative polarity
When and as I see myself picturing in my mind a food moment as a way to escape an experience of myself, I stop, breathe, remind myself that my internal experiences are not to be feared or suppressed and that I have the tools now to bring them up, look at them and apply myself to let them go for good
When and as I see myself having mind food tantrums in which I seek specific food that I have connected to a sense of fulfillment, I stop, breathe, look for what I am not fulfilling that is leaving a void within me and address the void and not my imaginary food solution
When and as I see myself feeling pride for some Italian food or tradition I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that food is just fuel for my body that I can enjoy but I don't have to worship and bring myself back here in stability with and as breath
I commit myself to sort out my relationship with food and change it into a self supportive point of nurturing for my body and no longer an energetic feed for my mind
I commit myself to keep digging into the food construct I am wanting to change and realign to what is best for me and what is best for all until the change as me is stable and one and equal to who I am